When did you know it was love?

chevy88grl

I must say, I am a cynic as well. I believe love is an evolutionary adaption to help couples succeed at raising a baby together. Caveman stuff. You fall in love, and then you are blind to all their faults, because you need them. And if you couldn't ignore the bad stuff, you would break up and then have less of a chance of raising a healthy baby.

I don't think humans are meant to be monogamous to one person their entire lives...and divorce rates support this. I do think it's possible, and very desirable, but I just don't think it's really in our makeup. Serial monagamy is more in line with our nature. It takes a lot of work to keep a relationship happy and healthy for a lifetime. At least that's what I hear.

Well, what about all the couples who don't have children, don't want children, etc? What about them? Is their love not real since they won't be having kids?

You admit you're a cynic when it comes to love - to each their own, I suppose.

maryd523

I must say, I am a cynic as well. I believe love is an evolutionary adaption to help couples succeed at raising a baby together. Caveman stuff. You fall in love, and then you are blind to all their faults, because you need them. And if you couldn't ignore the bad stuff, you would break up and then have less of a chance of raising a healthy baby.

I don't think humans are meant to be monogamous to one person their entire lives...and divorce rates support this. I do think it's possible, and very desirable, but I just don't think it's really in our makeup. Serial monagamy is more in line with our nature. It takes a lot of work to keep a relationship happy and healthy for a lifetime. At least that's what I hear.

Well, what about all the couples who don't have children, don't want children, etc? What about them? Is their love not real since they won't be having kids?

You admit you're a cynic when it comes to love - to each their own, I suppose.

Just because you don't have kids doesn't mean the mechanisms aren't there. Why do you think we have a sex drive? To reproduce! But obviously you can want to have sex but not want to have a baby.

All life forms live to reproduce. They fight, struggle, and die in order to pass their genes on. Just because we are aware of it doesn't make us exempt from those same instinctive, primitive urges.

Peque1130deleted

I think I'm falling out of it actually.

=[

In some strange way, I am afraid of getting to this point, even if the feelings arent mutual....someone made me realize that I could actually FEEL again, and I will forever be grateful, I just dont want to live without that feeling anymore. Does it make sense?

TropicalKitty

I must say, I am a cynic as well. I believe love is an evolutionary adaption to help couples succeed at raising a baby together. Caveman stuff. You fall in love, and then you are blind to all their faults, because you need them. And if you couldn't ignore the bad stuff, you would break up and then have less of a chance of raising a healthy baby.

I don't think humans are meant to be monogamous to one person their entire lives...and divorce rates support this. I do think it's possible, and very desirable, but I just don't think it's really in our makeup. Serial monagamy is more in line with our nature. It takes a lot of work to keep a relationship happy and healthy for a lifetime. At least that's what I hear.

I don't think the divorce rate is really a supporter of your statement. Divorce and marriage, occur often for some weird reasons.

Any relationship takes work to maintain. You don't stay even friends with someone by sitting on your duff.

Anyway, part of me agrees with you regarding the monogamy thing. I don't think that doesn't mean love doesn't exist, by any means. Maybe we aren't supposed to be tied to one person eternally, but I definitely don't think that the "love" thing is because of raising a healthy child. Especially since it's the woman who gets the attachment issues postcoitus, not men.

Falling in love doesn't mean you ignore their faults. My bf does some stuff that drives me batty sometimes and he knows it when he does. I don't need him, I choose to be with him, with his faults. Somethings matter more than others. If his nose whistled when he breathed, I'd be gone. *shutter*

I get the cynicism, I'm one myself, but I think you're more jaded. Things change when you meet someone who is more tolerable. My views definitely have changed.

maryd523

I just want to clarify: I DO believe love is real, and very powerful. I just don't believe it is this mythical, magical thing that happens. It happens to humans because it serves a purpose to help our survival. If we didn't form an extremely strong bond to our offspring, we would be hard-pressed to continue caring for them when the going gets tough (which it always does, right?), which would jeopordize the future of our kind. All emotions serve some kind of purpose to our survival. It's quite fascinating!

maryd523

I must say, I am a cynic as well. I believe love is an evolutionary adaption to help couples succeed at raising a baby together. Caveman stuff. You fall in love, and then you are blind to all their faults, because you need them. And if you couldn't ignore the bad stuff, you would break up and then have less of a chance of raising a healthy baby.

I don't think humans are meant to be monogamous to one person their entire lives...and divorce rates support this. I do think it's possible, and very desirable, but I just don't think it's really in our makeup. Serial monagamy is more in line with our nature. It takes a lot of work to keep a relationship happy and healthy for a lifetime. At least that's what I hear.

I don't think the divorce rate is really a supporter of your statement. Divorce and marriage, occur often for some weird reasons.

Any relationship takes work to maintain. You don't stay even friends with someone by sitting on your duff.

Anyway, part of me agrees with you regarding the monogamy thing. I don't think that doesn't mean love doesn't exist, by any means. Maybe we aren't supposed to be tied to one person eternally, but I definitely don't think that the "love" thing is because of raising a healthy child. Especially since it's the woman who gets the attachment issues postcoitus, not men.

Falling in love doesn't mean you ignore their faults. My bf does some stuff that drives me batty sometimes and he knows it when he does. I don't need him, I choose to be with him, with his faults. Somethings matter more than others. If his nose whistled when he breathed, I'd be gone. *shutter*

I get the cynicism, I'm one myself, but I think you're more jaded. Things change when you meet someone who is more tolerable. My views definitely have changed.

Well, all relationships do not take the kind of work that a serious monogamous relationship take. I've been best friends with the same girl for 25 years and I can definitely tell you that relationship is very easy compared to the two serious long-term relationships I've had.

And yes, maybe you don't "ignore" their faults, but you live with them. If today your man started whistling when he breathed, would you really be gone? Really? For some reason I doubt it.

I hope to meet someone someday that I can live with forever. Just because I think this stuff doesn't mean I don't want a lifetime of love, even if it means lots of hard work, it just means I am realistic about it.

maryd523

Oh, one more thing! It is NOT always the woman who gets the attachment! This is a common view - protrayed extensively throughout the media. Every single couple I know...it's the woman who does the breaking up, with children or without. I know there are many deadbeat dads out there, but I know far more men than women who are heartbroken because their lover left them.

Misiaxcore

Lovin' all of these stories and different perspectives ! Even the cynical ones because I'm pretty cynical myself :P But somewhere deep deep down, I might be a hopeless romantic =x

And happy anniversary aa1440 !

I'm still unsure with my guy, mostly because I second guess myself. Sometimes when we're hanging out, him playing SC2 or whatever and me doing school work or something on my laptop, I'll have this urge to tell him I love him because I'm just so extremely content and happy at that point in time. But that's not all "love" is, right? Even if I do actually love him, I rather him say it first (and mean it!) ;x We've been together for almost a year and haven't thrown out the L word because he's not one to vocalize his feelings. I'm okay with that for the most part, but sometimes it drives me insane xD I've told him this of course that I like to know if he's happy/angry/frustrated etc. with the relationship, but Rome wasn't built in a day. Overall I'm happy and feel that words aren't needed 95% of the time.

I thought I /knew/ was in love during a previous relationship, but in hindsight, it was just two dumb teens trying to make some sort of fantasy become a reality.

trud72

My hubby is 10 yrs(ok 9 1/2) yrs older than me,and when we 1st met i was still 15! we got engaged at when i was still 15 too(about 4 weeks later) and people said all sorts of mean things...well you can imagine!
we knew instantly,i felt soo comfortable around him it was like we were one!(does that make sence)? i belive he is my soul mate...and it is our 20th yr of marrige this nov
i still fancy the pants off him!:blushing: and yes we have had some cr@p thrown at us in life (hubby is disabled from a work accident,problems with 2 of my boys ect )and yes we have even thought about devorce when times got super tough but here we are sill together and just as happy! :laugh:

meggers123

After my first loss... then I knew I was head over heels for MFP.

...what? that's not what you meant?

ApproachingDusk

To me, you can fall in love with someone and still not give your whole heart to them.

I realized that I was in love with my man when I just could not NOT tell him I loved him. It is the most terrifying and freeing feeling at the same time. I had loved him before we were dating, while we were friends, but I wasn't in love with him. It got to the point where it just slipped out and yet I meant it with my whole heart that I do love him.

It was never an "ah ha!" moment, but more of just thats the way it is. Take it or leave it.

Luckily he took it.

I agree with Maryd523, its not always the woman who gets attached. Hubs was waaayyyy more attached than I was in the beginning. I was terrified to start the relationship, but he was already a goner and in his mind it was a done deal. Stubborn man!

suzycreamcheese

after a couple of weeks i felt it.
Still going strong 6 years later

bloomsbox

for me it was when i started to think of him more often, i couldnt get him out of my mind, i wanted to be with him more, we had the best times together I knew i was in love then. I still love him with all my heart and always will

lucythinmint

Honestly....this is my TMI answer.



He insisted that I pass gas in front of him and then he took it like a man. Even got a laugh out of it. That was it. The tomboy in me fell head over heals :laugh:

oh yeah, he did do all that mushy stuff too but it just wasn't the same.....:D

leopardlushh

I must say, I am a cynic as well. I believe love is an evolutionary adaption to help couples succeed at raising a baby together. Caveman stuff. You fall in love, and then you are blind to all their faults, because you need them. And if you couldn't ignore the bad stuff, you would break up and then have less of a chance of raising a healthy baby.

I don't think humans are meant to be monogamous to one person their entire lives...and divorce rates support this. I do think it's possible, and very desirable, but I just don't think it's really in our makeup. Serial monagamy is more in line with our nature. It takes a lot of work to keep a relationship happy and healthy for a lifetime. At least that's what I hear.

I couldn't agree more. It's true...we all look at other people. It's in our instinct. DON'T start going off on me...I'm not saying it's right...just it's in our nature to lust over others. I think it's actually gross after awhile...I see sooo many guys at my work check out girls all day or customers checking out girls when there w/their spouses!!! (i know women do it too...were just a better at it tho)

(i.e. guy=:noway: girl=:blushing: )

Anyways I'm also one of the few people at my work that hasn't cheated on their spouse or loved one...also gross and sad.

I love my boyfriend to much. And I knew within a few months of our friendship that we were meant for each other...just celebrated 7 years! There are times when I could do without him for a moment but our little spats could never outweigh our genuine affection.

shauna121211

I think I'm falling out of it actually.

=[

Awe noo =[

Hope it all works out for the best

Me too.
I'm trying my hardest. I usually end relationship by now, but for him I'm fighting.

Not to be a cynic, but you are thinking about the wrong person here. I did the same thing with my ex-boyfriend... towards the end, I still loved him but I wasn't in love with him anymore... we had been together for 4 years and I was afraid to end it for him and for fear of being single. To this day, I resent those last 6 months or so because I just wasn't happy. It wasn't fair to me and it wasn't fair to him for leading him on for that whole time. You shouldn't have to try so hard in a relationship. I know you didn't ask for advise, but I thought I would share my similar experience with you. I hope you find a place with or without him where you can be as happy as possible.


As for the love topic... I've been with my current boyfriend for about 8 months now. In the beginning, I didn't really think it would go anywhere, but it developed into a really great relationship. We haven't said the L word yet, but I'm starting to think I may be in love with him... I'm head over heals and whenever I'm with him I still get butterflies in my tummy and I feel like I can completely be myself. We're both pretty nerdy and it's always heaps of fun when I'm with him. He pretty much treats me like a princess and the ways that he is with me makes me think he might love me too. Maybe the first "I love you" will pop up soon!

shauna121211

I'm still unsure with my guy, mostly because I second guess myself. Sometimes when we're hanging out, him playing SC2 or whatever and me doing school work or something on my laptop, I'll have this urge to tell him I love him because I'm just so extremely content and happy at that point in time. But that's not all "love" is, right? Even if I do actually love him, I rather him say it first (and mean it!) ;x We've been together for almost a year and haven't thrown out the L word because he's not one to vocalize his feelings. I'm okay with that for the most part, but sometimes it drives me insane xD I've told him this of course that I like to know if he's happy/angry/frustrated etc. with the relationship, but Rome wasn't built in a day. Overall I'm happy and feel that words aren't needed 95% of the time.

Totally in the same situation... I'm not going to cave and say it first! But like you said, I don't need to hear it to know that we're happy together.

Misiaxcore

I see sooo many guys at my work check out girls all day or customers checking out girls when there w/their spouses!!! (i know women do it too...were just a better at it tho)

(i.e. guy=:noway: girl=:blushing: )

Anyways I'm also one of the few people at my work that hasn't cheated on their spouse or loved one...also gross and sad.

I love my boyfriend to much. And I knew within a few months of our friendship that we were meant for each other...just celebrated 7 years! There are times when I could do without him for a moment but our little spats could never outweigh our genuine affection.

LOL so true with those emoticons. Congrats on the 7 years !

leopardlushh

I see sooo many guys at my work check out girls all day or customers checking out girls when there w/their spouses!!! (i know women do it too...were just a better at it tho)

(i.e. guy=:noway: girl=:blushing: )

Anyways I'm also one of the few people at my work that hasn't cheated on their spouse or loved one...also gross and sad.

I love my boyfriend to much. And I knew within a few months of our friendship that we were meant for each other...just celebrated 7 years! There are times when I could do without him for a moment but our little spats could never outweigh our genuine affection.

LOL so true with those emoticons. Congrats on the 7 years !

THANKS! And we didn't say "i love you" for almost a year. Sometimes actions are better than words.

And YES guys suck at it...other night at work guy made it obvious he was checking me out. After the third time I told him he was "gross" and walked away, and I'm a supervisor but I couldn't help but say something. Maybe I should make a post on this topic lol

dgirllamius

It was deffo love at first sight for me.

We met on World of Warcraft (online mmorpg) and we spoke for a few months. He came from the Germany, I came from the UK, so we arranged that he come over to England for a week to see how things go.

I went to meet him at Heathrow and I was bricking it. I was waiting in the terminal waiting area and I was sooooo nervous. I was pacing up and down like mad. I got speaking to a woman who was sitting next to me who was waiting for her husband on the same flight. I told her all about it, and she thought it was pretty amazing.

I got a text to say that his flight had been redirected to Stanstead, I was like noooooo. I didn't know how to get there, so he asked around and managed to get a coach from there to Heathrow.

He came walking through the doors, I could see him but he couldn't see me. I phoned him and said "over here". It was then I fell in love, I ran for him and gave him the most massive hug ever. And this was with someone I had never met before. But I knew it was right.

The week ended, and I begged and pleaded not for him to go. I refused to take him back to the airport, I was so madly in love. He agreed and we stayed in the UK for a bit before going back to Germany for good.

We're still together now, engaged to be married, living in Germany and planning to start a family. And we only met a year and a half ago.

When you know, you know