When Relationship Go South: Staying On Course

TooFatToFit

But she had been diagnosed years ago with a clinical mental issue (namely, bi-polar disorder), and despite knowing the risks, had gone off her medication. She became increasingly erratic and unpredictable, and the "last straw" was confronting her on her uncontrolled spending sprees. She became defensive and then verbally abusive, and when I tried to put some distance between us to allow her to cool off and get some perspective, she remained on the offensive.

I understand this all too well, unfortunately. My ex was only diagnosed a few years ago, got on meds which helped somewhat but kept missing his appointments for dosage adjustment and counseling...I would consider it uncontrolled bipolar. His extreme spending was sinking us fast and he had completely irrational expectations from the kids and I. The straw that broke the camels back was when his union went on strike for just over a year. Halfway through he was so stressed and uncontrolled that he thought it would be a good idea to find a hotter girlfriend and leave us...by the time he came to his senses I had discovered the freedom of not walking on eggshells trying not to upset the irrational person all day, and I am not going back at any cost. Like you said...that ship has sailed. He regrets leaving and isn't very happy, and I feel really bad for him because I know in my heart he is a good guy, and his decisions were a result of the bipolar thinking. But I just can't go back to living like that. Mental illness sucks.

StarGeezer

I understand this all too well, unfortunately. ...

Yeah, I'd say you had a familiarity with the concept that I wouldn't wish upon anyone else. It's sad really, loving someone with an illness of this kind. Sadder still when much of it can be mitigated through vigilant therapy and medication but is instead neglected. It forces those around them to become something of a co-dependent of the disease, which royally sucks.

Best wishes to you, friend. I'm glad to see you found your footing again. Stay strong, I'm certain good things will come your way before long.

markymarrkk

But my wife is freakin crazy, she want's to stay and live together and have me help her sustain the household but doesn't want a relationship with me, I sleep on the freakin Couch bro! I hate it! I have a lot of friends I hang with and I meet nice girls all the time but I can't go anywhere with it because of my complicated situation (living with my ***** wife). cuz really who wants to hook up with a guy who still lives with his wife. I work out a lot and im very active and I there's is nothing more I would want then being able to break free and be able to move on with my life. so Mr. Star..you are very lucky and I think your ex probably did you a HUGE favor,

anyways, add me bro and stay positive and keep active...any one else out there feel free to add me....let's **** **** up!

Why ARE you staying then? Would she fight to try and keep the 5 year old even though she wants to party? My husband wanted to stay with me while he saw what else was out there, so to speak, and I said you're WITH ME, or you're not. I'm nobody's backup plan and I'm not just there to keep the household running.

I dont know why I stay, a part of me still loves her very much and I think she plays on that to keep me there. I also worry about her struggling on her own with her 2 daughters, but they're grown (21 and 16). she has a decent job so I'm sure she'll find an apartment or maybe even some boyfriend that she can be happy with but she will defenitely struggle initially. we have a house together and in the divorce I will fight to keep it and buy her out, so a seperation is not possible because she will not leave without a divorce action

ocrunner11

For a variety of reasons, my fiance' and I mutually decided to take a step back from our plans. Both of us need time to think and sort some personal things out. That's not to say I find this at all easy. She was largely the impetus for me getting my weight and health back in check. Since the relationship appears to be in flux, it would be all too easy to "chuck it all" and go back to erecting my wall of fat to keep others at bay.

Part of me would like nothing more than to bury the anger, the hurt, and the grief in a double-batch of stew beef with noodles and hot biscuits. The "old me" would have already started pan-frying the beef and warming the oven.

But I'm not going to. I worked too damn hard these past months to get where I am. And I have a long way yet to go, but I'm not going to throw it all away on the fickle whims of human relationships that sour. I'm "sticking with the program", and seeing where it leads me. If she and I eventually reconcile, that will be great. If not, I still have to think of me, and what my future means to me now... an importance that I spent too many years neglecting for myself. Come what may, I owe it primarily to ME to keep my feet on this path.

Could still use some encouragement though, I won't deny it. Feeling pretty low at the moment.

Very proud of you , you have taken the higher road:happy: that most will not travel in a situation like this. Take it one day at a time my friend. Set your mind to your overall health improvement and see the fabulous results. Always remember if a relationship is meant to be, it will return with conviction and clarity. I will say a prayer for you to cope :flowerforyou:

lmelangley

Sounds to me that you're now becoming healthy for the right reasons - you! I'm sorry that you're going through hurt right now, but I know you'll get through this regardless of how things turn out. Take care of yourself and remember that you're doing everything you can. She needs to take ownership of her own medical condition. If as life leads you up and down you feel the urge to blow your diet, try exercising to excess, instead.

And, remember we're here for you whenever you need us.

ocrunner11

Just saw your post, how are you adjusting? A change in relationships can be very discouraging, the pain that you feel is real and I wanted you to know that I acknowledge that. What you do now is take your life into another direction with purpose. You found purpose in losing the weight, you had the support then as you do now with this community. Focus on your over all goals and get to work. You can do this and start to do this plan for yourself. Doors open and Doors close, look forward to another. Peace be with you today and always! :flowerforyou: