Ugh. Pigs on here!

RangerSteve

I'm right there with you, almost all my friends on here are female and I've never had that happen to me either. Like I said, the thread gets derailed by comments that don't do anything constructive,

Maybe the whole thread shouldn't have been started in the first place? If I had a dollar for every suggestive comment I've received on here....I'd have at least........maybe 5 dollars? :-/

No one is saying she shouldn't report the guy. My reply, as I originally stated, was a retort that people could a join a site like this where boob shots are as common as "wheat is evil" threads and then expect creeper males not to send messages to every chick they can possibly find. It's a public internet forum where plenty of women are dressed like it's a playboy bunny Halloween party. If you're a chick and don't expect to get hit on then you're living in a bubble. Yes, that means it will happen even if you don't have bikini pictures up. That's life.

RangerSteve

I understand the frustration. I lost a lot of weight and was sort of new to feeling "Sexy" for awhile. I have some cleavage pics. I don't post them to get attention..well from anyone specifically..more to feel good about feeling good and feeling attractive and wearing cute clothes!! lol!

No, wearing sexy clothing does not warrant someone sending you a smarmy email. But this type of behavior has been going on since the dawn of time. When there was no internet, men cat called or whistled! lol! Now, as in "real life"..there will be men (and women) behaving that way. I don't think that's ever going to change. And unfortunately, sexy clothing does attract attention. MOST men just think it and keep it to themselves....but some are going to make comments or feel it's ok to contact you about things. Report him if he's out of line and makes you unfomfortable.

I do get RangerSteves point too. He's not saying what he did was right..more that there ARE consequences to what we choose to say and do and wear. I have been on here for a long time. I used to be a lot more involved in the fun threads. We'd have fun, joke around, maybe get a bit risque...but we'd get into trouble for it. Now, to be honest..it's about 20x more risque than anything those in the past did. And having our cleavage and *kitten* hanging out in pics...is going to attract the wrong attention sometimes. It's just part of life. No, I'm not saying it's right. The good thing about it being online is you CAN report it, CAN block them and CAN ignore it. If I get a smarmy email...because I have cleavage (what's left of it! lol!)...showing in a pic.....then I can report them and I can take those pics down to keep that attention away. It is within my power to do so.

Best of luck! And the important thing is to not let the smarmy types ruin it for you. This IS a great site. I've been on here for a long time and the tools helped me lose (and keep off) a ton of weight. Take care!!

^^^^^
Now this is a good post. Thank you.

Carl01

I'm right there with you, almost all my friends on here are female and I've never had that happen to me either. Like I said, the thread gets derailed by comments that don't do anything constructive,

Maybe the whole thread shouldn't have been started in the first place? If I had a dollar for every suggestive comment I've received on here....I'd have at least........maybe 5 dollars? :-/

No one is saying she shouldn't report the guy. My reply, as I originally stated, was a retort that people could a join a site like this where boob shots are as common as "wheat is evil" threads and then expect creeper males not to send messages to every chick they can possibly find. It's a public internet forum where plenty of women are dressed like it's a playboy bunny Halloween party. If you're a chick and don't expect to get hit on then you're living in a bubble. Yes, that means it will happen even if you don't have bikini pictures up. That's life.

I really hope you are a minority of males out there...I truly do.

RangerSteve

I really hope you are a minority of males out there...I truly do.

I'll take that as a compliment. Thanks.

Missevanston

In other words a lady who may be for the first time in a long time (or ever) is finally feeling good about how she looks should either hide it or expect to be harassed?
Bull crap,there is no excuse for that behavior,end of discussion.

This ^ is why so many girls love you, Carl...Tell it brother...Amen.

carolynmittens

I'm right there with you, almost all my friends on here are female and I've never had that happen to me either. Like I said, the thread gets derailed by comments that don't do anything constructive,

Maybe the whole thread shouldn't have been started in the first place? If I had a dollar for every suggestive comment I've received on here....I'd have at least........maybe 5 dollars? :-/

No one is saying she shouldn't report the guy. My reply, as I originally stated, was a retort that people could a join a site like this where boob shots are as common as "wheat is evil" threads and then expect creeper males not to send messages to every chick they can possibly find. It's a public internet forum where plenty of women are dressed like it's a playboy bunny Halloween party. If you're a chick and don't expect to get hit on then you're living in a bubble. Yes, that means it will happen even if you don't have bikini pictures up. That's life.

I really hope you are a minority of males out there...I truly do.

what exactly didn't you agree with in what you quoted here? that we live in a world where women get hit on by weirdos? so you hope the majority of men out there are oblivious to that fact also? great, that's the first step towards solving an issue... oblivion

Tuffjourney

I am like you. The bra digs into my shoulders, my back aches all the time. I am always self conscious of having too much cleavage showing. It is not fun. Its hard to find tops that fit. It sucks.:grumble:

Carl01

I'm right there with you, almost all my friends on here are female and I've never had that happen to me either. Like I said, the thread gets derailed by comments that don't do anything constructive,

Maybe the whole thread shouldn't have been started in the first place? If I had a dollar for every suggestive comment I've received on here....I'd have at least........maybe 5 dollars? :-/

No one is saying she shouldn't report the guy. My reply, as I originally stated, was a retort that people could a join a site like this where boob shots are as common as "wheat is evil" threads and then expect creeper males not to send messages to every chick they can possibly find. It's a public internet forum where plenty of women are dressed like it's a playboy bunny Halloween party. If you're a chick and don't expect to get hit on then you're living in a bubble. Yes, that means it will happen even if you don't have bikini pictures up. That's life.

I really hope you are a minority of males out there...I truly do.

what exactly didn't you agree with in what you quoted here? that we live in a world where women get hit on by weirdos? so you hope the majority of men out there are oblivious to that fact also? great, that's the first step towards solving an issue... oblivion

No,the notion it should be accepted as normal or okay.

TamTastic

I am like you. The bra digs into my shoulders, my back aches all the time. I am always self conscious of having too much cleavage showing. It is not fun. Its hard to find tops that fit. It sucks.:grumble:

If you can, try and go get measured. I hear that's the way to get a proper fitting bra....to support and not dig into your shoulders. Victoria's Secret does it.

Enforcer25

You beat me to it Carl, just because it happens, doesn't mean it has to be accepted. The op's original post had to do with how disgusted she was that some weirdo messaged her after she made a post. To say " that's life" is fine to say, doesn't mean people have to take it. She vented about it and hopefully will report it. I don't see why she should be criticized for making this post or expecting that she could make a post on a health forum with out someone sending her a perverted pm.

perceptualobfuscator

I just figured and hoped that a website like this would have less of a chance of getting tagged by pigs.

So you figured and hoped a website that has cleavage days and constant pictures of girls with their boobs and *kitten* hanging out of their clothes wouldn't attract pigs?

Sure I guess.....I mean why would pigs be attracted to close up shots of girls with their.....assets hanging out and tiny little bikinis asking questions like "HONESTLY GUISE, DO MY BEWBS LOOK GUUD IN THIS?"

Yeah, that kind of site wouldn't attract pigs. I'm perplexed, blown away, confused as to how a piggish male would EVER find this site.

Way to victim blame, dude. Did the OP give any indication that this is what she did, at all? And for the record, no matter what a woman is wearing, she is not asking for harassment. By your reasoning, if one woman, anywhere asks for commentary on her appearance anyone who doesn't want creeps perving on them must instantly leave the site to protect their virtue. I don't think so. Maybe you could put the blame and responsibility squarely where it belongs: on the shoulders of those doing the harassing.

engineman312

I posted a few days ago on here about a bra eating me, digging into my ribs and cutting me. The support (no pun intended!) was amazing. I got great answers and solutions, and got my issue taken care of!

HA!! i love a good pun.

IamRoJ

First, Carl, as always a sweetie.

In defense of Ranger, I don't think he's saying that this SHOULD have happened or that we should ACCEPT that it happened. I think that he's just saying that a lot of women on here allow themselves to be objectified, and that it's no surprise that some of the creeps take it as an open invitation to act like that to everyone. It's an unfortunate truth, per my earlier post, but I don't think he's applauding it or high-fiving the creepers.

Just my two cents.

ItsMeLori

Hate to say it but where there are me that will happen. NOT ALL MEN...... had to get that out LOL . Just ignore them,

carolynmittens

No,the notion it should be accepted as normal or okay.

not to belabor the point here... but if something happens to most women everyday, multiple times a day, or fits into the bracket of happening "fairly often," i would call that a normal occurrence and either learn to deal with it or ignore it. no one said it was ok, but i would definitely say that piggish males hitting on women is indeed very normal (i'm defining normal as something being usual, typical or expected). accepting something as normal doesn't mean you're condoning it, it just means you're acknowledging that it happens.

perceptualobfuscator

First, Carl, as always a sweetie.

In defense of Ranger, I don't think he's saying that this SHOULD have happened or that we should ACCEPT that it happened. I think that he's just saying that a lot of women on here allow themselves to be objectified, and that it's no surprise that some of the creeps take it as an open invitation to act like that to everyone. It's an unfortunate truth, per my earlier post, but I don't think he's applauding it or high-fiving the creepers.

Just my two cents.

The problem with his post is that he's placing the responsibility on the victims not to get themselves harassed rather than the people not to do the harassing. The behaviours he mentioned as an explanation for why people should expect harassment on MFP weren't anything the OP was engaging in. They had nothing to do with her. From that reasoning, if one woman asks if she looks nice, then all women should expect random, unsolicited perverted comments from people we have nothing to do with. I disagree. I don't think we should expect this to happen. I think we should hold our community to higher standards than that, and instead expect to be treated like human beings.

What would make this easier is if this behaviour wasn't so easily brushed off as 'it just happens, men are stupid' or 'what do you expect on a site where people wear bikinis'. I could wear whatever I wanted and I still wouldn't get harassed if it wasn't for the harasser. Why not focus on him, and his behaviour?

_beachgirl_

I just figured and hoped that a website like this would have less of a chance of getting tagged by pigs.

So you figured and hoped a website that has cleavage days and constant pictures of girls with their boobs and *kitten* hanging out of their clothes wouldn't attract pigs?

Sure I guess.....I mean why would pigs be attracted to close up shots of girls with their.....assets hanging out and tiny little bikinis asking questions like "HONESTLY GUISE, DO MY BEWBS LOOK GUUD IN THIS?"

Yeah, that kind of site wouldn't attract pigs. I'm perplexed, blown away, confused as to how a piggish male would EVER find this site.

Way to victim blame, dude. Did the OP give any indication that this is what she did, at all? And for the record, no matter what a woman is wearing, she is not asking for harassment. By your reasoning, if one woman, anywhere asks for commentary on her appearance anyone who doesn't want creeps perving on them must instantly leave the site to protect their virtue. I don't think so. Maybe you could put the blame and responsibility squarely where it belongs: on the shoulders of those doing the harassing.

I may be wrong, but I don't think he was blaming the OP at all. I think he was commenting on the fact that she was shocked that there were "pigs" on a site like this one. His point is, why would you be shocked there are pigs ona site with half-naked women begging for attention? I don't see any where that he says she did that or it was her fault.

MrsFarrow

I'm going to break this down, because while I do not have a reading comprehension problem, I have a feeling Ranger may have a communication problem. So let me just explain WHY I reacted the way I did to his post, and then his responses will be ignored as well and laid to rest.

"So you figured and hoped a website that has cleavage days and constant pictures of girls with their boobs and *kitten* hanging out of their clothes wouldn't attract pigs?"

First of all, I sense an immense amount of sarcasm in the whole response. This first excerpt is especially laced with it. In this portion, it's almost made to seem like MFP is an amateur porn site, cleavage and behinds hanging out ALL over the place. I disagree, and in any event, I have never, nor will I ever, post pictures of my chest or my behind. Assuming I do is just ridiculous and ignorant.

"Sure I guess.....I mean why would pigs be attracted to close up shots of girls with their.....assets hanging out and tiny little bikinis asking questions like "HONESTLY GUISE, DO MY BEWBS LOOK GUUD IN THIS?""

Again, assuming that's what I did. Assuming that's what this entire site is about. It isn't. This is a FITNESS website. And again, completely laced with sarcasm.

"Yeah, that kind of site wouldn't attract pigs. I'm perplexed, blown away, confused as to how a piggish male would EVER find this site""

Here's the issue, while you may not directly be standing up for him, you are excusing it by saying "Well, because other women do whorish things, you deserve what you got because of what those women do."

No, no I don't. I'd be curious to know if you believe women ask to get raped too, but I'm honestly afraid of the answer. This is a FITNESS website, with a "chit chat" area. I was inquiring about a MEDICAL issue. I don't think you're getting the correlation. I'm not trying to be nasty, but I honestly believe you are missing the point. Had I been posting on cleavage thursday or whatever you were referencing, and had I gotten a vulgar email because of that then yes, I may be a little less offended. But the fact that a MEDICAL question was being asked, THAT is what just absolutely blows me away and disgusts me. It's like posting you have a broken tailbone and getting a "I'd love to see that sexy behind in a mini skirt!" response. No, no you animal.

So if I misunderstood your sarcasm filled response, if I misread it and upset you a little? That's unfortunate. I don't think Carl or anyone else here is trying to make "brownie points" or anything. I think they, like me and everyone else, think it's a little messed up and disgusting that it even happened. Nevermind the fact that you made a very salty and acerbic response that basically read "You deserved it". As Perc stated, "The problem with his post is that he's placing the responsibility on the victims not to get themselves harassed rather than the people not to do the harassing."

perceptualobfuscator

I may be wrong, but I don't think he was blaming the OP at all. I think he was commenting on the fact that she was shocked that there were "pigs" on a site like this one. His point is, why would you be shocked there are pigs ona site with half-naked women begging for attention? I don't see any where that he says she did that or it was her fault.

His post did a number of things common to victim-blaming. He pointed out how a woman's clothing is the cause of women's harassment (bikinis). He used deliberate misspellings to mimic a 'ditzy' voice representative of women on this site. He also mocked the OP for 'figuring and hoping' that a fitness site wouldn't attract perverted comments sent to her inbox. And that language was certainly sarcastic and mocking. The thing is, why shouldn't a woman on this site expect not to be harassed? Why must our default assumption throughout life be that we are going to be harassed, even when the focus is on maintaining our health and fitness? He is making the argument that if one woman on this site posts a picture that could be considered risque, every woman should expect harassment. And he's focusing distinctly upon the women posting cleavage, going into efforts to detail their behaviour, with no focus on the people doing the harassing. This is victim blaming. Have you ever heard of the 'short skirt' defense at rape trials? You know, she looked/dressed a certain way, so what did she expect? This is basically it, but applied to internet harassment. And instead of 'she posted picture, what did she expect', it's 'some other random women posted pictures, so what did the OP expect'. It's a bogus argument, and a very tired one.

cmriverside

:yawn:

_beachgirl_

I may be wrong, but I don't think he was blaming the OP at all. I think he was commenting on the fact that she was shocked that there were "pigs" on a site like this one. His point is, why would you be shocked there are pigs ona site with half-naked women begging for attention? I don't see any where that he says she did that or it was her fault.

His post did a number of things common to victim-blaming. He pointed out how a woman's clothing is the cause of women's harassment (bikinis). He used deliberate misspellings to mimic a 'ditzy' voice representative of women on this site. He also mocked the OP for 'figuring and hoping' that a fitness site wouldn't attract perverted comments sent to her inbox. And that language was certainly sarcastic and mocking. The thing is, why shouldn't a woman on this site expect not to be harassed? Why must our default assumption throughout life be that we are going to be harassed, even when the focus is on maintaining our health and fitness? He is making the argument that if one woman on this site posts a picture that could be considered risque, every woman should expect harassment. And he's focusing distinctly upon the women posting cleavage, going into efforts to detail their behaviour, with no focus on the people doing the harassing. This is victim blaming. Have you ever heard of the 'short skirt' defense at rape trials? You know, she looked/dressed a certain way, so what did she expect? This is basically it, but applied to internet harassment. And instead of 'she posted picture, what did she expect', it's 'some other random women posted pictures, so what did the OP expect'. It's a bogus argument, and a very tired one.

You are reading what you want into it. You are assuming way too much from one comment in a thread. Enjoy your evening!

ladyhawk00

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