I just have to vent people.. sorry.

EKarma

I don't have anyone to call and I just really need to vent, so sorry MFP..

GRR! I just dropped my daughter off at her dad's house and boy oh boy. I thought I would talk to him about his smoking in the house with our daughter in there. I told him that I am concerned about her health and that it's my job to be concerned. He says that he just smokes in the back of the house.. I say well please smoke outside, I really don't want her to be around the cig smoke.

He brings our daughter, who is 8 years old, outside to be a part of the conversation. I'm like, she doesn't need to be apart of this convo, she is 8. We are adults, I am her mother and I am worried about her health. It's my job to worry about her health and when she is 18 if she wants to smoke, she can, and if you all want to smoke inside the house, that's fine!, but I don't want her sitting in a smokey house, it's bad for her health. (I have full custody) So, I say, I'm taking her home, this is BS. HIM- Fine Erin, I'll stop smoking in the house when she is here, will that make you happy? ME- Yes, I don't want her to be in a smoke infested house, it's my job to make sure she is healthy.

I leave all shook up.. I CANNOT BELIEVE MY EX-HUSBAND IS SUCH A FREAKIN LOSER TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT!!!!!! Are you seriously going to argue with me about smoking around my kid, our kid!! Really?!?! Take your lazy *kitten* outside if you want to smoke. How freakin ridiculous can you be? I'm so flabbergasted. My daughters out there crying because he wants her to be all involved.. OMG! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!? He is about the biggest joke ever!

Pandorian

I hate it too, family comes to visit and they smoke inside, it takes me a solid week of the 10 days between their visits to air it out just in time for them to come back and stink it all up again.

And sadly "smoking outside when your daughter IS there" isn't much of a solution as the house is absolutely coated with the smoke and stench, they come in from smoking outside with the clothes reeking of it and figure they did enough because they stepped outside.

minadeathclutch

I don't have anyone to call and I just really need to vent, so sorry MFP..

GRR! I just dropped my daughter off at her dad's house and boy oh boy. I thought I would talk to him about his smoking in the house with our daughter in there. I told him that I am concerned about her health and that it's my job to be concerned. He says that he just smokes in the back of the house.. I say well please smoke outside, I really don't want her to be around the cig smoke.

He brings our daughter, who is 8 years old, outside to be a part of the conversation. I'm like, she doesn't need to be apart of this convo, she is 8. We are adults, I am her mother and I am worried about her health. It's my job to worry about her health and when she is 18 if she wants to smoke, she can, and if you all want to smoke inside the house, that's fine!, but I don't want her sitting in a smokey house, it's bad for her health. (I have full custody) So, I say, I'm taking her home, this is BS. HIM- Fine Erin, I'll stop smoking in the house when she is here, will that make you happy? ME- Yes, I don't want her to be in a smoke infested house, it's my job to make sure she is healthy.

I leave all shook up.. I CANNOT BELIEVE MY EX-HUSBAND IS SUCH A FREAKIN LOSER TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT!!!!!! Are you seriously going to argue with me about smoking around my kid, our kid!! Really?!?! Take your lazy *kitten* outside if you want to smoke. How freakin ridiculous can you be? I'm so flabbergasted. My daughters out there crying because he wants her to be all involved.. OMG! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!? He is about the biggest joke ever!

thats ridiculous. i smoke. I LOVE smoking. HOWEVER i would never ever smoke indoors, thats just disgusting. it smells like crap. and it's just unhealthy for everyone. i smoke outside and outside only. always. not even a question.

sewist

Oh my. I'm so sorry. But you have to be a good parent even if you catch flak. Your daughter is worth it!

mjf0461

Stand your ground dear... She will appreciate the effort you take one day.. HOLD firm on your responsibilities to her..She knows you love her...

Becky1971

I absolutely agree with you. So frustrating that people STILL are doing this to their children.

stronglikebull

Depending on what state you're in, its actually a misdemeanor to smoke in certain enclosed areas with a minor present. For example, in California, you can get a ticket for smoking in a car if there are kids in it with you. I'd check up on local laws where you live and try to be a bit more 'persuasive' with your ex if you can actually get him in trouble for it.

my dad smoked all the damn time in the car, house, restaurants when he had us (divorced parents, mom had custody) and I HATED it. Thanks for being a proactive mom

PinkiG35

I smoked in my house for a long time. I dont have kids but did notice that my cats (yes I am destined to be the old cat lady) started having issues. Now that I have quit (142.12 days-but who is counting :-) ) I have noticed that my house smells better and the cats arent having issues.

He should go outside. No question. My parents smoked my entire life but NEVER smoked in the house until we were grown up and moved out.

Ajontheguitar

It's good you stuck to your guns. Very awesome of you, seriously. Dude's a loser but apparently also an idiot...I'm sorry

MrBrown72

If you're saying you don't want him to smoke with her in the room I understand completely. I used to smoke but not in the house by preference and never around my kid.

However if you're saying that a house that just "smells like smoke" is going to somehow grow fangs and magically eat her lungs I'd say you're just trying to play alpha wolf and control you're ex.

crisanderson27

Just be glad he's involved at all...NOT that you should have to put up with that, and more importantly...that your daughter should.

My ex left at the beginning of April...she tried to take the kids with her, and when she failed...she left anyway. She moved 825 miles away...and hasn't seen them since. The worst part is she does love them...but she's got huge emotional and mental issues she refuses to acknowledge.

They are the ones to suffer for it...and because of that, I'm the one that has to be the *kitten* and police their contact.

It's a joke.

Anyhow, keep being the good mother is sounds like you are hun. Your daughter deserves no less.

mlemonroe2

that has to be about the hardest thing, to have to have your child around someone you don't trust to be as concerned about her well being as you are. you are right to say something. if you set some ground rules with him (if he cant follow them, than he can't see her) that include not having discussions about her while she is around, maybe that would help. i am blessed to have a caring, loving husband so i can only imagine what your situation is like, but i really do feel for you. at least his time with her is limited, and you are her main care giver. she knows you love her and wants whats best and thats what matters

Qarol

Sounds like dad of the year. Sorry you have to put up with him. Even more sorry your daughter does.

britterbrittney

My mother smokes around my 5 year old brother (yes, significant age difference, lol). Long story short, she said she wasn't going to smoke while a friend's grandma was in the car...me being kind of a smart a** said "but you'll smoke around my brother?" needless to say, she didn't like what I had to say......drives me crazy that people don't take into consideration kids. Kids don't have control over their situation, its YOUR job as a parent to take control. So GOOD FOR YOU Erin!! A woman after my own heart, standing up for what she believes in!!!

crisanderson27

If you're saying you don't want him to smoke with her in the room I understand completely. I used to smoke but not in the house by preference and never around my kid.

However if you're saying that a house that just "smells like smoke" is going to somehow grow fangs and magically eat her lungs I'd say you're just trying to play alpha wolf and control you're ex.

If she's concerned for her daughter's health (second and third hand smoke have been 'proven' to be worse than smoking itself), she has every right to be 'alpha wolf'. Even if you deny the studies...she still has every right to be concerned BECAUSE of them.

Not much more to say than that.

britterbrittney

If she's concerned for her daughter's health (second and third hand smoke have been 'proven' to be worse than smoking itself), she has every right to be 'alpha wolf'. Even if you deny the studies...she still has every right to be concerned BECAUSE of them.

Not much more to say than that.

This.

FairyMiss

I hate it too, family comes to visit and they smoke inside, it takes me a solid week of the 10 days between their visits to air it out just in time for them to come back and stink it all up again.

And sadly "smoking outside when your daughter IS there" isn't much of a solution as the house is absolutely coated with the smoke and stench, they come in from smoking outside with the clothes reeking of it and figure they did enough because they stepped outside.

you let people smoke in your house?? see that was your first mistake should of never let it happen

Ajontheguitar

If you're saying you don't want him to smoke with her in the room I understand completely. I used to smoke but not in the house by preference and never around my kid.

However if you're saying that a house that just "smells like smoke" is going to somehow grow fangs and magically eat her lungs I'd say you're just trying to play alpha wolf and control you're ex.

If she's concerned for her daughter's health (second and third hand smoke have been 'proven' to be worse than smoking itself), she has every right to be 'alpha wolf'. Even if you deny the studies...she still has every right to be concerned BECAUSE of them.

Not much more to say than that.

What's the big deal? I would love if my young daughter came back home to me smelling like my gig from last weekend...Why don't you have him spill beer all over the floor too?

MrBrown72

If you're saying you don't want him to smoke with her in the room I understand completely. I used to smoke but not in the house by preference and never around my kid.

However if you're saying that a house that just "smells like smoke" is going to somehow grow fangs and magically eat her lungs I'd say you're just trying to play alpha wolf and control you're ex.

If she's concerned for her daughter's health (second and third hand smoke have been 'proven' to be worse than smoking itself), she has every right to be 'alpha wolf'. Even if you deny the studies...she still has every right to be concerned BECAUSE of them.

Not much more to say than that.

There's a difference between smoke, and the smell of smoke. Just smelling like smoke is a horrible smell (didn't really realize that till I quit) but probably less dangerous than the horrible perfume some folks bathe in.

Ajontheguitar

If you're saying you don't want him to smoke with her in the room I understand completely. I used to smoke but not in the house by preference and never around my kid.

However if you're saying that a house that just "smells like smoke" is going to somehow grow fangs and magically eat her lungs I'd say you're just trying to play alpha wolf and control you're ex.

If she's concerned for her daughter's health (second and third hand smoke have been 'proven' to be worse than smoking itself), she has every right to be 'alpha wolf'. Even if you deny the studies...she still has every right to be concerned BECAUSE of them.

Not much more to say than that.

There's a difference between smoke, and the smell of smoke. Just smelling like smoke is a horrible smell (didn't really realize that till I quit) but probably less dangerous than the horrible perfume some folks bathe in.

I didn't know people owned carcinogenic perfumes with addictive qualities.

lugovelb

Hello let me first congratulate you in you wight loss and say yu look great. Now as a non smoker or drinker and prior DARE officer. Let me say I am with you in this one. However, one of the thing kids learn in DARE is how to ask people not to smoke near them. I think your approach was a bit hars. Let me remind you I am with you in this one. Also let me remind you that bad habit are hard to stop, I will say he will still smoke inside unless reminded. One thing you could do is tell your daughter to leave his side when he is smoking inside the house. Maybe go to a diffrent part of the house or go play in the back yard. I think when he realized that she is leaving it should have a bigger impact on him that anything you can tell him. And tell your daugther that if he ask why she leave the room. To tell him the truth "I am leaving cus you smoking and I don like it" That will make him think. Finally let me say how rewarding is to see a mother like you caring an worring so muc about kids exposure to smoking.

Ben