Does your weight affect your relationships?

Hannah_Banana · December 2008

Okay guys, little down today. :frown:

I'm doing great with my weight loss/exercise etc but DH has been complaining the last few months about how I push him away all the time when he wants to be all snugly and romantic. When I met him I was about 175 - 180 and had absolutely no problem with this. Since being with him and having a baby, I'm up to 210 and I realized that its just not comfortable! I don't want to be messed with or touched or anything. I just feel lumpy and gross. I just can't seem to think of anything else when he wants to be intimate! Its to the point where I don't even want him to hug me! :sad:

I've said as much to DH and he just gets angry at me, asking me why I'm punishing HIM because he loves every part of me (Even the DREADED tummy roll). Its making me impatient for those 30lbs to come off, because I want to have a healthy relationship again!

Anyone else have a similar problem? Its amazing to me that 30lbs can make that much of a difference. Any of my lovely MFPers that have overcome (or are tryng to overcome) such a problem?

Thanks ladies. :flowerforyou:

Hannah_Banana · December 2008

Okay guys, little down today. :frown:

I'm doing great with my weight loss/exercise etc but DH has been complaining the last few months about how I push him away all the time when he wants to be all snugly and romantic. When I met him I was about 175 - 180 and had absolutely no problem with this. Since being with him and having a baby, I'm up to 210 and I realized that its just not comfortable! I don't want to be messed with or touched or anything. I just feel lumpy and gross. I just can't seem to think of anything else when he wants to be intimate! Its to the point where I don't even want him to hug me! :sad:

I've said as much to DH and he just gets angry at me, asking me why I'm punishing HIM because he loves every part of me (Even the DREADED tummy roll). Its making me impatient for those 30lbs to come off, because I want to have a healthy relationship again!

Anyone else have a similar problem? Its amazing to me that 30lbs can make that much of a difference. Any of my lovely MFPers that have overcome (or are tryng to overcome) such a problem?

Thanks ladies. :flowerforyou:

TRLTAMPA · December 2008

I certainly keep the lights off!!!
But we're the opposite. I'm always after it and he's not interested. Of course I think it's because of my weight. Who wouldn't? But he swears he just doesn't have much of a drive.
So, we'll see when I'm hot again...if he's all over me then, I'll know the truth.

lmr9 · December 2008

Right there with you...I feel exactly the same way. My husband doesn't think I'm fat (thank GOD), but I do, and it definitely affects things... :frown:

janiebeth · December 2008

ABSOLUTELY!! I'm so glad you posted this - I thought it was just me..:frown:

This is my story exactly. I get to the point where I dread getting into situations where I know my DH might want to get romantic.

I think so much of romance happens in the head. It is so much easier to get into the mood if I think I look like Angelina Jolie - much harder if I look like Julia Child (no offense Julia - I love ya girl).

Truth is, I think DH sees Angelina - bless his sweet heart..:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

I haven't completely figured out how to battle this (other than losing the weight - which is the more long term fix), but I do try to visualize myself as I looked when we first met. Sometimes this works pretty well..

Let me know if you find any other fixes..

jb

neverbeenskinny · December 2008

I think that you are very lucky that you have someone that wants to hug you and touch you, and you should be loving it

. Loving someone does not have anything to do with your "fat rolls", it's from the heart. Touch is something very important, when you are hugging someone or touching them, you are sending your energy to each other, this is a primitive form of communication, showing that you care for each other. If you want a healthy relationship with him, hug him and touch him, it's a very important part of relationships...you are very lucky. :flowerforyou:

mhosner · December 2008

The higher the scale the lower my desire to want him to see me. I am right there with you. But I surely am not going shopping for anything sexy and I am not wanting him to touch or see me -- especially with the lights on. I hope, I know it will get better as I start feeling better about the way I look. Come on off weight, so other things can also.

Hannah_Banana · December 2008

Oh, you ladies are wonderful. To those of you that mentioned 'light off' I try!! :laugh: He just gets up and turns it back on. I have yet to figure out a sneaky way to get up and turn it back off again. :blushing:

janiebeth · December 2008

The Clapper!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Had to put that - the commercials crack me up this time of year. That and Chia pets..

jb

mhosner · December 2008

One word - "Clapper" :happy: I don't know if they still sell those things. Maybe try candles. I am not a big candle person - normally because it's one of those --- kids are out playing lets go try of deals; no time.. But maybe it would be dark enough for you, and still some light for him.

janiebeth · December 2008

Jinx - you owe me a diet soda!!

Don't know if everyone knows that one. The kids say that whenever they say the exact same thing at the same time.. of course their soda is not diet - but...:grumble: :grumble:

neverbeenskinny · December 2008

Candles make EVERYONE look good.

Hannah_Banana · December 2008

Perfect!

Alisha28 · December 2008

I feel the same way sometimes and I am comfortable with myself and my weight. Men just like to complain I mean there are other things in life then that but not to them.... It isn't you, tell him to chill. But lights off do help if your a little insecure but he loves you for you and women over think how we look naked to them we are hott and they do not notice the imperfections we notice on ourselves

Alisha

mhosner · December 2008

I know I saw that after I posted. I had to look at it to see if I missed your post.. Nope just posted at the same time.

Great Minds Think Alike

FitJoani · December 2008

I wish I could interject. All I want is a man who will actually appreciate me and not make comments about how other women are attractive. I know anything like that is daunting and you have to revel in what you accomplished. I agree canldes Im a fan of NO lights. I am far from that confident, although I wish I could be.

Destined · December 2008

The fix is called sexy at any size! It is so difficult to feel sexy when we don't feel good about ourselves. I had a long plateau that lasted me a whole yr from Jan 2007-present. I just now lost about 2 pounds since last week. It feels good. The point I am trying to make here is that I decided to be happy and feel sexy at any size. We all don't know how long it will take for us to get back to our sexy selves. Our husbands react to us in the way we feel inside and that shows on the outside. I am big and sexy and there is more for him to love. I tell him that and I believe it too. I dress that way too, not hiding under big t-shirts and frumpy clothes. Sexy is what sexy do girls. We are only gonna be sexier when we reach our goal. By the way it is not fair for us to deprive them ,our DH. Girls we are beautiful just the way we are and what's more beautiful about us is we are doing something to be healthier. SO IT IS NEW YEAR'S EVE CUDDLE UP WITH THAT HUBBY OF YOURS AND ENJOY YOUR LIFE LIVING FOR TODAY!!!!!!!!!!

Hannah_Banana · December 2008

I think you look amazing! :flowerforyou:

:bigsmile:

I think DH would be afraid of loosing a limb if he commented on another woman. :noway: That was only cool when I was 180, NOT cool now. :laugh:

JenniferMann24 · December 2008

I had this problem and now I don't. I haven't lost a great amount of weight but I had to go through therapy and now feel alot better about myself. I don't think it has anything to do with the weight but with the way we feel about ourselves. (sometimes I don't like being a woman we are complacated:ohwell: )

Try to feel better about you. Find something you like about yourself. If its really bad don't feel bad about getting help. It did wonders for me.:flowerforyou:

FitJoani · December 2008

thank you!!! I am just down today!!!

Destined · December 2008

That's why we are all here to lift each other up. It's not everyday that you feel on top of the world. Trust me girl we all have them days. Hugs to you.

TRLTAMPA · December 2008

The only naked woman in the room is the only naked woman in the world.

heard that from a comedian somewhere and never forgot it

Hannah_Banana · December 2008

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

I LOVE that. I'm telling DH...

Fitness_Chick · December 2008

the 'clapper'???:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :blushing: :bigsmile:

Fitness_Chick · December 2008

Hey that's a good one...good way to think of it...sorta sounds like a guy... :huh:

:bigsmile:

glad you posted allenhm I'll be back for a more serious response than the clapper .....haven't been home to long and need to do lunch.

Fitness_Chick · December 2008

oops!!:laugh: I didn't see someone already came up with this one!:laugh: :laugh:

Fitness_Chick · December 2008

now how would a chia pet work in this dept?

:huh: :laugh:

Fitness_Chick · December 2008

I totally agree...it's the things we tell ourselves, there are many beautiful women of all sizes that have the lights on lights off...someone mentioned a chia pet :huh: :noway:

:laugh: ok, never mind on that one. Candles... confidence comes from within, extra weight or not....it's a thinking process...

He love YOU, he wants YOU...Hugs are so important, cuddling is a great way to share affection, I think it's vital for both parts of the couple to share hugs and touch because just like a woman may feel unlovable because of what is going on in the self confidence field...a guy can certainly take that as rejection that he's not wanted.

Just something to think about... If the guy we were with didn't want to touch us, maybe he's not the cuddling type, doesn't hug etc....might be that we would then be on the other side feeling undesirable and unloved...

Hannah_Banana · December 2008

That, in a nut shell is why I love MFP. :flowerforyou: FC, this is exactly how he feels. And he's right, I shouldn't punish him because of my psychological issues. :ohwell:

Thank you everyone for the support and shared struggle. I will work on my self-confidence. After reading all the responses, hubby and I are going to sit down and have a movie marathon and snuggle for New Years tonight. :smooched:

janiebeth · January 2009

oh my - must fix before I get reported to the pervert police!!

I meant that commercials for The Clapper and Chia pets crack me up this time of year (because you only see them around Christmas time) - not that chia pets would have any use in this situation.. :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway:

I can't even go there.. I don't think.. oh my!! :blushing: :blushing: :blushing:

thanks for pointing out my bad connection FC.. jb

Tri_Dad · January 2009

Let me try and give you some perspective on this as a Man and a Husband.
My wife and I started this together and I am very proud of the 13 pounds that she has lost.
When I married my wife I did so because I knew that she was the best friend I will ever have. The kind of love that a man feels for his wife is incredible and regardless of her weight she will always be the most beautiful woman in the world to me. I know that a weight problem hits your self esteem pretty hard. I know because I have been there and it is terrible to feel undesireable. Regardless of how you feel about yourself it is very important to understand that your husband feels very differently. My wife has given me so much, she has given me two beautiful children, a feeling of home and most of my happiest memories. I can't imagine ever being without her and I thank god every day that I can call her my wife. I am excited that she has joined me on this journey in hopes that our healthy lifestyle will give us more years together. But it has nothing to do with whether I find her attractive. How could I not find her attractive. She's the center of my universe. My rock. My heart. When your husband says he loves every part of you...(Dreaded tummy roll included), he means it. It's a tough bump to try and get over but you need to try for his sake...and yours for that matter. If it helps try and think of something wrong with him like a hairy butt or something. You might find it hard to point out the flaws and maybe then you will realize how your husband feels about you.

Does your weight affect your relationships?

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