What if your SO doesn't exercise?

lausa22

Oh and my boyfriend ALWAYS wants to exercise with me, but I won't let him because I feel embarresed that I won't be able to keep up or he'll see me really out of breath (even though I don't even get like that when I exercise really)

Maybe your SO feels intimidated because you want him to start exercising with you.

PlunderBunneh

He is his own person, not an extension of you. I think if the coin were flipped, your feelings would be different. Ask him to come with you, but leave it at that. Trying to guilt him into joining you on your fitness quest will only drive a wedge between you.
Maybe try suggesting that you spend some time doing what he wants with him in exchange for him joining you for a bit?

fbmandy55

Funny that I came across this topic. I'm going on a first date with a guy this weekend and since we've been talking for the past few weeks, this has been on my mind. He eats terribly and doesn't exercise at all. Yeah, he's a big guy but the attraction IS there, he is my type. I'm only concerned because I'm worried my habits of eating healthy and working out will clash with his, "I want a big steak and potato meal with my home brewed beer" attitude.

Bumping for future reference, if any will be needed.

iAMaPhoenix

It is nice to know other women feel the same way! Our partners better watch out cuz we are gonna get super fit and hot and Fabio is gonna come out and sweep us off our feet! Then they will wish they went to the gym with us!

haha! nice!

Telling a man about the side effects of working out is the one surefire way to get him moving. One side effect you want to mention is increased stamina in the bedrooom. Then you may want to show him the new positions you can hold since you have been working out. Then you want to bring him along slowly. Do an experiment with him...like before and after. Have a night of the best love making session he can muster. Then tell him that you would like for him to exercise with you for two months(60 days) and see if there is a difference at the end of the assigned time. If this does not get him moving and motivated, I would call 911 and have him checked to see if he is alive...IJS.

Personally, this has been one of the most noticable difference in our relationship. To go from not being able to run 100yards to being able to run a mile in 12 minutes does wonders for the libido. And that, I am an expert at...

sunkisses

I don't care what my SOs do/have done as long as I'm still attracted. I don't have the time to be somebody's mother. If their habits make them unattractive to me, then I would say something about that. I'm not going to be with someone I can't bear to be intimate with anymore.

ETA: Before anyone gives me a lashing about how shallow this sounds - it would really take a lot for someone I love to physically turn me off.

jogdog

When I met my future husband a few years back, he was probably around 290-300 lbs. I loved him and I still love him, but now his weight has gone out of control at 350+. He is pretty morbidly obese. I worry about him all the time. I finally talked him into getting some blood work, but he hasn't called the doctor back to get his results. At the beginning of the year I was able to get him to lose about 15 lbs and then he said that was enough and that he didn't need to lose anymore even though he was still 340. It breaks my heart to see him continue to take his health for granted. He refuses to exercise, refuses to eat healthy, and refuses to do anything that might let him live. He says he's too busy for exercise, but he sits in front of the TV and eats whenever he isn't working or sleeping. He is a wonderful person, but I don't think he wants to admit what he's doing to himself. His dad and older sister are also pretty morbidly obese and his younger sister is quickly getting there. I worry about all of them. They all claim its genetics, but if you look at the quality and quantity of food they eat and go through along with being extremely sedentary... it is NOT genetics; it's terrible and horrible food habits they all partake in. His mom is skinny, but she doesn't eat much and she walks fairly regularly.

We do not have kids yet, but I already told him that he has to lose more weight before we have kids because it's not fair to our future kids if he isn't going to be there for them because he died of a heart attack in his 30s. I have backed off on nagging him because it was stressing me out and I wasn't getting anywhere with him. I'm taking all the energy and helping myself to lose weight and get healthy. Since the beginning of the year I have lost 20 lbs and I feel great and motivated to keep going. If he wants to change, he will, but I know that for now he wants to keep sitting on the couch (our couch is extremely flat and ruined where he always sits and lays down), watching TV (God help me through football season because he is never leaving the sofa or house for sure now), and eating (he'll sit and eat 30+ pizza rolls and not even think twice about it).

I will always love him, and I hope I can have the opportunity one day to be his motivation and support for being healthier.

adrian_indy

My wife went through this with me. She begged me for months to start eating better and exercising with her, not only for my sake, but for hers as well. It took about 6 months of conflict before I agreed. Now we do it all together, and I'm glad. Maybe if you sat down and had a talk about it, with no distractions, and found out what underlying issues are keeping him from doing this with you. Maybe he's tired from work, or embarassed to go to the gym. Maybe he is health isn't a concern for him? You can't force someone to do what you want, but if you make a good case to him, maybe you'll change his mind.

hamiltonba

My husband is 100lbs over weight, takes 5 pills a day for his high blood pressure and is constantly upset with me because I go to the gym 4 days a week. I've tried to include him, but he will have no part of it. He's constantly telling me that you only live once. I am very painfully aware that I will out-live him and be a widow and there is nothing I can do.

kyle4jem

Many moons ago when i was doing one diet or another and going to the gym every morning, I used to have a go at my then SO about going to the gym. He did... met another bloke and we broke up after 10yrs together.

Ok in hindisght... I'm so glad we did break up because he was so not right for me and the relationship had been toxic for a long while.

Now, my husband doesn't exercise... he walks a lot because he doesn't like to drive, but he's a plodder not a strider (and that despite being over 6' tall). I didn't marry him for his physique and neither did he.

He's supportive of my desire to get abck into shape because he knows how fat I'd gotten and that for my own sake I need to loose a significant amount of weight.

Of course when my belly's a lot less than his, maybe he'll cut down on the beer and the bread and come with me for a bike ride now and again.

upsydaisy2011

Same issue here, my husband is probably about 50lbs overweight, he used to work out at the gym all the time and play football (English football so I guess soccer) but then broke a bone in his neck, the following year he broke his ankle and 2 years later broke the other ankle so he's not been able to regularly exercise so he's really piled on the lbs. He doesn't like swimming and won't walk with me (says he finds it boring). He knows he needs to lose weight (and wants to do so) but feels his ankle isn't strong enough for any kind of work out, I don't know what to suggest but I do worry about his overall fitness levels and future health

leilani♥

I understand.

Unfortunately, my SO is in a position where he can't exercise with me due to his medical condition. BUT -- he CAN eat healthier with me. He really hates the way my diet food tastes and is real picky when it comes to what he puts in his mouth. So often times I am making 2 or 3 different dishes for every meal. One for me, one for him & one for the kids. It's exhausting! So many pots & pans get used for ONE meal time lol.

runpiggyrun

Well I think I must be really lucky. Although my partner doesnt exercise all the time as he works many hours, we still get to go off roading mountain biking together once in a while and lots of hikes but he is motivated a little and goes mountain biking oncw or twice a week. I try and swim and run 3/4 times a week. But we are so different I love running he hates it. He loves mountain biking I was never keen but I am getting to love the extreme side to it. Its a bit of healthy competition aswell.

I could never force him to exercise but I was blunt with him when he was putting on a bit too much weight. I said only he can change and make the time to do it, and tbh it works both ways when I have my moments he will say the same to me... but you cant make someone do it if they really dont want to.

CALake

My husband says he works too many hours to come home and exercise... so I am sneaky about changing our lifestyle. We take lots of walks with the kids, do yardwork, and other things that don't seem like working out.

As for the diet- I'm the one who does the grocery shopping and makes our meals. I've been cooking much healthier recipes, but they're still tasty so I get no complaints (well... except for that stupid cauliflower crust pizza).

Nagging and whining won't work. Make small changes yourself and help sneak the healthiness in. Your partner doesn't need to be going to the gym with you to change his/her bad habits.

d2footballJRC

Trust me as a man that has struggled with his weight as his SO has ran half-marathons and worked out all the time I can say this..... No amount of nagging will do you any good. Until he wants it for himself it's pointless. Trust me, I used to try diets and this and that all the time to make her happy, I never stuck with it. I DIDN'T WANT it.... One day something snapped and I want it, I truly do. Its for myself. My SO says I now spend too much time at the gym, and put too much on counting calories, and that all I want to do is work out. Point is til he wants it, no matter what you do it will not be enough for him to make a true lifestyle change. All it does is tick him off and frustrate you.

Which brings me to my next point... some women will just nag about anything :-D

lakersfan4life

TRADE UP

ksandy1224

TRADE UP

I know it's not funny, but I did laugh out loud on this one. Aren't they all afraid their hot wife is going to trade up? My husband won't work out either, needs to lose at least 20 lbs. but when I mentioned it he took offense. I guess I would have also 35 lbs. ago. I keep telling him that I just want him to be healthy, which is the honest truth. I am 51 and he is getting ready to turn 38 and he is always having some type of ache or pain, but I don't say anything anymore because I don't want to hurt his feelings. He'll sit with $12 worth of Taco Bell while I'm eating my two little fresco tacos so apparently he thinks everything is okay. Trading up isn't an option with me, because I already have the best. I just hope he starts shaping up so he's around as long as I am!!!

live2dream

I'm really NOT nagging! :flowerforyou:

it_be_asin

Me and my partner are in a long distance relationship - he lives 850k away from me, we have been dating for 2 years. When he finishes his masters degree, one of us will move so we can be together (hopefully in a year's time).

Whilst I am so proud that he has quit his alcohol addiction, I am hoping that soon he will be able to think about kicking his tobacco, caffeine and sugar addictions; as well as exercising more. But what he does with his life is his business - I just have to prepare for having him around for a good time, not a long time. He has to make the decision to make his life healthier - although I hope that he sees my health and fitness as something desirable he might want to consider achieving sometime.

Frankenbarbie01

I exercise most of the time alone. I wish my husband would join me. I have quit asking him. I do not want to be the 'naggy' wife. I am doing this for me. Our spouses need to get to the same point. I cannot wait for him to join me...I would never exercise!!!! This is for me!!!!!

Thats what happened at our house. These are the changes I am making, I do the lions share of shopping and food prep. If you are not happy with it...Get Off Your *kitten* and do it yourself!!! (direct quote BTW....hubby was suprised) Because I am making these changes FOR ME and my health. I'll be happy to spend your insurance money after you drop dead because you wont make better choices :flowerforyou:

I have even said NO I'm not buying your tobacco product for you because I am embarassed to do it AND I struggle everyday continuing to be a non-smoker!! I am pretty heartless.......LOL

vintagefool

I haven't read any of the responses (yet), but just wanted to say I feel your pain. My situation is similar at the moment. Above all, it's just frustrating when exercising and being active has become a large part of your new lifestyle and your SO doesn't have much involvement in it. I love my boyfriend so much, and he is incredibly supportive of my goals to lose weight/be healthy, cooks dinner nearly all the time, etc. but that doesn't mean I wouldn't love it even more if for once he was willing to join me for a hike or other healthy activity on Saturday rather than wanting to do nothing but sitting on the couch, drinking beer and watching TV. lol!

fiberartist219

You guys are babying your SOs. He's an adult. If he doesn't want to exercise or eat right, he doesn't have to. You've expressed your concerns, and now it's time to let it go.

Personally, my DH got into weight loss a lot sooner than I did. I'm still struggling with it, but if he says one word to me about it, I just shut down. I need to do this for myself, not for him. KWIM?

It's ok to tell your kids to work out and tell them what to eat, but this is not ok for someone you are dating.

live2dream

When I met my future husband a few years back, he was probably around 290-300 lbs. I loved him and I still love him, but now his weight has gone out of control at 350+. He is pretty morbidly obese. I worry about him all the time. I finally talked him into getting some blood work, but he hasn't called the doctor back to get his results. At the beginning of the year I was able to get him to lose about 15 lbs and then he said that was enough and that he didn't need to lose anymore even though he was still 340. It breaks my heart to see him continue to take his health for granted. He refuses to exercise, refuses to eat healthy, and refuses to do anything that might let him live. He says he's too busy for exercise, but he sits in front of the TV and eats whenever he isn't working or sleeping. He is a wonderful person, but I don't think he wants to admit what he's doing to himself. His dad and older sister are also pretty morbidly obese and his younger sister is quickly getting there. I worry about all of them. They all claim its genetics, but if you look at the quality and quantity of food they eat and go through along with being extremely sedentary... it is NOT genetics; it's terrible and horrible food habits they all partake in. His mom is skinny, but she doesn't eat much and she walks fairly regularly.

We do not have kids yet, but I already told him that he has to lose more weight before we have kids because it's not fair to our future kids if he isn't going to be there for them because he died of a heart attack in his 30s. I have backed off on nagging him because it was stressing me out and I wasn't getting anywhere with him. I'm taking all the energy and helping myself to lose weight and get healthy. Since the beginning of the year I have lost 20 lbs and I feel great and motivated to keep going. If he wants to change, he will, but I know that for now he wants to keep sitting on the couch (our couch is extremely flat and ruined where he always sits and lays down), watching TV (God help me through football season because he is never leaving the sofa or house for sure now), and eating (he'll sit and eat 30+ pizza rolls and not even think twice about it).

I will always love him, and I hope I can have the opportunity one day to be his motivation and support for being healthier.

sorry about your hubby! hope he can realize he needs exercise and gets healthy when he sees you are! good luck!

knittnponder

Mine never worked out at all and our oldest was getting pretty sedentary too. My DH used to do Taekwondo but gave it up do to finances and a new baby. He'd wanted to start up again for a long time so when our oldest started concerning me I encouraged him to look into it for the two of them. He found a place in our tiny little town that was so reasonable the entire family ended up joining (he and DD first, the rest of us 3 months later). And now not only are we all working out together but the instructor and his family are very good friends.

i still work out a lot more than DH but at least twice a week he's doing something. And he does feel the pressure to step it up because I just passed him and now rank higher than he does even though I started three months later. It's because I stepped up my fitness and he knows it. A little friendly competition helps.

What does your husband like to do? Is there a sport he used to play that he might want to get back into? Even if it's something he wants to do but you don't give him the freedom to go off and do it. Go cheer him on at his games if the sport has them.

Of course that won't help if he's just not interested in anything like that but if you encourage him without nagging maybe he'll eventually find something he wants to try.

phinners

My hubby doesnt exercise, though occasionally he will get on the cross trainer. He walks alot and tries to watch what he eats, but he's not into the workouts in the same way as I am. Thats how it is, I cant force him into anything and I'm not going to get on his case about it.

phinners

You guys are babying your SOs. He's an adult. If he doesn't want to exercise or eat right, he doesn't have to. You've expressed your concerns, and now it's time to let it go.

Personally, my DH got into weight loss a lot sooner than I did. I'm still struggling with it, but if he says one word to me about it, I just shut down. I need to do this for myself, not for him. KWIM?

It's ok to tell your kids to work out and tell them what to eat, but this is not ok for someone you are dating.

This!

spartangirl79

Bumping this thread. I'm dealing with the same thing... my husband is 9lbs away from 300lbs (has gained almost 75 since we started dating). I have gained 40-50 but am losing and have always been very active and into fitness... long story related to hormones and medications as to why I gained.

I run and do yoga, I have DRAGGED him to the gym before, but he hated it and so did I. I used to be a trainer and his form was terrible; he hated me correcting him and I hated having to focus on *him* when I wanted to be doing my own thing. He will go walk the dogs with me if I ask, but I don't want to just walk, and he gets very angry with me for "leaving him alone" if we start out on a walk and I want to get in some run intervals...

I do not know what to do here. I've been leading by example for 7 years. I even bought a fitness boot camp franchise which I ran for three years; he helped me with it for a year but did not instill any lifelong habits and seems to have forgotten EVERYTHING we used to do, even though we still have all the equipment.

He's been unemployed for several years and is in school, but I know he's very depressed. He also recently broke his arm so walking/jogging is his ONLY option until the end of May when that cast comes off. And, he really enjoyed working out with a trainer that we had a few sessions with, but, with him being a student, money is so tight... hiring a trainer is not an option.

This is seriously affecting our life, in lots of ways, if you get what I'm saying. I don't know what else to do except lead by example, but I don't want to sacrifice my running and yoga to hold his hand while we go walk. You know? I only have so many hours in a day, and I don't have multiple hours to do multiple forms of exercise in a day.

Does anyone have any advice other than lead by example? I've tried the heartfelt talks, and there are always promises of "I'll start walking every day tomorrow" but it never happens.

I'm signing us up for a running program at the local running store at the end of June. He's agreed to go with me... I am going to do the 1/2 marathon program and he is going to do the 5K. I think this will take the pressure off me of having to correct his form, help him pace, etc., and will make him not feel like I'm nagging him for doing it "wrong".

I don't know what else to do. We just had physicals and while his doctor said he needs to lose weight, his blood tests (sugar, cholesterol, etc) are fine. So, he's "healthy", but he's still not.

:embarassed: :explode:

spartangirl79

Trust me as a man that has struggled with his weight as his SO has ran half-marathons and worked out all the time I can say this..... No amount of nagging will do you any good. Until he wants it for himself it's pointless. Trust me, I used to try diets and this and that all the time to make her happy, I never stuck with it. I DIDN'T WANT it.... One day something snapped and I want it, I truly do. Its for myself. My SO says I now spend too much time at the gym, and put too much on counting calories, and that all I want to do is work out. Point is til he wants it, no matter what you do it will not be enough for him to make a true lifestyle change. All it does is tick him off and frustrate you.

You are definitely right... I hope something clicks for my husband soon! :explode:

ninerbuff

I'm telling you, that after training so many females (males already look at females in the gym) many of my married female clients, who have SO's that don't work out or take care of themselves, begin to talk a lot about "other men" in the gym. They even ask me,
"what's his name?"
Now I have yet to see one leave their SO while under me, but if these men don't pay attention, their SO may end up with someone who's more conscious about their health.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

laceylou0702

My aunt did it this way to "smack" my uncle on the head. She told my uncle "Honey, today I increased the benefits on your life insurance policy to me. I figure I have to make sure that I'm taken care of if for some reason you kick the bucket soon." No lie, my uncle started an exercise regimen the next week.

As an Insurance agent I find that freaking hilarious!!!!!!!

spartangirl79

My aunt did it this way to "smack" my uncle on the head. She told my uncle "Honey, today I increased the benefits on your life insurance policy to me. I figure I have to make sure that I'm taken care of if for some reason you kick the bucket soon." No lie, my uncle started an exercise regimen the next week.

As an Insurance agent I find that freaking hilarious!!!!!!!

Wow... talk about blunt! Love it!