Criticism

LeanerBeef

Are we allowed to criticize our friends on MFP? I know it’s all about being positive and supporting each other and I think that is great, it certainly has helped me tremendously. An example of where I would think that a little constructive criticism would be helpful is when someone’s food diary has one huge meal and then they starve the rest of the day or if they are WAY below on their calories. I normally just don’t say anything, no “good job”, just no comment but I wonder if some feedback would help. I’ve had a couple of comments when I’ve gone over in my sodium and my first reaction was “hey, screw you” but then I thought about and it was actually a helpful comment and now I monitor my sodium intake better.

So, what are your thoughts? Are my 2 cents helpful or hurtful???

melsinct

It's going to depend on the person. Some will be highly defensive and will probably drop you as a friend. Others like me would welcome the criticism, so long as it was constructive and not like "Put down the cookies, fatty!" :bigsmile:

Acg67

BTW there is nothing wrong with having just 1 huge meal a day, read up on IF and meal frequency

zumba89

I think if you come at someone the right way. If your telling them "hey do you think your going to loss weight eatting like that". Then yes they will stop being you friend and you will feel like crap. Just be nice about it but still let them know what they can do to make them eat better like saying " hey just seen your under your calories it ok to eat some more" or " skipping meals are not. good maybe just add some snacks". See nothing mean people that are lossing weight the last thing they need to hears "your sucking at this weight loss thing". So just be a little nice about it.

maidentl

I think it depends on whether it's something they do regularly. If I ate well most of the time and had one off day and someone felt the need to comment, yes, I'd be annoyed.

12by311

Are we allowed to criticize our friends on MFP? I know it’s all about being positive and supporting each other and I think that is great, it certainly has helped me tremendously. An example of where I would think that a little constructive criticism would be helpful is when someone’s food diary has one huge meal and then they starve the rest of the day or if they are WAY below on their calories. I normally just don’t say anything, no “good job”, just no comment but I wonder if some feedback would help. I’ve had a couple of comments when I’ve gone over in my sodium and my first reaction was “hey, screw you” but then I thought about and it was actually a helpful comment and now I monitor my sodium intake better.

So, what are your thoughts? Are my 2 cents helpful or hurtful???

My opinion is unless someone asks for advice or help, I never say anything one way or the other. Like someone else said, some people eat one meal and day and have made this decision based on the research they have done for themselves.

I would never said anything to you about your sodium had you been my "friend" on here. One of my friends on my list has to actually keep her sodium levels HIGHER than most people. So, if I just butted in and said, "Hey....you need to cut your sodium way down" I would look like a JA.

I actually never look at my friends journals unless I'm looking for ideas. One of my friends is a brick house and a triathlete...her journal is private. I think nothing of it.

Painten

I would take some criticism. I did have a full fat coke one time and one of my mfp friends did comment on it. for a split second i was offended but then i realised it was just a minor comment and not a personal attack, that person is still on my friends list, the same person reminds me to drink water too which i do need reminding. Most on my friends list realize i struggle with cutting down on sugar and are nice enough not to mention it. after months i'm still just working on cutting calories and not measuring anything else. I'd not appreciate it at all if people kept going on about say sodium when i was struggling to keep the calories under control.

MinnieInMaine

I tried giving unsolicited constructive criticism/advice a few times but it seems like most people just don't care for it. They have their way and unless something goes wrong, even if they're not eating enough or drinking too little or whatever, I won't offer input until it's asked for. And that's fine with me...I don't necessarily care for other people commenting on my choices either.

Kate6868

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My opinion is unless someone asks for advice or help, I never say anything one way or the other.
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I agree. People usually reach out if what they are doing is not working, and that is the time to offer advice.

AimingHighWeighingLow

Do you know what, I hate having to be restrained, people have come online to get the best out of exercise if they are doing stuff wrong, they should be told.

Why do we all pretend to be nice online, if people get offended by what people who they don't know think then they should NOT be online!

dsak

This is tricky and I was wondering the same thing myself. Since you probably don't personally know all the friends on your list, it's hard to say how they would take the criticism. I usually don't say anything unless they ask for advice.

I too check out diaries at times... curious to see what others are eating... to help get suggestions, etc., and I find some who regularly (daily) eat sweets and drinks full of sugar and calories. I've struggled with... should I say something, but... figured I'd stay quiet for now. What I don't know is.... maybe like someone else posted.... they are just trying to watch calories now and cut down, and... maybe... even though they ate cookies today.... it's a small victory to them... because in the past they might have eaten the whole bag. If I said something, they might be offended, and it might set them back.

TavistockToad

if people asked for help, and had open diaries then i would comment, but just in general i wouldnt. i had a friend on here who only drank 3 slim fast shakes per day to crash diet for her wedding, and she got mad and 'de-friended' someone who commented in a nice way about it, and after that i de-friended her, as i didnt agree with what she was doing.

i like to look at diaries, and quite a lot of the time i like to think i know better!! but i'm sure lots of people could be critical of what i eat if they wanted to be, but it works for me, and you just have to assume that other peoples diets work for them.

missikay1970

i would take it as criticism, but i am very sensitive. also, i KNOW when i've done something wrong, i don't need it pointed-out to me. i think encouragement is the better route. instead of saying something negative when the friend has an off-day, say something really positive on the days when they have done really well. (ex: "your menu looks fabulous today! looks like you did everything really well!!!"

missikay1970

.... they are just trying to watch calories now and cut down, and... maybe... even though they ate cookies today.... it's a small victory to them... because in the past they might have eaten the whole bag.

i totally agree with this ^^

jatcat310

I want the 2 cents, that's what my friends are for!!!

ckspores

Regardless of whether or not it is actually helpful, I usually assume comments are meant to be helpful and non-offensive. Sometimes, people really come off as rude but I truly believe it isn't intended that way by most.

If the comment is helpful I use it. If it isn't, I thank the person for their suggestion and move on.

suzycreamcheese

if someone really criticised me either for a one off bad day, or consistently, id delete them. I dont need criticism. I dont do food diaries anymore, but when i did, i liked people being positive.
A little bit of sensitive constructive criticism here and there would be ok, y'know, like suggestions of how to get more protein in, or such like. I think positive reinforcement works much better than negative

ChanMay

There is nothing wrong with constructive critisism to an extent. We all need to remember that we do not walk in anyone's shoes but our own so we have no idea what they are going through. There are people on here who have addictions, struggle with anorexia, bulimia... for the people who pick apart someone who only has 1000 calories a day, maybe that person is anorexic and that is a huge step forward for them. So by picking them apart like that you are taking away the pride they had in that success.
I guess I'm just trying to say, be careful and remember that behind that anynomous food diary is a person who has feelings Try offering a little advice and not critisim.

kimberly702

I want the critisim... hopefully it'll make me not want to make the same mistake again... for instance today at lunch I had a regular Dr. Pepper and that alone put me over my sugar. Call me out on it! That's why I make my diary public. Someone may have a helpful suggestion. Really.. you're not gonna hurt my feelings.

Huskeryogi

If someone asked for advice or complains that they aren't seeing results sure, but otherwise I wouldn't. There are too many different paths people take to the weight loss finish line so something you think is bad for them might be their plan.

I'll second the response on IF. I've been doing it for 2 months. I'm down 20 lbs and it's the easiest thing I've ever tried. I frequently get all my calories in 1-2 meals.

dad106

Do you know what, I hate having to be restrained, people have come online to get the best out of exercise if they are doing stuff wrong, they should be told.

Why do we all pretend to be nice online, if people get offended by what people who they don't know think then they should NOT be online!

Gee where was this bit of wisdom when I replied to your post yesterday... You seemed to be highly offended by what I said even though you don't know me.

To Op;
It is what it is. Sometimes it works, and other times it backfires.

If I know what I'm doing wrong, I don't need you to point it out to me or give me advice.

If I ask for advice though, then I expect you to be as honest as possible..even if it is blunt. I see nothing wrong with telling the truth.. may hurt at first, but in the end we're all better off.

Sezmo83

It's going to depend on the person. Some will be highly defensive and will probably drop you as a friend. Others like me would welcome the criticism, so long as it was constructive and not like "Put down the cookies, fatty!" :bigsmile:

Lol, "put down the cookies fatty!" would probably work best for me.

I have no objections if people want to comment on my diary. Anyone doing so needs to realise that I'm aiming to go over the 1200 it's set for though. Anything up to 1600 is good. I'd be annoyed if someone kept ranting at me for not doing low carb or for not eating "clean" though. I welcome constructive criticism, I don't welcome people shoving their beliefs down my throat like their way is the only right way. I'm eating in a way I can sustain for life, that means I sometimes have pizza or Burger King.

Also, I think if you're going to criticise the bad you should also comment on the good.

olyrose

I've seen some people who are good at pointing things out in a non-threatening way, with comments like "did you forget to log your water today? Don't forget it's important to track that too" or "it doesn't look like you logged a lot of food today, do you feel good working out on that little? I always need a lot more when I exercise". Comments like that seem very caring and subtle. I think it's just making the intention of the comment clear. And as soon as they ask for help - give them all you can.

jenbusick

This is tricky and I was wondering the same thing myself. Since you probably don't personally know all the friends on your list, it's hard to say how they would take the criticism. I usually don't say anything unless they ask for advice.

I too check out diaries at times... curious to see what others are eating... to help get suggestions, etc., and I find some who regularly (daily) eat sweets and drinks full of sugar and calories. I've struggled with... should I say something, but... figured I'd stay quiet for now. What I don't know is.... maybe like someone else posted.... they are just trying to watch calories now and cut down, and... maybe... even though they ate cookies today.... it's a small victory to them... because in the past they might have eaten the whole bag. If I said something, they might be offended, and it might set them back.

This is how I feel about it -- and this is my struggle personally. Honestly, it's a victory for me when I don't eat the whole bag, even if I do go over my calories for the day. I live with skinny people who eat whatever they like, whenever they like, and I have a really, really tough time saying "NO" on my own behalf every time they hit the junk. And they certainly don't say no on my behalf. When I had a Ben & Jerry's milkshake the other day, it was because my husband went off and bought them for everyone while I was in the restroom with one of the kids. I came out and there he was with ice cream for everyone. He apologized later, but I told him honestly that I wouldn't have felt better if he'd left me out, either.

When everybody else is getting the gooey desserts, it's HARD to say "None for me, thanks." I'm just not there yet. But I am really trying. I know how it looks. But for me, some days, the victory is recording every bite even if I missed the mark by 500 calories *sigh*.

So I would err on the side of trying to find something encouraging to say, like "Good for you for tracking everything!" Or something sympathetic like "Man, those caramel blizzards are SO good, aren't they? I have a hard time turning those down." They know it was bad for them. But they also know you're there for them.

taso42_DELETED

If it's an off day, then no harm, no foul.
If it's a trend, I usually say something... once, twice, three times. Everybody is in a different predicament. Some people really try hard but can't hit their calorie goals. The people who don't even try - defriend.

infamousmk

If I ask for help or advice, I want the most honest, straight up answers I can get. If I'm not asking for advice, then I don't want my friends commenting unless they see something MAJORLY SERIOUS. Same goes for my friends - if they need my help, I'm there like Johnny on the Spot. If they don't ask, I don't say anything.

cm2two

dont criticize like a douche and it's all good...

MrsCon40

All my friends know that I DEMAND that they say "put down the cookie, fatty!"

bry_all01

so long as you know that my journey is not your journey and you know that I do not count calories, but macros, then go ahead, especially if I ask you for your advice, give it to me straight. But, if you do not know that I am mainitaining and training and you make some snide comment, that might piss me off. But, to be fair, I do give advance notices if I know I am eating too little or if I know I am going to indulge.

vim_n_vigor

Unless someone asks for it, or I know the circumstances of the person posting, I keep it to myself. I don't know if they are working into their diet in phases, are having a very bad week, or what other stuff might be going on. Now if you ask me, I will tell.

jojobird2011

I would hope that anyone who comments is doing so because they want to help you. A little constructive criticism if not said in a mean way will help. I know it makes me think and I hope it can do the same for you