It's NOT a compliment when someone says...

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  • MzMiller1215
    MzMiller1215 Posts: 633 Member
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    'You look great for having four kids' :huh:

    I hear that ALL THE TIME!! Ugh!! I'm thinking, "How am I supposed to look?"
  • cheryl72076
    cheryl72076 Posts: 27
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    I've even had someone say "You'd be a knockout if you'd get down to your boxing weight" I mean WTH :noway:
  • otr12
    otr12 Posts: 632 Member
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    Some of these posts are just fuel for the "can women be friends" thread.

    Yep.
    I would be delighted to get most of these compliments.
  • AngelsKisses75
    AngelsKisses75 Posts: 595 Member
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    Most of the time people have good intentions in their compliments, however sometimes foot in the mouth disease is prevelant. take the complments the way they are intended. You look good, You are pretty, etc.

    *nods agreement* It is about changing your frame of mind and how you take the compliment. :flowerforyou:
  • kfitz10103
    kfitz10103 Posts: 354
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    How about the comment I got the other day, "Are you sure you just had two kids?"

    I would prefer, "Wow! You look great!" Had an old friend I hadn't seen in about 18 months come in to work the other day and said she wouldn't even recognize me. That I look like a different person. That was a nice one I could hear all day long.
  • GouletB
    GouletB Posts: 50 Member
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    I totally agree!!!!! I HATE that! I want to look hot compared to everyone not just the other moms out there!
  • cheryl72076
    cheryl72076 Posts: 27
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    i don't have the compliment problem......i just have the rude people that are like "i eat from a smaller plate so i don't gain weight. you should to". i get the RUDE RUDE RUDE people..........but i may be more biased since it is my dad's wife...and i have NEVER cared for her!


    Now that's just WRONG! :angry:
  • LaSweetMini
    LaSweetMini Posts: 157 Member
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    ughhhh tell me about it..."OMG your face is beautiful! You could be a model if you where skinny."
  • heathersmilez
    heathersmilez Posts: 2,579 Member
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    ok, I'll bite...

    I can see why you don't want to take it as the nicest thing anyone has every said to you, but don't dismiss it entirely either. I get that you want to look better, and that's great... but but there's a complement in there (assuming it wasn't meant sarcastically).

    I'm a member of my local triathlon club... if after tonight's run-bike-run session someone looked at me and said, "wow, you're really fast for a single father"... I would take it as a compliment and respond with, "Thanks... next step is to be fast, period." They are still complementing me even if it's not the compliment I want. Besides, I AM a single father, I AM older than a lot of them... it's still a good thing to be fast for a single dad.

    Being a single father and commenting on your speed have NOTHING to do with each other. The women complaining about people say they look good - for having kids is due to the changes in weight and shape they’ve experienced as a result of pregnancy in in effect, people are telling them they do look ‘acceptable’ considering what there bodies have been though.

    If someone told you have nice eyes - for a single father than THAT is a back-handed comment in that your eyes are ok but would look much better if you got a chance to sleep more in between the chores of parenthood.
  • missybct
    missybct Posts: 321 Member
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    Oh, I've had the "You'd be the prettiest girl in the bar if you were 50lbs lighter" :bigsmile: :grumble:

    I just think of that when I'm feeling a bit low on motivation!
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    How about "I hope I look like that when I am YOUR age!!"

    lol, I get this one a lot! It really doesn't offend me though. I take it as a compliment:)
  • TluvK
    TluvK Posts: 733 Member
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    ok, I'll bite...

    I can see why you don't want to take it as the nicest thing anyone has every said to you, but don't dismiss it entirely either. I get that you want to look better, and that's great... but but there's a complement in there (assuming it wasn't meant sarcastically).

    I'm a member of my local triathlon club... if after tonight's run-bike-run session someone looked at me and said, "wow, you're really fast for a single father"... I would take it as a compliment and respond with, "Thanks... next step is to be fast, period." They are still complementing me even if it's not the compliment I want. Besides, I AM a single father, I AM older than a lot of them... it's still a good thing to be fast for a single dad.

    Being a single father and commenting on your speed have NOTHING to do with each other. The women complaining about people say they look good - for having kids is due to the changes in weight and shape they’ve experienced as a result of pregnancy in in effect, people are telling them they do look ‘acceptable’ considering what there bodies have been though.

    If someone told you have nice eyes - for a single father than THAT is a back-handed comment in that your eyes are ok but would look much better if you got a chance to sleep more in between the chores of parenthood.

    I actually see a connection here. As a single father, he has much less time to train than a younger, single guy. So, he's good despite the fact he might get to train less. As for the having kids compliment. I actually love when people say that to me. I have had two kids and I do look great. There are SO many women that use having kids as an excuse to stay fat. I think the person giving this compliment is keeping that in perspective when they say it. And, if they didn't think they looked great, they wouldn't say anything at all.
  • jacksonpt
    jacksonpt Posts: 10,413 Member
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    Being a single father and commenting on your speed have NOTHING to do with each other. The women complaining about people say they look good - for having kids is due to the changes in weight and shape they’ve experienced as a result of pregnancy in in effect, people are telling them they do look ‘acceptable’ considering what there bodies have been though.

    If someone told you have nice eyes - for a single father than THAT is a back-handed comment in that your eyes are ok but would look much better if you got a chance to sleep more in between the chores of parenthood.
    I disagree. No one comments on ANYTHING that is only acceptable. They comment on the good or the bad. Look at these boards, when was the last time you say a "hey everyone, I had an OK workout today" post? Never. If they are commenting it's because something struck them as worthy of a comment. Either you really do look good for having kids (why is that such a terrible thing?), or they mean in sarcastically, in which case you should kick them in the balls.

    And no it's not a back-handed compliment. It's just a complement (albeit maybe not the one I want, but still a compliment). I AM, afterall, a single father. I glad people see me as good enough or fit enough or whatever DESPITE being a single father... that means I'm overcoming some challenge.
  • zippo32
    zippo32 Posts: 1,419 Member
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    .........."you're not overweight, you're HUSKY"
    See comedians for jokes.................
    Z.
  • keb80
    keb80 Posts: 394
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    "you look good for having kids"

    :grumble: ... I get this one. And, I don't really consider it a compliment. I don't wanna look good for having 3 kids.... I just wanna look good. I used to have that on my profile page.
  • ThierMummy3
    ThierMummy3 Posts: 15
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    an aunt i hadn't seen for a few years said " your looking well......really well" which meant 'you've filled out a bit'
  • SuperScrabbleGirl
    SuperScrabbleGirl Posts: 310 Member
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    You look so nice today . . . so that means I don't normally?

    You're kidding with this one, right?

    Someone saying "Hey, you look nice today" is just that- someone saying you look nice. I think if you take it to the extreme and over analyse everything, you're bound to get paranoid. I tell people they "look nice today" all the time (usually when they look good) because I mean it. It's one thing someone saying, "Hey, you were a hound before you lost that weight" and someone saying you look nice on a particular day.
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    It's better than "nice figure, shame about the face".
  • solpwr
    solpwr Posts: 1,039 Member
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    A qualifier attached to a compliment... is a problem.

    I get a lot of, "You look really good now; I was worried about you for awhile..."
  • CoxTX
    CoxTX Posts: 30 Member
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    A qualifier attached to a compliment... is a problem.

    I get a lot of, "You look really good now; I was worried about you for awhile..."

    Do you know people that always say they know everything before you did? 'I just heard on the news blah blah blah' 'Oh yea, I knew that.' That's what this sounds like to me. "*I* knew you needed to lose weight before *you* did!"

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