If someone was rude to you when you were fat...

ItsCasey

I agree with those who say that it matters whether or not this guy was truly rude to you (as in, he was TRYING to hurt your feelings, humiliate you, etc.) or if he just wasn't attracted to you and was trying to avoid leading you on by flirting back after you made a pass at him. The former is mean and indicates a major character flaw. The latter is actually compassionate ... he knew he wasn't into you, and he wanted to avoid hurting you unnecessarily.

If he was really rude to you, then ignore him. Don't try to get back at him; two wrongs don't make a right. But definitely do not get involved with him unless all you're after is a physical relationship. My mom always said to me "If someone is only nice when they want something from you, then they aren't a nice person," and I think that applies here. You don't want to become emotionally invested in someone who intentionally hurt you before all because of your looks.

However, if he was simply not attracted to you before, you can't blame him for that. People like what they like. He doesn't have any control over what he finds physically attractive. And if he saw you when you were fat and no longer cares about that, I think that says something positive about his character, too. Bad guys would be like "No way, she used to be fat, and I don't want anything to do with her." A good guy would think "Wow, she looks great. Good for her," and they'd get over what you used to look like and show some admiration for what you've accomplished.

You're the only one who can decide what the case is here.

adrian_indy

I would give him blue balls....

Hahaha...Yes! Listen, if he didn't seem interested before you lost weight, fine. But if he was blatantly rude and all of a sudden had a change of heart because you are thinner, he's a shallow A-Hole. I don't care if he looks like Brad Pitt with Tommy Lee's equipment, don't give him the time of day.

cieraangel

For the people who are like, "Well it's cool now cause you're thinner and he likes you", no one ever wants to think that someone felt they weren't good enough. I mean, it's different to guess, example: "Is this guy with me because I'm hot" and you'll never know unless something changes and you're not (to him) anymore, but to know, going in, that at any second you're not looking exactly how a guy wants they might start avoiding you, eh. That's just different to me. When the smoke and mirrors are revealed for what they really are, you can't pretend you don't know, and who would want to live their life that way? I just think I'd have a complex if a guy didn't give me the time of day at my size and then wants to be with me when I'm thin...with the future of pregnancy, age, and gravity looming overhead, don't we have enough to think about?

Schwiggity

For the people who are like, "Well it's cool now cause you're thinner and he likes you", no one ever wants to think that someone felt they weren't good enough. I mean, it's different to guess, example: "Is this guy with me because I'm hot" and you'll never know unless something changes and you're not (to him) anymore, but to know, going in, that at any second you're not looking exactly how a guy wants they might start avoiding you, eh. That's just different to me. When the smoke and mirrors are revealed for what they really are, you can't pretend you don't know, and who would want to live their life that way? I just think I'd have a complex if a guy didn't give me the time of day at my size and then wants to be with me when I'm thin...with the future of pregnancy, age, and gravity looming overhead, don't we have enough to think about?

Who said she was marrying the guy? Jesus can't anyone just go on a date anymore.

cieraangel

For the people who are like, "Well it's cool now cause you're thinner and he likes you", no one ever wants to think that someone felt they weren't good enough. I mean, it's different to guess, example: "Is this guy with me because I'm hot" and you'll never know unless something changes and you're not (to him) anymore, but to know, going in, that at any second you're not looking exactly how a guy wants they might start avoiding you, eh. That's just different to me. When the smoke and mirrors are revealed for what they really are, you can't pretend you don't know, and who would want to live their life that way? I just think I'd have a complex if a guy didn't give me the time of day at my size and then wants to be with me when I'm thin...with the future of pregnancy, age, and gravity looming overhead, don't we have enough to think about?

Who said she was marrying the guy? Jesus can't anyone just go on a date anymore.

NO! LOL
...well I guess one could. Everyone sees dating differently I guess, but the above would be my thought process. I don't like wasting time on things that don't have a possibility of going where I want them to.

myofibril

>mfw women act like they never disregard a guy based on looks.

But it's true. No lady on MFP has ever discounted dating a guy in RL because she wasn't turned on by him physically and have always got to know him first before making their decision.

ItsCasey

For the people who are like, "Well it's cool now cause you're thinner and he likes you", no one ever wants to think that someone felt they weren't good enough. I mean, it's different to guess, example: "Is this guy with me because I'm hot" and you'll never know unless something changes and you're not (to him) anymore, but to know, going in, that at any second you're not looking exactly how a guy wants they might start avoiding you, eh. That's just different to me. When the smoke and mirrors are revealed for what they really are, you can't pretend you don't know, and who would want to live their life that way? I just think I'd have a complex if a guy didn't give me the time of day at my size and then wants to be with me when I'm thin...with the future of pregnancy, age, and gravity looming overhead, don't we have enough to think about?

I get what you're saying, but I think it's different when someone already knows you than when they don't know you at all. If you're a total stranger to a guy and he's not physically attracted to you, he's not going to flirt back when you make a pass at him. If you're looking good to him and he makes the effort to get to know you and grows to love you, he's not going to leave because you gained weight. Now, if you totally let yourself go and become morbidly obese, then yes, most PEOPLE (not just men) would have a problem with that, and it's not all about looks.

With men, it's all about getting their attention. Once they're in love with you, there's a lot they can handle. You don't have to be perfect; they don't expect you to be. But when I was fat, I totally understood why I didn't get much attention from guys. I never thought "Men are just shallow." I understood that a man cannot be in an intimate relationship with someone he isn't attracted to, and there truly is nothing he can do to change that. It's not like he can snap his fingers and change his DNA. And that doesn't make him a bad person. A bad person is one who mistreats you because you're fat, not one who resists your advances because he's not attracted to you.