I like my best friend... should I tell him?

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kaitimae
kaitimae Posts: 727 Member
in Chit-Chat
We met at church and have known each other for about a year. 8 months ago we started hanging out a lot... and right when I was about to let him know I was interested, he started dating another girl.

They've had a rough relationship and broke up a few weeks ago.

However, during the time they were dating, he became my best friend. (Though, we don't refer to each other as each others' best friend, if that makes sense.) I talk to him every day on Google Chat. I trust him completely. We text each other when we have a rough day. I know a lot about his relationship with his ex, as he would always come to me when they were having problems. We hang out together at least once a week and always sit with each other at church. We tease and flirt with each other constantly.

People at church have noticed that we are very close, and I have received comments from them, wondering if the two of us are more than friends.

On one hand, I am terrified to tell him for fear of losing my best friend. On the other, I don't know if I could handle seeing him date someone else again.

Anyone been through this before and/or have any advice?
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Replies

  • brewingaz
    brewingaz Posts: 1,136 Member
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    Tell him. It's that simple. He knows you for who you are and if you tell him he'll know how you feel.
  • aippolito1
    aippolito1 Posts: 4,894 Member
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    You have to decide for yourself whether it's good timing for one, and also another...is he the kind of person who will get awkward if he doesn't return your feelings? Or will you both be able to go back to normal if nothing is pursued? I had the same situation. I told my best friend and he didn't return the feelings. I denied it for a LONG time and tried to ask him again and he still said no. After that, though, I let it go and was able to move on, and our friendship is the same as it was before! And now he's gay, haha.
  • RissaDean
    RissaDean Posts: 189 Member
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    Tell him.

    "No" is a lot easier to deal with (IMHO) than always wondering what could've/would've/should've happened.
  • SeattleLady
    SeattleLady Posts: 70
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    you have to tell him. If you lose his friendship... then that shows his lack of character. But you might miss out on an amazing relationship. Just don't lead from there. If he doesn't step up and lead you into a relationship then he is not into you in that way. It is a risk you take, but trust me. I have been the "best friend" too many times. The heart break is much worse watching them fall in love with other women. Blessings... :flowerforyou:
  • misscristie
    misscristie Posts: 643 Member
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    My husband and I were friends for a year and a half before we started dating. Just let him know you're interested. If he is too, he'll let you know. Men are clueless though. If you don't come out and tell him, he'll never know.
  • _David_
    _David_ Posts: 476 Member
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    Tell him. It's that simple. He knows you for who you are and if you tell him he'll know how you feel.
    Well said!
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    You have to weigh the risk of losing him as a friend if he doesn't work out as a partner. If it's worth the risk, go for it.
  • california_peach
    california_peach Posts: 1,858 Member
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    Tell him. If you don't you will always regret it
  • kr3851
    kr3851 Posts: 994 Member
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    Yep, tell him.

    I would probably say 'so everyone thinks we're together. would that be a crazy idea?'. That way you can chicken out if he says he doesn't want to.

    But that's just me....
  • bethvandenberg
    bethvandenberg Posts: 1,496 Member
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    so I'd just ask him if he thinks that he could ever have feelings for you?

    Then you'll know... I have a twin brother and once he gave me the best piece of advice ever....If you want to know what a man is thinking or thinks about something, then ask him and LISTEN to the answer. :)
  • h3h8m3
    h3h8m3 Posts: 455 Member
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    You know what I'd do? Of course you don't, but I'll tell you.

    I would ask him on a date.

    Don't make it a huge deal like, "OMG, I am so totally in love with you!"

    Just say, "Hey Scott, I've been thinking that I'd like to go on a date with you. What would you think about us going out to a dinner and movie (or whatever you want to invite him to do)?"

    Sometimes when we have a crush on a friend for too long a time we put too much pressure on it when we tell them our feelings. It comes out as some huge thing that HAS TO change the relationship. But if you just go slow, and suggest a date, I think i can be fine.

    A couple of details that I think are important.

    1. Definitely use the word date. That way he understands that you're talking about a romantic relationship, not just hanging out like friends. You don't want to be the only one there who thinks it's a date.
    2. Dress up for the date. Girls do not usually dress up when they're just going out to hang out.
    3. Be quick to try to pay for yourself (or both of you if you want), but if he tries to pay let him. Not because girls should always pay, but because it helps set the stage for what the purpose of the evening is.
    4. If you feel that things go well give him a kiss at the end. I'm not talking about anything huge, but just a quick kiss on the lips. There's no way to misinterpret that.

    10 years ago I was pretty much exactly the same type of guy as Scott (according to the little I've read about you). While we're all different, this is what I'd have wanted one of my church pals to do.

    Good luck, and let me know how it goes.
  • thegymbunny
    thegymbunny Posts: 602 Member
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    Tell him.

    There is risk. But if he feels the same, great reward.

    Life is too short for "I wonder what would have happened if..."
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    Tell him.

    "No" is a lot easier to deal with (IMHO) than always wondering what could've/would've/should've happened.

    Have been there more times then I like to think about but if "No" is the ultimate end it is better to have it clear and direct so you can start getting past it.
  • TiffanyA2008
    TiffanyA2008 Posts: 197
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    Take a chance and see where it goes. If you NEVER tell him, would you always wonder about the "What Ifs" ?? Would you always wonder what might have happened?? If so, then tell him. You'll never know until you do.
  • Molly_Louise
    Molly_Louise Posts: 503
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    Tell him!
  • CakeFit21
    CakeFit21 Posts: 2,521 Member
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    You have to tell him. If you are in love with him you can't go on being his friend. No matter what, that part is different now. You might as well take the risk and maybe end up being a couple.
  • kaitimae
    kaitimae Posts: 727 Member
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    All right, you all have me convinced. He's in Africa right now on a service trip... so when he gets back I'll see what I can do. Which is not to say it still doesn't scare the crap out of me... hahaha.
  • TiffanyA2008
    TiffanyA2008 Posts: 197
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    All right, you all have me convinced. He's in Africa right now on a service trip... so when he gets back I'll see what I can do. Which is not to say it still doesn't scare the crap out of me... hahaha.

    Don't be scared! You can do it! :)
  • Page2777
    Page2777 Posts: 91
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    TELL HIM!!!!!

    just go for it my best friend who i have known since i was four years old i told him 4 years ago how i felt and we have been together ever since we have been married a year and have an 8 month old hubby is with me now and he says it was the best decision i ever made :D
  • CaitlinMyers428
    CaitlinMyers428 Posts: 151 Member
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    Tell him. :) I'm glad my best guy friend of 7 years finally told me last year. Good luck to you!

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