Kids say the Darndest things

sarahsmom1

1) We bought our daughter a bike. So then we went and got her a helmet. We were driving home she was making sure the helmet fit so she was wearing it in the car, a car pulled in front of me I slammed on the breaks my daughter turned and looked at me and said "
Thank god I had my helmet on." I was hysterical

2) My daughter was 15 reading a magazine there was a face cream ad she got all excited and said Mom look at this it makes you look 10 years younger. Mom can I get it ? If I used it i could (doing the math) look like I'm (pause) 5. We looked at each other and laughed so hard she 23 now and it is still funny

DrPepperLeigh74

Too cute, they can say the funniest stuff. When my daughter (she's 9 now) was around 3 her Dad was driving and had to slam on the brakes and she hollers "Whoa there cowboy". You never do know what is coming out next.... LoL... Then my son(who is 5) was 4 he asked for a toy while we were out and I told him not today I don't have much money, we then go inside the Post office to get stamps and the clerk asked him how he was doing today? (he was looking pouty because I said no toy) he then proceeds to tell the postal clerk and the whole line of people behind me I'm fine but my mommy and daddy are poor... Gotta love them young'uns!!!:laugh:

odusgolp

My four year old came in my room while I was getting dressed... rolled his eyes and told me to "Put Those Away" pointing at my boobs and walked away.

ceebs9

When my daughter was about 3 or 4 I was shopping at the mall. I think I was looking at purses. This child talked ALL THE TIME. So anyway, she's blabbering away and some old woman near us is smiling at her when all of the sudden out of nowhere she asks me, "Mommy, when Daddy becomes a woman will he wear dresses?" Wiped the smile right off that ladies face.

edited because I got the story a little off. It WAS a long time ago.:embarassed:

maddymama

Too funny.


When my oldest was two years old, we were staying in a hotel for the night. The next morning at the very crowded breakfast buffet, my daughter notices the CLOCK on the wall. She then notices my husband's watch on his wrist and points to his wrist and yells "DADDY HAS A ****! DADDY HAS A ****!" Gotta love the inability of little kids to blend beginning sounds.

Daughter #2, who just turned two, has been calling her CROCS "*kitten*" all week. I just keep cracking up.

ceebs9

When I taught kindergarten I had this one kid who kept telling me one day how HUGE his dad's member was. I had a hard time looking the dad in the eye at the next parent-teacher conference.

jenny95662

Too funny.


When my oldest was two years old, we were staying in a hotel for the night. The next morning at the very crowded breakfast buffet, my daughter notices the CLOCK on the wall. She then notices my husband's watch on his wrist and points to his wrist and yells "DADDY HAS A ****! DADDY HAS A ****!" Gotta love the inability of little kids to blend beginning sounds.

Daughter #2, who just turned two, has been calling her CROCS "*kitten*" all week. I just keep cracking up.

Our last name is Cox and for the first 3 years of my childs life we were known as the **** family lmao

jenny95662

When I taught kindergarten I had this one kid who kept telling me one day how HUGE his dad's member was. I had a hard time looking the dad in the eye at the next parent-teacher conference.

thats just too funny love kids and how they have no filter

timtamslam

Funny this thread should be made because I got told about this the other day, when I was a kid I was sitting on grandad's knee and said to him "When you were younger was there a big war" to which he replied "Yes". I then looked at him and said "Did the Romans win?". :happy:

odusgolp

Funny this thread should be made because I got told about this the other day, when I was a kid I was sitting on grandad's knee and said to him "When you were younger was there a big war" to which he replied "Yes". I then looked at him and said "Did the Romans win?". :happy:

FYI: I'm fatter than you. Damn.

TluvK

While watching some old school cartoons the other day, my daughter says, "Mom, who's Jerry?" I said, "He's the mouse". She says, "Oh, okay, well then who's Tomand?

TluvK

Another one: My daughter asked me what a Male was. I explained, your brother's a boy so he's a male. You are a girl, so you are a female. Then I said, "So, what am I?" She said, "You're a female". I said, "Good, now what is daddy?" She pauses and says, "He's a Mer-man??

odusgolp

I love these *LOL*

TluvK

Sorry, can't stop.

I said to my son: "Joey, please stop scratching your butt." He responded, "I'm not scratching my butt. I'm scratching the INSIDE of my butt."

thegymbunny

My four year old came in my room while I was getting dressed... rolled his eyes and told me to "Put Those Away" pointing at my boobs and walked away.

My son said "mommy, you have bigger nipples"

Even my son embarrases me


he also told me I had a big butt in a crowded pool

CaWaterBug8

Bump - These are great!

ohwhataday

Hahahah. That they do. These are hilarious!! A couple weeks ago my daughter was sitting with my husband and they were drawing together. I'm not sure of what she drew but I heard her say about her little brother "There, that should scare Wesley out the crap!".. or something to that effect. ahhh. ♥ her.

ceebs9

Sometimes when my teenagers are being ridiculous my husband will tell them to shut their pie-holes. Sometimes it gets shortened. So we're driving somewhere and my 14 yr old (at the time) is just being a little pr!ck. Going on and on about something. Finally my husband just says really firmly and in a deep voice, "Shut... your... hole!" My son is quiet for a few seconds and then quietly says, "Which hole?"

Maybe it's not funny to anyone else, but we all started giggling and it broke the tension and we ended up having a nice evening.

thegymbunny

I have always been a huge college football fan, as has my ex husband.
They were raised hearing about it.


So yesterday we are walking out to the car in the morning and my daughter says "mommy, it's football weather!"

My heart melted!

bmfrazie

Love this. I know my son has said lots of funny things but I can't think of anything.

lilyinlove

My 4 year old asked for some lobser piss... I was like whhaaa???

He said those big things you can lick...


Ah gobstoppers!!!!

bluevwgurl

When my nephew was in kindergarten they were learning about money. The teacher asked what Abe Lincoln was on. Not missing a beat, my nephew replies "drugs". my sister got a parent teacher conference out of that one.

undermajorconstruction

I took my then 3 y/o daughter with me to try on a couple of dresses in a dressing room. While I disrobed , she was sitting there looking cute sucking on her little fingers, that is, until I took off my bra. She gasped and with a wrinkled forehead says; "Oh no mommy!!!! Pick up your breasts!!! Mommy, are your breasts broken??" The acoustics in that dressing room could not hve been better. You could hear ppl laughing. I know that I have some droopage but wow! Apparently the bra had some good lift.

undermajorconstruction

My 4 year old asked for some lobser piss... I was like whhaaa???

He said those big things you can lick...


Ah gobstoppers!!!!

LMBO hysterically!!!!! Too funny!!

undermajorconstruction

When my nephew was in kindergarten they were learning about money. The teacher asked what Abe Lincoln was on. Not missing a beat, my nephew replies "drugs". my sister got a parent teacher conference out of that one.

These kids! OMG! Hilarious!!

xsargex

So i'm on a commercial flight going from point A to point B. We were coming in on final to the airport and this kid in front of
me looked out the window to see the flaps engage. He turns to his mom and yells "HEY MOM.... THE WING IS COMING APART!"
Everyone on the right side of the plane jumped towards the window as every ounce of air was sucked in from all the gasps. I sat back and laughed my balls off.

deewildwoman

When my little brother was just learning to talk, he managed to completely embarrass my stepmom. We are sitting in church, and my little brother (who was breast fed and my stepmom was weaning him) yelled out "Want Titty Mom". Everyone, including the preacher completely lost it. I don't think I have every seen anyone turn the shade of red my Step Mom turned. Needless to say, the weaning was stepped up a notch.

42hockeymom

My husband I were married when we were both very young. Sadly, that showed in our maturity when communicating with each other, ie: instead of excuse me we'd say "move your fat *kitten*". When our youngest was about 3 (now 21) we were grocery shopping and came around the corner only to met by a rather large lady in the aisle. This was an old store, and the aisles were very narrow. So there we stand, our daughter who's sitting in the cart facing us, sees me do an eye roll because this lady is taking a long time to make her selection. My husband does a "tsk huh" under his breath. My daughter turns around, and proceeds to tell the lady, "Lady MOVE YOUR FAT *kitten*!" I almost faint. My husband turns around and walks away, because he's choking he's laughing so hard. I'm standing there trying to speak, and can't because I'm so flabbergasted, I can't find words. Needless to say, we grew up fast and got some manners!

ohwhataday

Sometimes when my teenagers are being ridiculous my husband will tell them to shut their pie-holes. Sometimes it gets shortened. So we're driving somewhere and my 14 yr old (at the time) is just being a little pr!ck. Going on and on about something. Finally my husband just says really firmly and in a deep voice, "Shut... your... hole!" My son is quiet for a few seconds and then quietly says, "Which hole?"

Maybe it's not funny to anyone else, but we all started giggling and it broke the tension and we ended up having a nice evening.

ohhhhh emm geee

jenny95662

My four year old came in my room while I was getting dressed... rolled his eyes and told me to "Put Those Away" pointing at my boobs and walked away.

My 5 yr old daughter goes mom my boobs are smaller then yours but not by much....my husband was dieing laughing and said oh man its so true lmao thanks Lex for pointing out i have small boobs lmao

brittmiles07

My daughter, who is 3, and her cousin Andrew are good friends. Andrew is biracial, so he's obviously got darker skin than us. Abby was in the pool with my mom and she saw this little boy with a really deep tan. She walked up to him and said "You're brown. You're brown like Andrew." The boy gave her a funny look and asked who Andrew was. Abby said, "Andrew is my cousin. He's brown. He has brown arms, and a brown nose!". Too funny. This kid notices everything about people! Like if they have a different hair color, or talk with an accent, etc. And she always makes a loud comment. Not rude, just observant.

She also thinks that one day she's going to turn into a boy.