Husband dislikes my new muscles

RatherBeInTheShire

I agree with most of the reponses here that he probably feels threatened that you are starting to look so good. Still, I think it's very hurtful when people say things like that and can't be supportive. You are doing great. Keep it up!

rockieschick

I agree with the many responses.....When I lost all the weight my husband started saying things like "You were fine the way you were" and "If you continue you will be to skinny" so on....Thats when we had a chat and he did admit that he felt insecure that I would become "better" and wouldnt feel the same way about him anymore. It was a nice chat and now he understands I am doing it for me and not for anyone else and most certainly not for other guys out there!!!!!

crisanderson27

No man should say that to his wife. Discussing your feelings about her current direction, health or otherwise, is one thing. Belittling her efforts and results is just sad.

I'm afraid of the same thing. :sad: My boyfriend thinks Jessica Biel has a boyish body and doesn't like her tone even though I'd LOVE to look like her. He thinks Jillian Michaels is scary and way too built. He always tells me certain women who are celebs or in great shape are too manly and I don't want to be super built but I'd LOVE to have Jill's arms!

There is most definitely such a thing as too manly...and while I agree 100% that 'changing your body for you' is important, at the same time, you're married, it's a lifelong commitment...and the partner should have some input. Not that he should have 'control' perse...but seriously, he has to look at you. There's a far cry from being healthy, to being pumped up exercise chick. If he's not comfortable all the way at the high end of that range where you want to go...does his opinion matter? Is compromise an option? If it's not an option...maybe marriage wasn't either...because it's ALL about compromise.

Now, understand, I'm not speaking to any one person. I quoted the above because I can somewhat relate. Fit and healthy, fine (and my range on this has broadened substantially in the recent months). Postpubescent male surfer...not fine. If I wanted one of those, well, yeah. Some guys just don't like feeling like they're in bed with a scrawny yet muscular...man.

I think a lot of men are intimidated by women with obvious muscle definition and strength, maybe some deep-seated worry about you being "stronger" or more "masculine" than him. I've had this debate with my boyfriend a lot recently. I've started doing a lot more strength training and am really starting to see some serious muscle definition and I know he's worried that I'm gonna be stronger than him. My best guess is that's where your husband is coming from. Probably best to have a discussion with him about it. If you're happy with your muscles, then he should accept it and be happy for you.

I can't speak for all men...but for me it's not intimidation at all, nor any worry about masculinity. Grow a mustache...and I'll be worried about that. It's how they feel when you put your arms around them. Again, see the above. Understand I've dated women from overweight to stick thin...and a few who were very, very fit. Only one girl out of all the girls I dated would be defined as 'muscular' though...and to me, she was the least attractive (INCREDIBLE person though...loved her dearly). Fortunately I met her in that shape...and how she was was part of the package, so it was no worry. To see a girl that I fell in love with one way, willingly turn herself into a mini version of me...would be frustrating.

Again, fit and healthy...well within your rights and if he's upset about that...that's a problem. But if you're going to wholesale change what initially attracted him to you...which I'm calling your 'femininity'...shouldn't he have some input?

*ready to be verbally ripped to shreds*

laquita23

the most important thing you said is you like your arms and muscles so guess what.....at the end of the day that's all that matters!!! It's called self-esteem not i care what somebody else has to say or think!!!

crisanderson27

the most important thing you said is you like your arms and muscles so guess what.....at the end of the day that's all that matters!!! It's called self-esteem not i care what somebody else has to say or think!!!

I'm not disagreeing with you completely...but hun, it's not 'someone else'. It's her partner for the rest of her life =D.

laquita23

Thats also very true but should she get lost in his eye sight or the goals she set for herself? I mean as a woman I know how we can get lost in what someone else thinks of us. Husband or not she has the right to look at herself and like what she sees regardless of what he doesn't like. That's his problem he should go pick up some weights maybe he'll feel different :-)

Nana_Anne

I don't want to assume any of his feelings but you can tell him how you feel. I have been with men who preferred me to be over weight because then they did not have to worry about other men looking at me or being interested. It's a false sense of security. There have been many things said but this does come down to what someone said ...marriage is a life long commitment. IMHO I would find a moment when you can sit and talk. Let him know how you feel. If he does not want you healthy then I would ask him if he has life insurance out on you and if he is looking to cash in about retirement time. Because if you don't get healthy that's what may just happen. Or he will have some hefty medical bills as you get older.

IndigoVA

Thanks to everyone for your comments and advice. I do think it's his insecurity more than anything else. Especially since I've been so many different sizes and shapes in the past 11 years, and this was the first "eww" comment I ever got. The mention of Jessica Biel is funny to me because I remember my husband and I watching a movie with her in it, and I said something about her's being my idea of a great body (as opposed to the stick thin actresses). My husband said, "Yeah she does have a great body." So he's obviously not turned off by all women with muscles.

TTHdred

Thanks to everyone for your comments and advice. I do think it's his insecurity more than anything else. Especially since I've been so many different sizes and shapes in the past 11 years, and this was the first "eww" comment I ever got. The mention of Jessica Biel is funny to me because I remember my husband and I watching a movie with her in it, and I said something about her's being my idea of a great body (as opposed to the stick thin actresses). My husband said, "Yeah she does have a great body." So he's obviously not turned off by all women with muscles.

Being married for 11 years, I’m sure you know the best thing to do is to just ask him. You are venting on here cuz the comment took you off guard. But, your reply was spot on. Now simply follow-up with a “hey, the other day when you mentioned you didn’t like my arms, what was that about? How come?” You’ll get an honest answer that you can work with, which is way more productive than simply guessing. Who knows, maybe he was just joking….or maybe the sight of them took HIM by surprise. Either way, the only “who knows” is him.

I am glad you recognize that he has been there with you over weight ups and downs and are willing to give him a little credit for it. Good luck with the conversation and congrats on your weight loss & fitness.

crisanderson27

Thanks to everyone for your comments and advice. I do think it's his insecurity more than anything else. Especially since I've been so many different sizes and shapes in the past 11 years, and this was the first "eww" comment I ever got. The mention of Jessica Biel is funny to me because I remember my husband and I watching a movie with her in it, and I said something about her's being my idea of a great body (as opposed to the stick thin actresses). My husband said, "Yeah she does have a great body." So he's obviously not turned off by all women with muscles.

Being married for 11 years, I’m sure you know the best thing to do is to just ask him. You are venting on here cuz the comment took you off guard. But, your reply was spot on. Now simply follow-up with a “hey, the other day when you mentioned you didn’t like my arms, what was that about? How come?” You’ll get an honest answer that you can work with, which is way more productive than simply guessing. Who knows, maybe he was just joking….or maybe the sight of them took HIM by surprise. Either way, the only “who knows” is him.

I am glad you recognize that he has been there with you over weight ups and downs and are willing to give him a little credit for it. Good luck with the conversation and congrats on your weight loss & fitness.

This...150%.

anthony438

He's probably just scared that he's going to need to ask you to open a jar for him. :drinker: