Role of the sexes

kimberly702

In a family household what do you think the husband and wife's role should be? For example if the husband works and the wife stays home with the children? What responsibilities should either of them have at home? Talking kids, cleaning, food, bills ect... Just wondering what others opinions are after an argument with the hubs.

jrich1

I would saw if the wife stays home with the kids, she should do cleaning and stuff, but as far as defined roles, I think it should be a partnership where together they work to get stuff done such and the guy shouldnt never clean etc.. if needed he should jump in and help out with stuff and the kids.

portexploit

Doesn't matter which sex does what. But one should take care of the house i.e. clean, laundry,and kids. The other one should bring in the mula. Or if both of themw ork, they share the responsibilities.

Slimithy

To grab me a Beer and a Sandwich?

JK. In our house we both work and have 2 kids. We know there are a set number of things that have to get done every night. We both just work until they're done.

lausa22

They should work together.
But if it just so happens that the wife stays at home with the kids and the husband is the only one that works, for example if it was me at home, I'd cook for him, but expect a hand with the dishes. I'd clean up generally, but expect them to take care of their own cleaning up. Like clothes washing, I'd expect them to pile up what they want washing, I'd do it, but if they complain that something didn't get washed that they wanted, it's their fault.
Kids duties should be EQUAL. So should bills, although if one person doesn't work, the majority rules towards the bread-winner, because it's their money.

Amo_Angelus

We've got an old fashioned household. He goes out and earns the bacon, I stay home and clean for him. There's alway food on the table when he get's home, I always bake and cook from cratch where I can. It's also my job to have the dog walked, fed and cleaned as it will be when we have kids for me to have them fed and cleaned. Playing is both our roles as is support. He does the money only becaue he also runs his own buisness in his spare time.

smoore85

well for me i work part time and hubby works full time,,
my roles---- im expected to clean house, do laundry, cook meals, pay bills, do shopping, get up with kids look after them and put them to bed and get up to them in the night, and go to work,
hubby roles--- sit on comp, watch tv, do bit of gardening, and go to work,
fed up of arguing bout him doing more,, we been together 10yrs and still same so doubt it will ever change,,lol

auntjenny74

My husband has been a stay at home parent since our son was born 4.5 years ago. He takes care of the bulk of household duties (laundry, dishes, cleaning) but I help where I can because it is a PITA to have to do everything all the time. I pay bills and cook because those are things that I like to have control over. I don't think that there are specific roles that MUST BE, more that each family should figure out preferences and equity, form REASONABLE expectations with both parties and be willing to compromise and help each other out.

vim_n_vigor

In our house, I am the full time out of the house worker. My husband works part time at night. It seems it is always strained with expectations of what we should both be doing. He washes the dirty laundry and sometimes folds it. I fold it and put it away. I do most of the deep cleaning and cooking. He cleans when there is something specific he wants done. We both do the yard work. If it is kid related - my job - getting dressed, feeding, bathing, appointments, etc.

Kristhin

If one stays home the other should take care of the household. If both work then it should be even responsibilities in the home.

bookworm03

I cook, clean, take care of the kiddos, and do home improvement projects while my husband is working. When he works he's gone 4 full days/nights minimum at a time so all he does is the bills. When he is home everything is 50/50.

brittanydaniel79

I think it depends greatly on how taxing his job is. But not entirely. If he has an extremely physical job and is completely worn out by the end of the day, I think it's fair that he doesn't do any hard core cleaning. However, that doesn't excuse him for putting dishes away or folding laundry. I think it's easy for some guys (when their wife stays at home) to assume that household work shouldn't be an all day thing. But they don't always understand that while their job ends at 5 (or whenever), being a housewife is 24-7. Especially with kids. There's always something to do, whether it be cleaning, cooking, or keeping the kids safe and happy. It doees not end. Ever. He can't assume that he can just come home, eat what's been prepared, and watch TV.

I believe that chores should be split fairly between both sexes. And "fairly" is a loose term that can incorporate how strenuous his job is. Example: One cooks, the other does dishes and cleans kitchen up. One gathers/washes the laundry, while the other folds/puts away. One looks after the kiddos while the other goes and worksout/has me-time.

Of course, this is all subject to time constraints too. It's hard to have a solid "You should do this, and I should do that" rule when there are so many factors to consider. But I do believe that just because you don't have and "real job," a "stay at home mom" is a job that doesn't stop and you can't be expected to do it all by yourself.

odusgolp

When I was married, we had a deal that I cleaned all toilets and he handled all car maintenance.

I demand any future man in my life accept this deal as well.

Other than that, I don't give a *kitten*.

fbmandy55

There should be NO defined roles. Even if one parents works and the other stays home, that doesn't mean a free for all for the working parent once they come home. The parent staying home will need a break from their daily activites and the parent who has been gone all day will need to spend some time with the kids. If both parents work, both should share responsibilites.

I like how my family does this: Yardwork is shared- dad mows and mom plants flowers, both contribute to larger projects. Cooking-parents take turns or dad will cook meat and mom the sides. Cleaning-everything is shared.

jnettiedotson

I think stay at home moms get shafted. I stay home with 4 kids, 16 month old twins and 11 & 12 year old satanic daughters (I'm kidding). I cook, when I feel like it. I clean, when I feel like it. I pee when I can. I have sex with my husband, if I'm in the mood. I think my husbands work schedule is a break! AND he gets paid, real money!!!

All jokes aside, we are definitely 50/50 over here. I cook and clean because I'm here, and because I have to feed my children or they'd die. When my husband walks in the door from work, he feeds the babies, changes their diapers, plays with them, and puts them to bed. He pretty much takes over because he knows I haven't had a break all day, where he has had two of them plus an hour lunch. The only "job" I have is to love everyone, and the only man defined "job" he has is to kill spiders and take out the garbage. I got the rest under control....because I want to, not because he says so.

jacksonpt

The husband should do everything the wife can't do... the wife should do everything the husband can't do. I don't care if I took out the garbage last week... if it needs to go out, take it out. I don't care if she vacuumed 2 days ago... if it needs to be done again I'll do it.

Cooking and bill paying/finance are the only things I can see being "assigned", but that's only because they actually take some degree of talent. If one person is clearly a better cook than the other then most of the cooking should fall on that person. There is no substitute for good food. Similarly, if one person is clearly better at managing bills/finances, then it should fall primarily on that person as missed payments, bounced checks, etc is bad.

Everything needs gets done... who does it doesn't matter as long as it's getting done and they are sharing the responsibilities.

odusgolp

The husband should do everything the wife can't do... the wife should do everything the husband can't do. I don't care if I took out the garbage last week... if it needs to go out, take it out. I don't care if she vacuumed 2 days ago... if it needs to be done again I'll do it.

Cooking and bill paying/finance are the only things I can see being "assigned", but that's only because they actually take some degree of talent. If one person is clearly a better cook than the other then most of the cooking should fall on that person. There is no substitute for good food. Similarly, if one person is clearly better at managing bills/finances, then it should fall primarily on that person as missed payments, bounced checks, etc is bad.

Everything needs gets done... who does it doesn't matter as long as it's getting done and they are sharing the responsibilities.

I like your thinking on this...

jpatrickwinstead

When I was married, we had a deal where she was responsible for everything that went into the cat,

I was responsible for everything that came out of the cat.

TheRoadDog

We fell comfortably into our roles at home.
We each have our own Bank accounts with a separate account for Household.
Before we got a housekeeper, we shared house cleaning. She did the upstairs; I did the downstairs.
Everybody does their own laundry in our home.
I do the cooking.
She pays the household bills. We each pay our own personal bills.
We both do the yardwork. Together usually, because we both enjoy it.
Sometimes I play a cowboy and she's a naughty nurse. Sometimes she's the teacher and I'm the distracted schoolboy.

jnettiedotson

So should bills, although if one person doesn't work, the majority rules towards the bread-winner, because it's their money.
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What's his is mine, we are married (this quote didn't work)

bry_all01

if she (or HE) stays home, then I feel they should try to handle errands and chores, i.e. cooking and cleaning, WHICHEVER person stays home, with help from the working spouse now and again. If both work, then split evenly.

My husband does a great deal of the cooking, since A) he is a better chef than I am a cook, he is more creative, especially with the healthier foods, and C) he cooks faster than I do. If I am at the gym on a day he is not, or am running to get or drop off the kids, he will handle dinner. I generally put our clothes away and do the dishes. But, we do what we have to to get it all taken care of, no real roles in place.

Kelly_Wilson1990

When I was a stay at home mom and my hubby worked, I took care of the kids, washed the laundry, dishes and cleaned up. My hubby took care of the yard and trash. We worked together folding and putting away clothes and dishes. He helped me clean up after dinner too. On the weekends he would make breakfast for the family and we would clean up together. We had a monthly deep cleaning on a Saturday and everyone pitched in to help.

Ashley_Panda

My hubby works and I stay home with our kiddo and working on growing the other one.

I cook, clean, etc. But he has no problem stepping up and helping me especially since I'm pregnant. His job is dishes, trash and cat box.

LeanerBeef

Do you really want me to answer this???

Just kidding, every household is different but if one spouse is staying home I would expect that person to carry the bulk of the household chores. I was layed off last year and I can tell you that my cooking and cleaning skills improved tremendously during that time. :laugh: My wife is a teacher and off in the summer so she normally picks up the load during that time.

An arguement over who does what and when is probably an eternal arguement at times in most marriages.....no one really "wants" to clean the toilet, lol.

FollowThatUnicorn

My husband & I both work full time at the same office so our schedules are exactly the same. We both do things around the house. The only "chore" that is really assigned is the bill paying - he does it because I SUCK with math. And I usually vaccuum because I like doing it for some odd reason.

Nikki_is_Knotty

We both work full time. He cooks, i do the dishes. I mow the lawn, he takes out the trash. Everything else is split 50/50. No kids or pets to take care of yet.

bachooka

Well my husbands opinion is that if he is working, he should come home to a clean house cooked meal with me waiting on the couch to give him a foot rub... lol. Fortunately he knows better than that.

Hubby works full time during the week, usually out of town. I work part time weekends. So on the weekend he does the housework, kid stuff etc and i do my job, the cooking and grocery shopping. I do EVERYTHING while he is gone because honestly waiting a week, or sometimes more is a little unreasonable. I also believe that the person who is home should be the one focused on the budget, bills and such because we have the time during the day to go to the bank, balance the books, and pay bills at the store. It just works.

Opinions and feelings about how a household should be run are varied, especially between husband and wives and they need to be dealt with by compromising and making it work. And yeah it sucks and its hard... but if you don't like it... stay single :P

ohwhataday

They should work together.
But if it just so happens that the wife stays at home with the kids and the husband is the only one that works, for example if it was me at home, I'd cook for him, but expect a hand with the dishes. I'd clean up generally, but expect them to take care of their own cleaning up. Like clothes washing, I'd expect them to pile up what they want washing, I'd do it, but if they complain that something didn't get washed that they wanted, it's their fault.
Kids duties should be EQUAL. So should bills, although if one person doesn't work, the majority rules towards the bread-winner, because it's their money.

thiiiiiis!!

jnettiedotson

Cooking and bill paying/finance are the only things I can see being "assigned", but that's only because they actually take some degree of talent. If one person is clearly a better cook than the other then most of the cooking should fall on that person. There is no substitute for good food. Similarly, if one person is clearly better at managing bills/finances, then it should fall primarily on that person as missed payments, bounced checks, etc is bad.

Agree...if my husband "cooked", we'd have microwaved chicken patties or pizza every night, and juice. If he paid the bills, he'd make me sit there while asking me a million questions about what to do.

I suck at this quoting thing, LOL

Dtrmnd86

My ideal role is the husband works and the wife stays home with the kids, etc. I am a stay at home mom right now, but due to the economy I need to work. I have a part time evening job that helps pay the bills. Right now, my fiance and I are equals. We both work to pay the bills, we both have equal parts in caring for the kids and we share the responsibility of keeping the house clean, of course I do more in that department since I'm home during the days, but he does do dishes, sweeps and occasionally vacuums. When we have another kid (sometime in the next 5 years) I want to stay at home for at least the first year. Or at the very least, have something minimal in the evenings like I do now.

sunkisses

As someone vehemently opposed to marriage BECAUSE of its roles, I firmly believe that each couple should talk about what their roles will be BEFORE they are married. But if in the whirlwind of weddings and other things that happen this somehow is overlooked, it's never too late to have these discussions. You don't need to live a role that you didn't choose. That's BS