Criticism

maria25428

I'd like the advice.. if people aren't open for the suggestions they shouldn't have there diary public.. they may not realize they are doing anything wrong.

kennethmgreen

I find it curious to make my food diary public and be offended if someone comments on what I've eaten. I appreciate criticism and am grown-up enough to know that some criticism is good for me and some is meaningless. I can choose to heed the advice/criticism or not. It baffles me how much power people are willing to give up to a stranger on the Internet.

There are people I am friends with - including some here on MFP - who I would be disappointed with if they did NOT say "enough cookies fat *kitten*!" But that's just me. I am not a delicate flower, despite my dainty appearance.

jojobird2011

I understand and get where your coming from but there are times your actually helping someone by saying something. You can tell someone what you think it a nice way..a way that will be helpful to them.

sbremner35

Depends on the person really, some people are open to help others maybe a little sensitive and not ready to take everything on board :O)

maidentl

I find it curious to make my food diary public and be offended if someone comments on what I've eaten.

Because if you make your diary private, knowing that you're not open to criticism, you'll get it anyway in the form of accusations of lying, hiding something, shame, not being 100%. Seriously, I have seen people on here get REALLY worked up about closed diaries. It's a case of damned if you do and damned if you don't around here.

bhagavatilad1

not a good idea i saw someones food diary and she had only eaten 3 slithers of beef all day and the calories were high around 800 and I commented on how little she ate and she posted pics of her weight loss later I got accused of being millitant in my comments because I didn't exactly think that was healthy for her and she posted on her blog how rude I was and she had missed all the good comments. She was offended and so was I. She complained about what a hard life she had, I believe everyone's life is difficult especially mine. I ended up removing her as a friend.

glockster972

I suppose that would depend on a lot of circumstances. I personally like CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM from my closer friends. However, if you don't know me well or can't offer anything of use, I feel its best to keep the comment to yourself. Just my opinion.

killagb

not a good idea i saw someones food diary and she had only eaten 3 slithers of beef all day and the calories were high around 800 and I commented on how little she ate and she posted pics of her weight loss later I got accused of being millitant in my comments because I didn't exactly think that was healthy for her and she posted on her blog how rude I was and she had missed all the good comments. She was offended and so was I. She complained about what a hard life she had, I believe everyone's life is difficult especially mine. I ended up removing her as a friend.

Just what exactly is a slither of beef ?? :huh:

baisleac

If it's an off day, then no harm, no foul.
If it's a trend, I usually say something... once, twice, three times. Everybody is in a different predicament. Some people really try hard but can't hit their calorie goals. The people who don't even try - defriend.

^^^ This. ^^^

I also keep my friends list, relatively, small so I have a better chance of remembering who's working on what... AND... I have a disclaimer right on my profile "If you can't handle constructive criticism, please don't request friendship. I WILL look at your food diary. I WILL make comments when I feel they are necessary." so everyone is fairly warned.

I never comment on non-friends diaries.

27strange

If it's an off day, then no harm, no foul.
If it's a trend, I usually say something... once, twice, three times. Everybody is in a different predicament. Some people really try hard but can't hit their calorie goals. The people who don't even try - defriend.

^^^^Like this!

Shells06

[/quote]
"This is how I feel about it -- and this is my struggle personally. Honestly, it's a victory for me when I don't eat the whole bag, even if I do go over my calories for the day. I live with skinny people who eat whatever they like, whenever they like, and I have a really, really tough time saying "NO" on my own behalf every time they hit the junk. And they certainly don't say no on my behalf. When I had a Ben & Jerry's milkshake the other day, it was because my husband went off and bought them for everyone while I was in the restroom with one of the kids. I came out and there he was with ice cream for everyone. He apologized later, but I told him honestly that I wouldn't have felt better if he'd left me out, either.

When everybody else is getting the gooey desserts, it's HARD to say "None for me, thanks." I'm just not there yet. But I am really trying. I know how it looks. But for me, some days, the victory is recording every bite even if I missed the mark by 500 calories *sigh*.

So I would err on the side of trying to find something encouraging to say, like "Good for you for tracking everything!" Or something sympathetic like "Man, those caramel blizzards are SO good, aren't they? I have a hard time turning those down." They know it was bad for them. But they also know you're there for them."
[/quote]


^^^ I agree completely!!!

Not sure where the quote box went...oops!

bhagavatilad1

I suppose that would depend on a lot of circumstances. I personally like CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM from my closer friends. However, if you don't know me well or can't offer anything of use, I feel its best to keep the comment to yourself. Just my opinion.

is that really a picture of you contructive criticism let me see mmm.. you're cute.

kennethmgreen

I find it curious to make my food diary public and be offended if someone comments on what I've eaten.

Because if you make your diary private, knowing that you're not open to criticism, you'll get it anyway in the form of accusations of lying, hiding something, shame, not being 100%. Seriously, I have seen people on here get REALLY worked up about closed diaries. It's a case of damned if you do and damned if you don't around here.

So then what?

I think your first sentence is important - the "knowing that you're not open to criticism" part. If someone truly isn't open to criticism, they might consider tracking calories on a spreadsheet. Or locking down their profile and not wander into the forums. Yes, people *should* be respectful. But sometimes people are jerks. That's life, isn't it? Pick and choose the feedback you get. Ignore the stuff that doesn't apply/hurts your feelings/makes you angry/is too critical/is constructed grammarly poor.

bhagavatilad1

slither of beef was something fried at Red Robins cause that's where she worked

killagb

I find it curious to make my food diary public and be offended if someone comments on what I've eaten.

Because if you make your diary private, knowing that you're not open to criticism, you'll get it anyway in the form of accusations of lying, hiding something, shame, not being 100%. Seriously, I have seen people on here get REALLY worked up about closed diaries. It's a case of damned if you do and damned if you don't around here.

So then what?

I think your first sentence is important - the "knowing that you're not open to criticism" part. If someone truly isn't open to criticism, they might consider tracking calories on a spreadsheet. Or locking down their profile and not wander into the forums. Yes, people *should* be respectful. But sometimes people are jerks. That's life, isn't it? Pick and choose the feedback you get. Ignore the stuff that doesn't apply/hurts your feelings/makes you angry/is too critical/is constructed grammarly poor.

*grammatically poor

:bigsmile:

killagb

slither of beef was something fried at Red Robins cause that's where she worked

Possibly....just possibly...maybe it was a SLIVER(thin slice) of beef? :noway:

bhagavatilad1

[/quote]

Because if you make your diary private, knowing that you're not open to criticism, you'll get it anyway in the form of accusations of lying, hiding something, shame, not being 100%. Seriously, I have seen people on here get REALLY worked up about closed diaries. It's a case of damned if you do and damned if you don't around here.
[/quote]
So then what?

so true hey if i opened my diary you'll be wondering where you can get the different types of foods curries etc where they came from handed down recipesand how to cook em no i'm not sharing.

Kristhin

If someone has a suggestion for me of something thats great to try then thats cool and appreciated.
Criticism is NOT cool because its my diet and my body and I'm going to do what I want with it.
My food diary is open for people who are interested in what I eat. Not for criticisms of what I do or don't eat.

bhagavatilad1

it was sliver no wonder she was offended haha

philOHIO

Would you call out to a drunk guy at an AA meeting? Give advice, don't be pushy. I try to be subtle hinting to my friends about their diaries... the reason for joining this site is to reach our weight loss goals. If you are here just to BS and have fun, you won't succeed. I would think you would WANT your friends to be honest with you.

kevinlynch3

I don't look at diaries or make comments on the diaries of others, even friends, unless

1: The friend is a monster in terms of energy & athleticism and I am looking for ideas ..kind of tongue in cheek.

2: The friend is posting topics to forums on how they can't lose weight even though according to them they are doing everything right. If their diary is public and they are looking for input from non-friends, then I know its okay to comment.

3: She's hot and I'm curious.

I do and don't understand people getting offended with people making unwanted comments on their diaries.

I understand its the internet and they are just words spoken without context and different people have varying skills in commmunicating their intent via the written word.

However..if you don't want input..then make your diary private

Shanna_Inc86

Usually I don't give any advice or my 2 cents unless asked. I prefer when ppl bust me out though on my eating lol if you see something that I should cut out b/c its probably bad for me...TELL ME :flowerforyou:

jakemg

Depends on how you phrase it. If you sound judgmental, then that's always going to be a problem. If you're constructive, then it's okay. Example:

Whoa, someone had a calorie fest today! Hope you plan to work out tomorrow! <-Bad
Good job tracking everything today. I'll bet you're going to be under tomorrow! <-Good

I honestly love people keeping me accountable, but I also don't want people creeping through my diary and criticizing me.

whatwentwrong

ahhh i've been trying forever to reply to this. i think it really depends on the person, and how receptive they are to criticism. personally i do not want people critiquing my food, especially when i am really making an effort to improve- i know what i'm doing wrong and am working pretty hard to make it better. i know not everyone's like me though, and some people just need a kick in the pants to get back on track, or aren't aware that what they're doing isn't healthy.

i guess, if you feel you want to critique then do so, but try to be open-minded and realize not everyone works the same way

CrazyDaisysMommy

That's a delicate area. I think criticisms are a lot like houseguests. They may come with good intentions, but if uninvited they can be a real pain in the *&^%$. If someone invites the feedback or asks a lot of questions, then I would feel free to give my two cents--but gently. But for me, I wouldn't give unsolicited comments. I trust that we're all intelligent grown-ups on here, and we're all reading (or have read) lots of books and articles on healthy eating. I don't know how many people are overweight just because they didn't know that fast food dinners and full pints of icecream while crashing on the couch watching 30 Rock would make them fat (pointing at self right now!) I'd also have to guess that I'm not the only one who grew up in a household where criticism reigned supreme when it came to weight. My favorite defiant retort was to stuff my face. :bigsmile: So, good intentions might yield bad results.

wildcard29

I don't give advice unless asked but I'd love the criticism and would laugh my *kitten* of if some one said put down the cookies fatty! I'd think of that next time I went to shove one in my mouth...lol

Sezmo83

Right now I need someone to tell me "put the chocolatey gingerbready things down fatty!" I'm not having a good day :grumble: Come on someone, yell it at me.

I don't mind the comments like "Never mind, you'll make your goal tomorrow" or "tomorrows a new day" when I've had a bad day. Nor do I mind the "Nice diary" comments when I've had a good day. Suggestions on how to reduce calories, fat, sugar or whatever in something I've made are always welcome as are healthier substitutes for what I've eaten. I don't see how any of those things can offend somebody to be honest. Then again, someone saying "put down the cookies fatty!" if I'd logged a load of cookies would just make me laugh and think of it next time I went to eat cookies so I guess I'm not easily offended.

solpwr

It's all about the goal, isn't it?

Can you genuinely further someone towards the goal with a comment? If so, what is the content of the comment going to be? Who's goal is it anyway?

With that in mind, I make a comment with simple content that hopefully helps my MFP friends get closer towards their goals.

Generic, simple words are typical. Or fun, comedic content to encourage, or let them know that I've got their back.

solpwr

Right now I need someone to tell me "put the chocolatey gingerbready things down fatty!" I'm not having a good day :grumble: Come on someone, yell it at me.

I don't mind the comments like "Never mind, you'll make your goal tomorrow" or "tomorrows a new day" when I've had a bad day. Nor do I mind the "Nice diary" comments when I've had a good day. Suggestions on how to reduce calories, fat, sugar or whatever in something I've made are always welcome as are healthier substitutes for what I've eaten. I don't see how any of those things can offend somebody to be honest. Then again, someone saying "put down the cookies fatty!" if I'd logged a load of cookies would just make me laugh and think of it next time I went to eat cookies so I guess I'm not easily offended.

I agree.
In order for your friends to give you the appropriate feedback, they need to know what your typical routine/food/exercise is like. Or you have to admit in your newsfeed that you're having "one of those days".
My problem is I don't often use a Web Browser to access MFP, rather just an iPhone app. I can't often see other people's diaries.

ignatiusreilly

I welcome the feedback. Thicken up that skin -- we all have something to learn from other "losers".