Brief Rant on Overweight Kids....You've Been Warned....

hypotrochoid

My mother started leaving diet books on my pillow when I was 12. I was 5'6" and 135 pounds. I grew up thinking that I was fat, ugly and no one would ever love me. And know what? Telling a kid they're fat doesn't help. Telling them they're unhealthy doesn't help. Making them feel like crap? DOESN'T HELP.

What would have helped?

Having my mom make something that wasn't hamburger helper or fast food.
Being encouraged to get involved with athletics- I was dying to do martial arts, but was told that it was too violent.
Being educated on nutrition instead of being told to 'put my fork down'.

Because calling a kid fat is going to make things worse. Know why? Because they're going to believe it. Then the other associations start to creep in- stupid, ugly, useless. And then they'll feel trapped. And then they give up.

This will NEVER happen with my daughter. I'm about ready to chuck our Wii Fit game after letting her do the fitness test and it said she was obese. She's 34 pounds, 3 feet tall and only 3 years old. What sort of message is *that* sending?

peanut613

On the topic but not necessarily a reply to OP's post - wouldn't the only absolute way to prevent your child from becoming overweight be to count their calorie intake (which would also take the assumption that the parent is cognizant of everything their child eats).

Also, yes, you keep healthy food in the house and you teach them good habits, but we all know that the brain is hardwired to crave fats. Biology's a *****. So even if you raised your child to have spectacular eating habits, they're going to eat fatty foods when presented with them, at least until they've mastered reasoning skills in their teens.

agree... disagree?

I think the parents need to be very aware of the child's intake. It's impossible to know EVERYTHING they eat, especially kids in school, but if you raise them from the get go to eat healthier foods over junk food the habit should be there. That said, of course kids are going to grab chips or candy. So do adults. Most of us love those treats. But if you start instilling healthy habits when a child first starts eating, in theory they will grow up eating junk food in moderation. That's why it's important to clean up school cafeteria foods, or simply pack them a healthy lunch.

chridow

In all honesty I'd rather have my mom calling me fat than telling me I work out to much, and eat like a anorexic.
Because that nearly hurts more considering I USE to be anorexic and she didn't know, and now that I take the healthier approach she says stuff like that.
Some kids NEED the hurtful boost to become healthy. I know I've mentioned to my mom about my barely five year old neice being 70 pounds and fat, because the kids family is eating out constantly, and she only behaving for desert and if she doesn't get it she CRIES over it.
Heaven for bid the kids is always saying"Ketchup is healthy mommy"
No its not. Educate your kids early, before means kids educate them for you!
This kid is vain, it wouldn't hurt for her mom to say, next time she is crying over desert, you are heavy i think a peice of chocolate is all you need.Because this kid dresses her self and walks around the house yelling about how pretty she is, and if you don't tell her she is pretty, she cries and whines louder.
Kids this generation. They are fat, and they are vain.
I'm 15 and ashamed to be marked into this generaton of kids

I've heard several people complaining that people criticize them for being "too thin" even though they are within their healthy window for their height. I'm sorry you battled anorexia but congrats for being healthy about your weight now!

I think the problem lies in parents not knowing or caring what their kids eat. Eating out regularly is just asking for problems. I'm not sure I agree that people should be so blunt and call a child fat, but taking action is smart.

As far as crying over not getting their way, that's a whole other ballgame. Parents these days don't appreciate a good butt whuppin... My daughter is 2, so we are constantly dealing with the "mine" and her just in general not getting her way. Hopefully, she'll soon get the picture that you aren't entitled to snacks, treats, toys, etc. You behave because that's what you're supposed to do. Toys or dessert are for special occasions only... Kids these days need their butts beat like we used to, back in the day LOL

i have long felt parents do too much coddleing and contribute to the entitlement problem so prevalent in our society. no, i don't have any children, but i work with them as a therapist. and the stuff these kids AND their parents say is just ridiculous! i wish more parents would realize that while wanting to give your kids more/better than what you had as a child is all fine and good, neglecting to give the things that build character is beyond problematic.

as far as overweight kids go. i see the spectrum. i see poor families who can't afford enough fresh produce to feed a family of 6, but they can afford the boxed "meal" that is 4/$5. i've seen parents appease thier children with food to avoid having to parent. i've seen parents just not have knowledge about how model healthy eating/activity for thier children. each situation is different. people calling kids fat is damaging, especially when said directly to the child and when said from a place of criticism without any kind of love or consideration. my fam and i call my 4yr old neice our little fat girl, but it has ALWAYS been a term of endearment. we also constantly tell her she's funny, smart and pretty (because she is!). if we ever saw that our nickname for her was starting to hurt her we'd stop.

AudgePaudge

"Spare the rod, spoil the child"

Amen. I spank my toddler but ONLY after telling her no several times and using time out. It's not out of anger, it's usually not even hard... and it's on her very padded diaper bum. So many people are quick to turn you over for child abuse. There is a HUGE difference in abuse and discipline. I was spanked growing up, but not often. I cried after being verbally scolded...but knowing my parents WOULD discipline me without hesitation kept me from acting out many a time...

That sounds about how I do it...I rarely get to an actual spanking because they usually listen after I scold or time out. I also agree with the other statement about not using a belt!! That is scary!!

Millie77

I agree that it is very hurtful to children when they are called names, by the parents, or anyone else. I also agree that we should be teaching them better food choices. I have 4 kids, my older two girls (11 & 9) are built totally different. My oldest is like me, average height at 5'5" (yes, at 11 and size 9 womens shoe lol) and is big boned. She could lose maybe 10-15lbs, but I would never tell her that! Instead, I discuss the importance of eating right and exercising to be healthy, not to lose weight or because she is overweight. My 9 yr. old eats the VERY same things as her sister, and is TINY!! She's very slender and tall like my hubby. For that reason, I don't necessarily agree that it is the parents and what they are feeding these kids that make them overweight. My kids do eat healthy, however one is very skinny and is average. Their bodies are different. I do understand, if a child is severely overweight, then yes, the parents are allowing them to eat way to much of the wrong things. I love that I found MFP, because in addition to getting myself healthier, my kids are seeing what I'm eating and bringing into the house, and are eating healthier too.

ninerbuff

"Spare the rod, spoil the child"

I used to think that spanking should be the way I raise my child. I took a different approach and chose not to spank. My daughter is one of the most well behaved and considerate students in school, according to her teacher and friends I know.

Kids are a reflection of their parents. If the kid is being mean, they learned it from home. That's where it needs to start. Most parents actually have no idea how they really talk, treat or react to their kids. Should record themselves once or twice. When I did, I was appalled at how I talked to my daughter a few times.

JennsLosing

when you say the schools should offer healthier lunches, i totally agree, but then you have alot of people complaining that the goverment is trying to control what their kids can eat

Dona_Maria

I'm so sorry to hear it; way to boost your self-esteem!

Whom ever said, “…words will never hurt me” was an idiot. I blamed my parents for my weight as a child but now as an adult I only blame myself. I have young nieces that I see are going down the same path I did. I try to educate my family members to not use food as a reward but they just get offended. I do think back, it would have been a lot easier if I had received proper nutrition education at a young age. :-|

maidentl

A very big problem I see, and it's right here in this thread as well, is complete ignorance about how children grow. As the OP said, children DO go through phases where they grow out before they shoot up. If you think it's cool to deride your child for that and make them feel they've done something wrong, it can inflict permanent damage. My oldest son was definitely chubby as he headed off to middle school but then he shot up so much that first year and evened out. Now he is almost six feet tall at 14, and even though he weighs over 200 pounds, it's all muscle. Because we didn't freak out and decide he needed to diet and we didn't sit him down for a talk about his dietary choices, we waited out the growth spurt and it came, right on cue. That's not to say my kids don't get talked to about healthful foods and nutrition but never in a way that makes their healthy choices seem like punishment for being "fat."

That's not to say that there aren't children who are obese for very different reasons but that's a whole other ball of wax.

Here_kittykitty

I was always the heaviest in my classes, and at home my older sister and I struggled with our weight, especially when we hit puberty....My classmates were cruel, but my dad was worse...He would call us 'blubber butt' and 'thunder thighs'....Here I am, almost 40 years later and I have NEVER forgotten that and never will....

My dad called me "thunder thighs," too. It decimated my self-esteem.

lord_lethris

FYI, I am concerned for a friend's kids. I have found some good references here -

http://www.patient.co.uk/doctor/Obesity-in-Children.htm

And (even though BMI is just a guideline) The NHS have an excellent BMI calculator that takes Age into consideration, and calculates a Child's BMI as a centile Percentage.

http://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/Healthyweightcalculator.aspx

Slasher09

Due my own image/health issues b/c of teasing, one thing I've always stressed as a nanny (and hopefully will with my own kids someday!) is about making good choices b/c they're healthy. The 4 year old would ask "is a turkey sandwich healthy?" and I would say "Maddie, that sandwich gives growing kids good energy so that we can run around and play" obviously we would also say things like "Hmm I think with lunch Ill make some broccoli because its so good." we never talked fat/calories, we tried to put all the emphasis on moderation and balance. I wish I could say the same for other families I've worked with....

mrsknotts

I get so pissed when people bring in their daughters for flower girl or junior bridesmaids dresses and laugh when their children don't fit in the larger size. Or when they cry because they "didnt realize" how overweight they are. Does the big mac in their hands have anything to do with that? Or the Pepsi you gave them to keep them quiet during your shopping trip? I agree we need to be sensitive to the children but come on parents, who is in charge here?!?!

Kristiina67

Parents are responsible what kids eat and how much they get outdoor time. -- Parent should never belittle their children, but at the same token, responsible parenting is to raise healthy and happy children! -- If child is putting on weight, let's cut out the junk and focus on nutrition and less computer/tv time.

I personally feel quite passionate about my children's health. They have balance; they get pop, but not all the time, we keep chips and cookies around, but if they reach for those around 4:30 pm, it is my responsibility to stop them and provide a healthy meals...

kykykenna

I am normally very easy going........until it comes to kids. If anyone ever called my kids fat, Id probably poke them right in the mouth. Heck, if they called your kids fat, Id probably do the same. Not the best way to handle it, maybe, but Im not going to sit by and watch or listen to that happen. No frickin way. Making fun of a child will definitely ensure you meet me.

MsMargie1116

In all honesty I'd rather have my mom calling me fat than telling me I work out to much, and eat like a anorexic.
Because that nearly hurts more considering I USE to be anorexic and she didn't know, and now that I take the healthier approach she says stuff like that.
Some kids NEED the hurtful boost to become healthy. I know I've mentioned to my mom about my barely five year old neice being 70 pounds and fat, because the kids family is eating out constantly, and she only behaving for desert and if she doesn't get it she CRIES over it.
Heaven for bid the kids is always saying"Ketchup is healthy mommy"
No its not. Educate your kids early, before means kids educate them for you!
This kid is vain, it wouldn't hurt for her mom to say, next time she is crying over desert, you are heavy i think a peice of chocolate is all you need.Because this kid dresses her self and walks around the house yelling about how pretty she is, and if you don't tell her she is pretty, she cries and whines louder.
Kids this generation. They are fat, and they are vain.
I'm 15 and ashamed to be marked into this generaton of kids

I've heard several people complaining that people criticize them for being "too thin" even though they are within their healthy window for their height. I'm sorry you battled anorexia but congrats for being healthy about your weight now!

I think the problem lies in parents not knowing or caring what their kids eat. Eating out regularly is just asking for problems. I'm not sure I agree that people should be so blunt and call a child fat, but taking action is smart.

As far as crying over not getting their way, that's a whole other ballgame. Parents these days don't appreciate a good butt whuppin... My daughter is 2, so we are constantly dealing with the "mine" and her just in general not getting her way. Hopefully, she'll soon get the picture that you aren't entitled to snacks, treats, toys, etc. You behave because that's what you're supposed to do. Toys or dessert are for special occasions only... Kids these days need their butts beat like we used to, back in the day LOL

Couldn't agree with this more!!! :-) God gave us cushy butts for a reason!!! ;-D

ririwhitepaws

Well said! My grandmother seems to think its her duty to comment on the size of all three of my girls (they are all average!). She means no harm but it is frustrating and my oldest daughter is already convinced she is fat due to some nasty girls at her school. Will take up one poiunt though. I work in a school in Suffolk and the menu is really very healthy and nutritionally balanced. Since the council brought in these healthy menus, uptake has dropped dramatically! Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

MrsLVF

I get so pissed when people bring in their daughters for flower girl or junior bridesmaids dresses and laugh when their children don't fit in the larger size. Or when they cry because they "didnt realize" how overweight they are. Does the big mac in their hands have anything to do with that? Or the Pepsi you gave them to keep them quiet during your shopping trip? I agree we need to be sensitive to the children but come on parents, who is in charge here?!?!

I agree! I am a nanny, the 2 girls i watch have eating habits that are unbelievably unhealthy(and it shows).
And in this case it IS the parents. They constantly give the children cookies, doughnuts, & giant muffins for breakfast. On the Kindergartners b-day the mom made her 4 eggs & 8 pieces of thick cut bacon. Even the cereal bowls are over sized. Just last week the 10 year old was putting butter on her toast, and said there wasn't enough to butter both of them and there was a 1/2 a stick. (of course i buttered her toast with the proper amount) Lunch isn't much different. There is always cookies & chips & a lot of the time afternoon snack is ice cream.I realize i can't do much, they are not my children, they are not in my house, ultimately it's the parents responsibility. The parent is providing the meal plan. But I have a hard time seeing the kids over eat garbage. I can't change what the parents give them, but I do still let them know what a serving size is.(kid size portions) And what is a healthy choice. But I would never make them feel bad.

it's not the kids fault they are given adult sized meals & garbage food. It's the parents.

aprilgicker

It is a shame that people who bring up stuff politely get snapped at, Like your in law and grandparents. I am sure your grandparents didn't mean to hurt your feelings and it sounds to me that your in laws were trying to point something out that you might not be objective to.
If there was more tolerated criticism then more folks including kids would understand. It could be possible that you flew off the handle because you are worried too. But that is good you see this. Many parents do not. I have 3 picky eaters, but the one who likes the good for you stuff LOVES bread, like me. I really have to watch her she would eat a whole loaf. OMG

And Most Step parents, even the best ones attack a child that is not theirs for stupid reasons.

HLeAnn

This has always bothered me because children are usually overweight because of the choices their PARENTS are making. The kid can't go out and buy groceries for goodness sake. And then for a parent to make a comment to the child about their weight, when it's the parent's fault in the first place is absurd. Education is the key. Obviously the parents don't know enough about nutrition, and if they do, then shame on them. They need to set the example way before the child even starts going to school.