Treated Differently

wildon883r

Generally speaking most men don't find fat women attractive yet there are some beautiful overweight women mostly facially. A fit male generally wants a fit female for many reasons and not all those are physical. With that being said i don't treat people differently because of there weight but naturally when it comes to picking and choosing a partner overweight women go to the back of the line because for me i find obesity a sign of lack of discipline because it is. I lost ALOT of weight and yes i look good but i didn't do it for anybody other then myself. I'm treated the same now as when i was 50 lbs heavier. I'm much healthier now and that benefits every occasion even under the covers. True friends don't care what you look like but alot of times those who want to be more then friends most certainly do.

annacataldo

Well, im still 256lbs, so im 85lbs overweight still, so I haven't been treated any differently by men so far, but im getting really irritated by ppl around me saying how great I look, and how proud they are of me and yadda yadda. Yea I've went from 325 at one point down to what I am now, I know, why u gotta remind me everyday? I was prepared for it once I got near goal weight, but I guess not all along the way..im still pretty overweight and to get compliments about how great I look when im still so insecure about my body just messes with my head.

otr12

I ran by a construction sight this morning.

Nothing.

I'll have to try again in a couple months.

dad106

I noticed people treat me nicer and guys flirt more... and the ones at the gym like to stare at my *kitten* more thats for sure!

For the most part though people don't notice unless I'm wearing really tight reveling clothes, then it's oh you look amazing and blah blah blah. When I say I lost 25 pounds i get Wow.. thats a lot of weight! Being on here though and seeing what everyone else has done, my 25 pounds seems measly at best!

holly_v

when i started my weight loss i got a lot of encouraging comments which were nice. then i started getting comments like "you shouldnt loose anymore" "you are starting to look anorexic" (far from true 5'5" 140lbs at the time) at christmas i made christmas bark and someone says "well if holly made it it has to be healthy" i didnt like those comments.

i hate eating in the lunch room at my work because people comment on what i am eating "all you eat is vegetables" ya so what? whats wrong with veggies?

i dont know how to explain it but i also hate when people refer to me as being on a diet. im not. i just eat healthy. i dont "cheat" when i have a chocolate bar i plan around it (and might exercise 15 minutes longer

valligator

Wildon, dude... I do not envy the sh*tstorm that's coming your way.

2dayirun4me

A friend of mine will make little comments like the food i eat is bland or she will openly say to a room of people that she isn't gonna lose weight just to make her husband happy and those two things hurt me but I've gotten use to it and just leave the room...by the way neither one are true my food has plenty of flavor for my taste buds and honestly if i was solely loosing weight just so i was more attractive to my husband i would be miserable besides he loves me for me not my weight..

i say go for your weight loss goal and do it for yourself the person who matters the most

otr12

Wildon, dude... I do not envy the sh*tstorm that's coming your way.

He was being honest. I don't see the problem.

mimiswoboda

Wildon, dude... I do not envy the sh*tstorm that's coming your way.

hahahaha! Love this!!!!!

But to the question, YES I'm treated very differently. I'm hit on quite a bit, people make more eye contact, doors are opened more, it's a totally different world. I feel much more respected. Sad.

veganbaum

I started putting on weight sort of purposely in a sort of subconscious type of way. I absolutely hated the way boys/men would look at me and treat me when I was thin - like that's all that mattered. At least when I was more overweight, I generally knew who my real friends were and that a guy liked me for me. Once I had my initial weight loss, I started noticing more of that attention again. Cat calls and crap. I expect more once I reach my goal weight, but now it doesn't have the same effect on me psychologically that it once did, basically I can ignore it and write those people off. I also think that people judge what overweight people eat WAY more than skinny people. Each person could be eating or buying the same food, but I think others judge the overweight person - like they shouldn't be eating that if it's a sweet or something, even though skinny does not equal healthy.

Notice a pattern here? Most of us don't appreciate the way many men choose to express their appreciation of our bodies. I only hope to find a man to make my life partner who knows how to be a gentleman, but also how to make me feel sexy without being degrading.

Hollie_downunder

The first time I lost a lot of weight, it seemed everyone wanted to point it out a work. Three or four times a day I'd hear 'Oh, wow-- what's your secret?' and comments like 'the incredible shrinking woman!' Most of these comments came from women, and mostly older women at that. Motherly figures trying to be very supportive, bless their hearts.
Believe it or not, even that positive attention made me feel uncomfortable. It made me feel like I was being stared at more-- especially in the lunch room. And since I heard it so much, I feared if I ever fell off the wagon, I would be the talk of the town. I've never been one that liked being the center of attention for ANY reason.
Call me a product of a lifetime of low self-esteem, but when you continually hear surprised exclamations of 'Wow! You're looking so good!' it makes me feel like saying, 'Just how hideous was I before?'

you have just hit the nail on the head for me! i get the same thing at work all the time, i'm not a show pony so don't appreciate the extra attention!
its actually started as an inside joke between the few people who work close by to me who hear it as many times a day as i do! though that does make me look at the funny side
getting a bit annoyed with the "look at you, skinny mini!" comments - or the good old "whats your secret/what have you been doing?!"

otr12

Is that a joey?

beach_bum_gurl

After losing approx. 120 lbs, these are the TWO things that stand out for me:

1- Men open and hold doors!
2- Salespeople want to help me buy clothes!

Hollie_downunder

Is that a joey?

Yes it is a Joey

jackieb79

Generally speaking most men don't find fat women attractive yet there are some beautiful overweight women mostly facially. A fit male generally wants a fit female for many reasons and not all those are physical. With that being said i don't treat people differently because of there weight but naturally when it comes to picking and choosing a partner overweight women go to the back of the line because for me i find obesity a sign of lack of discipline because it is. I lost ALOT of weight and yes i look good but i didn't do it for anybody other then myself. I'm treated the same now as when i was 50 lbs heavier. I'm much healthier now and that benefits every occasion even under the covers. True friends don't care what you look like but alot of times those who want to be more then friends most certainly do.

I would think people who have struggled with weight issues themselves would be less likely to judge others on appearance. Nobody likes being judged by how they look or how much they weigh. These are only one of thousands of characterstics in a person that make them who they are, why would you judge someone based on only that one trait? Fit people have faults too - just as many as fat people, some of the most physically fit people I know are also some of the most undisciplined people I know in other aspect of their lives just as some of the more overweight people I know are incredibly disciplined in other areas of their lives.

I've been on both sides (thin and fat) and yes it's true - people, (men especially, but also some women) treated me differently. I got hit on way more when I was thin, but I always felt offended when anybody would try and pick me up for such a superficial reason. If you're a cute thin lady, someone will always stop to help you change a flat tire on the road side, but if you're fat, they'll drive right by while you're getting soaked in the rain and splashed by cars changing it yourself (exception - if you're pregnant).

We all make snap judgements about people based on appearance - it's a reflex. But we can stop ourselves and ask "how would I want to be treated" and make a conscious effort to treat both fat and thin people the way we would like to be treated.

otr12

I stop and help every person I see that looks like they could use a hand changing a tire. I'm pretty sure the attractive ladies were disappointed I showed up before some hunky guy.

SkateboardFi

I am still very fat, and I know some men treat me differently. But sometimes in a good way - I get chatted up by the quiet guys, because they're too intimidated by the "pretty" girls. I also seem to be allowed to flirt with my married male friends, because their wives don't see me as a threat...

And yes, you can tell the prejudiced people from the genuine friends more easily.. those who dismiss me because I'm fat soon find out their mistake when they get to know me.

forgive me. but i see neither of these as positive things. it's almost like you're happy that you're put on a back burner. who wants to be the chick quiet guys go for because they're intimidated by the 'pretty' girls??? there are plenty of guys out there that would love you as you are without having you be the 'default chick'

and as far as being able to flirt with married men...again. forgive me. but the operative word that stuck out to me was MARRIED. who wants to do that? that makes them creeps, their wives shallow and...well. never mind.

PJS323

I've noticed a HUGE difference. People open doors, sale clerks are much more friendly, I get called "Miss", and people in general are just nicer. I never wanted to admit it to myself before, but I knew I was being judged because I was overweight. It's not fair, or right, but it's reality.

Maybe some of it has to do with the fact that I feel better about myself, and carry myself with more dignity. I make it a point to keep my head up, not stare at the ground like I use to.

ElizabethObviously

WHY do you think people treat thinner people better though?

I try to treat everyone the same but I guess because I am on the heavy side of the fence, I know most stereotypes are *kitten* backwards. So remember this, what you think you know about a person, is probably wrong. Never assume something about a person by how they look. Not all blondes are dumb. Not all redheads have a bad temper. Not all skinny people are anorexic. And not all heavy people are lazy.

alexwalper

I'm only halfway to my goal weight, but I have noticed people are nicer in general. I think that might be in part to my new found confidence. However, I've found the most response at the gym. The men are MUCH nicer; they always hold open doors, smile, wish me a nice day, etc.
The women, on the other hand, seem to be a lot colder by never smiling back or giving dirty looks. I'm worried that my smile of encouragement I usually share with anyone I notice really trying hard is being taken the wrong way.. Sometimes I want to stop them and explain how much weight I've actually lost and that I can totally relate. Oh well!