It's NOT a compliment when someone says...

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  • shellshell43
    shellshell43 Posts: 116
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    [ If they are commenting it's because something struck them as worthy of a comment. Either you really do look good for having kids (why is that such a terrible thing?), or they mean in sarcastically, in which case you should kick them in the balls.


    You are right, as much as I don't want to be forty something, someone saw me worthy of being told that I am pretty...which may have been awkward because I am a forty something wife and the mother of two children...they were much younger etc...so I will take it as a compliment...I still want to be young again though.......sigh....
  • B_L_A_Z_I_A_N
    B_L_A_Z_I_A_N Posts: 151
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    not weight related butttttttttt the one that is most irritating is when ppl of other nationalities say "oh your pretty... for a black girl"

    ummm thanks...
  • TourThePast
    TourThePast Posts: 1,753 Member
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    And no it's not a back-handed compliment. It's just a complement (albeit maybe not the one I want, but still a compliment). I AM, afterall, a single father. I glad people see me as good enough or fit enough or whatever DESPITE being a single father... that means I'm overcoming some challenge.
    I agree, some of the younger guys without any commitments must have it far easier. Looking at some of the comments that people have found hurtful, I wonder whether some people are a bit thin skinned and maybe don't hear the compliment at all.

    It doesn't bother me if someone makes a comment about my being too fat, it was my choice, nobody pinned me to the floor and foced too much food down my throat. I take full responsibility for the position I'm in, I'm taking steps to do something about it, and i=I'm proud of that.

    So if someone makes a comment about you (generic you) being fat, remember that most of us are here because we're too fat. It's not news to us so why get upset when someone actually mentions it?

    Remember, most people are not deliberately setting out to be rude.
  • o0Amanda0o
    o0Amanda0o Posts: 41 Member
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    Right, I think calling someone a butter face is more desirable. I mean at least you know they are taking care of themselves.

    Not directed to you at all, but I loathe this comment the most. When I hear this it just makes it more apparent that people are truely shallow.
  • CaliGirlinOR
    CaliGirlinOR Posts: 10
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    Saw a friend this past weekend I haven't seen in 10 years. Her comment about my 180 lbs weight loss.

    "It's great you lost all that weight -when are you going to have surgery to get rid of that underarm stuff?"
  • Dona_Maria
    Dona_Maria Posts: 78 Member
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    Sounds like a co-worker I had, she'd always give me a back-handed compliment. Ummm, thanks?!

    You have a pretty face or you're pretty for a big girl. LOL
  • UnderCoverShyGirl
    UnderCoverShyGirl Posts: 254 Member
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    i hate those type of compliments, which i've grown up with my whole life, but i do agree that they aren't meant badly. And in fact, the same person complimenting you for being "pretty for a big girl" might also say you are just pretty, when you are no longer big.....

    While not the same thing, i hate the well meaning family members that have to remark on your weight...i know they are concerned, but saying things like "hmm, have you put on a few pounds" is just crap. After all, i own a scale and mirror just like anyone else. I think next time i'll say "thank you SO MUCH for telling me, i hadn't noticed!!" LOL.

    I do think it's kinda crap to get mad at someone that notices my weight though, like when a kid laughs, etc...after all, it is a true thing and indeed it is noticeable. I remember when i was younger, i used to not want to go into lane bryant, i was sooo afraid someone would see me walk in. Then i met someone who basically said "errrr, it's not like they can't see that you are overweight and might shop at lane bryant." Boy did that put it into perspective - totally true!!
  • Lizmhoughton
    Lizmhoughton Posts: 92 Member
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    I think I am guilty of the 'you look great for having kids' compliment. I definitely ALWAYS mean it as a compliment though. I never thought of it as mean. Some people don't even look like they could have possibly had a child and I just get so amazed at how they look in general, especially if they've had children. I come from an over-weight family, so I guess in my mind, if you've had kids you're more likely to be over-weight. I've been over-weight without having to even give birth, so I think I am just so surprised at how well people are able to take care of their bodies when they have other bodies to worry about as well.

    Please don't take those compliments the wrong way. I'm sure there's people out there that mean well just as much as I do, and I hate to think I hurt someone's feelings when I thought I was giving them a genuine compliment.

    For the face compliments- (butterface ones)- at least people think that you have a pretty face. My body isn't bad, but it has been, and I would love to not have the acne on my face since age 11. Lucky for me, it's not too noticable unless you get a side shot of my face, but still, when I was over-weight I wouldn't have even been considered a butterface. I have a sister that is 100 lbs bigger than me, but everyone in my family is always talking about how beautiful she is. Yeah, sometimes they say stuff like how she should lose some weight, and for health reasons they're right and I think they were just trying to motivate her to take better care of herself. It is so annoying for me though, all my family can comment on about me is how they can't believe my skin is so bad, but oh my sister is just georgous. At least with the face compliments, someone says/thinks you're pretty.

    *For the single dad comment- I'm sure that they meant you are fast for a single dad, meaning they're probably impressed with the committment you have to you speed even though you're a busy father.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    "you look good for having kids"

    in other words, you look like crap if you didn't :)

    I have ALWAYS wondered how the hell to reply to that...
  • SiltyPigeon
    SiltyPigeon Posts: 920 Member
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    Right, I think calling someone a butter face is more desirable. I mean at least you know they are taking care of themselves.

    Isn't a "butter face" when you can't tell whether you're looking at a person's butt-or-face?
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    In college, I was at a party and I saw a girl that I went to HS with. She was boring and plain in HS, but was smoking hot this particular night, not just because of the bottle of jack in my hand. Anyways, I says, (in jersey speak, being at Rutgers) "Hey Melissa, what's going on!? Wow, you got hot."

    I got slapped.

    Implicit in my statement was that she was not hot before. Which she wasn't. However, I agree with the reaction, in retrospect.

    I still would have taken that as a compliment.
  • zeeeb
    zeeeb Posts: 805 Member
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    but it's almost just as bad when they lie.

    and you know you are 20kg overweight after having 2 kids and letting yourself go, you know you are out of control and feel terrible about the way you look and you see someone you haven't seen for ages and they say "oh you look great".... and it's like, yeah right, don't lie, i'm 20kg heavier than when i saw you last, i have 3 chins, i can't see my own genitals or feet, how the hell could you say that...

    phew, thank god those days are over.
  • bjenny12345
    bjenny12345 Posts: 118 Member
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    Right, I think calling someone a butter face is more desirable. I mean at least you know they are taking care of themselves.

    Isn't a "butter face" when you can't tell whether you're looking at a person's butt-or-face?
    No it means, everything looks good, but her face (butter face)
  • JennsLosing
    JennsLosing Posts: 1,026
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    Right, I think calling someone a butter face is more desirable. I mean at least you know they are taking care of themselves.

    Isn't a "butter face" when you can't tell whether you're looking at a person's butt-or-face?
    i always thought it was "everything looks good butt-er face" :smile:
  • had3nuf
    had3nuf Posts: 59
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    This guy I knew, would ask me out..and flirt all the time...even though I told him..everytime..that I had a boyfriend, and it wasn't happenin. So the last time he asked..and I said again "IIIII HAAVVVEEE AAA BBOOYYYFFRRIIEENNDD!"... he gets mad and says "Well, I'm not really into big gurls anyway".

    So I said "Nucca puhleeeze...boyfriend or no boyfriend..I wouldn't touch your *kitten* with someone else's hands, ufn idiot!!"
  • bigdaddycowgill
    bigdaddycowgill Posts: 120 Member
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    I actually had a girl tell me "If you lost weight, you'd be really handsome". Thanks?
  • B_L_A_Z_I_A_N
    B_L_A_Z_I_A_N Posts: 151
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    Right, I think calling someone a butter face is more desirable. I mean at least you know they are taking care of themselves.

    Isn't a "butter face" when you can't tell whether you're looking at a person's butt-or-face?
    No it means, everything looks good, but her face (butter face)

    lol this definition - urbandictionary.com yall
  • AudgePaudge
    AudgePaudge Posts: 537 Member
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    I got this one once..."You're flexible for a hefty woman..." :laugh:
  • duqtape
    duqtape Posts: 121 Member
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    Every womans nightmare: So how far along are you? :embarassed:

    I've hate that one!
  • NeonNikki
    NeonNikki Posts: 87 Member
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    Has anyone heard the "cute outfit kid".... When you at a party and someone goes to so and so's child and goes "oh!....what a cute outfit they have on" rather than "what a cute kid"

    sorry. but you do not want a "cute outfit kid"

    :/

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