"You've lost too much weight" BS

kellydharriso

I've heard this all before, I feel like it is one reason my weight skyrocketed to over 250 at one time. It just seems easier to be fat and eat whatever instead of explaining to people over and over why you are eating healthy. I think it is mostly jealousy and a need for control that some people have. Keep losing until YOU are happy and don't care about others opinions!!!

Pangui

In today's society, and especially here in the USA, MOST people are overweight. We may be bombarded by images of thin models on TV and ads, but the people we see every day don't look like that. We are adjusting to a new "normal". What we saw as fat 15 years ago is average today. Add to the fact that you used to look more like "everybody else", but now you don't confuses the image people have of you.

I personally don't think most people say things like that because they are jealous. It's because they have lost sight of what is really "normal". Many are actually concerned that you may become unhealthy or develop an "eating disorder". Because, as everybody knows, dieting is just too difficult for the average person, so there might be something wrong with you if you are succesful. In time, they will come to realize (as you don't waste away), that you really were pursuing a path to health and in time they won't even remember what you used to look like. You will reset their "normal" image of you.

PositiveGoals

There's always the critics out there. Whe people know yo are trying to better yourself, they often try to hold you down. They watch everything you put in your mouth. I have the opposite problem. I am super morbidly obese. I am losing weight at an average of 2lbs per week. However, at my size, age and with my health issue I cannot lose this weight on my own fast enough to avert more severe health issues or death.

My doctors have strongly encouraged a gastric bypass. I will have one by the end of this year. I am trying to lose 10% to increase the chance of laproscopic as opposed to open surgery. I have been ripped by people (especially on MFP message boards). They think I am taking the easy way out. When in fact, after the first year, you still have to do what everyone else does. You have a stricter diet, dumping syndrome, foods you can 'never' eat again, loose skin from rapid weight loss, recovery, pain, etc. It's not the easy way out, its the hard way out. But its the last resort. Skinny people seem to think they have a right to judge me. But they can't understand.

In the end, I have learned that I cannot let their "ignorance" affect my goal. I have to give the same advice to you. People who are very large will resent your success. People who have lost weight often think they know everything and give you misguided advice. Don't you see. As long as you and your doctors are in agreement and you are working towards greater health, go for it. Do what is right for you. Celebrate each lb and every goal you meet. Post it proudly. Screw anyone who has a problem with it. Ignore them in forums and unfriend them if they are on your list. Stay away from the negativity. It will hold you down!

PJilly

I'm getting so tired ALREADY of people saying i've lost too much weight.

When i started back in Novemeber my co-workers were interested and supportive, i was asked everyday what i was doing and told it was all so great. 36 pounds later i still have so much i feel is important to work on, its exhausting to try to explain pounds vs body fat precentage to people who only want you to know they think its too much.
You just can't win. Now everyday instead of being supported ill feel like im viewed as some girl obsessed with a number on a scale when really im looking for a complete transformation of health and physical fitness.

Thanks to all my MFP friends for the support, i know you guys understand and are going through similar stuff.

Has anyone else been getting similar feedback?

Try not to let it get to you. Listen to their feedback, do some honest self-reflection to decide if their comments have any merit. If you're confident you're doing what's right for you, try to let those comments roll off your back. I used to get them too, but once people got used to seeing me at my new, smaller size, those comments completely went away.

twink44

I lost 50 and gained back 30 over the past 3 years. STRESS. I think "keeping your eyes on your own plate" is a pretty good philosophy. I have and do eat from all food groups - healthy ones. Weight always is more an issue when I am lonely. The thinner I am, the more it seems my friends withdraw. I'm almost 60 and my whole life I dealt with jealousy over my looks and accomplishments. All I ever wanted was to be treated with kindness and sincerity. Seriously, now there isn't anything to envy. I lost most everything I worked for - 30 years in building and development - moved to a place I had only visited once to start over and have in the process recognized I was way too over invested in shallow friendships.

This time when I lose the weight, I am going to find myself some friends of all sizes who accept me just the way I am.

nikmaack

Tons of responses out there, but I just want to get this off my chest...

I'm male, 5 foot 10, fairly large frame.

I've lost almost 100 pounds, from 280 to 182. When I got to 200 lbs (my initial goal) people were very supportive. As I work my way down to 180, they started freaking out.

"You're fading away to nothing!"
"You must have reached your goal by now!"
"Just how MUCH MORE WEIGHT do you plan on losing?"

280 to 200 is going from obese to overweight. Most people around me sit at overweight.

Going from 200 to 180? That's going from overweight to healthy. And that, I think, is far more threatening to them and their particular body image.

"Dude! It's okay to go from really fat to just slightly fat. But now you're going for healthy, and I can't help but take that as a personal criticism."

My response has become: "My family doctor said that 180 is a healthy weight for me to maintain, so that's what I'm aiming for."

That tends to shut them up.

Personally, I had a physical as I started my weight loss, as I reached my initial goal, and as I established a new goal. It's always a good idea to see a medical professional as you're making huge lifestyle changes.

hill2302

I have alot fo people now saying i don't need to lose anymore. I take it as a compliment that I'm looking good where I'm at. I'm 6ft tall and 185 now. If they started saying I was too skinny, I don't know how I'd take that just yet. I just tell them now it's not about the number but whether I'm happy with my body and fitness level.

My mom on the otherhand says I need to get down to 165. :noway: I'd be a toothpick at that weight. She means well, but has the asian mentality that you need to be really skinny.

TubbsMcGee

I love Summer, but I hate that being able to bare more skin means that people are more likely to point out that I've lost weight.

My parents HATE fat people. I grew up with my family constantly saying how "disgusting" fat people are.

I've never been overweight in my life, but for 4 months when I was 16, I looked chubbier than usual (my nickname growing up had always been "skinny girl" as I was such a beanpole.)

This lead to EVERYONE calling me fat/chubby/tubby/Tubbs McGee/Porky Pig/Orka.

...so once I dropped the excess weight, people started freaking out. My original weight was 108, but once I got back down to 117, the **** hit the fan.

Now, every time I meet up with family or friends, I'm constantly asked "do you eat?"
I've been accused of having eating disorders (when at the time, no I definitely didn't have one)

I feel the need to stuff my face with junk food whenever people are around me now, just so that they'll shut up and not make any rude ana comments. And I don't dare go to the bathroom after a meal (I have to wait at least 2 hours), otherwise I'm told "you better not be throwing up in there!"

WTF. YOU MADE ME THIS WAY.

Cloud_Dancer

I've been there as well. "You'll look sick if you lose anymore weight!" or "You look good just the way you are". The worst I have gotten, and I must say this hurt the most, was from my soon to be husband (and it was not said to hurt my feelings. It was in attempt to make me feel better about myself and stop worrying so much about losing weight. He didn't mean any harm, so no bashing) He said "You don't need to lose anymore weight. Your skin doesn't fit you now as it is!". I have to say that hit hard and honestly it is a little uncomfortable to get naked in front of him now. But I am still overweight and am not in a healthy weight range, so I'm just gonna do what I gotta do to be happy with myself. People will always judge. You just gotta be strong for yourself.

dad106

My personal favorite is "you're trainer is the reason you've lost all that weight". Right.. like he's got some magic secret that no one else knows about, and I haven't totally transformed the way I ate or how I exercised or anything... It's all my trainers doing and I just sat there. Makes me want to scream!

I also like how people assume that because you're tall, you weigh less then you actually do. When I tell people what I weigh, they go no way.. you have to weigh less than that. You're so thin and you want to lose more.. Uh yes, actually I do thanks.. and if you don't like then please by all means, go and jump off the nearest bridge!

anelahm

i totally feel you on this. its frustrating. im tired of hearing comments on the way i eat and my eating habits. im tired of feeling ppl looking at me when my back is turned. and im tired of ppl saying stop losing weight. at my highest weight i was 160lbs (im 5ft. by the way), and now im 95lb. i admit, it is a drastic change. but its not about weight loss anymore, its about maintaining my healhty lifestyle. its hard enough as is living in a family where everyone eats whatever they want without gaining a pound, but i live in hawaii, where everything is fattening salty starchy and delicious, im having a harder time staying away from these unhealhty foods, and it doesnt help when ppls negativity discourages me. dont let what they say affect you in any way:) keep doing what you do, make YOURSELF happy because you deserve to be!

TK421NotAtPost

I wonder if its the same for men or if this is mostly something women who have lost significant weight experience

It happens to guys too! I'm 5'10" and have been hovering around 155 for a while now. When people find out I'm trying to get to 150 or below, they start to say things.

I like to think they are just trying to be helpful and are concerned, but either way, it gets annoying after a while.

dmoses

In today's society, and especially here in the USA, MOST people are overweight. We may be bombarded by images of thin models on TV and ads, but the people we see every day don't look like that. We are adjusting to a new "normal". What we saw as fat 15 years ago is average today. Add to the fact that you used to look more like "everybody else", but now you don't confuses the image people have of you.

I personally don't think most people say things like that because they are jealous. It's because they have lost sight of what is really "normal". Many are actually concerned that you may become unhealthy or develop an "eating disorder". Because, as everybody knows, dieting is just too difficult for the average person, so there might be something wrong with you if you are succesful. In time, they will come to realize (as you don't waste away), that you really were pursuing a path to health and in time they won't even remember what you used to look like. You will reset their "normal" image of you.

I tend to agree with this. I'd like to think people are not jealous or envious, but rather have a warped or skewed sense of what normal weight looks like.

I had a co-worker come out and ask me if I had cancer, if that was why I had lost so much weight.

And, I hate the continued question "You're not STILL trying to LOSE weight, are you?"

Sigh...

taem

In the end, be happy with who you are, that is why you started this weight loss journey. As for judging others and being judged, don't judge others and don't allow judgement to affect you. You will never be happy if you let them tell you what to do and judging others is just as bad as what works for you might not work for everyone else.

If you want to be really obese or really skinny or healthy, that's a frame of mind that you determine. I have learned on this forum that for everything you want to eat, there are reasons not to eat it and vice-a-versa. What did I learn from that experience? Be happy with who you are first, learn what makes you lose weight, and smile.

Just don't get too skinny okay? you've lost too much weight.

PalmettoparkGuy

Yes, it's been a nightmare. But they can kiss my no-longer-fat a**.

bgelliott

I'm getting so tired ALREADY of people saying i've lost too much weight.

When i started back in Novemeber my co-workers were interested and supportive, i was asked everyday what i was doing and told it was all so great. 36 pounds later i still have so much i feel is important to work on, its exhausting to try to explain pounds vs body fat precentage to people who only want you to know they think its too much.
You just can't win. Now everyday instead of being supported ill feel like im viewed as some girl obsessed with a number on a scale when really im looking for a complete transformation of health and physical fitness.

Thanks to all my MFP friends for the support, i know you guys understand and are going through similar stuff.

Has anyone else been getting similar feedback?

I completely understand what you are feeling. I get that all the time and generally it seems to be from the people closest to me on a daily basis and have seen the changes. I also get the occational comment of "You don't have enough meat on your bones" Generally these comments come from people who are heavier and are not willing to make the change in their life. I've been hurt more by people since I've been in shape then I ever was when I had extra weight. I find it very sad that I have to walk on eggshells around overweight people but it's ok for them to call me skinny. Well for the record...it's just as offensive to be called skinny as it is to be called fat!

I also love the "You're so lucky" comment...to which I always reply...Luck has nothing to do with it! I work hard to stay in shape and I don't eat burgers and fries 4 times a week.

Stick with it and enjoy the changes. Don't ever let anyone bring you down. They are just jealous of your strength, motivation and success!

linsben

Thanks everyone! I feel so much better knowing this is a normal response lots of people get.
You all brought up a lot of reasons why people are saying these things that i never thought of. And i think mentioning the support of my doctor is the best response to use in the moment. Its true the perception of normal and healthy has changed and i know that many people saying these things really arn't all that knowledgeable with health/fitness.

Someone posted this link on the forum yesterday that i found helpful in explaining the misconception certain people have.

http://everydaypaleo.com/2011/06/22/attention-scale-addicts-part-2/

AlsDonkBoxSquat

I completely understand what you are feeling. I get that all the time and generally it seems to be from the people closest to me on a daily basis and have seen the changes. I also get the occational comment of "You don't have enough meat on your bones" Generally these comments come from people who are heavier and are not willing to make the change in their life. I've been hurt more by people since I've been in shape then I ever was when I had extra weight. I find it very sad that I have to walk on eggshells around overweight people but it's ok for them to call me skinny. Well for the record...it's just as offensive to be called skinny as it is to be called fat!

I also love the "You're so lucky" comment...to which I always reply...Luck has nothing to do with it! I work hard to stay in shape and I don't eat burgers and fries 4 times a week.

Stick with it and enjoy the changes. Don't ever let anyone bring you down. They are just jealous of your strength, motivation and success!

Yes, my hubs told me last night that I'm starting to lose my *kitten* (as if), I told him that was partially the point. I don't mind being told I'm skinny, after all while healthy was my goal skinny goes along with that. What bugs me is when people tell me I'm too skinny or a variety of other things along those lines. I'm particularly sensitive to this right now because I've hit my goal and haven't figured out how to stop losing yet, so it's a frustration of mine. I'd like to replace fat with muscle at this point but not drop pounds . . .
I digress. The thing that really gets me is that when I was a size 8 - 14 people didn't look at me, I was invisible. At a size 6 I got looks but nothing offensive. Starting at a size 4 and down to my current size 0 I get oogled by men (I'm cool with that) and glared at by women. I remember thinking to myself "Whatever *****, it must be nice to be so lucky" and now I see that look in their eyes and I think to myself (sadly) "luck has nothing to do with this, if I went by the way most of my family looks I'd still be a size 14, this is diligence and hard work." It makes me so sad to see that look on their face, because I feel throughly rejected because I have worked hard.

M_lifts

oh yes! my secretary regularly tells me that im starting to look ugly as im getting too thin! unfortunately i cant fire her!

DianaPowerUp

I was told by someone recently to, "Eat a sammich!" (sent to me on FB that way). Well, I am not skinny. I am thin, and fit. And I know the difference. And the comments that I've heard from people about this, are people who really need to be doing some introspection about where they are with their health/diet/weight.

I don't worry about them -I just smile, b/c at the end of the day, I know that what I'm doing works, is right for me, and would help them too, if they just wanted to get off that sofa and drop that "sammich". Keep up the good work!

bgelliott

I completely understand what you are feeling. I get that all the time and generally it seems to be from the people closest to me on a daily basis and have seen the changes. I also get the occational comment of "You don't have enough meat on your bones" Generally these comments come from people who are heavier and are not willing to make the change in their life. I've been hurt more by people since I've been in shape then I ever was when I had extra weight. I find it very sad that I have to walk on eggshells around overweight people but it's ok for them to call me skinny. Well for the record...it's just as offensive to be called skinny as it is to be called fat!

I also love the "You're so lucky" comment...to which I always reply...Luck has nothing to do with it! I work hard to stay in shape and I don't eat burgers and fries 4 times a week.

Stick with it and enjoy the changes. Don't ever let anyone bring you down. They are just jealous of your strength, motivation and success!

Yes, my hubs told me last night that I'm starting to lose my *kitten* (as if), I told him that was partially the point. I don't mind being told I'm skinny, after all while healthy was my goal skinny goes along with that. What bugs me is when people tell me I'm too skinny or a variety of other things along those lines. I'm particularly sensitive to this right now because I've hit my goal and haven't figured out how to stop losing yet, so it's a frustration of mine. I'd like to replace fat with muscle at this point but not drop pounds . . .
I digress. The thing that really gets me is that when I was a size 8 - 14 people didn't look at me, I was invisible. At a size 6 I got looks but nothing offensive. Starting at a size 4 and down to my current size 0 I get oogled by men (I'm cool with that) and glared at by women. I remember thinking to myself "Whatever *****, it must be nice to be so lucky" and now I see that look in their eyes and I think to myself (sadly) "luck has nothing to do with this, if I went by the way most of my family looks I'd still be a size 14, this is diligence and hard work." It makes me so sad to see that look on their face, because I feel throughly rejected because I have worked hard.

I'm so fortunate that my husband is my biggest cheerleader. Mostly it's old friends who lack in the support department. So I went out and got new ones...hehe!

Congrats on your weight loss! I too am a size 0 now but more importantly, my body fat went from 30% to 19% :-)

AlsDonkBoxSquat

The one that really gets to me (and the reason I changed my pic on here) is when people tell me that my opinion on a matter on mfp *basically* doesn't count because I'm skinny and couldn't possibly understand where someone else is coming from. Um . . . hello . . . I'm on mfp . . . how do you think I got this way?

montana_girl

Yep, I get this a lot. I've lost over a hundred pounds and I get comments all the time like, "Your not still losing weight, are you?". Ugh. My doctor believes I should be at a healthy BMI and that the weight is attainable. So I'm going to listen to him.

I have finally just started telling people that I'm toning so that is why I look like I'm losing weight and I thank them for noticing. That usually stops the comments.

i_love_vinegar

ive had people on MFP accuse me of an ED many many many times. I'm legally a midget though and my bmi is like 22 or something <.< never had a problem with this in real life, but i live in a very health-conscious city...very rare to see an obese person!

i think on MFP in my case it is due to concern, I understand this since I still have not officially put my height as I have been shrinking recently, but I think in real life it is often due to jealousy and/or "why fix what isn't broken?" (aka. why improve what is already ok). ^.^

dont let the comments get to you. I see doctors all the time due to paranoia and have never had any questions about my eating habits...in fact, at 104 the other day I went in to see the doctor and told her i was on a diet and she was very encouraging.

i_love_vinegar

I was told by someone recently to, "Eat a sammich!" (sent to me on FB that way). Well, I am not skinny. I am thin, and fit. And I know the difference. And the comments that I've heard from people about this, are people who really need to be doing some introspection about where they are with their health/diet/weight.

I don't worry about them -I just smile, b/c at the end of the day, I know that what I'm doing works, is right for me, and would help them too, if they just wanted to get off that sofa and drop that "sammich". Keep up the good work!

That person had to be jealous!!! My gosh, your body is like a piece of art!!!

kentlass

i personally have been told i'm 'gross' because my ribs are slightly visible' by my own brother...and i get told at least once a week that 'you don't need to lose more weight!' when i know that i do...my SIL announced that she was going to 'feed me up cos im a stick' yeh, cos i work for 2.5hrs on a treadmill...or spend 6hours out walking purely for the fun of it! :S

don't let the comments get you down...you know what weight you should be at, so ignore negative people

HealthIsMyHobby

Use it as an opportunity to educate. Tell them about BMI and %BF. Let them know where your are in the "healthy" range. This will also let them know where their weight is. With 2/3 of Americans being either overweight or obese it's possible that what's actually healthy is begining to look "skinny."

i_love_vinegar

My personal favorite is "you're trainer is the reason you've lost all that weight". Right.. like he's got some magic secret that no one else knows about, and I haven't totally transformed the way I ate or how I exercised or anything... It's all my trainers doing and I just sat there. Makes me want to scream!

I also like how people assume that because you're tall, you weigh less then you actually do. When I tell people what I weigh, they go no way.. you have to weigh less than that. You're so thin and you want to lose more.. Uh yes, actually I do thanks.. and if you don't like then please by all means, go and jump off the nearest bridge!

Wow, thats a pretty crazy quote lol :noway:

As for height, people do the same thing for me and my mom. My mom is on a diet as well...when she was very overweight (basically obese) people would say "You only weigh 135 pounds! You don't need to lose weight." She would stare for a second, "Look at me. Do I LOOK thin?" She told me, "That would shut them up." Shes doing great now, but I thought that was funny how people were staring right at her and only listened to the number. :laugh:

dad106

My personal favorite is "you're trainer is the reason you've lost all that weight". Right.. like he's got some magic secret that no one else knows about, and I haven't totally transformed the way I ate or how I exercised or anything... It's all my trainers doing and I just sat there. Makes me want to scream!

I also like how people assume that because you're tall, you weigh less then you actually do. When I tell people what I weigh, they go no way.. you have to weigh less than that. You're so thin and you want to lose more.. Uh yes, actually I do thanks.. and if you don't like then please by all means, go and jump off the nearest bridge!

Wow, thats a pretty crazy quote lol :noway:

As for height, people do the same thing for me and my mom. My mom is on a diet as well...when she was very overweight (basically obese) people would say "You only weigh 135 pounds! You don't need to lose weight." She would stare for a second, "Look at me. Do I LOOK thin?" She told me, "That would shut them up." Shes doing great now, but I thought that was funny how people were staring right at her and only listened to the number. :laugh:

I know thats a pretty crazy quote.. A lot of my sorority sisters were/are also trying to lose weight, and when I would mention how much I lost or w/e, thats what they would say... You have a trainer, he's the reason.. you have more advantages then we do, and thats why.

I just wanted to sit there and scream NO! I don't not have more advantages then you do! I do the same darn things you're doing(strength/cardio) but I make time for it. I watch what I eat/drink and don't eat junk 24/7. I get it, college is hard and exercise kinda falls to the wayside, but if you really want it then you're going to do what it ever it takes to make it happen. A trainer is just a tool.. and there is nothing that says I even have to listen to him or bust my *kitten* doing the exercises.. but I do, and thats why I have results.

8alex8

Yup! I have the same experience so I can identify. But my attitude is, thanks for their opinion, but I don't let it bother me