What if your SO doesn't exercise?

live2dream

My hubby doesn't work out and it worries me that I'm going to outlive him by decades and be all alone. Sure, he's not super overweight and he eats healthy since he doesn't cook and has to eat what I make- and he doesn't complain about the food(usually). But he doesn't like to do anything but sit on his computer. I try to get him to go for walks with me and he does occasionally, but usually he says he's too busy. If I tell him he'll live longer if he MOVES, he thinks I'm nagging him. He complains about having tight muscles and back pain- and I say- if you'd only stretch once in a while (especially after sitting on the computer all the time) it might help. He definitely doesn't want to go to the gym with me, thinking it's a waste of $$.

I just wish I had an SO that was as into fitness as me, ya know?

hkuiuc99

I have the same exact problem except my husband does half if not more than half of the cooking and buys a bunch of junk food! It is very frustrating!

Vegan_Chick

I totally understand. My partner is the same. He's got a beer gut going and is rarely active. I can't stand it since i am SUPER active as I have been going to the gym 4-5 days per week plus running and hiking. He also lied to me for 4 years straight telling me he quit smoking and I found out recently he still smokes. It turns me off big time and its hard to deal with. It can be almost embarrassing since I have been trying my hardest to live a healthy, fit lifestyle. Sometimes I feel conceited about how I feel and that makes me feel crappy.

SergeantSunshine_reused

Yea but just because you work out doesnt mean he should. Does sound like nagging to me.

jendool

Mine wont either. I dont nag anymore because it makes him mad. Just lead by example. Pretty soon he will see you fit and healthy and hopefully want you top help him. By then you will also be able to keep up with him because guys burn and lose faster anyway:)

lausa22

Some people aren't. You have to WANT to change to do it, no amount of telling a person to do it is going to make them start to exercise.
He'll let you know if he wants to exercise.

lstnlondry

It's time for a heart to heart. I understand where you are coming from. Make it important because you will not succeed or be your best unless you are with someone who is up as high as you. Best of luck.

Amo_Angelus

My SO ha become so bad that we can't walk the dog together, he walks so much slower than me and after 20 minute he really hurts! He's only now doing something about it because if he doesn't he know he's in trouble. There's nothing you can do except encourage him and let him find out the hard way that he needs to.

Vegan_Chick

It is nice to know other women feel the same way! Our partners better watch out cuz we are gonna get super fit and hot and Fabio is gonna come out and sweep us off our feet! Then they will wish they went to the gym with us!

lstnlondry

It is nice to know other women feel the same way! Our partners better watch out cuz we are gonna get super fit and hot and Fabio is gonna come out and sweep us off our feet! Then they will wish they went to the gym with us!

Take care of you!

VeganGal84

My SO (live-in boyfriend Stacey) doesn't exercise as much as I do, and he also eats pretty unhealthy compared to me... but he's his own person and has his own goals, and I don't worry too much about it.

He did go to the doctor for an annual checkup recently and they told him that he should lose about 20 pounds and that his cholesterol is borderline... but... it's still up to HIM if he wants to change his diet or exercise habits, ya know? He did ask me to help him, even asked me to sign him up on MFP, and I did, but he quickly forgot about it. :huh:

The only thing that works (in my/our experience) is to lead by example. Some of my good habits have rubbed off onto him, and he loves to join me in walk/runs in the park and at our apartment's gym on the weekends. Also, he has been asking for broccoli and salad lately, when he sees me eating it, and has become as addicted to fresh canteloupe as I am this summer!

So, I just leave him to his own devices and hope that all will be well.

JohnFurie

I have the same problem, and it is so frusterating!! My wife is diabetic and will not exercise with me, I try to be understanding but it is hard. She always talks about how when she eats she feels terrible afterwards, but will not do anything about it. I try to get her to go to the gym or on walks or anything but she just tells me she doesn't feel like it.

I just don't know what to do..

simplysara9

My husband always says he will workout with me etc but he NEVER does. I paid for a 60 day gym membership -- 30 days are up and he hasn't gone once and I doubt he will go before the membership ends. He occasionally goes for a bike ride with me but I usually make it less than 3 miles or he complains. I wish he would workout with me but he just doesn't. He isn't overweight, if anything he is under weight but always says he wants to add more muscle definition. I can't get him to even lift a weight.:sad:

Carol_27

This is really interesting for me to read this post becuase I was the one who was like your hubby and my SO is a serious athlete, works out 6 days a week and if he doesnt have a serious workout for one day he feels crabby and unfocused and me I go to the gym occasionally and have been able to get away with alot bodywise through eating healthy and dieting but not a big fan of working out then my hubby started 'nagging' me about going to the gym and it only made me want to go even less but then he just stopped 'nagging' me about it and I started to see how much more ripped my hubby was than I am and started feeling really movitated to keep up with him, so without any nags I got my butt in gear 'literally' and got into good shape over the summer, now im in a bit of a lull so I am jump starting this week again at the gym. The bottom line is that nagging will never get you as good results as setting the example and show off how good you look and maybe even reference how great others see you and if this doesnt motivate him then you need to think of some other ideas ;-)

shawtsy

You just are going to have to be strong on your own. My husband is a stick, but definitely not in shape. He eats relatively healthy, and does work around the house, but otherwise, does nothing. He claims he walks at work quite a bit because he has to walk from lab building to lab building. But, he complains of tight muscles and back ache and is limber as a piece of steel lol. He has even admitted he should work out once or twice, but that's it.

Sucks, but I tell him that I am shipping him to a home and let someone else push him around in a wheelchair lol. Oh, and he will probably live forever (you should see the genetics on his side for longevity), but I don't know if the quality of his life will be that great.

Rikki444

I do know! As a single lady, this is a deal breaker for me..... for all of the reasons that you are concerned about. :noway:

Unfortunately, this is a very personal choice. But I am so convinced that if he tried it for 30 days he would feel so much better, stronger, healthier, more alert, sexier..... that he would beg you to take him to the gym with you. :bigsmile: Perhaps negotiating a 'lets workout together in September and if you hate it, I will leave you alone' contract could work?

I wish you all the best.

4himalone

I exercise most of the time alone. I wish my husband would join me. I have quit asking him. I do not want to be the 'naggy' wife. I am doing this for me. Our spouses need to get to the same point. I cannot wait for him to join me...I would never exercise!!!! This is for me!!!!!

Vegan_Chick

so without any nags I got my butt in gear 'literally' and got into good shape over the summer,

Great to hear the other side! Thanks!

tmiqueen

I have chronic back pain and I was told by my neurosurgeon that one of the WORST things you can do is sit at a computer! So if he's complaining about that as his excuse, it's probably because he's sitting too long!

I wouldn't nag him anymore about it (you can't change others, only yourself), but I wouldn't stop inviting him to join you though.

It doesn't have to be anything particularly nagging. He's a grown man and knows what he needs to do for his health and treating him like a child is only going to make him more resistent.

Just simply say:
"I'm going on my walk, do you want to join me?" and if he says no, you say "Okay, see you in XX minutes!"

Just tell him what the exercise of the day is and ask if he wants to join. If he says yes, say something encouraging like "Yay! I can't wait!" You can use that time to talk about your day, but don't nag him about his health or ride him about things he's not doing. Just encourage and support him in what he DOES do and you'll get much better results.

You could also use the safety approach by saying: "I'd really like you to join me. I worry when I walk all by myself, because I'd hate for something to happen to me while I'm out there unprotected. I don't want to give up my walks, because I need it for my health. Do you think you could join me once in a while, to put my mind at ease?" (Men like being the "big protector")

Just a few ideas I thought I'd throw out there.

Chelij

If you have a heart to heart you might not want to say "I'm afraid you'll die well before me and I'll be all alone"....it sounds selfish. You'll want to say that you worry that his quality of life won't meet it's potential and that he might not live as long as he is meant to. I don't know if you have kids or plan on it, but mention that the ones he loves will have to watch him slowly deteriorate. While it'll happen anyway, it has potential to be much worse if he doesn't take care of himself.

Unfortunately I've shared this with my fiance and he doesn't care He lives for now, not for the future (not necessarily a bad way to go, but not the greatest either).

You don't want to bring it up too much. Men tend to do a lot of things because they come up with the idea and they want to, not because their gf/wife wants them to. A lot of times if someone's SO sees them getting healthier by eating healthier and exercising, they get interested. It's contagious almost. You don't want to make him feel like you don't love him the way he is by constantly bugging him to eat better or exercise too. Good luck!

ZebraHead

Lead by example. That is all you can do. You can't 'talk' someone into doing anything they do not want to do.

TinaDay1114

My husband is the same way -- he HATES working out, being active, sweating. He has started eating a little better the last few years, but I have to admit, all the asking and talking in the world ("Don't you wanna go for a walk?", "I need to you to be around for me and kids") did NOTHING but piss him off, and make me more frustrated.

The only thing that finally did it is when he started having sleep apnea and acid reflux -- it wasn't worth it to him for 2 of his 3 favorite things to be compromised (1. sleep, and 2. food...I'll leave #3 for you to guess), so he changed his eating habits. He's 25 lbs. down since last year by doing that, and I'm happy. Still can't get him to walk or work out with me, but our 2 boys are very active, so he hears it from them, too. But people will only change when THEY want to -- and sometimes they'll use our "nagging" as an excuse to just fight harder to stay the same.

The good news is, my husband does encourage me. He keeps telling me he's going to have to start working harder to keep up with me since I'm getting so HOT. So I can't complain! And every once in a while I tell, "yep, you better watch out" just to keep him on his toes. :bigsmile:

ninerbuff

"Convincing a person against their will, is of the same opinion still"

Unfortunately people are their own and unless they are convinced themselves it's important, trying to convince them will just aggravate them.

It may take a threatening situation to make the difference.

My aunt did it this way to "smack" my uncle on the head. She told my uncle "Honey, today I increased the benefits on your life insurance policy to me. I figure I have to make sure that I'm taken care of if for some reason you kick the bucket soon." No lie, my uncle started an exercise regimen the next week.

MB_Positif

I sort of have the same issue, but my husband does have legitimate back pain because of a car accident and surgery a few years back! However, because of what I've been doing, he was inspired to start walking on his lunch breaks at work which is great. I think guys need a push from someone other than us. Our friend teaches Martial Arts and asked me when my hubby was going to start coming there (they'd talked about it before since my hubby used to do it years ago) and I told him, well, you know, his back, etc. The guy said, this stuff will help him out...I said, "You tell him that He'll listen to you!"

live2dream

I really don't talk to him too much about it. And he did tell me he goes for walks on his lunch break occasionally- better than nothing! I really have been just leading by example. Like with our diets. I decided to go vegetarian and didn't force him or encourage him to join me at all- I just said it has to be your own choice to do what you feel is right for you. But I don't cook with meat anymore and he's been loving what I've been making! He used to eat meat when we'd go out to eat, now he choosed not to eat any meat except seafood. Which is fine with me- to each their own. I just wish he'd be pumped up about working out, but that's ok if he's not- maybe it'll rub off on him eventually. He was looking at buying some weights one time. Maybe that's what I'll get him for his birthday!

spackham

Yes, I do know too. I hope my husband has a change of heart (literally) some day but if not, I still love him and I love being in shape even if he isn't. Something will happen some day to spark that self-motivation. If he goes because I nag or beg or bargain, it won't last. I'd rather wait until it is a real interest for him because, even then, I know it will be hard for him because he is so undisciplined and easily accepts his self-created excuses as "reality." I'm just glad that I have the mental toughness to be healthy.

audram420

Ok this may sound selfish on my part, but I used to beg my husband to walk and work out with me and he would always say, "later" or "another time"...so I got to where I stopped asking. But now, I ENJOY the away time to do it on my own. I'm glad I have something I can do for myself and it definetely helps to get away sometimes. Granted, it doesn't solve the problem of him needing to exercise, but it's a different way of looking at a situation I can't change. Like others have said, you can't MAKE him, he's got to want to do if himself.

ohwhataday

My husband works on windows, mirrors and screens all day and thinks putting in a window is exercise. He doesn't want to do anything but play video games when he gets home. Sigh.

Goal_Seeker_1988

I am in the same boat only my man is 10 years older than me and his mom diet in her 40's and he don't exercise or eat healhty @ all. He just don't care. Plus he's a smoker. I've learned I can't control what he does all I can do it control what I do.

Goal_Seeker_1988

My husband works on windows, mirrors and screens all day and thinks putting in a window is exercise. He doesn't want to do anything but play video games when he gets home. Sigh.

Omg, my fiance works in a window factory and makes glass and windows all day and when he gets home that's all he does is play video games as well. LOL

live2dream

It is nice to know other women feel the same way! Our partners better watch out cuz we are gonna get super fit and hot and Fabio is gonna come out and sweep us off our feet! Then they will wish they went to the gym with us!

haha! nice!