Can I ask a serious question?

xneurocentric

I'm sorry, I know this isn't a game, and it probably won't be fun, but I'm looking for as much input as I can get.

I'm 25, and I'm a sophomore in college. Right now, I'm a Russian major, but I've been struggling with pre-med for a while now. I keep going back and forth on it, for a few reasons. I'd like to have a family, I'd like to have a life, but I also LOVE the human body (particularly the brain) and I salivate practically over procedures I've seen. On the other hand, I hate knowing I'd have to deal with self-righteous pricks who are competing with me to get the best grades to get into medical school, and their only goal is to ace the MCAT with the top grade (I literally heard one girl say this).

What's also pushing me away is my family, particularly my mother. She's hell bent on me NOT even considering medical school, mainly from the debt you accrue. She thinks I'd never be able to pay it back, despite the fact that millions of physicians have been doing it for years before me. She's YELLED at me - I'm not kidding - about wanting to be a doctor. I'm not understanding why. I'm not an idiot, and I know the process and what I'm up against.

I've been waffling on this idea for five years, and every time, it's some stupid person telling me NOT to that's usually the reason. I want a family, but I also want to be a doctor. And I'm just not sure what to choose.

What would you do? Would you say, "Screw everyone," and go for what you want? Or would you back off to make things easier?
I'll be willing to answer any other questions, if there are any. Thanks.

chevy88grl

This is your life and it is the only one you're ever going to have. Don't live it with regrets.

Who the hell cares what everyone else thinks?

Do what makes YOU happy! At the end of the day, it is how YOU feel that counts. Not what your mother, friend, sister, or anyone else thinks or feels. JUST YOU.

MollyRedinger

I think you should do whatever will make YOU happy. Be a Doctor and have a family! Why not?? If you don't follow your dreams you will always regret it.

IggyL

This is your life and only you can live it, do what you dream of.

rockylucas

Pursue your passions... become a doctor, AND have a family, because if your heart desires both than you will work hard and have both

Besides... A few years from now when you are a doctor and have a family, you can tell your mother " I told you so" ALL the time

06MustangGT

Ill keep my response short and sweet. Life's too short. You have to live for YOU and do what YOU want and what makes you happy, providing of course it isn't harming anyone haha. But yeah I say do what YOU want to do because in the long run its your life and you have to live with the choices you make. You don't want this to be something you regret for the rest of your life and always wonder "What if?".

sjtreely

You already know your answer.

kapeluza

Do what you want to do or you will be miserable!

scantrll

My step-brother and his wife are both in their residencies and have not one but two sets of med school debt. They also have a 1.5 year old daughter and are happy and making it work. You do what makes YOU happy. You're the one that has to live your life for the REST of your life, not your mom or the rest of your family. It won't be easy, but in the long run you'll be happier.

ajfranzen77

Do what will make you happy!! Don't pick something just to make everyone else happy, if you do this you will hate your life!!!! If you feel the way you say you do about medicine, it shouldn't even be a question of what you should do! Screw everyone else and make yourself happy!

Good Luck with Med school!!!

cessnaholly

Screw everyone. Do what YOU want. My FIL is a doc - general practioner. Being a doc is not easy. And it takes a lot of work. However, if that's what makes you happy you should do it. It doesn't matter what you do in life just so long as you are happy.

You can make a ton of money and be miserable or make just enough to get by and be happy. it isn't the money, it is how you spend your life. And helping people, if you can, sounds like a pretty darn good career to me.

Good luck with your decision. It isn't easy and you can't make everyone happy. In the end though, it is your life and you have to live with your decision. Choose to be happy.

CarolineSuzanneSmith

Go for medical school. My husband starts medical school next August, and we are totally excited for our future, which includes starting a family (we're 21 and 22 right now). My father in law went through medical school and was able to have a wonderful family, as well as pay of his debt from medical school. Furthermore, my sister graduates from medical school in May, and she fully plans on being a practicing physician that also supports a family.

Being a doctor, especially if you plan on being a neuro-doctor, you will definitely be able to pay off your debt. My husband and I will have to

If your dream is to be a doctor AND have a family...then lucky for you, you can have both Go for medical school. Good luck!

Gilbrod

Well, some people can take it, some can't. If you can find someone who will understand that you won't always be there because you're on call, then you found a treasure. I have a sister who's a doctor. She had 3 kids, a wonderful hubby and everything. They just divorced last year because he felt neglected and she told him "you need to deal with it. You knew what I was before you married me." People will tell you "screw the world, do what you want." But I will only say, go for your goals, just consider everything. Just don't live with regrets. Good luck!

MyouTakara

Do what is best for you. Financial aid does exist, and there are programs that can help you pay for med school. A lot of places will pay for you if you promise to work for them for X number of years.

And according to my friends in nursing, DOs aren't nearly as bad as MDs. MDs tend to be the pricks.

maureendonahue

Do you WANT to be a doctor? Most doctors I know have families, so that is not a reason. The debt you would have to take on is considerable, but there are programs that would forgive the debt (or at least part of it) if you work in an underserved community for a few years.

It is your life, and I believe you should go for what you really want. If it is something in the medical field, perhaps nursing would fit better into your overall goals and desires. Keep your options open, keep your mind open and do what you think is best for you.

Good luck!

muddydan

I graduated from med school 10 yrs ago. You will accrue at least a second mortgage in debt. The medical profession if full of Type A personalities but not everyone is a self righteous prick. It is a ton of work and dedication. It is possible to have a family and run through medical school/residency but it's not easy. If you really enjoy it, then it's worth it. If you are interested in medicine for any other reason, don't. Doctors are making less now than they used to and will be making still less in the future, we are constrained more and more by rules, insurance companies, etc. My dad tried to talk me out of it as well but mostly so I'd have no illusions about what I was getting into. It's a very long and difficult road, but if you really enjoy it, it is worth it.

xneurocentric

Thanks everyone for your responses. And it was really awesome to see people who have family members in medical school/in practice. I have a Biology class I'm taking right now, and it is made for people who are either Science majors or wanting pre-med. I'm trying to see how I do in this class and see how I can handle it and how I enjoy it. But I'm definitely leaning towards medical school again. I just can't leave it alone!

wutamunkee

"Would you say, "Screw everyone," and go for what you want? "

YES! Winner winner!

You have to do what makes YOU happy... it gets easier once you start doing it... trust me, I know how hard it is...

MaryK71

Go for what you want. I was told by many when I had a career I wanted to pursue, that's not what you want or what you should do. I listened and didn't think I was smart enough to do it. I regret it still today, I have a family now and I will support my kids' in whatever their goals are in life. Maybe your mom or some of your family are jealous. Don't give up on your dreams, have no regrets.

xneurocentric

I graduated from med school 10 yrs ago. You will accrue at least a second mortgage in debt. The medical profession if full of Type A personalities but not everyone is a self righteous prick. It is a ton of work and dedication. It is possible to have a family and run through medical school/residency but it's not easy. If you really enjoy it, then it's worth it. If you are interested in medicine for any other reason, don't. Doctors are making less now than they used to and will be making still less in the future, we are constrained more and more by rules, insurance companies, etc. My dad tried to talk me out of it as well but mostly so I'd have no illusions about what I was getting into. It's a very long and difficult road, but if you really enjoy it, it is worth it.

While I won't say my reasons for being a physician are completely altruistic, I do want to help people, and money is not the goal. I really am interested in the human body and I'm telling you, I've seen some procedures that I've just found fascinating - and ORlive is one of my favorite websites!

My mother is really more worried about the debt than I am. I realize it is just a part of going to medical school. I know that I will have a ton of debt at the end, but I also know that it is possible to pay it all off. She just doesn't seem to think it's worth it. I thank you for your response.

Deathwithab

There is no easy road in life, so do what you want to because in the end we all struggle to make ends meet at times and we also have times when we do great, it's a matter of being happy threw it all doing what you love with people who support and love you

Leola2011

Then answer to your question is in your post.

glittermouse

Hmmm. That's a tough situation. Well, it's easy to say things like "do what your heart tells you". But not always helpful. Here's what I think: You have to do something that you are passionate about. That seems to be becoming a doctor. If the idea of the human body, the brain, etc, interests you, then that's what you should pursue.

I have to admit I'm lacking knowledge here, but what can you do with the Russian major? I've never investigated it, but I can't think of what job/career you would have. The other option is much more clear to me. When I was applying to colleges and looking at degrees, my mother's favorite words were "Marketable Skills". In that order. While she wanted me to be happy, she wanted me to be able to support myself and to be able to find a job. It seems that the medical field is always growing, and that there'll always be jobs and opportunities out there. I'd go with that.

About having a family: even if you do choose to go after the medical degree, you'll still find time to fall in love, get married, have children, run marathons, write books, scale mountains, earn your pilot's license, whatever it is you decide to do with life. Don't worry about that yet. Trust that you can accomplish anything you set out to do.

About the debt: Yep, it's a huge debt. Yep, it's scary. But remind your mom that it'll be your responsibility and not hers. It's nice that she's so worried about you and your sucess, but living with regrets may be just as hard as living with debts. And you're right. Thousands upon thousands have done it before you. And I bet half of them were as driven as you are.

I saw in your post that you've gone back and forth on this for about five years from now. Here's one piece of advice that help light a fire under me and propelled me into my current career: Don't think about the time invested. If you say, "It's a X-year program, I don't want to devote that much time to schooling. I'll be XX--years old when I finish."--you'll only discourage yourself. AND, at the end of those X years--you'll still be that same age. Only maybe you won't have anything to show for it.

A lady I used to work with had that same problem. She wanted to get back into teaching (better job, pay, her passion in life) but she was going to have to take 2 years of classes. She kept saying, I don't want to do it. I'll be 40 when I get to teach. That was three years ago. She's still in the same retail job and not happy and still wanting to teach.

I saw that and it scared me into jumping in with both feet.

I hope that wasn't too long and really, really hope that doesn't come across as preachy, but I am so passionate about people going after what they want and achieving their goals.

Hope it helps and feel free to message me. Best of luck with your descision.

deshea_d

I say do what you think is best for you and pay little attention to anyone who does not support your goals. One of the doctors that has worked at the pediatrics office my daughter goes to has 5 kids. She works as a fill at various hospitals and pediatric offices in the area rather than working the long hours at one office. I know other MDs that work part time. I think with the growth of the heathcare industry there is more flexibility for women to have a medical career and family. I can't offer any advice on dealing with the competitiveness of others considering the field. That is something you cannot change and will have to deal with for a long time if you go down this path. Good luck!

larke15

It sounds like you really DO know what you want, and that is to be a doctor...and I say that's what you go for. If you have a passion to help people...be a doctor.

bjbixler

Well...
Ultimately it's your choice. It will be your debt, not hers. And if you were to specialize in a field such as neurology or neurosurgery, trust me, you'd be able to pay them off. There are also loan repayment programs for committing to a 2-4 year term in an underserved (inner city?) or rural area.

Also, whether you attend a public or a private school will have a large influence on the amount of your debt. Like hundreds of thousands of dollars difference.

And one last thought... have you thought about becoming a Physician Assistant or Nurse Practitioner? Although I am a little biased (I am a PA), I can say that I'm so glad I've chosen this path over medical school. (Believe me, I could've attended medical school if I had wanted to!) After 7 years of college I was out working full-time and making a full paycheck. My hours are much more flexible and reasonable than the MDs I work with, so I feel that when I choose to start a family I won't have that same burden.
As a PA you can specialize in most any field, and because most programs are only 2.5 year, the total student loan debt at the end isn't as bad. But it just depends on what you want out of life.

It's your life to live. Live it.

Good Luck!

_Sally_

If you don't pursue your passion for medicine, you will regret it.

You remind me a lot of myself and the decisions I was faced with in college. I wanted to become a doctor (surgeon), but did not have any familiy support, and psyched myself out because I wanted to have a family and was scared of the debt (I come from very modest means).

My second choice was to major in French. My father told me that if I majored in French, I'd be standing on the French Unemployment line after college (I have to say, he was probably right on this one).

So... how did it turn out for me? I got my degree in Finance and have worked in sedentary desk jobs my whole career. I'm now approaching my mid-40's and I never did get married and have children. (Just haven't found the right one for the long haul yet.... interestingly I don't have any regrets about not having any children). I've enjoyed a financially successful business career (I got my MBA at night after college), but have worked without a passion for what I'm doing my whole career and I can't wait to retire from corporate america.

But, boy, what I wouldn't give to go back and say "screw you" to all the people who weren't supportive and who didn't let me know that there is a way to have both a medical career and a family if I wanted to. If I had a second chance, I would have chosen to pursue my passion in medicine.

Perhaps you can seek out some mentors of women who did pursue medicine and have families? Maybe contact some local medical schools and see if they can put you in touch with some of their alums. The medical schools themselves probably have great resources and people you can talk to to see whether it is a feasible option for you or not.

Regarding the MCATs- don't worry about other people. There are very competitive folks no matter what track you pursue. I think that may be just an excuse you are using to scare yourself away from the challenge.

Best of luck in your decision. Tune out all of the negative external forces and follow your heart. You'll know what is right for you.

jessy1690

It is going to put you in debt, a lot. but if thats what you really want to do, then go for it you are going to be making money to pay back all the loans. And if you have the grades there are scholar ships. Or you could join into the ROTC program and they will pay the entire thing. I always go with what makes me happy.

killerqueen17

There are lots of great health professions to look into... Check out the path to become a Nurse Practicioner or a Physician's Assistant. Both great professions, and one may suit you better than being an MD as far as the schooling that's required-- just a thought! Google it

I actually don't even see an MD anymore-- my GYN is actually a nurse practicioner, and I love her!! she's the best

glittermouse

On a lighter note that my first post, I always think about this scene in Sister Act 2.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKfOHfSGDvQ

If you've been thinking of this for five years, maybe the advice that Sister Mary Clarence will work for you, too!

xneurocentric

I have to admit I'm lacking knowledge here, but what can you do with the Russian major? I've never investigated it, but I can't think of what job/career you would have. The other option is much more clear to me. When I was applying to colleges and looking at degrees, my mother's favorite words were "Marketable Skills". In that order. While she wanted me to be happy, she wanted me to be able to support myself and to be able to find a job. It seems that the medical field is always growing, and that there'll always be jobs and opportunities out there. I'd go with that.

I appreciate EVERYTHING you said in this post, and I wanted to answer your question. As far as what I can DO with a Russian major, I know I can teach English in Russia, or be a translator or interpreter, but those are usually part time jobs. And I just spent five weeks in Russia, and while I enjoyed it thoroughly.. it's not what I'm used to. The bureaucracy and corruption of cops is horrible. The medical care, quite frankly, sucks. It's just not what I can handle, especially as I'm not fluent in Russian yet. I'm frightened to live there, and that would increase my knowledge of Russian ten-fold. Hence my hesitation.