what do you think if your spouse/so said to you:

keljo05
keljo05 Posts: 173
Thought this site would give me a good mix of opinions from men and women.

Long story short.... dh and i had a very big argument tonight...which ended up with him being kicked out.

During the argument he came out with a very interesting statement. He said to me :

(Edited for language...cant type the actual word he used)

I didnt 'sleep with' ALL of them!

This was during a part where i told him that it was interesting that he used to work and get home 2 hours or so late several times a week after he started accusing me of having an affair....which is funny because all i do is work and go home.

He immediately tried to take it back, but i'm not buying it.....would you?
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Replies

  • 1smemae94
    1smemae94 Posts: 365 Member
    I'm not sure because i don't know him. I would wait until you've both had the chance to calm down, and then talk it out. Don't yell at each other, or say things that can't be taken back. Just talk. Maybe he said it because he was angry, or maybe he really did sleep with someone. You won't know though, until it gets talked out. Good luck.
  • DaniellePF
    DaniellePF Posts: 308 Member
    I'm not sure I understand....he was saying he had slept with someone else? If so, he is either insecure or feeling guilt over something he did. Its really hard to weigh in on situations with people I don't know. I'm sorry you guys are having a rough time.
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,455 Member
    ^ that.

    Sometimes in the heat of things someone will fire off the most hurtful thing they can think of. But, it may very well be true. Let him calm down and ask him about it.
  • Ireshgurl
    Ireshgurl Posts: 559
    Nope. Sure as shyt wouldn't buy that. Statistics show that the cheater will actually acuse the other person of cheating.
  • rudegyal_b
    rudegyal_b Posts: 593 Member
    OOPS.

    i wouldnt buy it either
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    I lost you when you said your husband was kicked out of his house.
  • depends, were you saying something along the lines, of "and you were out sleeping with all those women" . it really depends one where you put the emphasis like "I DIDN'T sleep with all of them" Or "I didn't sleep with ALL of them" two totally different means there. But like everyone else has said, I wasn't there for the argument. Sounds like a sucky fight no matter what though, sorry you are going through it.
  • Shalimarmandy
    Shalimarmandy Posts: 409 Member
    It's hard to say! My SO likes to be a Jack@$$ when we are fighting especially if its over the phone and he has said stupid crap like I ask where are you? and he says "getting laid" but is really at his parents house because he's being pissy but you SO coming home late and then accusing you of cheating tend to be signs that something is going on. and the fact that he said it wasn't "ALL OF THEM" could have been an admission that he didn't mean to slip out. Try talking to him and get FULL DISCLOSURE and then decide if you believe him. But if your guts says it's true it most likely is - you know him best

    Sorry :(
  • muitobem
    muitobem Posts: 435 Member
    He slept with someone and to make it look all right in his eyes he turned the tables on you...there was at least ONE someone he slept with..
  • AmerTunsi
    AmerTunsi Posts: 655 Member
    I'm not exactly sure of the situation .. or what is meant by "ALL of them" ... but sleeping with ANY of them would be enough for me. Secondly, I think for women an emotional affair is just as bad if not worse as a physical one. For me they are one in the same. If you have kicked him out, make sure he stays out. The reality is if you let him back into the house ... you are starting a pattern of poor behavior and an even more unhealthy relationship. If you do end up trying to work things out with him, do it with him outside of the house. This will allow him to know how serious you are, and that you have self- worth.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    I'm not sure because i don't know him. I would wait until you've both had the chance to calm down, and then talk it out. Don't yell at each other, or say things that can't be taken back. Just talk. Maybe he said it because he was angry, or maybe he really did sleep with someone. You won't know though, until it gets talked out. Good luck.

    Internet advice should always follow the rule of caution...as the suggestion above does. We don't KNOW what happened, we don't KNOW the people, and we sure as hell can ruin what might be fixable faster than anyone would believe possible...with just a few short posts.

    That being said, my ex accused me of cheating...looking at other women, hitting on other women, flirting with other women...regularly.

    She of course was the one that cheated on me.

    Now, wether this was a factor of her being positive I cheated, or feeling so guilty for her own thoughts/actions that she had to accuse me, I don't know...but the results were the same.

    Anyhow, as was suggested...wait till you're calm...then talk it out. I'd suggest some sort of mediator, perhaps counselling. It's not often that people in this situation fix things to any level of real satisfaction...on their own. I'm truly sorry for you both =(.
  • messyinthekitchen
    messyinthekitchen Posts: 662 Member
    Nope. Sure as shyt wouldn't buy that. Statistics show that the cheater will actually acuse the other person of cheating.


    She is soo right my ex of a scum bag bf did this to me
  • ouch, thats a bummer. I have also heard its usually the accuser who is cheating in the first place. Props to you for kicking him out and showing your self worth, men like that are huge self esteem downers!
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Sincerely, I beg you not to take advice here on your marriage. This is a MARRIAGE. This isn't a fight over who at the last Sargento Reduced Fat Individually Wrapped String Cheese with my initials clearly Sharpied on the package.

    This is years of love, struggle, arguments, loss, laughter, caring, possibly children...

    Try to find a way to have a calm conversation about the two of you and your future together. Better yet some counseling with a moderator to help you communicate.

    I am rarely serious... But asking strangers who are all tainted by their own experiences about something so very personal can not end well. And marriage, as well as the decision to stay in it or end it, should be taken seriously.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    Sincerely, I beg you not to take advice here on your marriage. This is a MARRIAGE. This isn't a fight over who at the last Sargento Reduced Fat Individually Wrapped String Cheese with my initials clearly Sharpied on the package.

    This is years of love, struggle, arguments, loss, laughter, caring, possibly children...

    Try to find a way to have a calm conversation about the two of you and your future together. Better yet some counseling with a moderator to help you communicate.

    I am rarely serious... But asking strangers who are all tainted by their own experiences about something so very personal can not end well. And marriage, as well as the decision to stay in it or end it, should be taken seriously.

    This is the best internet advice...ever. And I'm not just saying that because it closely resembles my own. The internet can be a horrid tool for destruction when it comes to relationship advice...and that's really pretty much the end of it.

    And odusgolp...I also noted your initial post in this thread. You're clearly one of a rare (unfortunately anymore) breed of woman. I am very lucky in that my girlfriend is of a similar mold.

    Hat's off hun.
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
    Sincerely, I beg you not to take advice here on your marriage. This is a MARRIAGE. This isn't a fight over who at the last Sargento Reduced Fat Individually Wrapped String Cheese with my initials clearly Sharpied on the package.

    This is years of love, struggle, arguments, loss, laughter, caring, possibly children...

    Try to find a way to have a calm conversation about the two of you and your future together. Better yet some counseling with a moderator to help you communicate.

    I am rarely serious... But asking strangers who are all tainted by their own experiences about something so very personal can not end well. And marriage, as well as the decision to stay in it or end it, should be taken seriously.

    This. Absolutely this.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Sincerely, I beg you not to take advice here on your marriage. This is a MARRIAGE. This isn't a fight over who at the last Sargento Reduced Fat Individually Wrapped String Cheese with my initials clearly Sharpied on the package.

    This is years of love, struggle, arguments, loss, laughter, caring, possibly children...

    Try to find a way to have a calm conversation about the two of you and your future together. Better yet some counseling with a moderator to help you communicate.

    I am rarely serious... But asking strangers who are all tainted by their own experiences about something so very personal can not end well. And marriage, as well as the decision to stay in it or end it, should be taken seriously.

    This is the best internet advice...ever. And I'm not just saying that because it closely resembles my own. The internet can be a horrid tool for destruction when it comes to relationship advice...and that's really pretty much the end of it.

    And odusgolp...I also noted your initial post in this thread. You're clearly one of a rare (unfortunately anymore) breed of woman. I am very lucky in that my girlfriend is of a similar mold.

    Hat's off hun.

    Thanks darlin :)
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    ok, so we do NOT know you and more over, we do NOT know him, but with not knowing anyone but a PARTIAL story, I have always heard the "guilty" throw the other party under the bus and accuse them of doing the same, because they are guilty.... BUT, PLEASE BE ADVISED, THIS IS NOT KNOWING THE ENTIRE SITUATION OR WHAT HAS OR IS GOING ON. Please collect yourself, allow him to do the same (a few days at the very least), THEN talk, maybe with a mediator, unless you feel comfortable enough to do so alone. Do NOT make rash decisions right this minute and please do NOT take advice from others on the internet.... Best of luck, sweetie!!!
  • Emzieroo
    Emzieroo Posts: 20
    I would go with your gut feeling, if a relationship doesn't make you happy i'd find another one that did.
    And if he dint but hes saying those things to hurt you? maybe because of your huge weight-loss hes scared you'll find another? in that case what an evil man.
  • suzieb1971
    suzieb1971 Posts: 312 Member
    im just focusing on the statement ''i didnt sleep with all of them'', suggesting he slept with at least one other person. thats a deal breaker right there. of course, if he just said that to be an *kitten*, then you have to find out, but if you find out he has slept with someone, case closed for me.