"Grr" to PPL want to lose weight but dont want to do the wor

stephlake

I have a coworker who asked me to encourage her and give her some of the tips I have used to lose weight. I told her I would love to help and for the past few weeks I have Facebooked her and text her reminders to go to the gym, take a lunch to work instead of eating out etc ... Well today she was recruiting people to have Fast Food for lunch with her and when she got to me I said "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" I smiled and completed that with "No thank you, I brought my lunch." She then sent me the following message:

"i'm a woman with curves, i like my curves, my kids like to snuggle because i'm soft. when you look at me i'm genuine, you know what you are getting. take it or leave it"

I responded with the following statement: "Why would you assume being called skinny is a critisism?"

She said "i don't...i just LIKE me as i am..of course, i would like me skinny too...but reality sets in at some point. i want to enjoy life...being healthy is good, but not to the point where i can't put something in my mouth because i have to calculate fat grams and calories..I want to ENJOY life as I live it."

---

OK.. what the heck, ya know?! Somebody asks you to help them then is full of excuses. There are days I barely have the motivation to get myself to the gym, yet I try and give what I can to someone else.

I say KUDOS to each of US that log our food, calculate calories and fat grams.. and our skinny person inside appreciates it! I enjoy my life because I like the way I look, and I like the energy I have from eating healthy and working out.

Okay.. that is all. Just needed to vent!!!

Jamcnair

That's so frustrating. Those just sound like excuses not to put any effort into losing weight.
A friend of mine last year got engaged and she hates exercise and loves fast food...I had already lost some weight and she bought a wedding dress a size too small to motivate her to lose the weight. Her mom even paid for us to go to Curves for a few months. I tried so many different things to try to get her started. She only went to Curves like twice and half-assed it when she was there...I finally just gave up and did my own thing.

tony2009

I gave up on people actually sticking to anything. I actually got into verbal arguments over dieting when I started this journey. 30 lbs layer they just raise their noses when I get compliments from their family ^_^. I use it as inspiration personally.

sarah44254

Life isn't about food. There are a billion things to focus on before you think of food as 'enjoying life'.

She needs to understand that making a healthy choice for a meal is not difficult, is not the end of the world, and will not rule over her enjoyment of the day. Until she realizes this, you cannot help her.

nel0311

She will not be as happy when she has health issues that take time away from her kids. its not just about being thin, its about being healthy....skinny jeans are a bonus in my eyes.

Qarol

Saying "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" to her is snarky. Kudos. But don't be surprised if she gets snarky back.

Grimmerick

I would have asked her, then if you are so happy and genuine why did you ask me to help you and waste my time when you aren't motivated for your health anyway.

leeannm0304

I have a lot of friends that are like that. They continually show signs of wanting to do something to change the way the look, feel and eat and then as soon as there is a sign of something being hard, they seem to back down. I have one that sounds like she could be the twin of the one your referring too..

Good for you for trying however; sometimes until they want to help themselves there isn't anything you can do. they will continue to make excuses.

Good job!

NanBar

Life isn't about food. There are a billion things to focus on before you think of food as 'enjoying life'.

She needs to understand that making a healthy choice for a meal is not difficult, is not the end of the world, and will not rule over her enjoyment of the day. Until she realizes this, you cannot help her.

beautifully said Sarah...

wickedcricket

You can lead a cow to water, but it's still a COW ~

ohwhataday

I don't count calories and I've lost 45 pounds. hmmm.

chevy88grl

I have a friend like this and honestly, I'm tired of trying to help.

She tells me ALL the time (and I do mean ALL the time) how she wishes she was thin like I am, wants to wear cute clothes like I wear (and then she'll give me an example of a cute shirt or whatever that I've worn and that she wants to be able to wear too), etc. I've tried to help her MANY times. I've helped her figure out her meals, told her what to do at the gym, encouraged her to go to the gym (you don't lose weight simply by having a gym membership! you have to actually GO to the gym).

I've tried. Heaven help me, I have tried and tried and tried.

Well, yesterday she starts her "I wish I was thin...." crap and then turns around and eats a Reese's crispy, crunchy bar and drink a 20oz Mt Dew. I said "You don't get thin eating 700 calories on break. Why not eat something healthy?" And she says "Well, I haven't eaten ALL day and I am hungry".

*sigh* I've discussed not eating with her and I've discussed not eating and then gorging on junk with her.,


I'm done trying to help. Sorry, but I am. Obviously they don't want to change - they just want the results at the end without the work to get there.

BTW, my friend is 300lbs, 29 yrs old and has a family history of diabetes, heart issues, etc. I've told her she's going to end up in the same boat if she isn't careful.

She'll say "I know" and then go order 3 double cheeseburgers, large fry and large Coke at McDonald's.

ratherbeskiing

all I know is I had years of working on being over weight.... and nothing gave me the same feeling as losing it. I loved what I ate but realized that I just ate too much. I am ready now to lose weight and I am sure I made 100 excuses when I was not ready. I have had several people try to lose weight "with me" but I realized that when they gave up they were not ready. I am ready and I am not hodling back with them. PEACE OUT!

soifua

I've had quite a few family members ask me what my "secret" for losing weight was ... when I say counting my calories and exercising everyday, they don't want to know anymore - being healthy isn't just a magic pill to make you skinny and that's what they really want, they don't want to work at it ... unfortunately

cbirdso

Life isn't about food. There are a billion things to focus on before you think of food as 'enjoying life'.

She needs to understand that making a healthy choice for a meal is not difficult, is not the end of the world, and will not rule over her enjoyment of the day. Until she realizes this, you cannot help her.

Just want to say that I admire what you said and will use it shamelessly as my own in the future!

Articeluvsmemphis

wow, that's crazy of her. I guess she felt you were criticizing her, but then again she did ask for help, and that was your opinion on her eating out that day. everyone has a time when they'll come ALL the way around and realize it's hard work. not just physically but mentally as well.

forsophia2009

Saying "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" to her is snarky. Kudos. But don't be surprised if she gets snarky back.

It is also a quote from someone who was accused of promotinig anorexia amongst teenage girls.

Despite that, I agree that there are a lot of people who want to lose without putting the effort. I have learned though that you can have all the encouragement in the world but nothing will work until you are ready to make a difference in your own life.

PalmettoparkGuy

People want quick fixes and don't want to put in the work. I've had quite a few people ask me "how I did it" and when I tell them I count my calories, I usually get responses like: that's too hard, I can't do that, there has to be an easier way, that's ridiculous. There's many ways, but I'm looking for the way that will work long term which is taking responsibility for your own actions.

SCMarineMom

I totally understand where you're coming from. I did Weight Watchers (still am) and got my sister in law interested in it. She did it and actually made goal and lifetime. Then she let it slide, gained 10 pounds or so back but I didn't . We all went on a family beach trip this year and NOONE would hang out with me. I layed on the beach alone, I walked on the beach alone, I ran alone...and I went to the Weight Watchers meeting alone. I loved the beach but it was the worst vacation. Almost like they were embarrassed by ME. Ha. Whatever. I don't have pre-diabetes or on any medications. People do what they are going to do and you can't do anything about it. Just stick to your guns and you will reap all the benefits.

PlanetVelma

Saying "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" to her is snarky. Kudos. But don't be surprised if she gets snarky back.

This! She probably took it as "dig" and that you were criticizing her for going out to lunch. I have a standing lunch date with a couple of friends @ work. Granted they don't ask me for weight loss advice, I do enjoy their company and we have lots of stuff in common - so we go out to lunch once a month. I do stay within my calorie allowance and make healthy choices (for the most part).

I probably would have just said "No thanks, I brought my lunch -have fun!" and left it at that. Unfortunately she will find out later in life you DO have to watch your fat grams, calories, carbs, sugar levels - might as well do it now instead of having to do it later because your health is ailing.....

SSampley

Its sad, her kids do love to snuggle her and will contiune to love to snuggle her...hopefully she gets that the healthy choices she is not making will prevent her kids and one day grandkids from snuggling her longer....
That was wonderful of you to try to support her though..I have a coworker here that is smaller than me and was when she lost 20 pounds..I have lost 36 and still have about 20-25 to lose and I want to smack her every time she gets a twix bar from the vending machine and says well I just dont feel like dieting today...I didnt have to lose that much...

gioisa75

You have to be self motivated in order to lose weight! No one can put the work in for you.

JCPruitt

Well, she has made her choice to NOT be healthy. If she tries to side track you in the future, ex invites you to join the fast food group, just tell her, "thanks, but no. I decided this morning what I was eating for lunch, and I am really looking forward to it . Thanks though." Leave it at that. Of course, you could be malicious and choose to go one day then pick out the healthier choices just to prove it can be done. Of course, when you have energy two hours later, and they don't, be as chipper as humanly possible to just pi** them off

eeeekie

I probably wouldn't have said the "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" only because she may have taken it snarky (like you were calling her fat) but also because I HATE that saying as it was quoted from Kate Moss and we all know how "healthy" she is. I had a quote that said ":Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels" which is more my style and it seems to be your style as you didn't wanna eat or contribute to the fast/unhealthy food.

I've had people ask me CONSTANTLY how I do it and when I tell them it's hard work you get the glazed over look in their eyes. People don't wanna hear that it takes hard work to be fit or to lose weight, after all we are an instant gratification kind of society. I have this woman who asks me EVERYDAY for the MFP website address. She writes it down every single time and when I tell her about it she says she's gonna check it out "because I've gained weight and I really need to do this". She's yet to even get on the site. You can only help you, you can't help people who don't want help.

Your friend says she may wants to take care of herself but it's not instant and it takes a lot of hard work and dedication and she's just not gonna do that. It's easier to say "I just wanna enjoy life and eat what I wanna eat". Well...you can eat what you wanna eat when you exercise. If she wants a burger from McDonalds and she works out then she can have it!! That's what people don't get. You don't have to deprive yourself. There are gonna be times when there's birthdays with cake, summer bbq cookouts with delicious HIGH calorie/high sodium foods and you can have it/enjoy it and still be healthy and enjoy life. In 10 years, your friend won't enjoy life...

DakotaKeogh

That's frustrating and kind of sad. That sounds like defeat being rationalized. She just hasn't had that epiphany that makes you finally realize you have to make the changes and get right. Good for you for trying while struggling with your own motivation at the same time. It's a shame that didn't evolve into something mutually beneficial.

rml_16

You can lead a horse to water ...

I started e-mailing with a friend to try to keep each other motivated and on track, but she wasn't reciprocating, so I stopped. I didn't need it, and if she does, and wants it, she'll start again.

I'm happy to join in on a workout or swap healthy recipes and tips, but I'm not going to be responsible for anyone else's eating and exercise habits, especially if that person doesn't truly want it.

Maybe your coworker took your comment as a criticism rather than motivation? And I will point out that you can eat fast food and still successfully lose weight, as long as you cut back somewhere else or get in a good workout.

I haven't given up anything I enjoy in order to be thinner.

adventuring

I'm gonna be completely honest here and say that if somebody said something like, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels," to me, I would probably be a bit leery. There's motivating somebody, and then there's phrases like that that make me wildly uncomfortable because I've seen them floating around in unfortunate places. Maybe she just went on the defensive because of the *way* you said it.

Regardless, it doesn't seem like losing weight is really her priority right now, and it's not fair of her to waste *your* time and effort, is it?

marquesajen

She's obviously got some issues about healthy living, and you're right that we do good when we learn to live good lives. I don't think you were being snarky to her, as some have said, you were trying to show solidarity to someone who you thought wanted to put in as much effort as all of us. Her texting you was a way to hide from facing up to that. I know before I finally buckled down to get healthy I would go between "accepting" myself as I am and striving for change, which is maybe what phase she's in. She should like herself, as she said, but liking oneself and accepting one's body aren't necessarily the same thing. I like my body, that's why I want to be good to it. I like my personality and the people I know, but that has nothing to do with my waistline.

Grrr. Anyway, you rock.

edward1973

some people just dont want to put the effort in - always waiting for that magic pill or fad diet that will melt the pounds while doing no effort.

Doing this is hard yes - but end of the day it was my poor choices and lazyness that led to me being fat and its my choice now to go to the gym 6 days a week and work my butt off to lose this weight.

Do i miss eating what i please when i please - sometimes but whenever i think that - i remember what it was like being that big and i lose the interest

But doing this doesnt mean you will never ever have a treat - its all about moderation and not letting the food control you

MonolithTMA

Some people just aren't ready, but they might think they are, and then they get frustrated.

kmtetour

It sounds like she asked you to help motivate her, and then got offended when you actually did. That's not fair to you /or/ her. Unfortunately, I think we all have friends like that (I know I do), and we can't make them do anything. They have to make the choice themselves. Kind of like 12 steps, step 1: admit you have a problem.