Double Standards (minor rant)

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24

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  • JennLifts
    JennLifts Posts: 1,913 Member
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    I know I'm going to get spit at for this, but I'm going to dive down the hole anyways. I'm your height, and I was your weight, and it is quite low. I now see how I looked and it wasn't a healthy look.
    I got the exact same comments, and it was so frustrating, but don't dismiss all of them. I sure wish I had listened earlier than I did..
  • Jorra
    Jorra Posts: 3,338 Member
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    That is so rude! You look fantastic!

    I think after so many fad diets in our culture, people don't think you can lose weight in a healthy way. You just must be doing some kind of crazy cleanse or taking a pill. They don't understand that you are taking good care of yourself in ways they don't know how.

    I wouldn't have the balls to say something rude back, but I'd want to so much. I'd rather defend myself if that happened.
  • islandnutshel
    islandnutshel Posts: 1,143 Member
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    Jealously
  • Lunachic77
    Lunachic77 Posts: 434 Member
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    Thanks for all the nice comments and support! They aren't per say "my" family...they are my husband's and not all of them are family either. Some are neighbors and family friends. I' m not the type to insult anyone, especially when I am a guest in their home. Trust me, there are plenty of rude things to say, but then I would be just as nasty as they were to me. Another thing I noticed is when I left the room and came back the women would get all quiet which is a deadringer that they were talking about me...*shrug*.

    I still had a great time there and the look I got when we went to the pool was priceless! (WTG bikini lol). I'm happy with myself and how I look and that really is what matters.
  • chauncyrenayCHANGED
    chauncyrenayCHANGED Posts: 788 Member
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    People are shocked when they see you and sometimes the stupidest things come out of our mouths when people are shocked. Please don't worry, after seeing you a few times, they will get used to your weight.

    P.S. Does how does your husband handle all of this? Does he stick up for you? I hope so! :)
  • mrscates
    mrscates Posts: 559 Member
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    I TOTALLY understand how you feel. MY own family talks to me that way and last time I saw them I was called 'Rat Face' from my own dad. He also called my diet an 'issue' and said I acted as if I was on drugs....why? Because I want to be healthy? Would you accept me if I ate a greasy burger instead?!?!?!
    So I went to visit my in-laws for the 4th of July weekend. I have dropped 37 lbs since anyone there has seen me last. Instead of a warm reception I got comments ranging from "OMG you are so skinny", "Are you anorexic", "Your too old to try and fit in a size 0" "Honey you need to eat more". Why is it perfectly ok to insult me for being thinner yet if I would've turned around and said something like " Wow you really packed on some pounds since I last saw you" or "Man, it's been 8 months since you had that baby, I didn't know you were supposed to get bigger after giving birth" then I would be considered rude and mean.

    Why is it such a double standard when it comes to weight? WHy is it acceptable to berrate people for being thinner yet perfectly ok to not say anything to someone being overweight? I personally don't make comments either way. I usually just say, "Wow you look great, how have you been".

    I worked really hard to lose the weight and get in shape. I don't starve myself and I haven't done this the unhealthy way. I reduced my intake and worked out. I became aware of portion sizes and follow them correctly now. I eat better wholesome foods now and dropped junk like soda and only eat fast food in moderation. It took months of discipline and hard work to accomplish my goal...and it took 10 minutes of listening to my family make their crap comments to make me feel like *kitten* again. Their comments won't change what I am doing or my lifestyle but it was just a real eye-opener of how nasty people can be and don't even realize it. Just wanted to hear any fellow MFPers stance/opinion on this or if it has happened to them...
  • MochaMixAZ
    MochaMixAZ Posts: 844 Member
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    Sorry to hear it made you feel badly.

    My best response to something like that has always been to look at them, blink, drop my jaw, and say with a smile, "Wow, are you *always* this insensitive and *****y, or is today a special occasion?" And if that's too mean, maybe, "Do you have any idea how insensitive that comment was?"

    If gives them an opportunity to think about what they've said, possibly apologize or retract it if they were truly unaware.... or lets me know they really ARE louts and I can just walk away from them.

    You've done super great, and I hope you can shake this off easily!
  • trigrrl
    trigrrl Posts: 104 Member
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    you know..i have to take the side of the bad guy in this one
    my sister who i know and love is on her too and i started telling her she was too low
    and that in the pictures i saw of her that she was to skinny...and of course she stuck her tongue out at me
    and there was thoughts that i was being jealous...in my eyes she didn't right...not straving...just not right

    i was saying these things out of concern

    she in turn started having a few issues and the doctor ran a bunch of tests and in the end told her to gain a few pounds as her body fat was too low...now she was very happy it wasn't anything serious...but it killed her that i was right , and i loved being right..sisterly love and all : )

    we only want good things for the people we love..sometimes we just suck at saying it the right way
  • Lunachic77
    Lunachic77 Posts: 434 Member
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    I know I'm going to get spit at for this, but I'm going to dive down the hole anyways. I'm your height, and I was your weight, and it is quite low. I now see how I looked and it wasn't a healthy look.
    I got the exact same comments, and it was so frustrating, but don't dismiss all of them. I sure wish I had listened earlier than I did..

    I may look thin but I'm actually toned. Everyone wears their weight differently too. I have a very small frame so 110-115 suits me but I can appreciate your concern :)
  • chauncyrenayCHANGED
    chauncyrenayCHANGED Posts: 788 Member
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    I TOTALLY understand how you feel. MY own family talks to me that way and last time I saw them I was called 'Rat Face' from my own dad. He also called my diet an 'issue' and said I acted as if I was on drugs....why? Because I want to be healthy? Would you accept me if I ate a greasy burger instead?!?!?!

    How horrible! :(
  • Shutterpillar
    Shutterpillar Posts: 208
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    I've been there. people discover I am losing weight, trying to get in shape and have an overall healthier lifestyle, and its like the weight is all they care about. I hear comments all the time about how I am already skinny and dont need to be losing weight. or my favorite... "why are you losing weight? I would give anything to look like you now!"
    I know it is meant as a compliment most of the time, but its like a backhanded one. I am trying to do something for myself to make me feel good. to make me live longer and be more active for my children. I dont need others telling me I need to stop doing it because I am skinny. that has nothing to do with the fact that I want to be healthy, so excuse me for passing up that piece of cake, or putting low fat mayonnaise on my hamburger.
    I gain weight, people comment. I lose weight, people give their two cents. its a lose/lose situation. I've learned to just take them with a grain of salt and keep feeling good about myself. To me, it isnt about the weight (though the lower number on the scale is nice) its about changing my lifestyle. my previous lifestyle of eating as much of whatever I wanted and not exercising was doing NOTHING for me except making me gain weight, become lazy, tired, and stressed. I feel a ton better since joining MFP and learning how to live a healthier life. and to me, thats all that matters.

    It is a struggle to keep that in mind while people are judging you. but as long as you are HEALTHY and feel good, it shouldnt matter what others say.
  • mrscates
    mrscates Posts: 559 Member
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    Since it's family you wouldn't want to say something like the weight issue, but maybe just in a nice calm tone say "Now thats not a way to greet someone" & if they cont be a little more firm with the SAME response. You be the bigger person ALWAYS.
  • stinabear13
    stinabear13 Posts: 32
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    my family doesn't say a thing if i have gained my mom always says i look thinner even when ive gained! they compliment me for loss, say im glowing look healithier happier etc. i guess i kinda lucked out with that. but with some friends losing weight and i mean in the instances where they are underweight, sickly, and doing it in a unhealthy way, yeah i point it out with them having ailments , gain a few pounds back, at that weight you felt your best and didnt have those probs and when around me i do make them eat a good healthy balanced meal, i don't push them to be over weight, when they are obviously sickly thin, no energy can hardly do anything etc, i remind them how they felt when at a normal healthy weight for their height, im not harsh though, reasons behind the unhealthy loss are usually the current bf saying your disgusting your a fat pig and knowing tyhat that really gets to them and they want to please them.
  • TenLaws
    TenLaws Posts: 273
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    Hahahahahahaha!!!! With attitudes like that, it pretty much explains why most people in this country are obese. It's sabotage!!!! Kinda like when my dad tells me that my outfit is ugly, but I wear it anyway and so many other people compliment me on it. I know as much as we hate to admit it, other people's opinions DO affect us. However, if you like the way you look and feel, brush it off and keep it movin. I've gotten the skinny insults too, but they usually come from overweight family members whom I don't want to look like.
  • mrscates
    mrscates Posts: 559 Member
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    I TOTALLY understand how you feel. MY own family talks to me that way and last time I saw them I was called 'Rat Face' from my own dad. He also called my diet an 'issue' and said I acted as if I was on drugs....why? Because I want to be healthy? Would you accept me if I ate a greasy burger instead?!?!?!

    How horrible! :(
    Yes, yes it is. I finally asked him "What do I have to do to make you proud of me? Would you rather see how much weight I can gain or would you rather me strive to be apart of the elite fitness world?!"
  • bstamps12
    bstamps12 Posts: 1,184
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    People see how thin and fit you are now and it makes them feel uncomfortable because they become more self-aware of their own weight and unhealthy habits. They say those things to make themselves feel better. Older generations think everyone should be full, fat, and happy...but we all know the horrible consequences of that line of thinking. So blow it off and celebrate the way you look!
  • emmerrs
    emmerrs Posts: 158 Member
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    That is frustrating, I'm sure.

    In my experience, all people are doing when they make comments like that is trying to belittle the other person's efforts and make themselves feel better. I can only assume that's the same reason your family is doing it. Not on purpose, but as a result of feeling threatened or insecure. (Now somebody else isn't "the skinny one" anymore, it's YOU!)

    In regards to the anorexia, I would tell them that a) you eat b) some of your exercise related accomplishments and/or 3) your healthy range BMI. It's hard to say you're anorexic when by all standards you are healthy and eating healthily.

    Haters gonna hate, but I hope you still feel good about your truly incredible success!! :)
  • MochaMixAZ
    MochaMixAZ Posts: 844 Member
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    I don't think you're being the bad guy, but I don't necessarily believe that just because they're family, they have your best interests at heart. Perhaps in your family, and only you know your own motivation.... but I KNOW it's not the case in mine. I've got a particular family member that takes every possible opportunity to sabotage, diminish, and cut down. Don't know if it's out of their own insecurity, and quite frankly - don't care. My own experience is that mean, insensitive people simply exist.... and crossover family (and sometimes friend) lines.

    you know..i have to take the side of the bad guy in this one
    my sister who i know and love is on her too and i started telling her she was too low
    and that in the pictures i saw of her that she was to skinny...and of course she stuck her tongue out at me
    and there was thoughts that i was being jealous...in my eyes she didn't right...not straving...just not right

    i was saying these things out of concern

    she in turn started having a few issues and the doctor ran a bunch of tests and in the end told her to gain a few pounds as her body fat was too low...now she was very happy it wasn't anything serious...but it killed her that i was right , and i loved being right..sisterly love and all : )

    we only want good things for the people we love..sometimes we just suck at saying it the right way
  • tigerblue
    tigerblue Posts: 1,526 Member
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    I feel your pain! How many times have I heard "Do you eat?", or "don't get any skinnier"!! I've learned to say, "I've worked hard to get healthy, and I feel great!". Sometimes I even tell them how my blood pressure has dropped, etc. But it gets very annoying after awhile. I think most people are either jealous or curious (looking for a magic pill. . . .). Take the "high road" and know that you are doing what is best for you, for life!
  • HotMamaByVday
    HotMamaByVday Posts: 343 Member
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    Yes, family can be cruel.

    But friends are great! One of my best friends husbands told said, "You need a cheeseburger. You both need cheeseburgers!" He is a friend, I have known them for years. It was a compliment. And a great one! Not only was he saying we had lost weight and looked great, but that he would love his wife no matter how much she weighed.

    Sometimes we have to remember that people don't know what to say. The original poster's family's comments were cruel, but not everything is meant to hurt.

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