why do exes look you up?

Grimmerick

I have this recurring trend I notice as I get older. I have been in a steady relationship for 3 years and I am engaged. I have noticed since I was 18 that every year or so , my exes will randomly look me up on facebook, or friend me. I am not really sure why because they never seem to have any particular goal in mind. It's just weird like they want to see who is doing better or something lol. Anybody else experiencing this as well. My friend thinks it's hilarious because sometimes they will friend her first then never talk to her and then friend me off her list. Weird weird weird.

Qarol

I had an ex look me up on Facebook and friend me. Our breakup was so nasty. And he really thinks I'd want to be friends with him after what went down? Deluded!

Myslissa

This will never stop I am 41 and exes come out of the woodwork at times, like they all called each other and said lets see what she is up to. I think some are looking for a back up and of course there are some that just want to know you are doing ok. I am not sure women will ever figure men out and vice versa.

pnieuw

I killed off my Facebook profile a few years ago because half the "friends" were from high school. These are kids that, during our school years, wouldn't give me the time of day, and now, 20 years later, you want to be my "friend".

Don't think so....

Just say no to creepy past friends!

Grimmerick

I had an ex look me up on Facebook and friend me. Our breakup was so nasty. And he really thinks I'd want to be friends with him after what went down? Deluded!

Yeah my exes that contact me the most both broke up with me.........what the hell?!

Scoochie1

Ha ha - yes! This has happened with me lots of times. And since I have the same job and cell phone number for the last 15 years I get calls and texts too.
No one that I want to actually catch up with has ever got in touch though.

mamaw53

How about exes family members? Some I really did not have a very good relationship-so why be friends now????

Grimmerick

Wish we could get some guys perspectives on this

francena84

YES my freaking ex husband friend requested me last month on facebook wanting me back.. lol i declined his request then his on and off girlfriend messaged me.. WTF leave me alone!!

ItsCasey

Also, why do exes (especially when they were the ones who ended things) think they have any right at all to know about your dating life?

MrBrown72

Build a second profile. Stock it with whips, chains and pictures of a mansion. let them friend that.

taso42_DELETED

It's become a societal convention. Personally I like see what old friends, exes, coworkers, schoolmates, and family are up to, and chat with them every so often. If you don't like it, you don't accept the friend request.

VeganGal84

I am the evil ex who breaks up with people and then friends them on Facebook a year or two later. I never thought it was a bad thing to do...

My reasons? Just curiosity, and I would love to be at least virtually civil with them. Even though we didn't work out as a couple, and even though I wouldn't want to be actual friends with them, it's nice to get along and keep in touch via FB.

I seriously never even really thought about it! So there ya go, from an ex's perspective. :brokenheart:

edited to add: They have always accepted, and it only got weird once... an ex thought that I was "friending" so that we could hook up... I de-friended.

taso42_DELETED

Wish we could get some guys perspectives on this

What makes you think this is just a guy thing? It works both ways.

springtrio

That is...odd. I had the issue once, and removed him. 10 years later he still talks about me. Must be pretty amazing to keep him talking about me

ansonrinesmith

I killed off my Facebook profile a few years ago because half the "friends" were from high school. These are kids that, during our school years, wouldn't give me the time of day, and now, 20 years later, you want to be my "friend".

Don't think so....

Just say no to creepy past friends!

I get that same thing. I just don't accept the request.

I had an ex, look me up and friend me on facebook, on her wedding day! Weird.

jackieb79

They probably want to know if you moved on and met someone else or if they destroyed your life. How many of you out there have looked up an ex out of sheer curiosity?

lil_pulp

I've looked up my exes because I want to know what they're up to and how they and their families are. They were really important to me in the past, so I think it's natural that they still cross my mind sometimes. (Plus, I don't mind if the one that was a **** to me sees my picture and notices I've lost weight and am happy and married now...)

PlanetVelma

YES my freaking ex husband friend requested me last month on facebook wanting me back.. lol i declined his request then his on and off girlfriend messaged me.. WTF leave me alone!!

This is the whole reason I don't do facebook - this happened to me when I had a myspace account. My dead beat ex sent me a friend request, I get $24/week in child support (for 2 kids, btw) and he hasn't see the kids since 2002, but he wants to be my friend. Kick rocks, dude! LOL

VeganGal84

Wish we could get some guys perspectives on this

What makes you think this is just a guy thing? It works both ways.

Yep, I'm proof of that one! :laugh:

Grimmerick

Wish we could get some guys perspectives on this

What makes you think this is just a guy thing? It works both ways.

I didn't say it was just a guy thing, but I am a girl so I have that perspective already.

taso42_DELETED

And also, he wanted to see if you have the nice non-stick frying pan. He's been looking everywhere for it. You must have it?

27strange

Facebook makes it so easy to "check up" on past friends and significant others. I think a lot of people just have a curiosity from time to time of what their exes are up to, what's changed, how successful they have or haven't been, etc. Its not necessarily a bad, stalking sort of scenario, but sometimes that does happen too. I think from time to time we are all curious about people we were close to years ago and what they have made out of their lives...whether this be exes, old schoolyard friends, neighbors, etc.

Grimmerick

And also, he wanted to see if you have the nice non-stick frying pan. He's been looking everywhere for it. You must have it?

actually it was a steering wheel for the xbox, but that thing is so out of date now haha and he already asked for it, and so did the girl he cheated on me with, she texted me he wants his stearing wheal back, I told her I don't know what that is, but he sure did a good job trading up hahaha

Mixmode

Men are curious so they wanna know how you are currently doing as well as seeing pics of how you are currently looking. And yes, if you are doing better or worse than before your split. They also like to fantasize. Especially about what they once had. Also yes, of course they also don't remember the split being as bad as you do.

writtenINthestars

:grumble: Oh God...the stories I could tell....

Trixtabella

My stalker ex boyfriend found me on facebook and poked me the other day I have now blocked him. Some people are just not right in the head.

shiggyshane

if the brake up was nasty then just dont except the request and keep it moving i mean why dwell on it longer the a minute
if you know you really dont want to even speak to the person..

jamk1446

I've had an ex look me up and I've had a couple of exes I've looked up. Speaking for myself, I just wanted to see how someone who used to be a significant part of my life has been doing. Even though we broke up because we weren't compatible as a couple and needed to go our separate ways, I still care. I'm not looking for more anything more than just to say hi and touch base. And the internet has made us able to interact in ways that previous generations couldn't and didn't, maybe for the better, maybe not.

Carl01

Not a thing I have had to deal with but guessing several reasons.

Perhaps to see if you found someone else and how he/she compares so maybe an ego thing.
They are a miserable person.
To keep a foot in the door "just in case".

luscadero

My ex-boyfriend from high school not only friended, but then showed up unexpectedly at a show my band was playing... WHICH I AM IN WITH MY HUSBAND. Not only that, but he's also married and drove 8 hours to do this. Dumbass. He clearly wanted to hook up, according to my husband. WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT'S OK!? GAH!

My other ex, from just after high school, is friends with a couple of my childhood friends, and has tried to get in touch several times. I still see comments he has left about me on other people's profiles. WTF is wrong with people!? It's been 10 years, he needs to move on.

Honestly, people scare the crap outta me.