What if your SO doesn't exercise?

Options
24

Replies

  • TinaDay1114
    TinaDay1114 Posts: 1,328 Member
    Options
    My husband is the same way -- he HATES working out, being active, sweating. He has started eating a little better the last few years, but I have to admit, all the asking and talking in the world ("Don't you wanna go for a walk?", "I need to you to be around for me and kids") did NOTHING but piss him off, and make me more frustrated.

    The only thing that finally did it is when he started having sleep apnea and acid reflux -- it wasn't worth it to him for 2 of his 3 favorite things to be compromised (1. sleep, and 2. food...I'll leave #3 for you to guess), so he changed his eating habits. He's 25 lbs. down since last year by doing that, and I'm happy. Still can't get him to walk or work out with me, but our 2 boys are very active, so he hears it from them, too. But people will only change when THEY want to -- and sometimes they'll use our "nagging" as an excuse to just fight harder to stay the same.

    The good news is, my husband does encourage me. He keeps telling me he's going to have to start working harder to keep up with me since I'm getting so HOT. So I can't complain! And every once in a while I tell, "yep, you better watch out" just to keep him on his toes. :bigsmile:
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,701 Member
    Options
    "Convincing a person against their will, is of the same opinion still"

    Unfortunately people are their own and unless they are convinced themselves it's important, trying to convince them will just aggravate them.

    It may take a threatening situation to make the difference.

    My aunt did it this way to "smack" my uncle on the head. She told my uncle "Honey, today I increased the benefits on your life insurance policy to me. I figure I have to make sure that I'm taken care of if for some reason you kick the bucket soon." No lie, my uncle started an exercise regimen the next week.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    Options
    I sort of have the same issue, but my husband does have legitimate back pain because of a car accident and surgery a few years back! However, because of what I've been doing, he was inspired to start walking on his lunch breaks at work which is great. I think guys need a push from someone other than us. Our friend teaches Martial Arts and asked me when my hubby was going to start coming there (they'd talked about it before since my hubby used to do it years ago) and I told him, well, you know, his back, etc. The guy said, this stuff will help him out...I said, "You tell him that :) He'll listen to you!"
  • live2dream
    live2dream Posts: 614 Member
    Options
    I really don't talk to him too much about it. And he did tell me he goes for walks on his lunch break occasionally- better than nothing! I really have been just leading by example. Like with our diets. I decided to go vegetarian and didn't force him or encourage him to join me at all- I just said it has to be your own choice to do what you feel is right for you. But I don't cook with meat anymore and he's been loving what I've been making! He used to eat meat when we'd go out to eat, now he choosed not to eat any meat except seafood. Which is fine with me- to each their own. I just wish he'd be pumped up about working out, but that's ok if he's not- maybe it'll rub off on him eventually. He was looking at buying some weights one time. Maybe that's what I'll get him for his birthday! :)
  • spackham
    spackham Posts: 252 Member
    Options
    Yes, I do know too. I hope my husband has a change of heart (literally) some day but if not, I still love him and I love being in shape even if he isn't. Something will happen some day to spark that self-motivation. If he goes because I nag or beg or bargain, it won't last. I'd rather wait until it is a real interest for him because, even then, I know it will be hard for him because he is so undisciplined and easily accepts his self-created excuses as "reality." I'm just glad that I have the mental toughness to be healthy.
  • audram420
    audram420 Posts: 838 Member
    Options
    Ok this may sound selfish on my part, but I used to beg my husband to walk and work out with me and he would always say, "later" or "another time"...so I got to where I stopped asking. But now, I ENJOY the away time to do it on my own. I'm glad I have something I can do for myself and it definetely helps to get away sometimes. Granted, it doesn't solve the problem of him needing to exercise, but it's a different way of looking at a situation I can't change. Like others have said, you can't MAKE him, he's got to want to do if himself.
  • ohwhataday
    ohwhataday Posts: 1,398 Member
    Options
    My husband works on windows, mirrors and screens all day and thinks putting in a window is exercise. He doesn't want to do anything but play video games when he gets home. Sigh.
  • Goal_Seeker_1988
    Goal_Seeker_1988 Posts: 1,619 Member
    Options
    I am in the same boat only my man is 10 years older than me and his mom diet in her 40's and he don't exercise or eat healhty @ all. He just don't care. Plus he's a smoker. I've learned I can't control what he does all I can do it control what I do.
  • Goal_Seeker_1988
    Goal_Seeker_1988 Posts: 1,619 Member
    Options
    My husband works on windows, mirrors and screens all day and thinks putting in a window is exercise. He doesn't want to do anything but play video games when he gets home. Sigh.


    Omg, my fiance works in a window factory and makes glass and windows all day and when he gets home that's all he does is play video games as well. LOL
  • live2dream
    live2dream Posts: 614 Member
    Options
    It is nice to know other women feel the same way! Our partners better watch out cuz we are gonna get super fit and hot and Fabio is gonna come out and sweep us off our feet! Then they will wish they went to the gym with us!

    haha! nice! :)
  • lausa22
    lausa22 Posts: 467 Member
    Options
    Oh and my boyfriend ALWAYS wants to exercise with me, but I won't let him because I feel embarresed that I won't be able to keep up or he'll see me really out of breath (even though I don't even get like that when I exercise really)

    Maybe your SO feels intimidated because you want him to start exercising with you.
  • PlunderBunneh
    PlunderBunneh Posts: 1,705 Member
    Options
    He is his own person, not an extension of you. I think if the coin were flipped, your feelings would be different. Ask him to come with you, but leave it at that. Trying to guilt him into joining you on your fitness quest will only drive a wedge between you.
    Maybe try suggesting that you spend some time doing what he wants with him in exchange for him joining you for a bit?
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
    Options
    Funny that I came across this topic. I'm going on a first date with a guy this weekend and since we've been talking for the past few weeks, this has been on my mind. He eats terribly and doesn't exercise at all. Yeah, he's a big guy but the attraction IS there, he is my type. I'm only concerned because I'm worried my habits of eating healthy and working out will clash with his, "I want a big steak and potato meal with my home brewed beer" attitude.

    Bumping for future reference, if any will be needed.
  • iAMaPhoenix
    iAMaPhoenix Posts: 1,038 Member
    Options
    It is nice to know other women feel the same way! Our partners better watch out cuz we are gonna get super fit and hot and Fabio is gonna come out and sweep us off our feet! Then they will wish they went to the gym with us!

    haha! nice! :)

    Telling a man about the side effects of working out is the one surefire way to get him moving. One side effect you want to mention is increased stamina in the bedrooom. Then you may want to show him the new positions you can hold since you have been working out. Then you want to bring him along slowly. Do an experiment with him...like before and after. Have a night of the best love making session he can muster. Then tell him that you would like for him to exercise with you for two months(60 days) and see if there is a difference at the end of the assigned time. If this does not get him moving and motivated, I would call 911 and have him checked to see if he is alive...IJS.

    Personally, this has been one of the most noticable difference in our relationship. To go from not being able to run 100yards to being able to run a mile in 12 minutes does wonders for the libido. And that, I am an expert at...
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    Options
    I don't care what my SOs do/have done as long as I'm still attracted. I don't have the time to be somebody's mother. If their habits make them unattractive to me, then I would say something about that. I'm not going to be with someone I can't bear to be intimate with anymore.

    ETA: Before anyone gives me a lashing about how shallow this sounds - it would really take a lot for someone I love to physically turn me off.
  • jogdog
    jogdog Posts: 89 Member
    Options
    When I met my future husband a few years back, he was probably around 290-300 lbs. I loved him and I still love him, but now his weight has gone out of control at 350+. He is pretty morbidly obese. I worry about him all the time. I finally talked him into getting some blood work, but he hasn't called the doctor back to get his results. At the beginning of the year I was able to get him to lose about 15 lbs and then he said that was enough and that he didn't need to lose anymore even though he was still 340. It breaks my heart to see him continue to take his health for granted. He refuses to exercise, refuses to eat healthy, and refuses to do anything that might let him live. He says he's too busy for exercise, but he sits in front of the TV and eats whenever he isn't working or sleeping. He is a wonderful person, but I don't think he wants to admit what he's doing to himself. His dad and older sister are also pretty morbidly obese and his younger sister is quickly getting there. I worry about all of them. They all claim its genetics, but if you look at the quality and quantity of food they eat and go through along with being extremely sedentary... it is NOT genetics; it's terrible and horrible food habits they all partake in. His mom is skinny, but she doesn't eat much and she walks fairly regularly.

    We do not have kids yet, but I already told him that he has to lose more weight before we have kids because it's not fair to our future kids if he isn't going to be there for them because he died of a heart attack in his 30s. I have backed off on nagging him because it was stressing me out and I wasn't getting anywhere with him. I'm taking all the energy and helping myself to lose weight and get healthy. Since the beginning of the year I have lost 20 lbs and I feel great and motivated to keep going. If he wants to change, he will, but I know that for now he wants to keep sitting on the couch (our couch is extremely flat and ruined where he always sits and lays down), watching TV (God help me through football season because he is never leaving the sofa or house for sure now), and eating (he'll sit and eat 30+ pizza rolls and not even think twice about it).

    I will always love him, and I hope I can have the opportunity one day to be his motivation and support for being healthier.
  • adrian_indy
    adrian_indy Posts: 1,444 Member
    Options
    My wife went through this with me. She begged me for months to start eating better and exercising with her, not only for my sake, but for hers as well. It took about 6 months of conflict before I agreed. Now we do it all together, and I'm glad. Maybe if you sat down and had a talk about it, with no distractions, and found out what underlying issues are keeping him from doing this with you. Maybe he's tired from work, or embarassed to go to the gym. Maybe he is health isn't a concern for him? You can't force someone to do what you want, but if you make a good case to him, maybe you'll change his mind.
  • hamiltonba
    hamiltonba Posts: 474 Member
    Options
    My husband is 100lbs over weight, takes 5 pills a day for his high blood pressure and is constantly upset with me because I go to the gym 4 days a week. I've tried to include him, but he will have no part of it. He's constantly telling me that you only live once. I am very painfully aware that I will out-live him and be a widow and there is nothing I can do.
  • kyle4jem
    kyle4jem Posts: 1,400 Member
    Options
    Many moons ago when i was doing one diet or another and going to the gym every morning, I used to have a go at my then SO about going to the gym. He did... met another bloke and we broke up after 10yrs together.

    Ok in hindisght... I'm so glad we did break up because he was so not right for me and the relationship had been toxic for a long while.

    Now, my husband doesn't exercise... he walks a lot because he doesn't like to drive, but he's a plodder not a strider (and that despite being over 6' tall). I didn't marry him for his physique and neither did he.

    He's supportive of my desire to get abck into shape because he knows how fat I'd gotten and that for my own sake I need to loose a significant amount of weight.

    Of course when my belly's a lot less than his, maybe he'll cut down on the beer and the bread and come with me for a bike ride now and again.
  • upsydaisy2011
    upsydaisy2011 Posts: 39 Member
    Options
    Same issue here, my husband is probably about 50lbs overweight, he used to work out at the gym all the time and play football (English football so I guess soccer) but then broke a bone in his neck, the following year he broke his ankle and 2 years later broke the other ankle so he's not been able to regularly exercise so he's really piled on the lbs. He doesn't like swimming and won't walk with me (says he finds it boring). He knows he needs to lose weight (and wants to do so) but feels his ankle isn't strong enough for any kind of work out, I don't know what to suggest but I do worry about his overall fitness levels and future health

Categories