"Grr" to PPL want to lose weight but dont want to do the wor

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  • gioisa75
    gioisa75 Posts: 242 Member
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    You have to be self motivated in order to lose weight! No one can put the work in for you.
  • JCPruitt
    JCPruitt Posts: 53
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    Well, she has made her choice to NOT be healthy. If she tries to side track you in the future, ex invites you to join the fast food group, just tell her, "thanks, but no. I decided this morning what I was eating for lunch, and I am really looking forward to it . Thanks though." Leave it at that. Of course, you could be malicious and choose to go one day then pick out the healthier choices just to prove it can be done. Of course, when you have energy two hours later, and they don't, be as chipper as humanly possible to just pi** them off
  • eeeekie
    eeeekie Posts: 1,011 Member
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    I probably wouldn't have said the "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" only because she may have taken it snarky (like you were calling her fat) but also because I HATE that saying as it was quoted from Kate Moss and we all know how "healthy" she is. I had a quote that said ":Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels" which is more my style and it seems to be your style as you didn't wanna eat or contribute to the fast/unhealthy food.

    I've had people ask me CONSTANTLY how I do it and when I tell them it's hard work you get the glazed over look in their eyes. People don't wanna hear that it takes hard work to be fit or to lose weight, after all we are an instant gratification kind of society. I have this woman who asks me EVERYDAY for the MFP website address. She writes it down every single time and when I tell her about it she says she's gonna check it out "because I've gained weight and I really need to do this". She's yet to even get on the site. You can only help you, you can't help people who don't want help.

    Your friend says she may wants to take care of herself but it's not instant and it takes a lot of hard work and dedication and she's just not gonna do that. It's easier to say "I just wanna enjoy life and eat what I wanna eat". Well...you can eat what you wanna eat when you exercise. If she wants a burger from McDonalds and she works out then she can have it!! That's what people don't get. You don't have to deprive yourself. There are gonna be times when there's birthdays with cake, summer bbq cookouts with delicious HIGH calorie/high sodium foods and you can have it/enjoy it and still be healthy and enjoy life. In 10 years, your friend won't enjoy life...
  • DakotaKeogh
    DakotaKeogh Posts: 693 Member
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    That's frustrating and kind of sad. That sounds like defeat being rationalized. She just hasn't had that epiphany that makes you finally realize you have to make the changes and get right. Good for you for trying while struggling with your own motivation at the same time. It's a shame that didn't evolve into something mutually beneficial.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    You can lead a horse to water ...

    I started e-mailing with a friend to try to keep each other motivated and on track, but she wasn't reciprocating, so I stopped. I didn't need it, and if she does, and wants it, she'll start again.

    I'm happy to join in on a workout or swap healthy recipes and tips, but I'm not going to be responsible for anyone else's eating and exercise habits, especially if that person doesn't truly want it.

    Maybe your coworker took your comment as a criticism rather than motivation? And I will point out that you can eat fast food and still successfully lose weight, as long as you cut back somewhere else or get in a good workout.

    I haven't given up anything I enjoy in order to be thinner.
  • adventuring
    adventuring Posts: 178
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    I'm gonna be completely honest here and say that if somebody said something like, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels," to me, I would probably be a bit leery. There's motivating somebody, and then there's phrases like that that make me wildly uncomfortable because I've seen them floating around in unfortunate places. Maybe she just went on the defensive because of the *way* you said it.

    Regardless, it doesn't seem like losing weight is really her priority right now, and it's not fair of her to waste *your* time and effort, is it?
  • marquesajen
    marquesajen Posts: 641
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    She's obviously got some issues about healthy living, and you're right that we do good when we learn to live good lives. I don't think you were being snarky to her, as some have said, you were trying to show solidarity to someone who you thought wanted to put in as much effort as all of us. Her texting you was a way to hide from facing up to that. I know before I finally buckled down to get healthy I would go between "accepting" myself as I am and striving for change, which is maybe what phase she's in. She should like herself, as she said, but liking oneself and accepting one's body aren't necessarily the same thing. I like my body, that's why I want to be good to it. I like my personality and the people I know, but that has nothing to do with my waistline.

    Grrr. Anyway, you rock.
  • edward1973
    edward1973 Posts: 67
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    some people just dont want to put the effort in - always waiting for that magic pill or fad diet that will melt the pounds while doing no effort.

    Doing this is hard yes - but end of the day it was my poor choices and lazyness that led to me being fat and its my choice now to go to the gym 6 days a week and work my butt off to lose this weight.

    Do i miss eating what i please when i please - sometimes but whenever i think that - i remember what it was like being that big and i lose the interest

    But doing this doesnt mean you will never ever have a treat - its all about moderation and not letting the food control you
  • MonolithTMA
    MonolithTMA Posts: 62 Member
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    Some people just aren't ready, but they might think they are, and then they get frustrated.
  • kmtetour
    kmtetour Posts: 300 Member
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    It sounds like she asked you to help motivate her, and then got offended when you actually did. That's not fair to you /or/ her. Unfortunately, I think we all have friends like that (I know I do), and we can't make them do anything. They have to make the choice themselves. Kind of like 12 steps, step 1: admit you have a problem.
  • RocheleLynn
    RocheleLynn Posts: 265 Member
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    Saying "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" to her is snarky. Kudos. But don't be surprised if she gets snarky back.

    I agree, I would have been annoyed if someone said that to me when I asked them to get some lunch.
  • frostiegurl
    frostiegurl Posts: 708 Member
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    I go through the same thing with several of my family members, including my father who's currently about 200 lbs overweight, has chronic edema, thrombosis, and has to use a wheelchair or scooter to get around. He had a stroke a little over a year ago and yet he continues to make excuses as to why he "can't" eat better. It kills me because, if he keeps abusing his body like this, I'll be making plans to attend his funeral in less than 5 years. I told him that when he's ready for my support to let me know and I'll be there for him. Until he's ready no amount of begging, pleading or chastising is going to force him to change.
  • aimeeturner
    aimeeturner Posts: 225 Member
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    I am right there with ya on that one! I have people all the time asking me what I did to lose weight. When I tell them that I cut my calories to 1200/day and increased my work outs from three to seven days a week, they look at me like I have two heads! Then they begin telling me why they can't do that - stuff like "I have kids that keep me busy with extra-curricular activities", "I work full time", etc. Hmmmm...the funny thing about it is - I do too :) The bottom line is that people will not make that life-change until they get to the point where they truly want it for themselves and are willing to work hard to reach their goals.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    I've found that helping someone is a step by step process. People, by nature, are afraid of change and opposed to drastic change. You are being encouraging, she is being resistant. She had a moment of weakness and you forced her to face it, she got defensive because she probably felt guilty and took it out on you . . . this is the way of things. I've started encouraging one of my old co-workers. I spent 18 months bugging her to join my gym, that's step 1. she did it 2 weeks ago . . . once I get her into a routine we'll work on other aspects.
  • cocolo89
    cocolo89 Posts: 1,171 Member
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    i totally understand what your going through. I've had a few people who are close to me ask me to give them "my secret". i sent them materials that i paid for, for over $160 and they tried it for 2 weeks, lost 8lbs and them decided that it was too hard for them. i even went out of my way to give them exercise DVDs (my favorite ones) and they said that she only did one segment and didn't like it because it didn't have ab w/out in it. i was like, if you did the other segment, that one had ab workouts. i never heard anything about it since. every-time i talk with them on the phone, they always ask me (well how's your weight loss coming along, i tell them, it's going good. i went from 166 to 133 in 6months!! and after that, they would shut-up and say they gotta go) i guess they just want to hear that I'm failing, but I'm not. I've heard every single excuse from this person, and i really don't wanna hear it because i was in the same boat as them, but only difference is i actually did something about it!! sorry to vent, but just wanted to say i can relate!
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    Meh. She's not at a point in her life where it's important enough for her to change. Or she might need to take a different path than you. Don't let it get to you. It's not something to get upset about.

    I felt the exact same way she did for a long, long time. Heck, I felt that way when I started on MFP... that I liked my curves and my body was what it was supposed to be. I thought my weight was fine. I thought my body was fine. I just wanted to learn to run, to be fit enough to run, and if I lost weight in the process, yippeeeee!!!! :happy:

    One of my friends recently commented to me that one thing that's really impressed her with my "journey" is that it wasn't about getting skinny or thinking my life would be better if my *kitten* was smaller. It was about being able to run through fire! :laugh:

    Interestingly enough, when I wasn't focused on losing weight, I lost weight. Maybe she just needs another focus. I know my hackles raise when I hear that "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." I've been skinny. Pizza tastes better. :wink:
  • salmat77
    salmat77 Posts: 310 Member
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    I have a coworker who asked me to encourage her and give her some of the tips I have used to lose weight. I told her I would love to help and for the past few weeks I have Facebooked her and text her reminders to go to the gym, take a lunch to work instead of eating out etc ... Well today she was recruiting people to have Fast Food for lunch with her and when she got to me I said "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" I smiled and completed that with "No thank you, I brought my lunch." She then sent me the following message:

    "i'm a woman with curves, i like my curves, my kids like to snuggle because i'm soft. when you look at me i'm genuine, you know what you are getting. take it or leave it"

    I responded with the following statement: "Why would you assume being called skinny is a critisism?"

    She said "i don't...i just LIKE me as i am..of course, i would like me skinny too...but reality sets in at some point. i want to enjoy life...being healthy is good, but not to the point where i can't put something in my mouth because i have to calculate fat grams and calories..I want to ENJOY life as I live it."

    OK.. what the heck, ya know?! Somebody asks you to help them then is full of excuses. There are days I barely have the motivation to get myself to the gym, yet I try and give what I can to someone else.

    I say KUDOS to each of US that log our food, calculate calories and fat grams.. and our skinny person inside appreciates it! I enjoy my life because I like the way I look, and I like the energy I have from eating healthy and working out.

    Okay.. that is all. Just needed to vent!!! :)


    OMG, that is too funny, sounds o so familiar to me!!! Happens all the time in my life but I just figure hey I will just do my thing and when they are ready to make changes they will be ready and all I can do is give advice. Its sooo irritating I know.
  • stephaniezoundi
    stephaniezoundi Posts: 1,148 Member
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    I know the feeling...but people have to be ready to start the challenge otherwise it fails. There is a very large woman at the gym who asked me how much I have lost and how I did it. She chats to me every now and then, comments on how hard I am always working and then asks about food. Each time we have the conversation she simply says 'I can't do that'. Its sad but until she 'loses her quit' she won't be able to do it.
  • cocolo89
    cocolo89 Posts: 1,171 Member
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    I'm gonna be completely honest here and say that if somebody said something like, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels," to me, I would probably be a bit leery. There's motivating somebody, and then there's phrases like that that make me wildly uncomfortable because I've seen them floating around in unfortunate places. Maybe she just went on the defensive because of the *way* you said it.

    Regardless, it doesn't seem like losing weight is really her priority right now, and it's not fair of her to waste *your* time and effort, is it?

    i agree with this. i would not offend anyone by making that statement. even thou sometimes i wanna make some remarks to the people who keep nagging me at my secret and then they don't follow thru, i keep it to myself because it's their personal issue. you did your part, just have to wait until they do theirs. all that matters is you planted the seed and they know where to go to when they are ready.
  • morganhccstudent724
    morganhccstudent724 Posts: 1,261 Member
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    Saying "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" to her is snarky. Kudos. But don't be surprised if she gets snarky back.

    I agree, I would have been annoyed if someone said that to me when I asked them to get some lunch.

    I agree with this. Just because you are going to McDonald's doesn't mean you can't order a grilled chicken salad. I would have thought you were being a smartass and replied accordingly.

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