What exactly is the point?

DTRTinAZ

It sounds like the scars you have go deeper than your skin. Your outlook it a matter of persepective, it's your choice on how you want to look at things. I don't think I can impart any words of wisdom that you have not already heard. You are a beautiful young girl with so much ahead of you. Please talk with someone who can help you tackle some of the issues that seem overwhelming. You don't have to do it alone.

MochaMixAZ

My body is a scarred road map and plenty of loose skin.

The rundown:
I've got ridiculously flabby underarms (batwings). I've got two giant scars under each breast, and around both nips (sorry to be graphic). These are from a breast reduction and subsequent breast lift.

I've got a scar that runs from the breastline, down the sternum, to below my waist (skin reduction surgery). Another that runs completely around the circumference around my hips from the total body lift I had after weight loss. Then, i have a scar from the groin to the knee, on both thighs.... and TWO more from my hips to my knee on the outside (both legs) from hip repair surgery as a kid. Oh, and then I have pin marks around my left knee from when I had to be in traction after an accident.

And, quite honestly - I love them all. Of course I wish I had gorgeous unblemished skin, but I don't. My entire body is covered in stretch marks. They are badges of strength - I EARNED them. I ate my way to them, and I worked my butt off to lose the weight... which makes them stand out more. The surgery scars are from accidents where I was having a blast BEOFRE, or from repair surgery after weight loss. They aren't pretty, but they're mine.

It took a long time for me to be okay with them. I started getting massages about 8 years ago just to work up the nerve for someone to see me naked. Then I found a wonderful man that loves me just as I am - and finds all my scars and marks as just part of me.

Like I said, they aren't exactly beauty marks. But they are distinctive and tell the story of me. Yours tell the story of you.

It's all a part of learning to love yourself, I think. As RuPaul would say, "If you can't love yourself, how the heII are you gonna love someone else?"

Dunkirk

To help you get things in perspective, check out Nick Vujicic on YouTube. He has no arms, no legs,no worries.

MochaMixAZ

Summarized, I think its about feeling good about yourself.

Aiv'e just learned that if I ever have anyone in my life who makes me feel bad about any of them, I have the control to not let it affect me and to tell them to f**k off.

WOO HOO! YES!

BanderaOutlaw

To offer a male perspective, scars and stretch marks are literally inconsequential when it comes to how most of us perceive beauty. But how men see women and how women see themselves are often very different things - women, by far, are harder on themselves and more aware of and affected by their perceived imperfections than men are.

I understand the challenge it can be to change your paradigm, to see yourself differently than how you presently do. Open your mind to consider the possibility that, to the rest of the world (men especially, if that's a concern), your scars and stretch marks are 100% irrelevant to your beauty (and I'm not just talking about inner beauty, but your physical attractiveness) - that they may as well be invisible or non-existence. With scars and marks, or without, it makes no difference - at least to anyone else.

If your disappointment with your scars or marks is purely internal, I think your best path is to simply work toward an understanding that your negative self-perception is self-created and can be self-controlled - just as you can exercise a muscle to build strength, you can grow to look at yourself and your perceived imperfections differently. Just like losing weight or learning rocket science, it's a process that takes time, forgiveness, and persistence.

Surround yourself with people, in real life and here on the forums, that encourage and uplift you. You don't have to hate your body or your scars - just like every experience in your life has brought you to this moment, to posting here on this forum, this can serve as a turning point for the negativity and pain you feel over these issues.

Your feelings are valid. You can grow beyond them. Forgive yourself, and give yourself permission to feel a little better about yourself each day.

Best of luck - we're all here for you. :-)

Elzecat

To help you get things in perspective, check out Nick Vujicic on YouTube. He has no arms, no legs,no worries.

^^^This.

I first saw a video of Nick Vujicic on Youtube right around the time I started my weight loss journey and was struggling to run more than 60 seconds at a time...I watched videos of him over and over, read his story, and kept trying.

I'm not a hero, I don't have a particularly interesting "story," I may not inspire thousands to do good in this world, but I know I've inspired at least 3 friends to start exercising and taking care of their health. And knowing that I have affected someone else's life makes me keep trying.

You have to believe in yourself, regardless of your story or scars.

MochaMixAZ

I was talking about how I feel about MYSELF and I even said I know people have it worse than I do.
I'm not attacking anyone but myself... I'll carefully read all the replies when I get home.

By the way, I respect your post and your feelings. You're entitled to them. What's important to you is important, and not to be dismissed or minimized.

I don't see what you said as an attack, but I do hope the posts and responses can help you see beauty comes in lots of forms - some are banged up and scarred. Someone telling you you're beautiful may not help, but I hope someday you will KNOW it's true.

There is so much to live for and enjoy in this life - even telling the stories about how you got the scars. Surround yourself with people who love and accept you - and sweep out any that don't build you up. THIS INCLUDES YOURSELF. Try to shake out those negative thoughts. You're worth it, life is worth it, and enjoying every second of it is critical.

My very best to you.

TheMaidOfAstolat

Wow...harsh much! Yeah...I have plenty of stretchmarks from having a kid. I was 18...I went from 85 pounds to 120...I didn't stand a chance at not getting them. My entire stomach is covered...I haven't worn a bikini since I was 17. If my stomach was flat and had them I'd be more than proud to show them off. I have left over skin that won't go away without a tummy tuck. Also...I have a scar the entire way down my sternum. I had open heart surgery when I was 6 months old...I show that off proudly! Without it I would have died before I turned a year old. Stop being so 'distraught' over stupid scars and a few stretchmarks. Grow up.

Scars from pregnancy are something to be proud of. Scars from life-saving surgery are obviously something to be proud of. I was talking about how I feel about MYSELF and I even said I know people have it worse than I do.

I have to go out so I can't reply to everyone right now, but I just wanted to make it clear I'm not attacking anyone but myself... I'll carefully read all the replies when I get home.

I understand that. However...your scars are probably quite tiny. Wait till you're in your 40's and have wrinkles, age spots...ect. Then you can complain. I hate seeing you be so upset with yourself over something so pidly. At your age I had a kid, was married, worked full time, went to school full time...ect. You have it easy at the moment. Enjoy life! Not all of my stretchmarks are on my stomach either...they are on my breasts, my hips, my thighs, my butt, and my upper arms. Some of them are from weight loss. I'm 26 and in the prime of my life...don't get so down on yourself. I also have plenty of other scars...but the one down my sternum is the largest. You need to learn to be happy with yourself...if possible talk to someone who is a professional. They can offer much better advice than those of us on a web site.

Saruman_w

I got stretch marks all over the place too. Most of them see most of them seem to be fading, but you can still see 'em. I guess it's my fault for developing such a large appetite when I was younger and gaining too much weight too quickly. Oh well, what can ya do? Nobody's perfect.

Pebble321

Scars and marks are going to accumulate as you go through life. Some have a story attached (my ankles tell quite a story about my short lived hobby of skydiving!), others are just there and I don't even know where they came from.

There is SO much point in eating healthy and exercising. The main one to give you energy to enjoy your life. It might seem like those scars are all that anyone notices, but I can tell you that no one else really cares that much. They are much more interested in who you are and in sharing good times (and tough time too) with you.

trelm249

Rochelle, your right in no matter what we do some things don't change. That's life and it sucks. Your also right in that is not the point.

I found over time, things were really important to me at one time are now pretty insignificant. I also found that things I never even previously considered are some of the most important things in the world to me. Our perspectives change.

I would say it's not just about appearance. Fitness is more than being thin and perfect looking. It means the ability to engage in activities we enjoy with the people we care about. It is the ability to push ourselves to new experiences and achieve goals we know we previously couldn't. That might be backpacking the Appalachian trail, or canoeing the Buffalo river, or climbing a cliff wall in Cimmeron, NM. Or simply being able to kick @$$ and outlast the other losers in a paint ball game.

denisegolden

honey, it sadens me to hear someone so young, have such a bad outlook on something so important, your health, body and life. i could sit here and tell you about all the scars i have, all the stretch marks i have and many other numerous things i would like to have different about my body, but i dont think that will help you. but i so want to tell you that everything that is going on with this body of mine tells a story, just like yours, and that is what we learn from. i dont think about the huge scar on my knee as the time i fell off my bike, but rather the time i got back on my bike after falling, i dont look at the scar under my chin as the time i jumped into a pool backwards and smacked my chin, but rather the time i swam across the pool even though my chin was gushing blood, i dont look at the six scars on my belly as the time i had to have gastric bypass because i got too fat, but rather as the time i finally made the right decision for my health, and i dont look at the stretch marks all over my body and think about how fat i was, but rather how far i've come. i have had a very rough life, as many here have, and i think everyone needs someone to talk to about their feelings, someone who doesnt judge them, someone who has only their best interest at heart, i see a psychotherapist, something to consider. feel free to add me, i will help you any way i can.

whatwentwrong

i'm finding it really hard to reply i've never cared all that much about how i look- not only have i always been overweight, i have highly visible (self-inflicted) scars on my arms and chest.

the point for me is that i was scared i was gonna die. i went to bed not knowing if i was going to wake up in the morning, and altho some of that was psychological, there was a big physical component as well.

you need to find your own reason. if you don't want to lose weight, you don't have to. everyone here has their own reason for losing weight, but there are also a ton of people out there who have absolutely no desire to, and there's nothing wrong with that.

however, from the rest of your post it seems like there might be some other issues. idk if you've talked to a psychiatrist before and i don't even know if the advice is welcome, but the way you refer to your "horrible, scarred body" really worries me, and i don't think it's a normal feeling

oh and btw, don't ever let people tell you to suck it up cos other people have worse problems than you. of course they do, no one can have the worst life, but that doesn't make you any less important.

jminette

I have them, too girl. My legs are generally bruise filled and have veins and stretch marks. I'm not that big, but I gained what I did fast. And the veins run in my family.
No one will ever look perfect, but we can be healthy and accept ourselves that way.
And like people said, its better to be toned and scarred than fat and scarred.

kristydi

Have you ever heard the serenity prayer?

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

You can't really change your scars. Time and skin care will most likely fade them a bit.

You do have the power to change your weight. Don't let what you can't change keep you from changing what you can.


Everyone has scars. Lots of those scars are from stupid stuff. I have a scar on my wrist from a toaster oven, a scar on my forehead from falling when I was a kid, the side of my hand has a jagged ugly scar from a food service sized plastic wrap box that I dropped while working at Subway s a teen, the back of my index finger has a scar from being squished between the boat and the ladder I was climbing on vacation when I was 15. My point isn't that others have it worse, but that you're not alone. None of these scars has had any negative effect on my life (except for hurting when I got them) Some even make funny stories. I mean seriously, who gets 12 stitches from a box of plastic wrap?

With respect, the angst you're causing yourself is out of proportion to the problem. Control the things you can, let go of the things you can't.

keithaj1

While scars (physical/mental/real or imagined) may be a reminder of past hardship and pain, they are also a testament to your ability to survive, adapt and move on. Can you look at them with shame and disgust or see them as badges of honor or you ability to continue on when things get tough. Might be a cliche, but what doesn't kill you just makes you stronger.
When someone is depressed, hearing the "think positvie" message seems like BS but there is a lot to the power of positive thinking.
The reason people use this site and you posted your question "What is the point?" is to get support.
By the replies you got here tonight, I think you can see that support is out there when you seek it and are open to recieving it.
Stay positive.

BrewerGeorge

I'm just going to reiterate what some others have said.

Scars and stretch marks are badges of honor. They're the roadmap of your life. I've got tons of stretch marks around my shoulders and chest from lifting weights as a teen/20-something and gaining muscle mass really fast. I've got stretch marks around my belly from eating too much and gaining fat too fast for my skin to handle. The shoulder ones are faded and white and the belly ones are livid red, but they're all just physical marks of different times in my life. Neither one defines me in any way. Your stretch marks don't define you either.

From the guys' perspective, it's true that we don't really care about that stuff. Eighteen year old boys might care, but real, grown men don't. One of the biggest regrets in my life is looking back at all the great girls I missed out on because I was young and stupid and too hung up on some physical ideal of perfection. Once your peers get into their mid 20's they're going to start growing out of that shallowness, too. If you don't want to wait that long, I guarantee that there are lots of guys out there that will appreciate you right now, but they're probably going to be the shy guys that you might have to make the first move with. Guys have self-esteem issues, too.

Also, I have no idea what kind of diet you're on, but if it's very strict it might be causing some depression issues. (If you even HAVE depression issues normally and this isn't just a bad day....) Poorly managed vegetarianism or veganism can leave you lacking some of the building blocks for seratonin. Ultra-low fat diets, or ultra-low calorie diets can do the same thing. If any of those describe your diet, you should do some more research because feeling better might be as simple as eating a little more fat, or some complete proteins.

Finally, I will tell you that nothing in life is really as important as it feels when you're 19. Everything passes and the things you think are the end of the world today become no big deal with a few years behind you. I've helped three daughters through their teens and there's another still coming up. One of those girls attempted suicide and survived to be a very strong woman who's now half way around the world having adventures. Talking to her now she says she can't believe how trivial the issues that consumed her then seem to her now in her mid 20's. Just hang in there and it will get a lot easier and make a lot more sense in a few more years.

sonybalony

^LOVE what Brewer George said! ^

A friend pointed out recently, "Scars are like tattoos, but with better stories!" :glasses:

Hon, First of all, you are a beautiful young woman:bigsmile: .

Life is what you make out of it. If you look with a negative view, you will see the negative. :frown: It is HARD being a teen:indifferent: ... Shoot it is hard being a 40 year old:laugh: ... with scars and fat and bumps and bruises. As you lose weight, you will find the stretch marks will change from big purple SCARS:ohwell: , to thin silvery marks . Yep, the ones on my belly are from 2 rotten teenagers, YEARS ago, but the ones on my upper arms, calves (along with the icky purple/blue veins), thighs, buttocks, and breasts are ALL fat related... My husband, who has never been CLOSE to fat in his ENTIRE life, has stretch marks across his lower back, as do both my sons... I am pretty positive that a HUGE amount of publications airbrush stretch marks out as a matter of course. We all have our scars, some are more visible than others...

If this is something that you have struggled with for a while, you may want to consider getting some help to resolve your body issues... If you are just having a down day/moment or even a pity party (sometimes those are just necessary) ... I am glad you got to vent, it helps sometimes to see what people have to say that aren't family or friends.

Good Luck Sweetie,

:flowerforyou: ~ Sonia

MadeOfMagic

Sweety love yourself, you're beautiful, those are your "history marks", I have scars on my face/cheeks (big ones but faded a lil) from when my birth parents used to abuse me, I also have many stretch marks (thighs, back, stomach, arms, etc) but I love myself and it so much better to be thin and have stretch marks than to be fat and have stretch marks, plus you're beautiful and young!
Guess what over time they will fade and there are things you can do to make it go away quite a bit.

Here are a couple things you GUYS ALL can do daily than will make any unwanted scars fade away faster

Use Skin Creams and Lotions with some of the following:
• Cocoa butter (this is big +)
• Rose hip oil
• Emu oil
• Jojoba oil
• Castor oil
• Shea butter
• Vitamin A
• Vitamin E
• Vitamin C


Massage the area with stretch marks three or four times a day with moisturizers that contain cocoa butter as a prime ingredient.
Apply self-tanner. It will help minimize the appearance of stretch marks. Exfoliate beforehand for best results.

Wheat germ oil - may help improve stretch marks in their early phase (this is great for the red ones, you can get rid of almost completely if they are still in red color stage).

Vitamin C - certain formulations might increase collagen production, but they'll only help with early-stage stretch marks; for best results, combine the vitamin C gel with glycolic acid; taking 500 mg of Vitamin C supplements three times a day may also help.

Exfoliate daily with loofah or scrunchy

Apply Vic’ Vapor Rub, it supposed to help a lot!

Hot Bass and Massages (increase circulation around scarring)

Vitamin E Gel Pills: break open and apply



I am going to do a strict exfoliating on all daily in morning shower and at after work out shower and than apply lotions with those awesome ingredients and use probably use the vapor rub, it supposed to work really good, I also have lots of "new" red stretch marks so I am going to use the germ oil and take Vitamin C daily, and do hot baths-what a great excuse to take a bath and treat yourself to something nice
Don't give up, you're young it will be so much easier for you to take care of them, and these things are all know to be the best things for getting rid/fade away scars of any sort

ninerbuff

Life will go on regardless of how you feel. You can choose to have a pity party or have a party for life.

shauna121211

I almost don't know what to say to this!

You only have 18 kilos to lose and you're 19 years old! I guarantee your "FAT" scars can't be too bad and your skin is young and will bounce back into place. I can also say that you are 19 years old, your scars WILL fade! Seriously! I've got some horrible scars, too many to count really... I played a lot of sports and was and still am clumsy.

Bottom line is, this is about losing weight to feel better about yourself physically and mentally. This is about gaining a strong mind and body and learning a healthy relationship with food and exercise. This isn't about becoming a supermodel and being perfect.

Pinky67

The point? Your beautiful and your worth it! :flowerforyou:

janegeno

^LOVE what Brewer George said! ^

A friend pointed out recently, "Scars are like tattoos, but with better stories!" :glasses:

Very much this, including the love for George Brewer's post.

And if the stretch marks and scars do not fade (I got a fantastic set at puberty which gave me boobs like giant bloodshot eyeballs at age 15!) then cover them up with tattoos. That's my plan, anyway.

Stretch marks at 15, varicose veins at 17, those were bad. The inch long scar in the center of my forehead I had been obsessed with since age 3 was as nothing in comparison. The scar from my appendectomy? I almost forgot it was there even though it is now still bigger and more visible than my c-section scar. The next rounds of both stretch marks and blue veins from having kids were expected, but disheartening because I knew that on my body once its stretched past tearing there is no rebound ever. Bio-oil and cocoa butter my *kitten*, literally. Bathed in the stuff and wasted a lot of time and money. Maybe the remedies will work for you and maybe they won't.

Did it take me about a decade to come to terms with having tiger striped ta-tas? Yupp. But damned if I don't still wear plunging necklines almost another decade later with a big old grin thankyouverymuch.

But my point is, I remember how bad those marks felt even as a fairly fit teenager: thinking that my life was over before it was begun, that I would never be comfortable letting someone see me naked, and that no matter how well I took care of myself I would never be okay. It is easy for me now to almost laugh at that 15 year old girl who was so sure nobody would ever love her before she had experienced anything of life to learn what love is, but I still remember how it felt to be her. That stops the laughter. I may have acquired enough accidental scars on my hands to cover the marks I made out of self-loathing during that time in my life, but I know they are there and why I made them.

If I could go back and give myself a hug or a pep talk I would, but I can't so this one's for you. It will be okay as soon as you let it be okay. Yes, this sounds like another BS platitude or cheesed out junk philosophy tract, but it is the best way I can express what I found to be true.

Talk to somebody like a counselor or psychologist, not because you need to man up or grow up or just get over yourself already, but because you need to find a safe place to put your feelings in perspective and a professional will save you a lot of wasted time and energy getting there. You don't need to be dismissed and you don't need to be coddled. You just need somewhere to reflect and realize for yourself that there is a point even if sometimes it does not feel like there is one.

Take care of yourself.

_Ben

Pain is temporary
Chicks dig Scars
Glory Lasts Forever

Anyway there are ways to get scars and stretch marks removed if you are really self conscious about them, but honestly as a guy I dont really notice them. The point of trying to be healthy is not trying to have 10+ years in a saggy body, but its so you can be in your peak physical condition your entire life. Its so when your 40 years old and you want to go out jet skiing, you dont need to worry about if your physically fit enough to handle it. Its so when your older you can try to avoid those incredibly expensive insulin shots, blood pressure medication, and other maintenance drugs. Its so you can achieve the most out of your life that you possibly can. At the very least, thats why I am doing it. My dad has been taking cholesterol, cardiac, and blood pressure medication since his 30s due to his obesity, and has a brother who had a heart attack at 43. I decided thats not going to be me

haileemou

pass me the prozak

SKP1986

I am worried about my stretch marks, too, but I know that (some) of my scars will fade. I've already gotten ink over some of the scars that haven't faded and feel much better about those. I guess I'll just do the same for the others.

Chin up and just keep pushing.

unsuspectingfish

I choose to see my scars as badges of honor, and trust me when I tell you that I've got a boat-load of badges. They show people that I've lived and remind me of the same. I wouldn't even be the same person without some of them, and I would never wish them away because of that.

ji225

I can totally understand how they upset you, as I have been through it the same, BUT you have a choice whether to let them yo get you down or not!

I know you're 19 and I do think, actually know, that you will care less about them as you get older, as I have found now at 36, that they are the least of my worries! When I was your age I hated them more than anything - you will care less about the superficial stuff as you get older I can assure you, but as another has already said, you should maybe try and get some counselling as it could save you a few more unhappy years. It seems to be a real big issue for you right now as it comes through in much sadness in your post - but it will get better, and honestly they do fade.

Don't waste too much time worrying - I used to think that I was so ugly because of them, and when I look back in me in my 20's I was gorgeous, and I feel sad that I wasted some of those years being overly self concious and not enjoying my life as much as I could have been - my only real regret in life revolves around my body image, which saddens me!

Good luck with it

TenderBranson

You sound incredibly shallow & far too consumed with appearance. Focus on how great your body feels after an hour long cardio session. Or reaching a long awaited goal.

Learn to overcome what people think of you. It's not hard.

babyblake11

when i was 13.. i was a self harmer. i have around 50 scars on my leg. i know this is a horrible story but ive still learnt to love my body. and i do my absoloute best to nurture it with nutritious foods and exercising. ive also had a daughter so ive also got stretch marks ( almost gone now ).

sure, i am looking into getting the scars removed. but if it turns out i will have them forever i will still love myself for who i am.
just love who you are, being healthy with scars is better than unhealthy with scars. just as everyone above me have said.