Dating While Big...

ama2414

Hey everyone-

Just having a woe is me moment- but why is it that dating while large is so difficult? I'm am an awesome person (if I do say so myself, lol), have a great sense of humor, am nice to everyone I come into contact with, I'm just genuinely nice. You think that would translate to the men around me, but no. I know it's because I'm big, but why is it that it's okay for an overweight man to be with a smaller girl, but not vice versa?? I've been looking for a date to a friend's wedding for about a month, & have come up empty. Do guys think that just because a girl is big, that she doesn't take care of herself? If so, that's completely absurd. Just venting...Have a nice night everyone!

maryd523

Unfortunately in our society, a woman is valued more for her looks than almost anything else. Men are valued for other things, not so much looks. That's just the way it is. However, you can definitely meet a great guy if you find situations where you have a chance to get to know each other in a casual way.

kayemme

Hey everyone-

Just having a woe is me moment- but why is it that dating while large is so difficult? I'm am an awesome person (if I do say so myself, lol), have a great sense of humor, am nice to everyone I come into contact with, I'm just genuinely nice. You think that would translate to the men around me, but no. I know it's because I'm big, but why is it that it's okay for an overweight man to be with a smaller girl, but not vice versa?? I've been looking for a date to a friend's wedding for about a month, & have come up empty. Do guys think that just because a girl is big, that she doesn't take care of herself? If so, that's completely absurd. Just venting...Have a nice night everyone!

i used to think that way until i became super best friends with this former italian model. she had SO MANY man problems that i realized it really didn't matter if one is big or small, pretty or unattractive or anything in between. people have problems dating no matter what.

hope that helps!

dyiaane

Hang in there. I have plenty of friends who are within their normal weight range and can't find a guy. So maybe thats not it. Keep on working at it.

kayemme

Unfortunately in our society, a woman is valued more for her looks than almost anything else. Men are valued for other things, not so much looks. That's just the way it is. However, you can definitely meet a great guy if you find situations where you have a chance to get to know each other in a casual way.

i think that's only true if you believe it. the world is what we make it in our minds.

foremant86

Dating is hard big or small. Being skinny doesn't mean guys are going to line up around the block.

Umeboshi

I never had a problem getting a boyfriend because I wasn't going for the kind of jerk who will only date someone for their looks.

kissiefish

Don't give up! I swore I would not try to lose weight until I was married (stupid idea, btw) so that a man would love me for ME not my body. Well, I am happily married for 12 years now to a great guy. He loves me because I'm just like his mom! LOL.....

The right guy is out there. Stop looking for him,start living, and I guarantee he will find YOU. Don't hide yourself. Go to the wedding with a girl friend and have a good time. Weddings are GREAT places to meet single guys...just so you know.

Don't hide your light under a bushel girl...let it shine!!!!

Wi11ie

Hey Ama. Like Mary mentioned in her reply.....it's society. But, never let that get you down (easier said han done, huh?). Let people continue to get to know you inside and out. Besides, if you have a lot to offer, someone will wanna take it (Trust Me)! Never give up or feel bad. We can work on it together! -w

billsica

Men like confidence. Be more confident.

albinogorilla

I've always dated girls "bigger" than myself. Never was a fan of abs on a girl......
there are plenty of good guys out there, just got to find them!

MicMar66

The right man is out there for you and when it is time for you to meet him-you will. Simple as that. It stinks waiting but it is something you have to do.
When I was in my 20's I was a size 6 (I am 5'10"-so that means I was really thin). I had no trouble finding a guy to go on a date with but I did have trouble finding a guy I wanted to go on a SECOND date with. It wasn't until I was 28 that I met my husband. We have been together for 13 years-married almost 7.
He was totally worth waiting for.
You may be ready to meet the man of your dreams, but you have to wait for him to be ready too.
I will definitely keep you in my thoughts!

p.s. I think you are wonderful too!

mrskaylaforthewin

tbh there are websites for men who like big women and want to pursue relationships with them..get on there and find you a date girl!! when i got married i was a size 7 now im a 14>.< i got lucky i guess lol

MissMaryMac33

Psst... losing weight doesn't make it any easier -- trust me! I thought for sure it would be magic
I meet just an many jerks if not more now! The difference is, I'm a lot happier being single and feeling good than being single and feeling like a fat whale

kayemme

Men like confidence. Be more confident.

exactly this.

christine24t

i am with you on this one personally, but it's weird - all of my friends are big and they have had boyfriends, etc - so i don't know what to tell you. The only difference between me and them is that they might have prettier faces and know how to dress better.

JennLifts

Psst... losing weight doesn't make it any easier -- trust me! I thought for sure it would be magic
I meet just an many jerks if not more now! The difference is, I'm a lot happier being single and feeling good than being single and feeling like a fat whale

Agree. I too thought it would help. Not a bit. But it is nice to know you have something even when you're alone, then to be alone thinking you have nothing!

ama2414

Thanks everyone! You guys truly are awesome! I'm going to get my confidence level up- because I know I'm awesome, and continue working on myself! Hopefully the pieces eventually fall into place!

Saffyra

Skinny or fat, I think everyone has problems finding a good man

treehugginpam

I hear ya; dating while big is HARD. I think that dating at any size is hard though, because it's just not easy finding someone right for you. Hang in there though, it can happen! I am a big girl (getting smaller!) and I have been with the most amazing man for the last 2 years who is sweet, wonderful, perfect for me, and, as far as I'm concerned, pretty much the hottest guy on the planet. Sometimes it just takes awhile to find the right one!

miss_amy

i have to say i kind of agree with everyone in this thread. i still have days where i'm like you, and believe guys only date skinny girls. but then i have days where i say to myself "you know what? i don't want to date anyone that doesn't want to date me!" and i focus on my own internal happiness. for me, i know my problem in the past has been that i haven't put myself out there enough. i really do believe that many guys are attracted to confidence and i think that many bigger girls (including myself) lack that confidence because of society pressures and thus can't find dates.

my personal advice is to focus on making yourself happy first. at least that's what i'm doing myself! if a guy doesn't want to date you, it's their loss, not yours! but believe me, girl, i can relate to your way of thinking.

rafor

When I met my wife, I was so sick and tired of it all that I decided that if I never got married, I would survive. The day after I made that decision, I met my wife. We dated for a year and got married one year to the day of meeting. Before that, I hadn't been on a date in more than 3 years. When I decided that I could live without a relationship, that was when I found one. Give up...and enjoy being so single it hurts. Make the women who are in relationships with @$$holes jealous because you get to live your life without living up to some jerk's expectations. Make the choice to be fabulously single and love will plow into you.

broadsword7

Hiya,

As a guy who has been divorced going on five or six years (sigh... I lose track of time), and as someone who was very overweight for much of that time, I have noticed how differently people behave toward me since I have lost weight. It's like all of a sudden I am being noticed. The woman coming out of the store when I am coming in smiles. People start conversations with me, and not the other way around. Etc, etc. And it struck me how I am the SAME person inside I have always been. I have kind of mixed emotions about that. I think the poster who said dating is hard, big or small, has a very valid point. Just the word "dating" sort of makes me think of work and cringe, lol. I know, I know...with that kind of attitude, I may just stay single for-evah. But you know what? That is okay. The world still has a LOT to offer. So I choose to concentrate on that, and just be who I am, the same ol guy inside I have always been, but with different goals and a different outlook on life. I believe that if someone really cares about who you are and not how you look, then good things will happen. To heck with the rest of em. Feel good about the choices you are making for yourself and the path to good health and the rest will follow. Sorry, just my rambling take on the topic. Hope it somehow makes sense!

kayemme

And it struck me how I am the SAME person inside I have always been.

i would be willing to put money down that you have changed significantly

gdb86

Whether you're small or big, short or tall - if you don't have the confidence to believe you are worth a man (or woman) at whatever size you are then why should someone else? It's all about believing you are worth someone treating you right no matter what! Anyone who isn't interested in a smart, beautiful, woman isn't the right guy. Just wait for the one that is! The problem may be in the fishies in the sea around you - don't blame yourself for that!

I would try online dating for a start (if you're seriously feeling that your city isn't conducive for what you're looking for) be honest about what you look like and also allow someone to get to know you for your mind first. I have so many friends who are in amazing relationships after online dating! It's not for everyone, but it's worth a shot if you haven't tried it.

Everything happens for a reason and when you do find the guy for you, you'll see exactly why other things didn't work out. It brought you to where you were supposed to be

Nina74

Yes, agreed with the same poster, but in the reverse. So often I feel invisible because people will shrink back or avoid me just because my weight. You know that look in their eyes where they avoid you. It has really effected my confidence because I know inside I rock, but people make a snap second judgment and don't even give you a chance if you are bigger. So, I sympathize with the OP and say I am there and I feel your pain! Hang in there!

ama2414

Whether you're small or big, short or tall - if you don't have the confidence to believe you are worth a man (or woman) at whatever size you are then why should someone else? It's all about believing you are worth someone treating you right no matter what! Anyone who isn't interested in a smart, beautiful, woman isn't the right guy. Just wait for the one that is! The problem may be in the fishies in the sea around you - don't blame yourself for that!

I would try online dating for a start (if you're seriously feeling that your city isn't conducive for what you're looking for) be honest about what you look like and also allow someone to get to know you for your mind first. I have so many friends who are in amazing relationships after online dating! It's not for everyone, but it's worth a shot if you haven't tried it.

Everything happens for a reason and when you do find the guy for you, you'll see exactly why other things didn't work out. It brought you to where you were supposed to be

This is so awesome. Thank you- it's exactly what I needed!

boomboom011

i have to disagree. when i was my heaviest 200 i had more men hit on me than i do now. As a matter of fact I cant remember the last time i got hit on by a guy.

I think it doesnt matter what size you are. I have skinny and not so skinny girlfriends that all complain about the same thing.

StarGeezer

I let a good number of years pass me by, largely due to a huge problem with self-confidence. When I "broadcast" a more confident attitude, even though I was a "big man", I seemed to be able to naturally attract women who found that attribute to be appealing. This had its good and bad aspects. Some of those I attracted were amazingly hurtful, and they left their cumulative marks on my psyche. I eventually "took myself out of the game", insulating myself against the possibility of that level of emotional bombardment, but also depriving myself of finding anyone capable of rising to the occasion and being a superior human being.

I decided I'm no longer content to allow myself to simply be a spectator to my own life. I'm not merely "half a person" looking for another half to "complete me." I'm a whole person, content and confident in my own right, but open to the possibility of finding another whole person to enjoy and experience life with.

Convey confidence, be comfortable and content with your "singleness", and be open to those opportunities that come your way to find special individuals who appreciate you for being you and not merely a trophy or an object. Most of all, remain positive. Good things will come your way, I'm certain.

chedges9090

I agree with everyone about confidence in yourself. And, your profile pic-- you look absolutely beautiful BTW ! But, one other thing that was kind of touched on.. Let's all be honest. We all have certain types of people we like. Some of us like serious people, some of us like funny people. with some of us , money is important.. or we only like people who don't have kids-- Christians/Jewish/Athiest. So.. there are people out there who aren't attracted to us when we are heavier.. but, there are some who DO We all make some choices about those we want to date.

Remember that you ARE a great person inside and out. Go on about your life and do things that make you happy and are important to you. You will be surprised at who shows up! And, that person will like you for who you truly ARE!

Good Luck.

LolasEpicJourney

There are a lot of "chubby chasers" out there. I met my husband at about 270s (and got bigger from there). We've been together for about 5 years. It can be more difficult - yes. But I think it doesnt really matter your size because I have a lot of thin pretty little dainty friends who are way older than me and have been single most of the time Ive known them (and they have been looking)