It's NOT a compliment when someone says...
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[ If they are commenting it's because something struck them as worthy of a comment. Either you really do look good for having kids (why is that such a terrible thing?), or they mean in sarcastically, in which case you should kick them in the balls.
You are right, as much as I don't want to be forty something, someone saw me worthy of being told that I am pretty...which may have been awkward because I am a forty something wife and the mother of two children...they were much younger etc...so I will take it as a compliment...I still want to be young again though.......sigh....0 -
not weight related butttttttttt the one that is most irritating is when ppl of other nationalities say "oh your pretty... for a black girl"
ummm thanks...0 -
I agree, some of the younger guys without any commitments must have it far easier. Looking at some of the comments that people have found hurtful, I wonder whether some people are a bit thin skinned and maybe don't hear the compliment at all.And no it's not a back-handed compliment. It's just a complement (albeit maybe not the one I want, but still a compliment). I AM, afterall, a single father. I glad people see me as good enough or fit enough or whatever DESPITE being a single father... that means I'm overcoming some challenge.
It doesn't bother me if someone makes a comment about my being too fat, it was my choice, nobody pinned me to the floor and foced too much food down my throat. I take full responsibility for the position I'm in, I'm taking steps to do something about it, and i=I'm proud of that.
So if someone makes a comment about you (generic you) being fat, remember that most of us are here because we're too fat. It's not news to us so why get upset when someone actually mentions it?
Remember, most people are not deliberately setting out to be rude.0 -
Right, I think calling someone a butter face is more desirable. I mean at least you know they are taking care of themselves.
Not directed to you at all, but I loathe this comment the most. When I hear this it just makes it more apparent that people are truely shallow.0 -
Saw a friend this past weekend I haven't seen in 10 years. Her comment about my 180 lbs weight loss.
"It's great you lost all that weight -when are you going to have surgery to get rid of that underarm stuff?"0 -
Sounds like a co-worker I had, she'd always give me a back-handed compliment. Ummm, thanks?!
You have a pretty face or you're pretty for a big girl. LOL0 -
i hate those type of compliments, which i've grown up with my whole life, but i do agree that they aren't meant badly. And in fact, the same person complimenting you for being "pretty for a big girl" might also say you are just pretty, when you are no longer big.....
While not the same thing, i hate the well meaning family members that have to remark on your weight...i know they are concerned, but saying things like "hmm, have you put on a few pounds" is just crap. After all, i own a scale and mirror just like anyone else. I think next time i'll say "thank you SO MUCH for telling me, i hadn't noticed!!" LOL.
I do think it's kinda crap to get mad at someone that notices my weight though, like when a kid laughs, etc...after all, it is a true thing and indeed it is noticeable. I remember when i was younger, i used to not want to go into lane bryant, i was sooo afraid someone would see me walk in. Then i met someone who basically said "errrr, it's not like they can't see that you are overweight and might shop at lane bryant." Boy did that put it into perspective - totally true!!0 -
I think I am guilty of the 'you look great for having kids' compliment. I definitely ALWAYS mean it as a compliment though. I never thought of it as mean. Some people don't even look like they could have possibly had a child and I just get so amazed at how they look in general, especially if they've had children. I come from an over-weight family, so I guess in my mind, if you've had kids you're more likely to be over-weight. I've been over-weight without having to even give birth, so I think I am just so surprised at how well people are able to take care of their bodies when they have other bodies to worry about as well.
Please don't take those compliments the wrong way. I'm sure there's people out there that mean well just as much as I do, and I hate to think I hurt someone's feelings when I thought I was giving them a genuine compliment.
For the face compliments- (butterface ones)- at least people think that you have a pretty face. My body isn't bad, but it has been, and I would love to not have the acne on my face since age 11. Lucky for me, it's not too noticable unless you get a side shot of my face, but still, when I was over-weight I wouldn't have even been considered a butterface. I have a sister that is 100 lbs bigger than me, but everyone in my family is always talking about how beautiful she is. Yeah, sometimes they say stuff like how she should lose some weight, and for health reasons they're right and I think they were just trying to motivate her to take better care of herself. It is so annoying for me though, all my family can comment on about me is how they can't believe my skin is so bad, but oh my sister is just georgous. At least with the face compliments, someone says/thinks you're pretty.
*For the single dad comment- I'm sure that they meant you are fast for a single dad, meaning they're probably impressed with the committment you have to you speed even though you're a busy father.0 -
"you look good for having kids"
in other words, you look like crap if you didn't
I have ALWAYS wondered how the hell to reply to that...0 -
Right, I think calling someone a butter face is more desirable. I mean at least you know they are taking care of themselves.
Isn't a "butter face" when you can't tell whether you're looking at a person's butt-or-face?0 -
In college, I was at a party and I saw a girl that I went to HS with. She was boring and plain in HS, but was smoking hot this particular night, not just because of the bottle of jack in my hand. Anyways, I says, (in jersey speak, being at Rutgers) "Hey Melissa, what's going on!? Wow, you got hot."
I got slapped.
Implicit in my statement was that she was not hot before. Which she wasn't. However, I agree with the reaction, in retrospect.
I still would have taken that as a compliment.0 -
but it's almost just as bad when they lie.
and you know you are 20kg overweight after having 2 kids and letting yourself go, you know you are out of control and feel terrible about the way you look and you see someone you haven't seen for ages and they say "oh you look great".... and it's like, yeah right, don't lie, i'm 20kg heavier than when i saw you last, i have 3 chins, i can't see my own genitals or feet, how the hell could you say that...
phew, thank god those days are over.0 -
No it means, everything looks good, but her face (butter face)Right, I think calling someone a butter face is more desirable. I mean at least you know they are taking care of themselves.
Isn't a "butter face" when you can't tell whether you're looking at a person's butt-or-face?0 -
i always thought it was "everything looks good butt-er face"Right, I think calling someone a butter face is more desirable. I mean at least you know they are taking care of themselves.
Isn't a "butter face" when you can't tell whether you're looking at a person's butt-or-face? 0 -
This guy I knew, would ask me out..and flirt all the time...even though I told him..everytime..that I had a boyfriend, and it wasn't happenin. So the last time he asked..and I said again "IIIII HAAVVVEEE AAA BBOOYYYFFRRIIEENNDD!"... he gets mad and says "Well, I'm not really into big gurls anyway".
So I said "Nucca puhleeeze...boyfriend or no boyfriend..I wouldn't touch your *kitten* with someone else's hands, ufn idiot!!"0 -
I actually had a girl tell me "If you lost weight, you'd be really handsome". Thanks?0
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No it means, everything looks good, but her face (butter face)Right, I think calling someone a butter face is more desirable. I mean at least you know they are taking care of themselves.
Isn't a "butter face" when you can't tell whether you're looking at a person's butt-or-face?
lol this definition - urbandictionary.com yall0 -
I got this one once..."You're flexible for a hefty woman..." :laugh:0
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Every womans nightmare: So how far along are you?
I've hate that one!0 -
Has anyone heard the "cute outfit kid".... When you at a party and someone goes to so and so's child and goes "oh!....what a cute outfit they have on" rather than "what a cute kid"
sorry. but you do not want a "cute outfit kid"
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My boyfriend said a few years ago - before we were dating - "I'm so glad you lost weight. You came home from fire season fat and I didn't know how to tell you."
I really do love the guy.
After we were dating he decided to dye his red hair black. Two month later when I shaved it off and it was red again, I said to him "I'm glad you went back to your natural color. It looked awful and I didn't know how to tell you"0 -
"OH your grandson is so cute" WTH! He's my son!!!0
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ok, I'll bite...
I can see why you don't want to take it as the nicest thing anyone has every said to you, but don't dismiss it entirely either. I get that you want to look better, and that's great... but but there's a complement in there (assuming it wasn't meant sarcastically).
I'm a member of my local triathlon club... if after tonight's run-bike-run session someone looked at me and said, "wow, you're really fast for a single father"... I would take it as a compliment and respond with, "Thanks... next step is to be fast, period." They are still complementing me even if it's not the compliment I want. Besides, I AM a single father, I AM older than a lot of them... it's still a good thing to be fast for a single dad.
I bet you wouldn't like it if I said "You're pretty smart for a retarded person." Do you see the difference? Being a single dad has no bearing on being fast. But the way the "compliment" is being phrased is essentially saying "I just want to remind you that you're not good enough. In fact you're the opposite of the thing I'm complimenting you on." That's why it's so rude.0 -
You're right, I wouldn't like it. Because I'm not retarded, so it's a ridiculous comparison to make. If someone tells you that you look good for someone with kids... guess what - that's what you are... a person with kids. Be happy that you look good for what you are. It's OK to try to look better than that, but be happy that you don't look like terrible, even for someone with kids.I bet you wouldn't like it if I said "You're pretty smart for a retarded person." Do you see the difference? Being a single dad has no bearing on being fast. But the way the "compliment" is being phrased is essentially saying "I just want to remind you that you're not good enough. In fact you're the opposite of the thing I'm complimenting you on." That's why it's so rude.
You argument holds no water what so ever. Being a single dad ABSOLUTELY has an effect on my training, and thus how fast I am as I only have 2 nights a week free to train.
They are CLEARLY NOT reminding you that you're not good enough. They are saying you are doing great for what you are (someone with kids, a 40 something, whatever). The problem is that isn't good enough for you... they are complimenting you on something you are insecure about or unhappy with. You take that insecurity/unhappiness and twist things around in your head and turn it into an insult, which it clearly isn't.
There is a woman I work with to whom, on occasion, I will say, "You look really good today." That doesn't mean she looks like death warmed over the rest of the time (which is what posts in this thread are contending), because she doesn't... it means that she looks really good today. Period.
People need to learn how to listen and then learn how to take a compliment.0 -
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You look so nice today . . . so that means I don't normally?
You know what, I've said that to people, and it's not a backhanded compliment in the least. It just means I think you look nice, and I'm saying it. This awful woman i used to work with really got mad at me when she really dressed up one day in a great suit, and I complimented her on it. She jumped down my throat, like, "What, do you think I look ugly every other day? What's wrong with you?!"
I was so annoyed at that.0 -
Actually had a stranger tell me once... "WOW, you have a beautiful little girl! She must really take after her dad."
thanks.:grumble:0 -
Oh geez, come on ladies, you're over analyzing as women are wont to do.0
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"you look good for having kids"
in other words, you look like crap if you didn't
I have ALWAYS wondered how the hell to reply to that...
um... say thanks???0 -
Has anyone heard the "cute outfit kid".... When you at a party and someone goes to so and so's child and goes "oh!....what a cute outfit they have on" rather than "what a cute kid"
sorry. but you do not want a "cute outfit kid"
What's wrong with complimenting a kid's outfit? If I had a kid, they'd always be dressed in supercute outfits, and I love compliments on outfits I put together. Doesn't mean that your kid is ugly, #toosensitive0
This discussion has been closed.
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