My boyfriend is annoying.

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Replies

  • brattyworm
    brattyworm Posts: 2,137 Member
    YOU GUYS!!!! Rat poison DOES make a mess. 1. He'll get bloody diarrhea, 2. He'll get bloody vomiting 3. You still have to dispose of the body!!!!

    Every time he does something like this, remind him that "at some point tonight, you are going to go to sleep... and then you're mine." No specifics necessary, just change your name to Lorena Bobbit.

    bodies are easily disposed of in the desert..... just sayin
  • NotGoddess
    NotGoddess Posts: 1,198 Member
    I always liked the idea of chocolate chunk cookies made from ex-lax myself. Non-fatal but he'll stay busy for a while.
  • reepobob
    reepobob Posts: 1,172 Member
    Super glue his Johnson to his belly and then get him excited...

    Sucks having to take a leak while standing on your head...
  • Tiggerrick
    Tiggerrick Posts: 1,078 Member
    YOU GUYS!!!! Rat poison DOES make a mess. 1. He'll get bloody diarrhea, 2. He'll get bloody vomiting 3. You still have to dispose of the body!!!!

    Every time he does something like this, remind him that "at some point tonight, you are going to go to sleep... and then you're mine." No specifics necessary, just change your name to Lorena Bobbit.

    bodies are easily disposed of in the desert..... just sayin
    Yea, and I guess you could log all that "moderate cleaning" and "digging a hole" into your calorie burn:laugh:
  • Articeluvsmemphis
    Articeluvsmemphis Posts: 1,987 Member
    slip some alli in his drink

    the runs, lol
  • sej1990
    sej1990 Posts: 96 Member
    Rat Poison. No mess.

    Oh, or you could pinch his dong and say "Its not THAT cold in here."

    lol this is hilarious lol
  • iamahealthychick
    iamahealthychick Posts: 207 Member
    It's okay. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a spatula and beat him with it. It led to a spatula/back scratcher duel, but I won.
    Wait, a beating is a punishment?

    Oh ****. I'm doing this all wrong.

    Only sometimes. I have threatened guys with a smack-they get that excited look in their eyes and then I qualify it with "not a happy-joy-joy smack.... A make-you-cry-and-want-your-mommy smack". There's a difference!
  • jwerman
    jwerman Posts: 176
    You would be amazed the respect you get with a head butt. After you head butt some *kitten* ONE time, they will never f**k with you again - it is now my first response
    hit him quick, hit him hard - right between the eyes and you don't have to say anything or ask for anything - They get it
    Nice! I need to perfect this technique...I wonder if my Taekwondo instructors would approve of this as a move.....hmmmmmmm......prolly not, LOL! Good luck with the BF, you'll figure out a way to get him back...bwahhaha!
  • katkins3
    katkins3 Posts: 1,359 Member
    Buy a BFS!
    Bigger Fu**ing Spatula!
  • EuroDriver
    EuroDriver Posts: 254
    YOU GUYS!!!! Rat poison DOES make a mess. 1. He'll get bloody diarrhea, 2. He'll get bloody vomiting 3. You still have to dispose of the body!!!!

    Every time he does something like this, remind him that "at some point tonight, you are going to go to sleep... and then you're mine." No specifics necessary, just change your name to Lorena Bobbit.

    bodies are easily disposed of in the desert..... just sayin

    In all criminal rings the highest risk is the transportation... do you want to drive around with a body in the trunk? didnt think so... so anti freeze it is so u can call ambulance about a half hour after he dies...

    and if u do need to dispose of a body.... desert.. anyone find him they can trace him back to ya... instead feed him to the pigs.. pigs eat bone, teeth, everything.. so all u get is a pile of poop after..
  • gnat45
    gnat45 Posts: 833 Member
    I had an ex who loved to poke me in my belly.
  • knittnponder
    knittnponder Posts: 1,953 Member
    Well placed back fist and call it a "love tap".
  • brattyworm
    brattyworm Posts: 2,137 Member
    YOU GUYS!!!! Rat poison DOES make a mess. 1. He'll get bloody diarrhea, 2. He'll get bloody vomiting 3. You still have to dispose of the body!!!!

    Every time he does something like this, remind him that "at some point tonight, you are going to go to sleep... and then you're mine." No specifics necessary, just change your name to Lorena Bobbit.

    bodies are easily disposed of in the desert..... just sayin

    In all criminal rings the highest risk is the transportation... do you want to drive around with a body in the trunk? didnt think so... so anti freeze it is so u can call ambulance about a half hour after he dies...

    and if u do need to dispose of a body.... desert.. anyone find him they can trace him back to ya... instead feed him to the pigs.. pigs eat bone, teeth, everything.. so all u get is a pile of poop after..

    good point... i have a pick up beds are easily washed out.... and aren't javelinas similar to pigs? or is that a different thing... lots of javelinas and coyotes around the desert....
  • EuroDriver
    EuroDriver Posts: 254
    YOU GUYS!!!! Rat poison DOES make a mess. 1. He'll get bloody diarrhea, 2. He'll get bloody vomiting 3. You still have to dispose of the body!!!!

    Every time he does something like this, remind him that "at some point tonight, you are going to go to sleep... and then you're mine." No specifics necessary, just change your name to Lorena Bobbit.

    bodies are easily disposed of in the desert..... just sayin

    In all criminal rings the highest risk is the transportation... do you want to drive around with a body in the trunk? didnt think so... so anti freeze it is so u can call ambulance about a half hour after he dies...

    and if u do need to dispose of a body.... desert.. anyone find him they can trace him back to ya... instead feed him to the pigs.. pigs eat bone, teeth, everything.. so all u get is a pile of poop after..

    good point... i have a pick up beds are easily washed out.... and aren't javelinas similar to pigs? or is that a different thing... lots of javelinas and coyotes around the desert....

    they leave the bones... all u need is couple human bones or teeth n ur f.u.c.k.e.d. lol


    other thing she could have done.. is make a simple smoke bomb... toss it in the room he is in.. run in with a baseball bat.. hit him in the gut and knee caps couple times n throw the bat away.. then start yelling and screaming that someone broke in the house...
    Recepie for smoke bomb:
    -buy 2 instant cold packs(make sure they are the ones with pebbles and water bag that u need to pop; their most common ones)
    -take luke warm water in a big bowl and pour the pebbles(ammodium nitrate) from the cold pack and mix water will turn ice cold
    -take large sheet of news paper or phonebook paper works great and dip soak for about 10-15sec
    -dry the sheet over a small flame, in low heat oven or sun(last option and least effective)
    -fold couple times and roll into a small tube and put a small piece of tape to hold it in a tube
    -light one end, blow the flame out, toss and run, it will smoke like crazy and wont light up unless you got the formula wrong..

    works just like a military grade or store bought smoke granades.. GOOD LUCK!!
  • brattyworm
    brattyworm Posts: 2,137 Member
    YOU GUYS!!!! Rat poison DOES make a mess. 1. He'll get bloody diarrhea, 2. He'll get bloody vomiting 3. You still have to dispose of the body!!!!

    Every time he does something like this, remind him that "at some point tonight, you are going to go to sleep... and then you're mine." No specifics necessary, just change your name to Lorena Bobbit.

    bodies are easily disposed of in the desert..... just sayin

    In all criminal rings the highest risk is the transportation... do you want to drive around with a body in the trunk? didnt think so... so anti freeze it is so u can call ambulance about a half hour after he dies...

    and if u do need to dispose of a body.... desert.. anyone find him they can trace him back to ya... instead feed him to the pigs.. pigs eat bone, teeth, everything.. so all u get is a pile of poop after..

    good point... i have a pick up beds are easily washed out.... and aren't javelinas similar to pigs? or is that a different thing... lots of javelinas and coyotes around the desert....

    they leave the bones... all u need is couple human bones or teeth n ur f.u.c.k.e.d. lol


    other thing she could have done.. is make a simple smoke bomb... toss it in the room he is in.. run in with a baseball bat.. hit him in the gut and knee caps couple times n throw the bat away.. then start yelling and screaming that someone broke in the house...
    Recepie for smoke bomb:
    -buy 2 instant cold packs(make sure they are the ones with pebbles and water bag that u need to pop; their most common ones)
    -take luke warm water in a big bowl and pour the pebbles(ammodium nitrate) from the cold pack and mix water will turn ice cold
    -take large sheet of news paper or phonebook paper works great and dip soak for about 10-15sec
    -dry the sheet over a small flame, in low heat oven or sun(last option and least effective)
    -fold couple times and roll into a small tube and put a small piece of tape to hold it in a tube
    -light one end, blow the flame out, toss and run, it will smoke like crazy and wont light up unless you got the formula wrong..

    works just like a military grade or store bought smoke granades.. GOOD LUCK!!


    hmmm can you make an exwife disappear....... no she's not mine technically, but when you marry .... well you marry into them
  • mandeiko
    mandeiko Posts: 1,657 Member
    Wow, guys can be so dense. That is all.
  • thegymbunny
    thegymbunny Posts: 602 Member
    Wow, guys can be so dense. That is all.

    This is an understatement!
  • mandeiko
    mandeiko Posts: 1,657 Member
    Wow, guys can be so dense. That is all.

    This is an understatement!
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • had3nuf
    had3nuf Posts: 59
    YOU GUYS!!!! Rat poison DOES make a mess. 1. He'll get bloody diarrhea, 2. He'll get bloody vomiting 3. You still have to dispose of the body!!!!

    Every time he does something like this, remind him that "at some point tonight, you are going to go to sleep... and then you're mine." No specifics necessary, just change your name to Lorena Bobbit.

    bodies are easily disposed of in the desert..... just sayin

    *******************************
    And I've got a really huge fire pit in my back yard...perfect for roastin marshmellows...and burnin 'rubbish'........
  • EuroDriver
    EuroDriver Posts: 254
    YOU GUYS!!!! Rat poison DOES make a mess. 1. He'll get bloody diarrhea, 2. He'll get bloody vomiting 3. You still have to dispose of the body!!!!

    Every time he does something like this, remind him that "at some point tonight, you are going to go to sleep... and then you're mine." No specifics necessary, just change your name to Lorena Bobbit.

    bodies are easily disposed of in the desert..... just sayin

    *******************************
    And I've got a really huge fire pit in my back yard...perfect for roastin marshmellows...and burnin 'rubbish'........

    lol ull have neibourghs running over asking if they can have some of ur BBQ
  • sosayscyndi
    sosayscyndi Posts: 35 Member
    If anyone posts anything helpful, let me know. My husband says he likes my fluff and can't get why that's offensive:)
  • had3nuf
    had3nuf Posts: 59
    YOU GUYS!!!! Rat poison DOES make a mess. 1. He'll get bloody diarrhea, 2. He'll get bloody vomiting 3. You still have to dispose of the body!!!!

    Every time he does something like this, remind him that "at some point tonight, you are going to go to sleep... and then you're mine." No specifics necessary, just change your name to Lorena Bobbit.

    bodies are easily disposed of in the desert..... just sayin

    *******************************
    And I've got a really huge fire pit in my back yard...perfect for roastin marshmellows...and burnin 'rubbish'........

    lol ull have neibourghs running over asking if they can have some of ur BBQ


    ***************************************
    Lolol.....I would say "Why of course!!".....if the bones are in their trash....they're NOT in mine.........
  • EuroDriver
    EuroDriver Posts: 254
    YOU GUYS!!!! Rat poison DOES make a mess. 1. He'll get bloody diarrhea, 2. He'll get bloody vomiting 3. You still have to dispose of the body!!!!

    Every time he does something like this, remind him that "at some point tonight, you are going to go to sleep... and then you're mine." No specifics necessary, just change your name to Lorena Bobbit.

    bodies are easily disposed of in the desert..... just sayin

    *******************************
    And I've got a really huge fire pit in my back yard...perfect for roastin marshmellows...and burnin 'rubbish'........

    lol ull have neibourghs running over asking if they can have some of ur BBQ


    ***************************************
    Lolol.....I would say "Why of course!!".....if the bones are in their trash....they're NOT in mine.........

    lmao good one!!!
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
    I have found that a combination of acid and lye works really well for disposing of eveidance...first what you need to do is...oh wait never mind Im um just kidding ....really
  • When you are done losing the fat, have sex with his best friend then dump him.
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