I like my best friend... should I tell him?

kaitimae

We met at church and have known each other for about a year. 8 months ago we started hanging out a lot... and right when I was about to let him know I was interested, he started dating another girl.

They've had a rough relationship and broke up a few weeks ago.

However, during the time they were dating, he became my best friend. (Though, we don't refer to each other as each others' best friend, if that makes sense.) I talk to him every day on Google Chat. I trust him completely. We text each other when we have a rough day. I know a lot about his relationship with his ex, as he would always come to me when they were having problems. We hang out together at least once a week and always sit with each other at church. We tease and flirt with each other constantly.

People at church have noticed that we are very close, and I have received comments from them, wondering if the two of us are more than friends.

On one hand, I am terrified to tell him for fear of losing my best friend. On the other, I don't know if I could handle seeing him date someone else again.

Anyone been through this before and/or have any advice?

brewingaz

Tell him. It's that simple. He knows you for who you are and if you tell him he'll know how you feel.

aippolito1

You have to decide for yourself whether it's good timing for one, and also another...is he the kind of person who will get awkward if he doesn't return your feelings? Or will you both be able to go back to normal if nothing is pursued? I had the same situation. I told my best friend and he didn't return the feelings. I denied it for a LONG time and tried to ask him again and he still said no. After that, though, I let it go and was able to move on, and our friendship is the same as it was before! And now he's gay, haha.

RissaDean

Tell him.

"No" is a lot easier to deal with (IMHO) than always wondering what could've/would've/should've happened.

SeattleLady

you have to tell him. If you lose his friendship... then that shows his lack of character. But you might miss out on an amazing relationship. Just don't lead from there. If he doesn't step up and lead you into a relationship then he is not into you in that way. It is a risk you take, but trust me. I have been the "best friend" too many times. The heart break is much worse watching them fall in love with other women. Blessings... :flowerforyou:

misscristie

My husband and I were friends for a year and a half before we started dating. Just let him know you're interested. If he is too, he'll let you know. Men are clueless though. If you don't come out and tell him, he'll never know.

_David_

Tell him. It's that simple. He knows you for who you are and if you tell him he'll know how you feel.

Well said!

infamousmk

You have to weigh the risk of losing him as a friend if he doesn't work out as a partner. If it's worth the risk, go for it.

california_peach

Tell him. If you don't you will always regret it

kr3851

Yep, tell him.

I would probably say 'so everyone thinks we're together. would that be a crazy idea?'. That way you can chicken out if he says he doesn't want to.

But that's just me....

bethvandenberg

so I'd just ask him if he thinks that he could ever have feelings for you?

Then you'll know... I have a twin brother and once he gave me the best piece of advice ever....If you want to know what a man is thinking or thinks about something, then ask him and LISTEN to the answer.

h3h8m3

You know what I'd do? Of course you don't, but I'll tell you.

I would ask him on a date.

Don't make it a huge deal like, "OMG, I am so totally in love with you!"

Just say, "Hey Scott, I've been thinking that I'd like to go on a date with you. What would you think about us going out to a dinner and movie (or whatever you want to invite him to do)?"

Sometimes when we have a crush on a friend for too long a time we put too much pressure on it when we tell them our feelings. It comes out as some huge thing that HAS TO change the relationship. But if you just go slow, and suggest a date, I think i can be fine.

A couple of details that I think are important.

1. Definitely use the word date. That way he understands that you're talking about a romantic relationship, not just hanging out like friends. You don't want to be the only one there who thinks it's a date.
2. Dress up for the date. Girls do not usually dress up when they're just going out to hang out.
3. Be quick to try to pay for yourself (or both of you if you want), but if he tries to pay let him. Not because girls should always pay, but because it helps set the stage for what the purpose of the evening is.
4. If you feel that things go well give him a kiss at the end. I'm not talking about anything huge, but just a quick kiss on the lips. There's no way to misinterpret that.

10 years ago I was pretty much exactly the same type of guy as Scott (according to the little I've read about you). While we're all different, this is what I'd have wanted one of my church pals to do.

Good luck, and let me know how it goes.

thegymbunny

Tell him.

There is risk. But if he feels the same, great reward.

Life is too short for "I wonder what would have happened if..."

Carl01

Tell him.

"No" is a lot easier to deal with (IMHO) than always wondering what could've/would've/should've happened.

Have been there more times then I like to think about but if "No" is the ultimate end it is better to have it clear and direct so you can start getting past it.

TiffanyA2008

Take a chance and see where it goes. If you NEVER tell him, would you always wonder about the "What Ifs" ?? Would you always wonder what might have happened?? If so, then tell him. You'll never know until you do.

Molly_Louise

Tell him!

CakeFit21

You have to tell him. If you are in love with him you can't go on being his friend. No matter what, that part is different now. You might as well take the risk and maybe end up being a couple.

kaitimae

All right, you all have me convinced. He's in Africa right now on a service trip... so when he gets back I'll see what I can do. Which is not to say it still doesn't scare the crap out of me... hahaha.

TiffanyA2008

All right, you all have me convinced. He's in Africa right now on a service trip... so when he gets back I'll see what I can do. Which is not to say it still doesn't scare the crap out of me... hahaha.

Don't be scared! You can do it!

Page2777

TELL HIM!!!!!

just go for it my best friend who i have known since i was four years old i told him 4 years ago how i felt and we have been together ever since we have been married a year and have an 8 month old hubby is with me now and he says it was the best decision i ever made

CaitlinMyers428

Tell him. I'm glad my best guy friend of 7 years finally told me last year. Good luck to you!

Thankilates

Tell him. It's that simple. He knows you for who you are and if you tell him he'll know how you feel.

I agree! Trust and honesty is always respected and if it's not, than whoever feels it's not isn't worth it!

My husband and I were friends first in a bit of a hairy situation. Well not hairy, but I mean we met through my ex boyfriend. Long story short, my ex's best friend, is the younger brother of my current husbands best friend. LOL did you get that? So we hung out all the time from the time I was 17 to 21. I always had a crush on him, but I was dating somebody. When we broke up, I was worried about the "bro before hoe (I hate that expression) and that he would still see me as a "little girl." Anyway. I went for it and he was AMAZED! LOL Turns out he never thought I would like him, etc.

And now here we are, married for 2 years this January but living together for the last 6 years and dating for the last 8 but known me for 11! LOL Soooooooo- friends first to me- the only way to go!

TELL HIM! Go listen to songs to encourage you to do so! Besides, if you are asking forums about it, your mind is pretty much made up! You just need the extra push! You can do it!

shelleilei

I would tell him.... But only if you get somewhat of a vibe that he's into you as well. My BF and I were best friends for 2 years till I finally said something and now we're going on three years together.

Shannon023

All right, you all have me convinced. He's in Africa right now on a service trip... so when he gets back I'll see what I can do. Which is not to say it still doesn't scare the crap out of me... hahaha.

Good luck and let us know how it works out! :flowerforyou:

Thankilates

All right, you all have me convinced. He's in Africa right now on a service trip... so when he gets back I'll see what I can do. Which is not to say it still doesn't scare the crap out of me... hahaha.

Good luck and let us know how it works out! :flowerforyou:

Yes, tell us how it goes!

kaitimae

All right, you all have me convinced. He's in Africa right now on a service trip... so when he gets back I'll see what I can do. Which is not to say it still doesn't scare the crap out of me... hahaha.

Good luck and let us know how it works out! :flowerforyou:

Yes, tell us how it goes!

I will! Since he IS in Africa, communication is spotty at best, especially since we are on completely different time schedules now, haha. I've talked to him twice in the last week and I who knows if I'll catch him again before he gets home on Sunday. Anyway, after talking more with one of my friends on here, I've decided just to ask Scott on a date. But yeah, I'll update you all. Thanks everyone for the encouragement and advice!

(Also, @KimWins999, is that a Tortie cat!?!?!)

ninerbuff

We met at church and have known each other for about a year. 8 months ago we started hanging out a lot... and right when I was about to let him know I was interested, he started dating another girl.

They've had a rough relationship and broke up a few weeks ago.

However, during the time they were dating, he became my best friend. (Though, we don't refer to each other as each others' best friend, if that makes sense.) I talk to him every day on Google Chat. I trust him completely. We text each other when we have a rough day. I know a lot about his relationship with his ex, as he would always come to me when they were having problems. We hang out together at least once a week and always sit with each other at church. We tease and flirt with each other constantly.

People at church have noticed that we are very close, and I have received comments from them, wondering if the two of us are more than friends.

On one hand, I am terrified to tell him for fear of losing my best friend. On the other, I don't know if I could handle seeing him date someone else again.

Anyone been through this before and/or have any advice?

I say wait. He's vunerable right now and catching him on the rebound may not reveal what his true feelings are.

kaitimae

bad news - he isn't interested in being anything other than friends.

good news - we both made each other promise that we wouldn't act all weird now. so far, nothing has been weird. we have been talking all day on gchat just like we usually do.

also, now i have my answer, and can move on with life.

Thankilates

IT IS!!! She is so crazy! She has that "tortie-tude!" LOL

Her name is Kuma Tanuki Boushi (bear Raccoon eye in Japanese) and we call her Kuma or Kumi for short! She is the MOST vocal cat ever! She sits and comes when told to! She greets you at the door and EVERY person who meets her tells me she is like a dog! LOL She is finnicky with soft food. She likes some and others she doesn't. Then on a random day, she will eat food that she didn't like the day earlier. She whines and gets all sad and puts her nose in the air when she doesn't like it! TORTIETUDE!!!!! LOL I LOVE CATS!

foremant86

At least now you know!

Speedy89

fo sho.