Apparently Pet Names Are Offensive

amtcj

I'm Canadian, so I'm pleasant and friendly and polite but don't you dare come near me with a hug.

Just kidding, kind of. Half of it is how you're raised, right? But I've lived in west coast BC all my life and we're a little more reserved up here with pet names, hugging, calling professors or elders by their first names. It's "have a nice day ma'am" or "thank-you Mrs. Hoffman" for me.

So, my opinion, I would not like it if someone were calling me "honey" or "sugar". I call my husband "Bear" and I have nicknames for my sister and brother, but that's it. But I also wouldn't be so rude as the gentleman in question, that was obviously uncalled for.

ladyerin79

I was raised in Michigan, and I'm back here again, but I spent 8 years in Louisville, KY. The "honey, darlin', dears" rubbed off on me while I was there, and I say it all the time. In fact, there are friends of mine I don't even use their real names anymore! So you keep doing what you do, honey--that's what makes you you!! :drinker:

katie_on_a_mission

"I wrote him back and told him, basically, you're mean and shallow and we don't need to be friends."

He deleted me, which is okay, because I was on the verge of deleting him. I got on MFP and asked my friends whether or not the use of pet names offended them and they were crazy supportive of me doing it. They thought it was "southern hospitality" and that it was "sweet" and "endearing." I also told those people who may GET offended to go ahead and delete me because I'm not going to stop. That's who I am and if someone wants to be so shallow and closed-minded and judgmental, then they can do it somewhere else."

I love it when people accuse others of being "judgmental," not to mention "mean," "shallow, and "close-minded." It's beyond hypocritical.

It sounds like you kind of freaked out over this whole thing. You're being overly sensitive.

This man is free to delete comments from his wall as he sees fit. If it's inappropriate in his culture to have some woman who's not his wife calling him pet names, then he can delete those comments! Maybe he felt that if his wife saw you writing things like that on his wall, she would suspect the two of you were having an affair. And it sounds like where he comes from, that would be a reasonable thing for her to suspect.

By the way, I'm Southern, and I hate pet names. They're so condescending.

katie_on_a_mission

oops, double post

katie_on_a_mission

QUOTE:

...Repeatedly calling people you don't know by pet names when they've asked you to stop is just arrogant and unnecessary....


The point was he didn't ask her to stop, he just deleted her posts with out communicating with her the reason why. When she asked him why, he was offensive and deleted her friends status. She was just responding out of frustration to his definitely un-gentleman like treatment of her. "

How was HE offensive when she asked him why? He simply explained that he wasn't comfortable with the pet names. SHE was offensive by going off on him instead of just saying, "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize it bothered you. I won't do it again." And I really don't see deleting her comments as big deal, considering she's just (presumably) a random stranger on the internet.

karrenbennett

I'm from the South and certainly understand using 'terms of endearment'. I use them all the time without thinking about it. I really try hard now to know who it is I'm talking to before using them.

I'll tell you two funny stories about me using pet names:

I was Programming Service Manager in the IT department of a large university. I was definitively the oldest and most of the people who worked in my department were young men just out of college. One time during a project management discussion I presented documents to everyone around the table. I forgot one person so I leaned over and handed the set to him saying "Here ya go sweetiie." Well, you could have hear a pin drop in that room. Everyone was staring at me! I turned beet red. They were pretty cool about it and ribbed me for the longest time.

I also have a habit of telling my husband "I love you" when finishing our phone conversations. One time I was on the phone with my boss (Chief Technology Officer) and told him just before hanging up "I love you". Of course, he got quiet and I told him that it was in a strictly platonic way! I tried to pull off the "I love you Man!" thing but I didn't do to well. I panicked.

So everyone at works knows I use pet names and are waiting for me to slip up so they can give me a hard time!

calibri

...Repeatedly calling people you don't know by pet names when they've asked you to stop is just arrogant and unnecessary....

The point was he didn't ask her to stop, he just deleted her posts with out communicating with her the reason why. When she asked him why, he was offensive and deleted her friends status. She was just responding out of frustration to his definitely un-gentleman like treatment of her.

How did his message to her not at the bare minimum imply that he was uncomfortable with it? I'm interested in hearing how his notice was offensive, unless the actual text of the message is drastically different from the content she posted. There's nothing "ungentleman"-ly about expressing concerns or the meaning of such words in different areas. The OP's response was completely disproportional to the guy's response.

bmmadden

I work with preschoolers, so I say sweet pea, sweets, sweetie, hun, etc...all of the time. So just out of habit, I may call my friends that as well..no biggie! No offense is, or ever will be, taken!

I also work with young kids and find myself doing that to others in my life as well as people I dont know but at the same time Im aware of the whole culture thing so if someone was to say something It wouldnt bother me if they were to say could you not do that Im from Ohio and most people I know do it too I guess if I saw women saying alot to my husband it would bother me a little, like my grandmother shes one of those people who get offended when sales people and such call her ma'am. However I think the man with username ImnotthatBob summed it up he shouldve communicated with you about his feelings. My advice is if you notice it happens again just delete them and move on, Good Luck with your weight loss hun and move on!!

carlxo21

I wouldn't want a guy calling me pet names but if a female says it to me I don't mind it. Given that it's not sarcastic lol. In the USA I have found that when other girls say pet names to me they are usually using it in a derogatory or offensive way.
But if you say something like "way to go hun!" that's no prob.
The different gender thing makes sense though. If a guy is calling me those names I will be like noo way.

Queen_JessieA

Born and raised here in GA where that is the norm. Don't worry about it! I do it too and I am not about to change it for anyone!!

sutekh

Over the weekend, I experimentally called my lady of two years, "Sugardrawers"!
The surgical team believe that I will be walking again by Christmas.
2012.
:ohwell:

rml_16

I've lived in Georgia and north Florida the last six years, but I grew up in New York state. I use pet names with all sorts of people all the time and have never thought much about it. I don't think anyone's ever felt offended by it. They've never said so, anyway.

jbucci1186

well said.

Kagard11

Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!! That is awesome!

I'm from the South and certainly understand using 'terms of endearment'. I use them all the time without thinking about it. I really try hard now to know who it is I'm talking to before using them.

I'll tell you two funny stories about me using pet names:

I was Programming Service Manager in the IT department of a large university. I was definitively the oldest and most of the people who worked in my department were young men just out of college. One time during a project management discussion I presented documents to everyone around the table. I forgot one person so I leaned over and handed the set to him saying "Here ya go sweetiie." Well, you could have hear a pin drop in that room. Everyone was staring at me! I turned beet red. They were pretty cool about it and ribbed me for the longest time.

I also have a habit of telling my husband "I love you" when finishing our phone conversations. One time I was on the phone with my boss (Chief Technology Officer) and told him just before hanging up "I love you". Of course, he got quiet and I told him that it was in a strictly platonic way! I tried to pull off the "I love you Man!" thing but I didn't do to well. I panicked.

So everyone at works knows I use pet names and are waiting for me to slip up so they can give me a hard time!

Ephemeral5683

I use pet names all the time! I've worked at gas stations where I wasn't sure if the person in front of me was a male or female, and even when it was obvious it was one or the other dressed as the other gender I tried to not offend. So I learned the use of "Hon", "Sweety", and "Dear". I have also had it where women who were a little older asked me to not call them ma'am. So I fell even further back on my pet names.
We just moved out to Texas a couple of years ago. Recently at my job I had an older woman get offended. She told me that people in the south are raised with manners, to which I replied I wasn't raised in the south. I did apologize to her and told her it was a habit with no offense or disrespect intended. She calmed down and I offered her a "respectful" ma'am as she left.

Qarol

I find it inappropriate for members of the opposite sex to use a pet name with me. I'm married. Likewise, I do not use those terms with men. And I also find it extremely inappropriate with coworkers.

Grimmerick

For me I really only feel terms of endearment are for older people to use for younger people, and yah I am gonna say it, I don't mind when southern people do it or black people because sometimes it's a cultural thing and they aren't being condescending when they say it. I know but this is one of those things for me the door doesn't swing both ways on. I hate it when a girl my age or younger calls me honey or sweetie, I had a classmate do this and I lit her up (she wasn't southern by the way). and I feel it is inappropriate to use these names at work. It's a professional atmosphere and terms of endearment can be taken as condescention easily. But I am not going to be rude to someone that uses them, I will just ask them not to use them when talking to me, some people like to hear terms of endearment and thats fine with me too. Just not on me hahaha. I betcha he was scared about his wife though, some wives can make a husbands life hell for stupid little crap like that.