What NOT to say to your wife...

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  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
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    How about this.

    Me" Do you like my new jeans?'
    DH "Yes, you look great"
    Me "They are a size 10!"
    Dh" Oh, so are you done or gonna lose another 20???":noway:

    His 'crackers' are STILL waitin'!!:laugh:
    :laugh:
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
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    well, i know my husband has not noticed any change in me, but then again he never requested any change either...but now that i fit into a pair of jeans that used to be unzippable he has taken to the odd (fun yes, but not amusing when in public) habit of grabbing my rear and making a loud whooping sound. He says he loves my behind and that the jeans look hot but its still a little hard to recover from in the middle of the street. Please remember, my husband is a professional clown :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
    so what does he do for a living?:huh: :wink: just meaning a number of men are professional clowns...:noway: :wink:
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
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    I wanted to summarize Kelch's post with out smileys

    "men are schtoopid"

    that is all

    a...nd yet you still want us... honestly I've never figured that one out? :huh:

    And btw, things to not say top guy who is in the middle of his weight loss, "just get a bigger shirt honey". :sick:

    We need men to reproduce and also to kill bugs for us........

    That is all........wait.gif
    ]:bigsmile: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :tongue:
  • psantacruz
    psantacruz Posts: 71 Member
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    Yes, men ARE stupid.

    ...but to be fair, the crackers WERE stale.... :tongue:
  • Losing_It
    Losing_It Posts: 3,271 Member
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    Yes, men ARE stupid.

    ...but to be fair, the crackers WERE stale.... :tongue:

    OK...ok...maybe they were...but couldn't that have waited?:laugh:
  • plantlady99
    plantlady99 Posts: 1,338 Member
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    when she loses 48 pounds and buys a new sexy nightgown that shows off her new found curves....puts it on to show you while you are eating chili...

    "My crackers are stale!"

    :explode: :laugh:

    Just read this to my DH and he :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
    Thanks, Have a great day

    44118.png
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    Kathy
  • psantacruz
    psantacruz Posts: 71 Member
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    When I see DH, I think designated hitter. :tongue:

    How are you using it?
  • ceedee22ed
    ceedee22ed Posts: 71
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    Yes, men ARE stupid.

    ...but to be fair, the crackers WERE stale.... :tongue:

    OK...ok...maybe they were...but couldn't that have waited?:laugh:

    ok, beat him at his own game...next time he snuggles up and seems like he´s trying to get something going give him a long hard look...slowly lean in...and suddenly... "you know? I dont think the fabric softener is doing enough, your shirt still smells, the bottle said it was baby powder fresh but you dont smell fresh, you smell like, well...you!...hmmm this just isnt working out....I think I have a coupon for another brand floating around the kitchen..." and get up and leave...that´ll be the end of that!
    In my case, when my husband starts to get to friendly and im trying to sleep i just turn around, give him a long hard look and tell him that i think he has too much lust in his heart and that it is not right, that he needs to see God and spend less time thinking of how to get with me when im tired and more time seeking the Lords forgiveness for having those thoughts all the time...now don´t get me wrong, we are very spiritual but it always cracks him up...and a good heavy laugh is the best way to prove the ever known law of "what goes up must come down" - works like a charm without turning him down openly
  • dothompson
    dothompson Posts: 1,184 Member
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    I wanted to summarize Kelch's post with out smileys

    "men are schtoopid"

    that is all

    a...nd yet you still want us... honestly I've never figured that one out? :huh:

    And btw, things to not say top guy who is in the middle of his weight loss, "just get a bigger shirt honey". :sick:



    We need men to reproduce and also to kill bugs for us........

    That is all........wait.gif

    And I always thought it was because we can parallel park.
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
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    When I see DH, I think designated hitter. :tongue:

    How are you using it?
    internet useage is usually Dear Heart, Dear Husband etc.... same when you see DD some use that as dear daughter, darling daughter.... make sense now?:huh:

    No not to me either...LOL I found it sorta quirky when first using the net way back when:wink: ...no offense to anyone intended :bigsmile: :laugh: I just find myself using a name or whatever if I'm referencing someone....:noway: :blushing: :bigsmile:
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
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    I wanted to summarize Kelch's post with out smileys

    "men are schtoopid"

    that is all

    a...nd yet you still want us... honestly I've never figured that one out? :huh:

    And btw, things to not say top guy who is in the middle of his weight loss, "just get a bigger shirt honey". :sick:



    We need men to reproduce and also to kill bugs for us........

    That is all........wait.gif

    And I always thought it was because we can parallel park.

    ooh ooh that one too!!
    (and cuddle with:heart: when it is coooold 52 degrees tonight! and the moon is beautiful!)
  • jamerz3294
    jamerz3294 Posts: 1,824 Member
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    I wanted to summarize Kelch's post with out smileys

    "men are schtoopid"

    that is all

    a...nd yet you still want us... honestly I've never figured that one out? :huh:

    And btw, things to not say top guy who is in the middle of his weight loss, "just get a bigger shirt honey". :sick:



    We need men to reproduce and also to kill bugs for us........

    That is all........wait.gif

    And I always thought it was because we can parallel park.

    ooh ooh that one too!!
    (and cuddle with:heart: when it is coooold 52 degrees tonight! and the moon is beautiful!)

    Oh thank gawd, for a sec I was worried that the only thing we were good for wuz burping, farting and adjusting ourselves in public, whew!
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
    Options
    I wanted to summarize Kelch's post with out smileys

    "men are schtoopid"

    that is all

    a...nd yet you still want us... honestly I've never figured that one out? :huh:

    And btw, things to not say top guy who is in the middle of his weight loss, "just get a bigger shirt honey". :sick:



    We need men to reproduce and also to kill bugs for us........

    That is all........wait.gif

    And I always thought it was because we can parallel park.

    ooh ooh that one too!!
    (and cuddle with:heart: when it is coooold 52 degrees tonight! and the moon is beautiful!)

    Oh thank gawd, for a sec I was worried that the only thing we were good for wuz burping, farting and adjusting ourselves in public, whew!

    well your toot toots DO make me:laugh: :laugh:
    in the store....:glasses: :glasses: not so much :laugh:
  • jamerz3294
    jamerz3294 Posts: 1,824 Member
    Options
    I wanted to summarize Kelch's post with out smileys

    "men are schtoopid"

    that is all

    a...nd yet you still want us... honestly I've never figured that one out? :huh:

    And btw, things to not say top guy who is in the middle of his weight loss, "just get a bigger shirt honey". :sick:



    We need men to reproduce and also to kill bugs for us........

    That is all........wait.gif

    And I always thought it was because we can parallel park.

    ooh ooh that one too!!
    (and cuddle with:heart: when it is coooold 52 degrees tonight! and the moon is beautiful!)

    Oh thank gawd, for a sec I was worried that the only thing we were good for wuz burping, farting and adjusting ourselves in public, whew!

    well your toot toots DO make me:laugh: :laugh:
    in the store....:glasses: :glasses: not so much :laugh:

    the abso best is when your are heading into the exit, only to rip a particularly loud, and wet, and nasty fart, so you quickly glare at her, and call her by name! :drinker: :laugh: :bigsmile: :glasses: Warning to any guy that hsn't done this yet; it only works once, believe me. :cry: :huh:
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
    Options
    I wanted to summarize Kelch's post with out smileys

    "men are schtoopid"

    that is all

    a...nd yet you still want us... honestly I've never figured that one out? :huh:

    And btw, things to not say top guy who is in the middle of his weight loss, "just get a bigger shirt honey". :sick:



    We need men to reproduce and also to kill bugs for us........

    That is all........wait.gif

    And I always thought it was because we can parallel park.

    ooh ooh that one too!!
    (and cuddle with:heart: when it is coooold 52 degrees tonight! and the moon is beautiful!)

    Oh thank gawd, for a sec I was worried that the only thing we were good for wuz burping, farting and adjusting ourselves in public, whew!

    well your toot toots DO make me:laugh: :laugh:
    in the store....:glasses: :glasses: not so much :laugh:

    the abso best is when your are heading into the exit, only to rip a particularly loud, and wet, and nasty fart, so you quickly glare at her, and call her by name! :drinker: :laugh: :bigsmile: :glasses: Warning to any guy that hsn't done this yet; it only works once, believe me. :cry: :huh:

    :angry: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    We got into our decorated love mobile after exchanging our vows. Family on the front porch, waving good bye! No A/C, windows rolled up....DH lets one rip:noway: Newly wed bride is in shock.:noway:
    Hubby says "I can do that now and you cant leave me!!" :wink:

    Shoulda known what I was in for!! 25 yrs later, nothing has changed!
  • joann
    joann Posts: 624 Member
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    I bet more than one thing has changed .......I bet you that you now fart in front of dh......when your dating your body doesnt do such a horrible thing but when the ring comes on the gas comes out:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
    Options
    I bet more than one thing has changed .......I bet you that you now fart in front of dh......when your dating your body doesnt do such a horrible thing but when the ring comes on the gas comes out:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    :noway: :grumble: :glasses: :flowerforyou:

    :laugh: :wink: :laugh:
  • kellch
    kellch Posts: 7,849 Member
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    I wanted to summarize Kelch's post with out smileys

    "men are schtoopid"

    that is all

    a...nd yet you still want us... honestly I've never figured that one out? :huh:

    And btw, things to not say top guy who is in the middle of his weight loss, "just get a bigger shirt honey". :sick:



    We need men to reproduce and also to kill bugs for us........

    That is all........wait.gif

    And I always thought it was because we can parallel park.

    No...I can parallel park just fine...thank you :bigsmile: :grumble:
  • kellch
    kellch Posts: 7,849 Member
    Options
    I wanted to summarize Kelch's post with out smileys

    "men are schtoopid"

    that is all

    a...nd yet you still want us... honestly I've never figured that one out? :huh:

    And btw, things to not say top guy who is in the middle of his weight loss, "just get a bigger shirt honey". :sick:



    We need men to reproduce and also to kill bugs for us........

    That is all........wait.gif

    And I always thought it was because we can parallel park.

    ooh ooh that one too!!
    (and cuddle with:heart: when it is coooold 52 degrees tonight! and the moon is beautiful!)

    Oh thank gawd, for a sec I was worried that the only thing we were good for wuz burping, farting and adjusting ourselves in public, whew!

    That about sums it up....but add the killing bugs and reproducing :laugh:
  • FitJoani
    FitJoani Posts: 2,173 Member
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    its funny you say this cause I remember one time I had on a knee length skirt(it was cute and fit me well) and a fitted shirt my hair and makeup done well and I thought I looked cute and I stopped by work and everyone there thought so too. I get to my boyfriends place and he wanted to go out and get a drink and instead of a you look really good I get "do you want to change your shoes" and he wonders why I dont feel confident when I am around him.

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