Do you see what everyone else sees?

PJS323

I've been struggling for months to really see what's in the mirror. On August 6th I celebrated my 10 month anniversary of my new way of life, and after losing 102lbs, I don't see what others do. Body dysmorphia? I know that I've gone from a size 22 to a 10/12, but I still go to the plus section of stores. Is it ever going to be enough? I've been doing crossfit, and dead lifted 185lbs last week, and I thought to myself, when will I get to 200? I probably sound nuts, but others have to feel this way.

My husband constantly tells me, "I cannot believe how much weight you've lost", and I always say thank you, but I think to myself, 40lbs more. Or, when will my waist shrink?

Please share some of your own experiences if you would, I don't want to believe I am crazy. How long before my mind catches up with my body? Ever?

marnieinMB

It's called Phantom Fat and it's harder to lose than the real thing. I'm down 45 lbs and there are days when I swear I have not lost a thing.

I asked for help and people told me to look at pics or put on old clothes. I did and it helps. People can't understand the concept unless they have experienced it.

So no, you are not alone or crazy.

kieva626

What I see is never what everyone else sees. I still see fat but everyone else sees tiny, its a hard match up. I know that I am fit and smaller than average but for my own body I see too much fat that no one else sees. You just got to find your own balance and way of bringing yourself back to reality. I take breaks from the scale and try on clothes that now look good on me and that helps

springtrio

No, but I'm getting there. I still see someone who is 200lbs. and it just...sucks.

I think right now people like you and I need to work on the inside as much as we've worked on the outside. It's hard, but IMO...I don't think I'll ever 100 percent see myself as a "thinner" person. I know I need to practice what I preach, but it's much easier said than done.

PrfctGdess

I don't know what to tell you as I'm not there yet, but girl, you've lost OVER 100 LBS!!!! That's AMAZING!!! How long were you a size 22? If you've been shopping the plus sizes for years upon years it will take awhile before you get used to not having to. I've now purchased 3 size M shirts and I'm so used to being an XL that I can't believe it - I keep thinking "they must just run really big for mediums" I think it's only natural

rmsrws

bump

ajanmillie

Wow, great job losing so much weight. I know how you feel because the same is happening to me. Your body gets used to having lost weight and so do your eyes. Sometimes I take my drivers license out and remember real quick how I used to look and feel. Maybe you can find old video or an old photo so you "remember" and then you will look at your present self and think of how far you have come.

Yooperm35

People keep telling me I am 'wilting away'. I don't see it. I still feel like the 160+ lb person in the mirror that made me start this whole lifestyle change. Yes, my clothes no longer fit, but I see the "Big" me. My head looks smaller to me, and my arms have definition. In their defense - I always only looked at my head in the mirror, never the rest of me, becauase I hated what I saw. I never even tried clothes on when I bought them - I just picked a size that I thought I was and hoped it fit. Resistance bands have done a lot for my arms. Other than that - I see the same old me. I keep waiting for the day when I say, "Whoa, i've done it!"

NaomiLyn15

I have a similar problem. I lost 30 pounds last year, but, I still see myself as a size 16. I still don't go shopping because I am terrified that nothing will fit or I will walk out feeling fatter. But, this is a problem. You have to be happy with yourself, or you will work yourself until you are sick. You have made huge accomplishements in your weight, and are down to a wonderful size. Celebrate that! I know that isn't easy, but it is important that you realize the progress you have made so that you don't make poor decisions when it comes to your weightloss because you aren't seeing what is actually in the mirror. It is normal, but not healthy. When I lost the weight last year, I had to chant to myself every day that I was skinny. Eventually I started to believe it. Try that. It takes time, but if you repeat it to yourself alot, you will start to break the negative things that you repeated to yourself over the years. Good luck!

superstarcassie

I completely understand what you are feeling! I do feel very different, but I look in the mirror and see a bigger person than is there. I have to look at pictures, and sometimes I think- oh its just a good angle- there is no way I look like that! I am working on it, and taking it day by day. Its hard to wrap my head around it at times. I know that it makes me nit pick and focus on what is left to lose, instead of how much healthier and better I feel! I hope it gets better for you, just know you are definitely not alone!

QueenofCups

I know exactly what you mean. I still see a fat chick when I look in the mirror and when I try on clothes. Even though I know I am wearing X size, I just explain it away as "vanity sizing" or "well, they must be stretchy", etc.
I hope it gets better for you.

Creiche

I definitely have the "phantom fat" issue on some days. For me, it's highly correlated with my mental state (shocking!). If I'm stressed out and having some self doubt for any reason, all I see in the mirror is the heavier me...which is just a more insecure self-pitying me. On these days, I try to force myself to see my success...how I'm now stronger, healthier, and more in shape and I deserve to see these qualities in myself. It doesn't always work, but the "good" days now outnumber the "bad"...and you'll get there!

Kalrez

It's called Phantom Fat and it's harder to lose than the real thing. I'm down 45 lbs and there are days when I swear I have not lost a thing.

I asked for help and people told me to look at pics or put on old clothes. I did and it helps. People can't understand the concept unless they have experienced it.

So no, you are not alone or crazy.

This is actually one of the main reasons why I am holding onto a pair of my "before" jeans. If ever I doubt that I've gotten smaller, I can go to the closet and put them on. Your brain my make you imagine fat. But there's something to be said about the definitive gap in your old fat jeans.

I'm not sure if it would help or hurt, but maybe go get a makeover. Change your hair cut and color. Get a spray tan. Get your nails done. Maybe as you adjust to all the little things, you'll better adjust to the big things. For example, I just started wearing contacts instead of glasses. I would look in the mirror and feel like I looked weird. Last week or so, I went and got a hair cut, highlights, and got my eye brows waxed. As I got used to seeing those changes, I didn't really think my lack of glasses stood out. I've gotten a lot more used to how I look with contacts.

flpjck

I've lost almost 20 pounds and when I look back at pictures from before I started, I look a lot heavier than I remember seeing at the time. I think I always was in denial and thought I looked like I did before I ever gained that weight. Taught me the lesson to not trust the mirror..

bluebelle00

Have you done comparison pics? Seeing the changes side by side can be pretty convincing. And I'm sure you'll see the changes if you've lost 100lbs - that's awesome!

LorinaLynn

I rarely see the difference in the mirror. I think some of it is also that I didn't see the weight in the mirror when I gained it, either, at least not the highest 10-15 pounds. So I typically view myself as I spent most of the past 10 years - at the higher end of a healthy range. I'm surprised when I can buy smaller clothes.

I do see it in photos, especially compared side by side, so I try to take them whenever I'm feeling "meh" about my progress.

bmw4deb

It really does take time, I continue to look at cloths in size 14
and can now wear a size 5, I still have a hard time not grabbing big t-shirts
and elastic waist pants.

fatboypup

Thought I was the only one

karenkwalker

I think I'm the opposite - I saw myself as skinny in the mirror - but had a huge wake up call when I saw a family photo we took at Christmas - just didn't see how fat my face was until then. I guess we just get used to seeing ourselves one way and don't let that go very easily. I think for me pictures tell the real story - so comparing where you were to where you are - really helps you visualize the truth! Good luck and congratulations on losing 100 lbs - that is amazing!

bltmgray

You are not alone in this. I've lost 65lbs and I still see the "fat girl" in the mirror sometimes. I will still tend to go for the bigger size cloths thinking that I'm big still, but then remember, NO I AM NOT! LOL! I guess it's just going to take some time to get use to being thin, just like it did being big.

trud72

you are sooo not alone on this one xxx

i am also another who is like it!

Ashley_Panda

I've lost 135lbs and still see a girl that's 335lbs.

bluiz13

i strongly suggest doing comparison pics and posting them somewhere as a focal point so YOU can SEE the PHYSICAL changes in "black and white" ..........i also STRONGLY recommend trying on a pair of your old sized clothes...if you dont have any then go to the store and grab a pair of pants and a shirt in the largest size you ever wore and try them on....i have a size 24 jeans and jean shorts that i put on earlier this summer and my husband and i were so shocked we took pics.....i was able to stand in 1 leg of the both the shorts and the pants as a size 10/12 right now....it made me feel amazing.....i took pics, i shared them and i will continue to "SHOW" myself and others how far i have come because that is what makes it stick within me, little by little i see it....i have a nightie i think is a size 2xl?? i pulled it out a few weeks ago and it "fits" lol but it is ridiculously big....i love wearing it and pulling the extra fabric back behind me to see how "narrow" i am now..... i love seeing myself in the mirror right now, i still see the work to be done but man it feels amazing seeing the work that i HAVE done....it has taken me over 3 years to get where i am and slowly but surely i am seeing the changes in me and i love it.....it fuels the fire to keep on going and get the last bit off......the more you show off yourself the more you will get used to the "new" you....good luck with the rest of your journey and keep getting stronger and smaller and the better you that you have always wanted.....

PJS323

I was a 22 for at least 3 years. I gained 10lbs a year for 12 years. My highest weight was 289.9, and now I'm 187. I'm also 5'8, and I'm only 10lbs from where I was when I met my husband. I've dieted a million times before, but this time I took it 10lbs at a time. I thought about getting into the 270's, then 260's, etc. I still do that, but it's moving much slower. I have credit cards for Torrid, Lane Bryant, and Avenue, and I won't cancel them.

How is your journey going?

psuedodragon

There have been studies that show that people who have lost a significant amount of weight will always perceive themselves as bigger. Specifically, they did a study where they had people walk down a narrow hallway with chairs along one wall. Those who had never been fat walked normally while those who had lost significant weight turned and went sideways (like one does when passing people in movie theatre seats)

But there is a point where the disjointed mental image and reality becomes unhealthy. It may be hard to do, but in addition to some of the previous suggestions (try on old clothes to see the difference, look at before-after pictures, etc) you might want to enlist the help of somebody that you know is healthy.
Get them to check in on you every now and then, and if they ever become concerned that you're becoming addicted to exercise or not feeding yourself properly you should consider going to a therapist. At worst you'll need some counselling, and that's not something to ever be ashamed of. Remember: sometimes people just need a little extra help to deal with things, whether it's their weight, their mental health, their finances, their schedule or whatever. It's why there are people out there whose job it is to help!

Can't really give a more definite answer than that -only finishing up my bachelors in psych, sorry.

Rhea81

It is actually quite rare for anyone to see what everyone else sees no matter what your size. You have accomplished soooo much!!!! AND kept it off!!!! You just need to change your perspective. Find or take a picture of yourself when YOU felt and looked your best. Then, post it someplace you will see it everyday with "I AM BEAUTIFUL" written on or by it. Say it everyday! Even if you doubt that now, you will eventually believe it! It just take time and practice to change the way you think.

KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK!!!!!! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!!

Dtho5159

You are definitely not alone... Ive lost 50lb and am just under 250 but still feel like Im nearly the 300lb I started at. Everyone says I look smaller (well except my husband who's soooo clueless lol) but I still don't see it.. I thought going from a size 26 to a 20 would make a difference but it hasn't yet.

Sbmtx

Congrats on the 102# lost! WOW!
I have a hard time trusting mirrors. Some of them lie....really they do. I prefer to use photos as proof of my body changes. Even small changes in weight and tone can be seen in a before and after photo, especially if u wear the same outfit. Since I am pretty shy about my weight loss I use the timer option on my camera and take 3 or 4 photos from different angles to really get a good confidence boost. My favorite is the side angle.
The hard thing for me to learn to do is take the compliments and say "Thank You!" instead of saying things like "Oh it's a work in progress" or "Really hmm...I don't see it yet". I do not notice the small changes but others who do not see me everyday do.

road2peachtree

I've been struggling for months to really see what's in the mirror. On August 6th I celebrated my 10 month anniversary of my new way of life, and after losing 102lbs, I don't see what others do. Body dysmorphia? I know that I've gone from a size 22 to a 10/12, but I still go to the plus section of stores. Is it ever going to be enough? I've been doing crossfit, and dead lifted 185lbs last week, and I thought to myself, when will I get to 200? I probably sound nuts, but others have to feel this way.

My husband constantly tells me, "I cannot believe how much weight you've lost", and I always say thank you, but I think to myself, 40lbs more. Or, when will my waist shrink?

Please share some of your own experiences if you would, I don't want to believe I am crazy. How long before my mind catches up with my body? Ever?

I so feel you. I'm about 40lbs down and I still see myself as 286 :sad: Sometimes I feel...guilty--no not the right word--Um....well, I feel weird when people say "Oh you are just melting away" or "You've lost weight!" or "You look good!" because I look at myself and say "you're still fat". I only see it in pictures. But I suppose if I look at the other side of it, when I was close to 300lbs I didn't think I was that big until I saw a picture--which was rare that I took them. We're all a bunch of weirdos I guess.

Bratkins

I think the trouble with losing a lot of weight is that most people don't really get to the root of why they had gained weight in the first place. Once the weight is off it is rare for people to dive into the psychology of it.

Maybe you should stop using a mirror to truly reflect who you are. Just close your eyes, I bet you might see something different. Maybe the beautiful soul inside versus the shell you were born into. If you don't, it is time to start forming that perception. Losing over 100 lbs is amazing and what everyone else sees is not as important as your own view of yourself.

Here is to hoping your view changes soon.

NOLA_Meg

I heard today (and I don't know the source- it was on the fb wall of my friend who just lost 130 pounds) that it takes 1 year for every 25 pounds to lose, for your mind to accept the changes in your body...so just keep looking at pictures and reminding yourself because it can lead to weight gain if you get discouraged and think there hasn't been any changes