let it go...

2

Replies

  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,024 Member
    When someone does or says something to get under your skin, guess what? You have a right to let it go. *gasp* Yes, seriously. The person does not make you upset. They said something that ruffled your feathers, but YOU chose to let it affect you. So, YOU can choose to let it go. YOU made yourself mad, NOT them.

    Sure, they may have acted like a total asshat, but you decide whether to let it roll off your shoulders or harbor it. Who do you think it hurts? Certainly not them. YOU call the shots on how you are going to react to others, no one else can do that for you. So, are you going to take charge of your life and your emotions, or are you going to continue to blame others for your bad attitude?


    (I needed this today - I had forgotten others don't piss me off, I ALLOWED it to happen and am now letting it go - woosah!)
    People who say bad things to others do it for one reason............to feel in control. This may be the ONLY control they have in their life so to react to it would mean THEY WIN..................don't let them win. Shuck it off.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    :heart:

    Yep. You can't control what other people do or say... only how you react to it.
  • DeenaSteelerGirl
    DeenaSteelerGirl Posts: 421 Member
    Glad I read this.. I just had two woman I work with piss me off. I choose to come here and vent instead of venting on them. Well said ! I also love.. love that word.. asshat :laugh:
  • voluptas63
    voluptas63 Posts: 602 Member
    Really? what if someone you never met, your 'boyfriend's niece, 17 calls you 'female hunting dog' (b itch) at a family Christmas party the first time you ever attend? And NO adults smack her or apologize? Let it go? I don't effin' think so


    What good does it do YOU to sit and dwell on it?
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
    Indeed!
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    so... where can I get one of these asshats? Is that easier than wearing pants?

    definitely easier than getting pants, as they are EVERYWHERE! :laugh:
  • SimplyShanRunning
    SimplyShanRunning Posts: 885 Member
    **nods head**

    I just cant utter the words....

    i am more keene on methodical torturing revenge but hey.....I can try new things
  • CaptainMFP
    CaptainMFP Posts: 440 Member
    They said something that ruffled your feathers, but YOU chose to let it affect you. So, YOU can choose to let it go. YOU made yourself mad, NOT them.

    Like the spirit of this post, but while you allow the reaction to progress, the anger response is triggered by the external stimulus, when you consider how the limbic system of the brain and hypothalamus work together...if someone does something to upset you, THEIR BEHAVIOR makes you mad, not as stated here...you do not have a choice as to whether the initial emotion happens but you do have control over how you react to it.

    Sorry, like I said, I love and agree with the spirit of this post but the science was a bit off here...God help me I am a prof and I teach...and believe it or not I really don't have control over that. :laugh: :flowerforyou:
  • IamRoJ
    IamRoJ Posts: 530 Member
    How I learned it (I'm a math geek): E+R=O
    Event plus response equals outcome and the most important and telling piece of the equation is our response
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    They said something that ruffled your feathers, but YOU chose to let it affect you. So, YOU can choose to let it go. YOU made yourself mad, NOT them.

    Like the spirit of this post, but while you allow the reaction to progress, the anger response is triggered by the external stimulus, when you consider how the limbic system of the brain and hypothalamus work together...if someone does something to upset you, THEIR BEHAVIOR makes you mad, not as stated here...you do not have a choice as to whether the initial emotion happens but you do have control over how you react to it.

    Sorry, like I said, I love and agree with the spirit of this post but the science was a bit off here...God help me I am a prof and I teach...and believe it or not I really don't have control over that. :laugh: :flowerforyou:

    We can agree to disagree. :flowerforyou:
  • Crystalchaos72
    Crystalchaos72 Posts: 531
    I tell myself this all the time, yet I forget quickly when someone "ruffles my feathers"......thanks for the reminder!!


    AMEN!!
  • Kytana
    Kytana Posts: 63
    Thanks Bry - I needed that post! It's a great reminder.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    Preach it, sister!! I like to get my feathers ruffled in the moment, because I'm into that sort of thing, but I let it to as soon as I feel the emotions truly affecting how I feel about my day. LOL.
  • LTGPSA
    LTGPSA Posts: 633 Member
    Absolutely - thanks for posting a very important reminder! I'm challenged almost daily - M-F anyway - to let it go. :flowerforyou:
  • audram420
    audram420 Posts: 838 Member
    You post couldn't come at a better time because I'm struggling with a co-worker that has been hateful to many people, including me. To me, he referred to my weight and got in my face to let me know how large he thought I was...blah blah...it's been bothering me and I so want revenge...but I don't want to stoop to his level either.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    Here's how I look at it... Or rather, a recipe for a reasonably drama-free life. :smile:

    If someone is mean or nasty in some way (ie, a bully) and is trying to get under my skin... that doesn't bother me. Something about me obviously bothered THEM enough that they think they need to retaliate, and if I haven't done anything to warrant that behavior... that's their issue not mine. Why should I care if someone I don't like or respect doesn't like or respect me? I'm not trying to win any popularity contests. Not everyone has to like me. That's how I survived bullying in junior high with my self-esteem intact. What was the point in getting bent out of shape because some mean people said mean things? Why would I want their approval?

    If someone who's more or less a good person, someone I care about who cares about me, says something that gets under my skin, especially unintentionally... that's usually my issue. My hangups. My insecurities. Something for me to reflect on in my own way. Maybe it's something I need to work on... either my insecurity about it, or the thing itself. For instance, my ex-sister in law once said something unkind and clueless about my crooked teeth, and I got braces and fixed them chompers!
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    You post couldn't come at a better time because I'm struggling with a co-worker that has been hateful to many people, including me. To me, he referred to my weight and got in my face to let me know how large he thought I was...blah blah...it's been bothering me and I so want revenge...but I don't want to stoop to his level either.


    I'm glad I could be helpful. I needed it, because I could not let what someone else said (lied about) affect me, especially not today. There are more pressing events today than that person for me. I have a funeral to attend, so I'd say that takes presidence on harboring those feelings.
  • Tiggerrick
    Tiggerrick Posts: 1,078 Member
    They said something that ruffled your feathers, but YOU chose to let it affect you. So, YOU can choose to let it go. YOU made yourself mad, NOT them.

    Like the spirit of this post, but while you allow the reaction to progress, the anger response is triggered by the external stimulus, when you consider how the limbic system of the brain and hypothalamus work together...if someone does something to upset you, THEIR BEHAVIOR makes you mad, not as stated here...you do not have a choice as to whether the initial emotion happens but you do have control over how you react to it.

    Sorry, like I said, I love and agree with the spirit of this post but the science was a bit off here...God help me I am a prof and I teach...and believe it or not I really don't have control over that. :laugh: :flowerforyou:
    But isn't it truly YOUR EXPECTATION of their behavior that makes you mad? And in that sense isn't the stimulus/response predicated by YOUR higher function when there is no PHYSICAL threat??? (Yes, I get that there's a PERCEIVED threat, but perception of something someone VERBALIZES requires higher function.)
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    They said something that ruffled your feathers, but YOU chose to let it affect you. So, YOU can choose to let it go. YOU made yourself mad, NOT them.

    Like the spirit of this post, but while you allow the reaction to progress, the anger response is triggered by the external stimulus, when you consider how the limbic system of the brain and hypothalamus work together...if someone does something to upset you, THEIR BEHAVIOR makes you mad, not as stated here...you do not have a choice as to whether the initial emotion happens but you do have control over how you react to it.

    Sorry, like I said, I love and agree with the spirit of this post but the science was a bit off here...God help me I am a prof and I teach...and believe it or not I really don't have control over that. :laugh: :flowerforyou:
    But isn't it truly YOUR EXPECTATION of their behavior that makes you mad? And in that sense isn't the stimulus/response predicated by YOUR higher function when there is no PHYSICAL threat??? (Yes, I get that there's a PERCEIVED threat, but perception of something someone VERBALIZES requires higher function.)

    :drinker:
  • AwesomeSauce4
    AwesomeSauce4 Posts: 1,062 Member
    Thank you Sooooooo Much.. I so Needed to hear this today... Your the Best!!! *muah*:wink:
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    When someone does or says something to get under your skin, guess what? You have a right to let it go. *gasp* Yes, seriously. The person does not make you upset. They said something that ruffled your feathers, but YOU chose to let it affect you. So, YOU can choose to let it go. YOU made yourself mad, NOT them.

    Sure, they may have acted like a total asshat, but you decide whether to let it roll off your shoulders or harbor it. Who do you think it hurts? Certainly not them. YOU call the shots on how you are going to react to others, no one else can do that for you. So, are you going to take charge of your life and your emotions, or are you going to continue to blame others for your bad attitude?


    (I needed this today - I had forgotten others don't piss me off, I ALLOWED it to happen and am now letting it go - woosah!)

    I'm definitely printing this and giving it to my son. He's really bad about this. I am too but not to the extent my son is. I think I'll print it out twice so I can have a copy too. Thanks for posting it. :flowerforyou:
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    **nods head**

    I just cant utter the words....

    i am more keene on methodical torturing revenge but hey.....I can try new things

    Oh my land! The methodical torturing revenge would be my son's way of thinking. :laugh: :laugh:
  • MovesLikePuma
    MovesLikePuma Posts: 122
    I thought I'd someone acted like an asshat that I had the right to stomp a mudhole in their *kitten*?!?!

    Oh, and WTH is Woosah!! LOL
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
    No one can make you feel inferior without your consent ~ Eleanor Roosevelt.
  • Jade_Butterfly
    Jade_Butterfly Posts: 2,963 Member
    Absolutely :heart: love:heart: this post. . thank you for the uplifting message~ Have a marvelous day!:smile:
  • calibri
    calibri Posts: 439 Member
    I do I need to point out the irony in the original post or does everyone else see it too?
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
    I do I need to point out the irony in the original post or does everyone else see it too?

    Oh, oh, I know, I know...

    Is it a black fly in your chardonnay or a death row pardon, two minutes too late? Wait. Oi, popular 90s faux rock chick, Alanis Morissette, no! That's not irony. It's merely unfortunate. Stop corrupting the minds of the impressionable with your soft rock mind control...
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    I do I need to point out the irony in the original post or does everyone else see it too?


    Please do point it out for us.
  • belindawilli
    belindawilli Posts: 97 Member
    So true. We only hurt ourselves when we carry that garbage around and you definetly will never change how some people think and what they say!! Thanks for the reminder. We control only how we act or not react!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • jetscreaminagain
    jetscreaminagain Posts: 1,130 Member
    They said something that ruffled your feathers, but YOU chose to let it affect you. So, YOU can choose to let it go. YOU made yourself mad, NOT them.

    Like the spirit of this post, but while you allow the reaction to progress, the anger response is triggered by the external stimulus, when you consider how the limbic system of the brain and hypothalamus work together...if someone does something to upset you, THEIR BEHAVIOR makes you mad, not as stated here...you do not have a choice as to whether the initial emotion happens but you do have control over how you react to it.

    Sorry, like I said, I love and agree with the spirit of this post but the science was a bit off here...God help me I am a prof and I teach...and believe it or not I really don't have control over that. :laugh: :flowerforyou:

    Gotta disagree. Wonder why in a crowd of people there are 2 people that fly off the handle and others find it funny or dumb or anything but severe-anger-inducing. Yeah, the hypothalmus and the amygdala interact with each other and decide what stuff to bring to the frontal cortex to respond to and what stuff to just handle on their own, but lets be serious, what she's talking about isn't that kind of PTSD-violence reaction. She's talking about people making a choice to stew. That's all frontal cortex and can be changed. The difference between the angry guys and the rest of the crowd is how they've stored their emotionally-valent information, what they have or haven't done since the emotionally-valent events, and what they've done with their core beliefs.

    I teach Anger Managment to felons who try to tell me they go from fine to angry in less than 60 seconds. They also say it was "impulsive" that they ambushed someone or invited someone into the janitor's closet or an area they know is not on camera. No. That's not impulsive. That's not aligator- or mammal-brain. That's a planful choice.

    There are external triggers that "make us mad". But, more, there are internal triggers that are our deal and the reason we're mad and other people wouldn't be. Bunch of other people see that external trigger and keep walking. Those internal triggers, core beliefs, whatever, represent our values, and yeah, we get a surge of anger when our boundaries or values are stepped on, but beyond that surge, well its a choice. You choose to feed it or to let it go.
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