Losing weight while you're in a relationship

jeannine71

Ok, so, is it just me?? I have the toughest time losing weight when I'm living with someone. My boyfriend isn't dieting or exercising at all....I moved a couple times in the past few years and don't have any friends to work out with....how do you do it? I try not to eat or drink as much as he does, but the temptation is ALWAYS there! I seem to give in almost every night - blowing the exercise and healthy eating I did all day. Any advice??

abellante_0205

its hard!!! I tried to start my journey when i was engaged with my ex fiance (hes since then passed on)... but i was never committed to it so it didn't last! Try to talk to him, and see if he would support you by doing the same things you are.

pkarim

Tonight, after I was done eating all my healthy food and logging in my calories, my boyfriend came home with a huge array of chinese takeout. He brought enough for 4 people and we both ended up eating it all. This happens a lot and no matter how hard i try it is hard because he is a bodybuilder and he needs to eat so I feel like i need to eat with him. It happens but you just need to try and control yourself. Feel free to add me

joehempel

You gotta get your mind right essentially.

It's a willpower, mind over matter.

Make healthy meals together, plan it for the week or something.

It all boils down to HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT?

ashlinmarie

You just have to stick with it. My husband eats like total CRAP. All processed foods and sugary things and drinks Mt. Dew like its water and I just have to stick to my own thing. Which is hard when he's like "Forget your diet and enjoy yourself". While he supports my decision to be healthy, he wishes I could just be happy at my current weight.

It is much harder though. Whenever I got out of a relationship in the past, I seemed to drop 20 lbs very quickly. Now that I'm in one for the rest of my life, I know its going to be a struggle every day to be healthy for me and not "let myself go"

Becky1971

Its very hard! Tell your self you can do it, you deserve it! And utilize MFP ALOT! Thats what gets me through it all!

mnsmith83

easy answer: Just say no.

You are the only person who is ultimately responsible for what goes in your mouth and how much your legs move. My mom is not dieting at all (though she easily has 200lbs to lose), and is constantly bringing ding dongs and cake and crap into the house. I just walk right by it. I don't want to undo my 5 weeks of hard work for 30 seconds of tasting something delicious! It's not worth it! My bf just got motivated to eat healthy and exercise too, but I only see him a couple days a week, so that isn't quite the same as your situation.

You have to be accountable for you, and only you!

theflyingartist

I am in the same situation! I can only offer one tip, and it will either work really well or it will annoy him... my boyfriend goes between the two (depending on how much he can take, haha!)
But what I do is... talk to him about it! So I will measure my protein and fats, stuff he is interested in, and discuss it. Something like, "I've only got 41g to hit today on protein.. I could eat fish or try some lentils! What do you think?" And then we are cooking together, talking about protein and food, and I ask him a lot of questions about what he wants. So, for example, he is worried about cholesterol.. so we look it up, read about egg yolks on the food database on MFP, and we kind of plan out meals for him and I. It's all about integrating the relationship with the lifestyle!
Good luck!

aarn6911

No advice but I would love some on this topic as well! I am in the same boat except we don't officially live together I am just always at my boyfriends house and he eats like a horse! I want to know how people in relationships dont gain weight?!? My relationship is the reason I'm always on a diet!! Dont get me wrong I love him to death but I also want to look good for him and he's making that impossible!! I know i know self control right? Thats a lot easier said than done :sad:

LindseyDD

I go through this every day! My husband isnt the most supportive when it comes to me wanting to be healthy and is constantly bringing home take out and ice cream. I am 100% committed to getting healthy and losing weight so I have not splurged at all in the last 4 months. The way I compromise is we do go out to dinner once a week but I plan ahead and find healthy eating choices online before we leave so I know exactly what I am going to be eating. Good luck it is tough, and this exact thing is what got me to this weight to begin with! It sucks!

lalalalyndsey

I have the same problem, but I've learned about a little thing called self-control. lol It's really hard and it doesn't work all the time, but you have to take responsibility for your eating and actions. I kept thinking it was my bfs fault that I wasn't losing weight, but really I only have myself to blame... he's definitely not the one who made me eat or drink! If you really want this, you'll have to fight that temptation! Sorry it's not much, but self-control is really the only way I've learned to deal.

bjohs

I found a way to motivate my husband to get healthy with me. It won't work for everyone, but he is now down 37pounds and an exercising machine! LOL! If anything, my blog should give you a good laugh: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/bjohs/view/sex-weight-loss-117390.

Hang in there! You will find a way to make a healthy lifestyle work!

SarahofTwins

You gotta get your mind right essentially.

It's a willpower, mind over matter.

Make healthy meals together, plan it for the week or something.

It all boils down to HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT?

Exactly...once your mind is set everything else will follow.

And trust me I know how hard it can be...my husband drinks sodas and brings home fast foods. :grumble:

TheKitsune6

You gotta get your mind right essentially.

It's a willpower, mind over matter.

Make healthy meals together, plan it for the week or something.

It all boils down to HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT?

^^^ That

You have ultimate control over everything you do. The sooner we take responsibility the sooner we make the changes that are necessary. Including saying "No thanks!"

deanadimples

Gawd, my BF not only doesn't eat healthy at ALL....he eats MASSIVE amounts. And he never gains. He has MAYBE 20 lbs he could lose.

A typical meal at McDonalds? Big Mac Meal, Fish Filet AND 2 Double Cheeseburgers. If we go out for steak, it's a salad/breadstick, 10 oz steak AND a burger with fries. He's completely oblivious to the amount of calories and sodium he's eating. He eats out every meal for lunch and supper and on weekends he bowls professionally, so its eating out too.

A couple years ago I was in a "biggest loser" type contest at a gym. During it, we were out of town and needed to get food. He just went to Taco Bell and just expected me to be able to eat whatever. Like I said...oblivious!

Thank God we don't live together. He'd starve to death or I'd have to kill him! LOL

xraychick77

yup..i'm there.

i'm a healthy fit person who likes to work out and go do things..my mate is lazy and fat and eats crap. oh well. i just love her for her and do what i want..bless her thou..she brings home stuff she knows i like to eat..choc, ice cream etc..and i know its out of the sweetness of her heart..but dang..really?! its just will power..pure and simple.

lockermama

My husband has a lot more to lose than I do and he just doesn't pay attention to what he puts in his mouth (tries to "keep up" with our fit and exercise-prone teenager). I'm trying to set an example, and get him interested, kind of like theflyingartist posted above. Those are all good ideas. Good luck! It's hard to sit there and watch the Chinese food disappear, or not! But it gets easier with time. Hang in there!

Umeboshi

I feel really lucky that my gf is going out of her way to support me most of the time. Luckily her junk food is stuff I'm uninterested in.. I hate mountain dew, little debbie cakes, jalapeno chips, and sausage sticks- all her favorite 'bad' stuff. :laugh: And she will also eat all my lower calorie foods so eating together isn't really a problem. It also helps that I announce my calories eaten/calories left to her and I think that makes her feel like she's having a victory too when I stay under because she helped (and it also makes her not want to encourage me to go over on calories). I second the suggestion of discussing nutrition and calories because that has definitely worked for me in getting her involved with this lifestyle change. Also try to get your partner involved in your exercise routine if you can as that is a great motivator and it's fun to have someone with you. Good luck and don't let any frustrations get to you!

KayaSamantha

I moved in with my boyfriend in September and gained 30lbs FAST! That was on top of the 20 extra I already had. Needless to say it's been rough trying to find motivation as I also moved away form everyone who I used to work out with. I have really relied on other people on this site to motivate me as well as myself. I also do the grocery shopping now and he has to eat his "crap" food out of the house. Add me as a friend and I'll try to help keep you motivated!

Angeloftheshore

My husband and I sat down and talked through it. He needed to know how important it was to me, for me and for us to make our lives healthier. He used to guzzle a couple two liters of Mt.Dew a night. He does not gain weight as easily as I do and has a much more active day to day activity. After talking it all out "we" made the changes needed for our household. I suggest sitting down and talking it all out very seriously.

kayemme

i pretty much have to control the food portion of our relationship. i cave occasionally, but mostly i won't allow certain items in the house. if he wants something, he can have it, just not at home.

mostly he's pretty good about it, though.

fastbelly

I think perhaps the best way is to try and find local running clubs that cater for begginers or maybe a personal trainer that will keep you going.

aippolito1

It is hard. There are always Doritos or Bugles or whatever in the house. I live with my boyfriend, his brother, and our friend who is also a guy. His brother eats fairly healthy most of the time, our friend tries to but doesn't keep a lot of food in the house... bf eats Taco Bell, Chipotle, Qdoba, Quizno's, McDonald's, you name it. When he's home for dinner and I cook, he eats what I eat save for veggies (I'm trying!) and I just have to keep telling myself with the stuff he keeps in the house as far as snacks or unhealthy food, that it's not worth it. I gained weight being in a relationship with him from wanting to eat when he ate or eating dinner two-three times a night and I refuse to be fat in this relationship anymore. I've lost 22 lbs but have only kept off 11 of them and am working on the rest of the 30.

A lot of times when we go out, I'm the one who suggests making bad decisions... "hey, let's get ice cream!" Most of the time, he'll remind me that I've been good with eating healthy and I don't want to screw it up, or that I worked out, so why undo it, etc.

helloiloveukitty

Honestly it's not that hard imo. I do a mix of flexing my willpower and having "rules" like if you must eat certain things that are triggers for me do it outside of the home please. He eats and has a lot of junk that doesn't appeal to me at all and would never be tempting but they few things that do, well he gets them elsewhere. I think its a balance of personal responsibility, drive to be fit and healthy and compromising.

I think another big part of this is letting go of the I'm jealous of people who can eat anything they want and never get fat. That's not me, it never will be. Its not an option.

risefromruin

Eesh, I don't know the answer to this question.... That's how how I gained the weight

reneepugh

My husband is a high rise window cleaner, so he is thin as a rail and he eats all the time! He is my inspiration to work out because he works physically every day and looks strong and healthy. We also only go out to eat as a treat a couple times a month. So, I buy the groceries and buy healthy stuff. So even if he cooks dinner, he only has what we have in the house to choose from. It seems to work because he used to be a Hardee's Monster burger and Taco Bell guy and now he eats at home most of the time. Most guys are too lazy to make too many trips to get fast food or go get junk from the grocery store if there is food awaiting them (sorry, I sounded sexist guys!).

LilRedRooster

I was never able to lose well in a relationship, unless the significant other was into exercising and eating right with me. The current one is one of those annoying skinny people who can eat like a horse, and doesn't gain a pound. I've just learned to not eat everything he serves, and only go through half of what he makes, saving the other half for the next day, or later on, if it's lunch (which it isn't, usually, since he makes dinner).

I'll be the first to admit, I'm always in better shape outside a relationship than in, because of that lazy, comfortable, don't-have-to-worry-about-appearances feeling you get while with someone. Almost makes me want to be single permanently..

Angeloftheshore

I had gained all my weight when my husband and I moved in together. To be honest, he loves me fat/thin whatever. He just wants me to be happy. He did not realize how much it was all bothering me until we sat down and really talked. Till then he kind of thought my little comments about my weight and junk in the house were just momentary moods. Guys and girls can speak a different language and really talking it through was ultimately what made him understand what his food lifestyle was doing to me.

clrrrr

My boy has the world's fastest metabolism, which is annoying, but then again he used to just eat reubens and cheesesteaks all the time and he's always tired and has littleno muscle. I feel like I appreciate and enjoy delicious (and/or healthy) food more than he does and since I'm doing this new lifestyle, he is trying to join me by gaining muscle. We're long-distance so it's not exactly like we're doing it together but I know a fair bit about nutrition from 7 years of being a literate and overweight teenager so every time we talk we compare our thoughts on nutrition and what we've been doing. At this point, due to kettlebell training, my biceps are probably bigger than his ;] it's the little things...

makena78

You can always make excuses as to why you can't lose weight. There will always be temptations with or without a relationship. It's all in the mind and you need to have control over your own mind. Don't be a slave to those excuses and temptations. You need to focus and put YOU in charge. I made my husband chicken enchiladas tonight and I didn't have anything but my Shakeology (health shake). And I loooove enchiladas. I made only 2 for him. No, I don't deprive myself of those foods I love but, I don't need them every time I eat. You CAN do it. Ask yourself why you are getting fit and losing weight. When you really feel the answer and believe it then you can overcome bad habits.
As for working out. Why do you need someone to work out with? I workout to videos at home. When I used to go to the gym it was just me and my Ipod. Talking only distracts you from YOUR time. Be strong and don't make excuses.

icandothistrish85

It was at first. I've been with my spouse since I was 14, but I didn't gain weight until 18months after our wedding, 4 years after we got together. He's always been the tall (6'4") athletic, slim build (he's 190lbs) and could eat or drink whatever he wanted without changing the scale ever. However, after a HUGE health scare in May of 2009 (he had heart, liver & kidney failure due to Rhabdomyolysis) we really paid attention to our lifestyles and the choices we were making. I also found out 3 weeks later, that I conceived our 3rd child the morning of the night he collapsed & was hospitalized. Out of guilt, extra responsibility, working more hours, being pregnant, and my husband disabilities; I ate horribly and gained 80lbs in my pregnancy.

Eventually (about 11months later/one new newborn later) Derrick got clearance from the doctor to begin a LIGHT form of exercise (walking) and was told he'd need to have his CK levels in his blood checked twice a week for an unspecific length of time. Scared to death for him relapsing and me having stroke worthy Hypertension Stage 2, we decided to promise each other that WE would not be the reason our kids could ever become orphans. So we really paid attention to what we cooked, bought, prepared, our activities (or the bed-rest/lack-there-of of activity for the last few months) and made some pretty scary, but over all decent & easy changes. We got rid of the sodas, kool-aid, hot pockets, TV dinners, burritos, fish-sticks, poptarts, etc. Basically quick & easy convenience "comfort" foods were thrown out. He INSTANTLY lost weight, I trickled. LOL. Mostly because I wasn't the soda/junk food eater, he was. HOWEVER, I was eating decent but WAY TOO MUCH in a portion. So I had smaller portions, he had DOUBLE portions to get back to his normal healthy weight. I lost 60lbs by January, then we moved to California and I lost focus for a bit. But I've gotten back on track as of April.

But I say the greatest key to my success is having completely HONEST communication with my husband. I tell him my fears, not my insecurities. I tell him my goals, not whine about my set-backs. I tell him my accomplishments, not my failures or mistakes. Speak up! You cannot change yourself if you don't change your environment first. And play the "Sex Card" if you're in an active relationship. Meaning, tell/convince him, "Honey, if we start eating a bit healthier or if I stretch doing yoga for a bit, it'll give us more stamina in the bedroom..." PLUS, men are visual creatures, SHOW him how happy & passionate living healthy makes you. He'll do anything to support you being in that mood 24/7, TRUST ME! LOL