Losing weight while you're in a relationship

pinksherbert

{I've said this before on here}, but my other half is very active and very skinny, while I am always trying to lose that extra 7-10lbs.

When I am focused on my health - which is most of the time (but I do have lapses), I am in charge of food in our house - he is just too busy to do anything anyway - I buy the food, plan the meals, tell him what's on the menu.

I plan healthy meals and healthy lunches for me. There is just me and him in the house. Every time I cook, I cook for 4 people. I eat one myself for dinner, give him 2 portions, then have the other portion either for the freezer or for lunch the following day.

I also make lots of soups, so I can have them for lunch and he can have them as a snack if he's starving or as a starter for dinner if he missed lunch.

When he does have time to be helpful, he asks me what's for dinner, then he cooks it (usually my way, but sometimes we get extra oil or fat in there! - I just have to be a bit more flexible then).

I also tend to keep mainly healthly snacks the house.

I hope this helps.

cheshirechic

I let him know how much being healthy means to me. That's been the number one most helpful thing. He sees the positive physical (and emotional/mental) changes, and encourages me to keep doing it. If he's tempting me with dessert, I call him out on it, and remind him that he's my partner and ally.

The best help is letting him know that he needs to be supportive. I also let him know that I won't be offended if he "reminds" me of my own goals. For example, I had a piece of chocolate today, and mentioned that maybe another piece would be a good idea. He asked me if I just wanted the taste, or if I felt that I really needed it, and I checked myself. Some people would feel micromanaged, but it's what I need sometimes. It works for us.

I hope this helps, and good luck!

trishtrish84

♥ I have read every ones replies and I am in the exact same boat. I dont really have any advice because I am struggling with my own battles.... but I do know exactly how you all feel.

My fiance drives me crazy. He really makes no sense now that I think about it. He is one of those guys that go to the gym and spend 2 hours there working out and sweating his butt off and then later on that day he goes to Taco Bell and orders 2 Beefy Melt Burritos. 1 Steak Quesadilla, 2 Taco Supreme, and a large 32oz. Pepsi..... WTH? I dont get it.... Why bother going to the gym at all and put in all that hard work and then later on eat all that crap... Just because you had a good day at the gym it does not justify the bad eating....

What worse is that he always tries to get me to eat the crap with him and I am like no sorry.

I try to keep healthy snacks around the house like carrot sticks or celery or even those lil 100 calorie packs of like crackers or cookies so when I want something to snack on I am not un doing my whole day... Some how he eats those too... in addition to the taco bell....

Im telling you its driving me crazy!

Oh and he is this stupid thought in his head that as soon as I reach my goals that I am going to be all skinny and sexy and I am going to leave him..... Why, Why did that even pop into his head.... Why couldnt the first thing that popped into his head be "Im glad that your doing this for you and getting healthy."

CARNAT22

My OH does a very manual job so is fit as a fiddle and can eat pretty much whatever he likes (lukcy him).

He has never had to count a calorie in his life. Luckily he has been very supportive with me though and understands that I am on this path now and I am doing something positive for myself!!!

A few things that I have done during my recent weightloss :
* We buy "treats" that I don't like so I am not tempted (for example I hate apple pie and cream and am not a fan of muffins so he'll have them and I am not tempted to help myself to them)
* We have the same meals but his portions are bigger. I make sure mine mostly veg or salad whereas his portions are pretty much equal size of carbs, meat and salad.
* I will sometimes swap my portion of pasta or rice for new potatoes (saving 80 calories or so)
* We buy my OH white bread (normal size) and buy myself wholemeal bread (small loaf)
* We have pretty much stopped buying cheese - it was only me that used to eat it really!
* I am in charge of cooking and I do the online shopping - so I control pretty much what comes into the house [he just coughs up his half of the cash LOL]

leilaphoenix

I totally get what everyone is saying. With an other half to tempt you as well as your own weakenesses it seems like a losing battle (and not losing in a good way!) I gained most of my weight when I moved in with my boyfriend (6ft, 160lb with a stupidly fast metabolism).

It has taken me a while to actually realise that I shouldn't be eating the same amount of him, even if I wasn't trying to lose weight. He is a man and almost a foot taller than me. I should always be eating less than him.

Here are a few things that have worked for me
- take control of the weekly shop - I do all the shopping so I buy healthy food plus snacks that he loves and I'm not bothered about (in my case, I buy pork pies and crisps for him rather than chocolate which I would be tempted by). I can buy lots of low fat, low cal ingredients and chicken and fish. This way there are no tempting/unhealthy foods in the house that are of any interest to me. If he wants to indulge he can eat his porky things.
- take control of the kitchen - I wouldn't say I do all the cooking but I plan most of the meals and sometimes leave him to do the work. I usually make roughly 3 small portions, 1 for me and 2 for him. This way he can eat more than me, but of healthy food.
- educate him - when we are cooking together I'm slowly getting him to do things differently - don't add salt to cooking (if he wants salt he can add it after), use v little oil for cooking etc.

One thing I have yet to solve is the "oh, there is no food in the house, oh, lets just get a take away". This is still my downfall, but better planning is making this a less regular occurance.

Don't get my wrong, my lovely other half has been very support of ME on my healthier lifestyle, but it doesn't mean he is ready to make a change for himself. He generally enjoys all of the tasty food I cook (he has no problem with fish, chicken or vegies) but usually needs something salty and fatty (the prebought snacks) to satisfy his hunger. He said to me recently "what is the most helpful thing I can do to help your diet" and I actually said "get your bicycle fixed so we can go on rides together". You need to bring your other half into your healthier world eventually if its going to be sustainable but it'll be easier if you let them have their indulgances too and make their own choices.

Hope this helps,

Leila

TavistockToad

I think a lot of people get 'fat and happy' when they get into that comfortable moved in together phase of a relationship! I know i did, and that coupled with the fact that my fiance can eat huuuuuuuge amounts without putting any weight on was not good!

I fnd that planning our weekly menu helps, so he doesnt bring random food home after you have eaten, and eating together as well. I eat a lot of the same things, just without anywhere near as many carbs. For example yesterday we had chicken pieces and mediterranean veg. Plus rice (2 servings worth!!!) for my other half.

Also, maybe find an activity you can do together, we play badminton or go swimming every so often.

TavistockToad

Oh and he is this stupid thought in his head that as soon as I reach my goals that I am going to be all skinny and sexy and I am going to leave him..... Why, Why did that even pop into his head.... Why couldnt the first thing that popped into his head be "Im glad that your doing this for you and getting healthy."

thats a boy thing! Mine has never actually said that, as i tell him fairly often that i will be all slim and sexy for him.... which he seems to like... a more confident me means more for him!!

CARNAT22

I totally get what everyone is saying. With an other half to tempt you as well as your own weakenesses it seems like a losing battle (and not losing in a good way!) I gained most of my weight when I moved in with my boyfriend (6ft, 160lb with a stupidly fast metabolism).

It has taken me a while to actually realise that I shouldn't be eating the same amount of him, even if I wasn't trying to lose weight. He is a man and almost a foot taller than me. I should always be eating less than him.

Here are a few things that have worked for me
- take control of the weekly shop - I do all the shopping so I buy healthy food plus snacks that he loves and I'm not bothered about (in my case, I buy pork pies and crisps for him rather than chocolate which I would be tempted by). I can buy lots of low fat, low cal ingredients and chicken and fish. This way there are no tempting/unhealthy foods in the house that are of any interest to me. If he wants to indulge he can eat his porky things.
- take control of the kitchen - I wouldn't say I do all the cooking but I plan most of the meals and sometimes leave him to do the work. I usually make roughly 3 small portions, 1 for me and 2 for him. This way he can eat more than me, but of healthy food.
- educate him - when we are cooking together I'm slowly getting him to do things differently - don't add salt to cooking (if he wants salt he can add it after), use v little oil for cooking etc.

One thing I have yet to solve is the "oh, there is no food in the house, oh, lets just get a take away". This is still my downfall, but better planning is making this a less regular occurance.

Don't get my wrong, my lovely other half has been very support of ME on my healthier lifestyle, but it doesn't mean he is ready to make a change for himself. He generally enjoys all of the tasty food I cook (he has no problem with fish, chicken or vegies) but usually needs something salty and fatty (the prebought snacks) to satisfy his hunger. He said to me recently "what is the most helpful thing I can do to help your diet" and I actually said "get your bicycle fixed so we can go on rides together". You need to bring your other half into your healthier world eventually if its going to be sustainable but it'll be easier if you let them have their indulgances too and make their own choices.

Hope this helps,

Leila

Prior to MFP I used to eat the same size dinner portions as my 5ft 11in 168lb OH - eeek!! I used to kid myself that as I ate much less than he did in the daytime it was OK for me to eat the same as him at dinnertime.

As you say there is no way a 5ft 1 inch woman who does a sedantry job should be eating portions as big as a tall man with a very manual job!!

Luckily it was the portion sizes that messed me up - we aren't big take aways fans!

I now make sure that OH's meal is much bigger than mine and often I serve him rice or pasta and I have a portion of new potatoes instead.... They are low cal and go with curries / pasta sauces etc ... I also bulk up on salad / veg with dinner so my portion doesn't look that much smaller LOL!

CatClark

Oh my goodness, living with someone who's not "on the wagon" too is a KILLER! I lost loads of weight when my last relationship ended (heartbreak!) and then put it all back on again with my current BF!

Here are my three top tips for surviving the co-habitation / weightloss combo

+ Portion size. Watch it. I always used to dish up two identical plates at dinner time, definitely my downfall. I now remind myself, I'm a 5' 6" girl, I don't need the same amount of food as my muscly 6" BF!

+ Have a go-to snack attack alternative. If it's co-snacking in the evening that's your downfall, make sure you have something healthy but still 'treaty' to reach for when he gets the crisps out! Keep within your calories with frozen banana blended into 'ice cream', 0% greek yoghurt with a little honey, even a square or too of dark chocolate. Kale chips, carrot sticks, snow peas... Something snacky but low cal to eat while he is snacking won't make you feel so left out, hard done by and tempted to give in

+ Timing is everything. If you love curling up on the sofa together at the end of the day, shouting the answers out at quiz shows or watching action movies, don't spoil that time together. He'll only resent your regime all the more. Plan to exercise in your lunch break or the morning instead - weight loss and fitness is super important, but so is your relationship. I would hate my BF to think I put my weight loss before "us" - he is incredibly supportive, but I would totally forgive him for being a bit grumpy if I was constantly ignoring him and spending all weekend locked away in a gym! It's all about perspective and balance

Best of luck

Vhovell

It's definately self control and will-power! I've always wanted to loose weight ever since getting with my fiance (5 years in September) but he has really noticed the difference this time around, even more so since joining MFP. The hardest thing for me is being at work as I tend to snack without realising but since putting in my calories and changing breakfast times (I use to have a yogurt at 10:30 or later now i have 45g of cereal with 125ml of milk at 9ish then a yogurt at 11ish) and i don't feel half as hungry.

Portion control is my problem as my fiance does most the cooking, especially when it's casseroles etc so i'm trying to encourage him to weigh things as it's hard to guess the weight!

With me, it sounds silly but when i'm truely ready to loose weight it seems to just happen. I've always thought i was ready to loose it but found it's only now that i'm really truely dedicated.

Trouble also with moving in with someone is contentment - makes you pile on the lbs without realising!

Good Luck!

Dtrmnd86

You gotta get your mind right essentially.

It's a willpower, mind over matter.

Make healthy meals together, plan it for the week or something.

It all boils down to HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT?

I completely agree with this... I live with my fiance and he has a terrible diet. Most of my weight gain came from the fast food, oversized portions and beers we would have all the time. It's tough and you really have to want it for yourself. When you get tempted, just think of what you want more, that food, or losing weight. I have also realized that when I say no to what he eats, buys.. I'm not missing out on anything or losing anything, I'm gaining from it. Good luck, it is tough.

Barneystinson

I live with my boyfriend. He has a bottle of craft beer nightly. I limit myself to about 2-3 per week because, although delicious, they're higher on the calorie side.

I cook the meals, but portion them according to our needs. I don't need 1/2 of what I cook (usually), so he gets his portion, I get mine, the rest goes in the fridge. He's consistently amazed that I can make meals that both taste good and are good for you. So that's good.

Usually the only "bad" times are when we go out to eat with a group of people to somewhere where there's a lot of temptation to get something beyond my calorie limits. Sometimes I chalk it up as a cheat day, sometimes I eat a smaller portion. When everyone orders appetizers - that always seems to be the killer.

As a couple, though, my boyfriend and I have pretty similar views on health and generally try to make good choices when dining out. We had a nice healthy dinner at Panera the other night, no guilt for either of us.

(Side note: Back in the days of living with my ex-fiance I had a rough go and put on weight. He was picky about eating and always insisted on going out to eat a lot. And the restaurant choices were usually very unhealthy. So I can understand the "gaining weight when living with someone" thing. Totally.)

Amo_Angelus

I can totally relate to the OP. Since moving in with my fiancé I've put on nearly 2 stone! Which is a lot for someone who only weighed 10stone to begin with. The problem is, he's a take-away and sugar addict! And of course he gets guilt pangs when he goe into a shop and spends £5 on sweets for himself, for some reason he'd rather spend £10 on sweets for us both than £5 on sweets for him! But I don't like them that much! I used to like caramacs, but he bought me too many and now I don't touch them, then maple peacan plaits with the same results and so on! I also went from 1 takeaway a month (usually while viiting my parents) to three a week!!!

So I've suddenly decided that I now look pregnant as it's all gone on my boobs and tummy, and I only have two pairs of trousers that continue to fit me!That was a harsh wake-up call and I can't afford to buy all new clothes as I'm paying for a wedding I an't really afford :P So dieting, the one thing I've always made fun of, seemed like the best thing to do...only...he still like take-aways, I've never known portion control and he does not lie excercise!

Last night I was muttering about going hungry again for the seventh time in as many days because I used up all my calories on home made pizza, and he decided to conol me with...a fudge icecream bar "Go on, there's no calories in this bit" Sweet and funny when I'm at my normal weight, driving me stir crazy while I'm trying to actually count calories :P Luckily I do have a wii fit (although I've killed my balance boards batteries) so I can do that while he's in bed, and I live 1.3miles from town, so I walk to town for my knitting club and oddments of shopping and chores, and I also have bellydance tutorial DVDs, I probably should buy more as I've had the same two for a number of years, so I'm going to try and get those back into my weekly routine. Somewhere. I'm also going to try and do as many situps as I can before he wakes up. Hopefully I can build up enough "fitness calories" while he's asleep or at work to be able to cope with his temptations :P

MinnieInMaine

It is totally possible!! Not easy in the beginning but as a few other posters have mentioned, it's up to you to 1) make up your mind that you are determined to do this and stay focused and 2) take control of the situation to the best of your ability.

In my house, the 2nd piece was fairly easy for me because I do most of the cooking. So I tweaked our favorite recipes by cutting the rice/pasta and upping the veggies and also found new light but yummy recipes to add to the mix. And to repeat what's already been said, even with lighter options, you still need to really watch your portions and plan as much as you can - two of the most important changes you can make. Most days I'm actually able to log my whole eating for the day in the morning because I know what we'll be having for dinner. Also gives me a leg up on knowing how many calories I need to burn doing exercise to even out.

Oh, and if you significant other is picky about "diet" food, just don't let him know you're using ground turkey instead of hamburg and see if he notices a difference. My hubby has picked up on a couple things (fat free cheese was a disaster) but mostly he doesn't notice the small changes.

And we still do have take-out nights which makes both of us happy. I get a night off from cooking and a food that I wouldn't normally indulge in (mostly pizza) and he gets something junky. Again, I make sure to pick the healthiest option I can and watch my portions and it's not too much of a disaster. And I try to limit this type of thing to once a week.

P.S. One more tip - as someone else mentioned, not planning can lead to the whole "oh, there's nothing in the house, let's just get chinese/pizza/etc" and that's too tempting so you go overboad and it becomes a habit and you're stuck back at the beginning. So, try to keep a few things on hand that are easily cooked and aren't as perishable as say chicken or beef. My go to's are kielbasa with jambalaya mix and turkey meatballs, sauce and pasta. I know that if there's nothing else on hand, I can whip up a fairly light spaghetti dinner or jambalaya - and while it's not the healthiest meal, it's probably going to be better than facing the pizza or chinese menu again.

wonrob

Not in a relationship but I live at home and my parents always force me to eat (a lot of take-out). And I've been catching up with friends a lot recently so that means a lot of bad foods...

I just try and minimise my portion sizes (but still have a bit, coz bad food is always tempting), and promise myself that I'll be good another day. Dunno if that's working though....

haylesmom

I have the same issue with my husband! If I buy all healthy groceries then he goes to the gas station (where they cost WAY more) and picks up chips, soda, ice cream... and it's so hard not to have a bite or two..or the whole thing. So what I've been doing is buying him is crap food but stuff I don't like so I wont be tempted to get into it. He too needs to loose weight, he's gone from an XL to a XXXL in three years, but I can't make him want to loose weight (epically when he THINKS he's as healthy as an ox).

MaryB2

I don't think it is fair to ask him to do the same things as you if it is not something he wants to do. Especially if he has no weight to lose. My husband can eat anything he wants and not gain any weight at all. You just have to be able to decide what you want more, to lose weight and feel better or eat / drink all the bad things with him. If my husband makes something on the grill he asks me to come in there and measure my portion and then I pick the sides. If he wants something horrible then I eat something different than him. I used to drink frequently too, so now if I feel like having a beer or 2 I do but I don't do it often and I save my calories for it. I will say that the longer you do this the easier it gets to make the right decisions. Good luck

anulle2009

You just have to stick with it. My husband eats like total CRAP. All processed foods and sugary things and drinks Mt. Dew like its water and I just have to stick to my own thing. Which is hard when he's like "Forget your diet and enjoy yourself". While he supports my decision to be healthy, he wishes I could just be happy at my current weight.

It is much harder though. Whenever I got out of a relationship in the past, I seemed to drop 20 lbs very quickly. Now that I'm in one for the rest of my life, I know its going to be a struggle every day to be healthy for me and not "let myself go"

I think my hubby has a double life, your hubby and my hubby sound teh exact same!!

The way i have done it because of course my hubby is a rail can eat and drink whatever and still lose weight, I normally make 2 meals a night, one for him one for me, if it is a really really healthy veggie filled dinner. If i make him chicken and pasta.I eat just the chicken and make me a veggie. i do not have anyone to work out with, but i push myself. My hubby though is very supportative of me, and encourges me to go to the gym

anulle2009

I don't think it is fair to ask him to do the same things as you if it is not something he wants to do. Especially if he has no weight to lose. My husband can eat anything he wants and not gain any weight at all. You just have to be able to decide what you want more, to lose weight and feel better or eat / drink all the bad things with him. If my husband makes something on the grill he asks me to come in there and measure my portion and then I pick the sides. If he wants something horrible then I eat something different than him. I used to drink frequently too, so now if I feel like having a beer or 2 I do but I don't do it often and I save my calories for it. I will say that the longer you do this the easier it gets to make the right decisions. Good luck

This is pretty much me and my hubby..

iamhopeful

Great topic! I can so relate. I have the same issue and struggle with my husband. Also, I'm 5'1, he's 6' and every extra pound on me seems like 5. He doesn't gain as easily and when he wants to lose it falls off him! At least I see others are dealing with the same thing too. I appreciate all of the advice given here.