I got the dreaded talk last night

AshleyNicole8686

I have had that talk and my husband is not overweight and actually very healthy too. His concerns were with the amount of time I spent logging and the time I worked out, because it took time away from him and my kids. But once I figured out exactly why it bothered him so much I made small changes like switching to a.m. workouts for awhile and going on bike rides that included him and my boys later in the day. I logged everything at night for awhile too, just writing it down on a note pad during the day. So try to figure out why it bothers him and go from there Hope that helps!

jjgirl76

I am truly sorry that he cannot be more supportive. This has to be frustrating. It would seem that he feels replaced... he likes his time with you, but can't get motivated enough to get off the couch. Everyone has to come to their own understanding in their own time. Be gentle with him. Make it clear that this is part of your decision to be healthier. Ask him to help. Include him in the process. See if he is willing to help with the logging. (My husband is my logger when I pack my lunch for today, and even double checked that he got everything). Make him a partner and not an enemy. Make it clear that you love him for who he is and you are not asking him to change. He needs that reassurance. But he also needs to know that you are serious about this and need his support.

Good luck. Remember balance in all things is beautiful.

spacecase76

If you log at the table on your phone that may be a problem. I try to save all my logging for when I am home or alone. I feel like using my phone in general at the table with company or as a guest is rude.

I agree with this. I used to log all of my food first thing in the morning, now I typically do it when I am cooking. I think using the phone at the dinner table is rude.

jillwaller

My boyfriend gets irritated when he sees me logging. He's very sweet and usually says something like "You're perfect the way you are!" I usually just reply with "Well this keeps me healthy. It's easier to make good choices when I keep track of it all!" (I tend to avoid the fact I want to lose a little bit of weight.) I've found that focusing on health aspects instead of how I want to look tend to appease him better. For example, he gets annoyed seeing me count the calories of food because he automatically assumes I'm on some ridiculous crash diet, but he has no problem with me seeing how much weight I used on an exercise the last time I went to the gym. Just reassure your man that you aren't taking drastic measures to do anything that isn't good for you, and try to include him in the healthier lifestyle too! Maybe including him in fitness routines and finding new recipes for healthy food will make him happier, because then he feels like he still gets to spend as much time with you.

mgaither

Those who aren't on the plan don't understand why we log. My husband doesn't either. If I log in front of him he thinks I am on the phone talking to my MFP peeps instead of spending time with him and he gets jealous. I try to log when he's not around and not at the dinner table. I want my husband to know I love him and to know I treasure time with him. He doesn't understand why I say no to icecream at 10:30 pm when I know I only have 35 calories left for the day. He also doesn't understand why I am hungry, but don't want McDonalds and I opt for carrots or cherries from the fridge. He doesn't understand because he knows me as the girl who eats everything and anytime and never says no to a late night "fourth meal". I think as I become proud of my change he becomes scared of it. I can't make him join me and I won't let him stop me, but I do want to continue my marriage and have to consider his feelings.

Well said! Luckily for me, I'm married to a triathlete who (though he doesn't ever need to log calories) understands that a healthier me (not necessarily always a skinnier me) is a happier me.

odusgolp

*sigh* men.

Schraudt814

You are making him feel guilty. Are you married to him?

I'm not sure you meant this the way it came off, but if he feels guilty that's entirely on him CERTAINLY not on her! She's trying to improve her lifestyle and get healthy- if that makes him feel guilty then he needs to deal with that but definitely not by complaining to her for trying to improve! the way you wrote your response makes it sound like you put the blame on her...and that's completely misplaced. If he has a problem with her getting healthy...that's in HIS head.

BeeElMarvin

What can I say... sometimes us guys ain't too bright.

menacingsprite

She's already said that she doesn't log while she's eating or at the table. She said she does it while she's cooking. He really shouldn't have much to complain about. My husband lets me do what I want because he's not concerned that I'm going to get all hot looking and leave/cheat on him. I think that's a huge deal for a lot of men. They get to feeling insecure because you're changing and taking care of yourself.

It's a change, and I was told a long time ago about change, "You can either deal with it or die from it" and he can make his choice. I'm not trying to sound mean or be a hard a** but I mean he's either going to support you or not -- depending how difficult he decides to make your life you can either choose to deal with his attitude or give him the reciprocal talk of "You either get on this wagon with me and let me do what I want to make myself feel better or you can just shut it"

sabified

My mom gives me this talk all the time. She thinks I'm becomming "manic" about exercising.

Yes it's demotivating, but I just remind myself that this is the same woman who routinely tells me I look pregnant.

You just need to keep doing what you need to make yourself feel good. As hard as it is, try to not focus on the negativity coming from the people around you. He's probably just jealous that you're paying more attention to yourself then him he's got to grow up and deal with it!

MaryB2

I just want to clear something up, I do not log my food at the table on my phone, I do log everytime I eat but thats usually while I am cooking it. Just wanted to clear that up if it was confusing because it seems to be an issue for some people.

Even if you did I don't see why that should bother him. Sometimes I have to log at the table depending on the situation. It doesn't bother my husband, but I know he is as anxious as I am for me to get down to my goal weight. Sometimes him and my brother make fun of me for logging everything but not in a mean way. Hopefully he'll realize that you aren't affecting him and that he is hrting your feelings by being that way.

123456654321

Try and be patient with him. I would just explain (in a non snarky way if possible) that you want to do this for your health and it would be really helpful if he supported you and then just continue doing what you are doing. My SO did the same thing to me and now, 1 year later, he is down 90lbs and is working out. Sometimes these things just take time. More likely then not, he feels guilty about himself and it has nothing to do with you.

Good luck! Keep up he good work!

RoseBlanc

I just want to clear something up, I do not log my food at the table on my phone, I do log everytime I eat but thats usually while I am cooking it. Just wanted to clear that up if it was confusing because it seems to be an issue for some people.

I feel like the only person that didn't automatically assume you were logging at the table.

Anyway, seems like you talked to him.
I dated a man that, quite literally, surrounded himself with over-weight/obese people. When he was 16-17 he fell in love with his best friend and leaned in to kiss her out of the blue and she turned her face away from him. Severe form of rejection for a fragile teenage boy- and after that he surrounded himself with people he (*in his mind!*) knew would not reject him. All his relationships were with people much larger than him.
Just to be clear, I don't find any of that amusing, right, or attractive.
Anyway, when we dated I was a bit over weight, and I learned that both his ex wives had been moderately to severely over weight.
Did I mention he was a tall, thin, 5th degree black belt? Yeah.
When I decided to lose weight- he did the 'good' boyfriend thin and told me I was beautiful and perfect the way I was and blah blah blah. Then told me I didn't need to change a thing. He *always* said those things. Never once did he actually openly support my decision to lose weight and try to get into better shape.
To cut it short we broke up about the same time I got serious about this. A few weeks ago he called me to apologize for being a jerk and asked me what was new in my life. "Oh, I got a job up north for the winter, I'm going back to school, and I lost 20 pounds."
"Wow" he said "Congratulations. But I still think you were perfect the way you were"
"Thanks. I did it for health reasons, though. Not so much vanity."
"Nonetheless. You were fine."

Ugh.I need to marry a gym rat haha.

babyblake11

my partner sees this as an unhealthy obsession.
but this is my choice to live this healthy lifestyle and using this site i can control my calorie intake and my daily nutrients.
he doesnt understand, he makes bad food choices and hes fat because of it.
its hard that he doesnt support me but its his loss.

SavCal71

Is he your partner or your father? Jeeezus ...

catwrangler

You are making him feel guilty. Are you married to him?

I'm not sure you meant this the way it came off, but if he feels guilty that's entirely on him CERTAINLY not on her! She's trying to improve her lifestyle and get healthy- if that makes him feel guilty then he needs to deal with that but definitely not by complaining to her for trying to improve! the way you wrote your response makes it sound like you put the blame on her...and that's completely misplaced. If he has a problem with her getting healthy...that's in HIS head.

Didn't mean it that way at all and I can't see how you got all that from a simple sentence.

Of course it's not her fault, he feels guilty because he knows he should be doing the same thing and he's not. I asked if they were married because if this behavior continues it will be a little easier for her to move on.

Kitty412

I know. Isn't it ridiculous when someone tells you your are obsessed with your health, I mean come on we are trying to better ourselves.

RoseBlanc

I know. Isn't it ridiculous when someone tells you your are obsessed with your health, I mean come on we are trying to better ourselves.

Well, speaking from the point of view with an Ed-Nos that keeps trying to overtake my life (again) I laugh when someone balks at someone being healthy.
Though being a friend of someone with Orthorexia (the obsession with being healthy to the point of panic at the thought of missing a workout, refusal to eat ANY fats (good or bad) and a hyper critical view of cholesterol, sodium, and ect) I can see it from the point of view of the person doing the complaining.

HOWEVER, none of you ladies has orthorexia so I don't really see why the SO's are griping. Other than insecurity,

SDV219

I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. Nothing like having someone close to you not support you in whatever it is you're doing.

Try to be honest (I know, easier said than done), and talk to him. Explain to him what you are doing and why. See what he says.

All in all, be truthful to both you and your friend. I hope that everything works out for you~

bklyngirl71

the he that you're talking about, is it your boyfriend/husband? you need to tell him that this is important to you and that u need to do it. studies show that people who log what they eat are successful in losing weight.

Shells77

I love this attitude (the one mentioned where he had his wife join as well and they're both feeling happier and healthier); this is great and something that my boyfriend and I do, as well. It helps to have a supportive partner.

I think pointing out that you're doing this to feel better about yourself and therefore will feel happier and sexier as a person and he will reap those benefits in the long run, is a good call.