Dear annoying person 2!
Replies
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Dear Fellow Gym Afficiandos:
- Take off the damn sunglasses while you workout. You are not a superstar nor will you ever be one.
- Sir, if you need to adjust your "junk" can you go do that in the bathroom or least move to a corner away from people and be a little discreet? Just please don't keep doing it next to me.
- Do you actually think that doing ten reps of any exercise followed by sitting and reading for 5 minutes isgoing to help you get toned?
- If you think asking me how much longer I'm going to be on your "favorite" elliptical and I tell you 10 minutes, standing as close as you possibly can to the machine, staring at me, then complaining loudly to anyone who walks by that "some people" don't follow the 30 minute rule and are really inconsiderate will get my *kitten* off the machine any faster, you are seriously delusional. And BTW, the 30 minute rule is for when its busy and people are waiting for machines because their all in use, not when there are 8 others available but you happen to like #9.
Fellow shoppers at the grocery store:
You are in line to purchase something. Must you wait until your items are rung up and the cashier tells you the amount due before you start rummaging in your suitcase sized purse for your wallet? Are you surprised or something that you are going to have to pay?
And if you're getting an 80 cent bottle of water and you have to use your credit card, seriously need to re-think your financial management plan.
Now I feel better, thanks!0 -
Dear Boss, (OK, former boss)
No, your cell phone actually wasn't cutting out when you called me three times in a row, and I yelled "hello?....hello?....hello?" and then hung up. I could hear you clearly, I just didn't want to talk to you...because you're an ASSHAT
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Dear neighbor next door, yeah you to the right,
It is pretty obvious you hide the fact that you smoke from your wife. I see when she leaves every morning, because that's roughly the time the bus runs for my kids. You open up the garage and go over to a tiny box on the shelf, pull out your smokes, and light one up. And yeah I see you in the afternoon when you come out, and that one time every evening. That doesn't bother me although I think you may be a dumbass to think your wife doesn't already know. But what I do care about is the fact that when you're done, you fling the butt over into my yard thus PISSING me off. No one here smokes and frankly I'd rather not have your saliva soaked cig butts littering my nice yard. So I've devised a plan that I think your wife might appreciate. I'm bagging up those butts and on Christmas morning there'll be a nicely wrapped box of your dirty little secret left on your doorstep. Oh I'll be kind enough to write a nice thank you note. You're gonna love it!
PS Your dogs are hideous so stop prancing them around the neighborhood like they're blue ribbon winners. And your truck is not a ferrari, you don't need to spend 2 hours a day out in the driveway admiring it, walking around it, running your hand over the tail lights, it's just a '98 chevy, no one is impressed!
Thanks,
Your loving neighbor0 -
Dear neighbor next door, yeah you to the right,
It is pretty obvious you hide the fact that you smoke from your wife. I see when she leaves every morning, because that's roughly the time the bus runs for my kids. You open up the garage and go over to a tiny box on the shelf, pull out your smokes, and light one up. And yeah I see you in the afternoon when you come out, and that one time every evening. That doesn't bother me although I think you may be a dumbass to think your wife doesn't already know. But what I do care about is the fact that when you're done, you fling the butt over into my yard thus PISSING me off. No one here smokes and frankly I'd rather not have your saliva soaked cig butts littering my nice yard. So I've devised a plan that I think your wife might appreciate. I'm bagging up those butts and on Christmas morning there'll be a nicely wrapped box of your dirty little secret left on your doorstep. Oh I'll be kind enough to write a nice thank you note. You're gonna love it!
PS Your dogs are hideous so stop prancing them around the neighborhood like they're blue ribbon winners. And your truck is not a ferrari, you don't need to spend 2 hours a day out in the driveway admiring it, walking around it, running your hand over the tail lights, it's just a '98 chevy, no one is impressed!
Thanks,
Your loving neighbor
Jeez, does this guy have a job? lol0 -
Dear Fellow Gym Afficiandos:
- Take off the damn sunglasses while you workout. You are not a superstar nor will you ever be one.
- Sir, if you need to adjust your "junk" can you go do that in the bathroom or least move to a corner away from people and be a little discreet? Just please don't keep doing it next to me.
- Do you actually think that doing ten reps of any exercise followed by sitting and reading for 5 minutes isgoing to help you get toned?
- If you think asking me how much longer I'm going to be on your "favorite" elliptical and I tell you 10 minutes, standing as close as you possibly can to the machine, staring at me, then complaining loudly to anyone who walks by that "some people" don't follow the 30 minute rule and are really inconsiderate will get my *kitten* off the machine any faster, you are seriously delusional. And BTW, the 30 minute rule is for when its busy and people are waiting for machines because their all in use, not when there are 8 others available but you happen to like #9.
Fellow shoppers at the grocery store:
You are in line to purchase something. Must you wait until your items are rung up and the cashier tells you the amount due before you start rummaging in your suitcase sized purse for your wallet? Are you surprised or something that you are going to have to pay?
And if you're getting an 80 cent bottle of water and you have to use your credit card, seriously need to re-think your financial management plan.
Now I feel better, thanks!
HAHAHA, love it! Just a note about the 80 cent bottle of water, though... in the age of bank cards, they may very well be purchasing it via their checking account. I always use my bank card as credit instead of debit, otherwise I get charged a 75 cent fee per purchase.0 -
Dear neighbor next door, yeah you to the right,
It is pretty obvious you hide the fact that you smoke from your wife. I see when she leaves every morning, because that's roughly the time the bus runs for my kids. You open up the garage and go over to a tiny box on the shelf, pull out your smokes, and light one up. And yeah I see you in the afternoon when you come out, and that one time every evening. That doesn't bother me although I think you may be a dumbass to think your wife doesn't already know. But what I do care about is the fact that when you're done, you fling the butt over into my yard thus PISSING me off. No one here smokes and frankly I'd rather not have your saliva soaked cig butts littering my nice yard. So I've devised a plan that I think your wife might appreciate. I'm bagging up those butts and on Christmas morning there'll be a nicely wrapped box of your dirty little secret left on your doorstep. Oh I'll be kind enough to write a nice thank you note. You're gonna love it!
PS Your dogs are hideous so stop prancing them around the neighborhood like they're blue ribbon winners. And your truck is not a ferrari, you don't need to spend 2 hours a day out in the driveway admiring it, walking around it, running your hand over the tail lights, it's just a '98 chevy, no one is impressed!
Thanks,
Your loving neighbor
Please be sure to post after Christmas with the details, because this sounds like it's gonna be fun! :laugh:0 -
Will do! Or would it be better to spread them all over their yard on Xmas morning? That's a pretty sweet visual in my mind.0
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There is no one annoying in my tiny bubble today. I win. :bigsmile:0
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Dear truck drivers that come up to my window- You stink- take a shower - NOT in cologne0
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Dear nextdoor neighbor to my left,
I've seen you admiring me and it's been going on for weeks. But this has really got to stop- as i am a married man. I see you in your windows while I'm outside caressing my truck, checking out out at every angle, knowing your eyes are on me. My bending over, leaning and poseing aren't for my benefit, they're for yours. Which is why I do it for hours on end. If you were to 'accidently' take photos or video, I would understand. You may have also seen me smoking, which is from the stress caused by our taboo relationship. You have children, I have my wife, and here we are flirting like 16yr olds in love. This has to come to an end. But we don't have to part ways on a sour note, matter of fact I've indirectly given you a few tokens to remember me by. If I could somehow tell you, somehow let you know I dispose of my cigarette butts into your yard, in hopes someday something my lips have touched -may in fact touch yours, I would gladly let you know. Until then, we remain silently neighbors...living so close, yet so far away.
Your love-torn neighbor to the right.0 -
Dear nextdoor neighbor to my left,
I've seen you admiring me and it's been going on for weeks. But this has really got to stop- as i am a married man. I see you in your windows while I'm outside caressing my truck, checking out out at every angle, knowing your eyes are on me. My bending over, leaning and poseing aren't for my benefit, they're for yours. Which is why I do it for hours on end. If you were to 'accidently' take photos or video, I would understand. You may have also seen me smoking, which is from the stress caused by our taboo relationship. You have children, I have my wife, and here we are flirting like 16yr olds in love. This has to come to an end. But we don't have to part ways on a sour note, matter of fact I've indirectly given you a few tokens to remember me by. If I could somehow tell you, somehow let you know I dispose of my cigarette butts into your yard, in hopes someday something my lips have touched -may in fact touch yours, I would gladly let you know. Until then, we remain silently neighbors...living so close, yet so far away.
Your love-torn neighbor to the right.
^ fantastic0 -
Dear nextdoor neighbor to my left,
I've seen you admiring me and it's been going on for weeks. But this has really got to stop- as i am a married man. I see you in your windows while I'm outside caressing my truck, checking out out at every angle, knowing your eyes are on me. My bending over, leaning and poseing aren't for my benefit, they're for yours. Which is why I do it for hours on end. If you were to 'accidently' take photos or video, I would understand. You may have also seen me smoking, which is from the stress caused by our taboo relationship. You have children, I have my wife, and here we are flirting like 16yr olds in love. This has to come to an end. But we don't have to part ways on a sour note, matter of fact I've indirectly given you a few tokens to remember me by. If I could somehow tell you, somehow let you know I dispose of my cigarette butts into your yard, in hopes someday something my lips have touched -may in fact touch yours, I would gladly let you know. Until then, we remain silently neighbors...living so close, yet so far away.
Your love-torn neighbor to the right.
LMAO!!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Dear fellow Heckmart shoppers,
There are two magic words that you can say to get someone who is in your way to move. These words are "excuse me". Don't stand there while I'm reading the nutrition info on the back of a box and don't notice you then sigh rudely. I am not trying to get in your way. Just say those magic words and I will say them back and move.0 -
Dear nextdoor neighbor to my left,
I've seen you admiring me and it's been going on for weeks. But this has really got to stop- as i am a married man. I see you in your windows while I'm outside caressing my truck, checking out out at every angle, knowing your eyes are on me. My bending over, leaning and poseing aren't for my benefit, they're for yours. Which is why I do it for hours on end. If you were to 'accidently' take photos or video, I would understand. You may have also seen me smoking, which is from the stress caused by our taboo relationship. You have children, I have my wife, and here we are flirting like 16yr olds in love. This has to come to an end. But we don't have to part ways on a sour note, matter of fact I've indirectly given you a few tokens to remember me by. If I could somehow tell you, somehow let you know I dispose of my cigarette butts into your yard, in hopes someday something my lips have touched -may in fact touch yours, I would gladly let you know. Until then, we remain silently neighbors...living so close, yet so far away.
Your love-torn neighbor to the right.
LMAO!!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
LOVE IT! oh and....
Dear Facebook,
We liked you before you changed your site 450,873 times...
Thank you, that is all.0 -
does anything make you happy? lol0
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Dearest moi,
I know you just had a non diet coke, and that you're as hyper as a 8 year old on grape soda and ice cream at a slumber party.
But seriously... did you just say "you go girl"
seriously?
Please reflect on the shame you have once again caused yourself
Sincerely you're biggest fans,
Me, myself and I0 -
Dear Fellow Costco Shoppers,
I must apologize for having the nerve to be walking down the aisle and mistakenly getting between you and the free samples. Thank you for showing me the error of my ways, by running me down with your cart to get to that 1/2 of a bagel bite or the quarter ounce of beef brisket....as we all know couldn't possibly allow anyone else to get to it first, forcing you to wait for the next batch to come out of the tiny convection oven.
I'm assuming you feel compelled to get these bites of free food regardless of who might be in your path, as this free food buffet must immensly help to offset the $45 a year warehouse membership fee....0 -
Dear judgmental biotch:
Don't go around saying my weight is unhealthy. I happen to have a small frame and weighing 105 is quite normal for me, f uck you very much. I am fully aware I do need to gain 3lbs and I am working on that on a daily basis. Until you have walked in my shoes, shut the f uck up and quit hating. And no, my breasts aren't fake, they are real. Sorry I don't sag like your bitter self does.
Nasty people:
This is the United States. We have running water. Even the homeless have shower access. Please utilize the bathing facilities in your home or visit your local shelter or at the very least take a bath in the gas station bathroom. I don't want to smell your azz. If you choose not to utilize these facilities, at least have the courtesy to not stand near me. Oh and btw, brush your teeth or use breath mints, the smell of your rotting meth mouth is causing me to gag and I really need to keep my lunch down. Otherwise the bitter bi tch above will say I am anorexic.0 -
Dear Fellow Gym Afficiandos:
- Take off the damn sunglasses while you workout. You are not a superstar nor will you ever be one.
- Sir, if you need to adjust your "junk" can you go do that in the bathroom or least move to a corner away from people and be a little discreet? Just please don't keep doing it next to me.
- Do you actually think that doing ten reps of any exercise followed by sitting and reading for 5 minutes isgoing to help you get toned?
- If you think asking me how much longer I'm going to be on your "favorite" elliptical and I tell you 10 minutes, standing as close as you possibly can to the machine, staring at me, then complaining loudly to anyone who walks by that "some people" don't follow the 30 minute rule and are really inconsiderate will get my *kitten* off the machine any faster, you are seriously delusional. And BTW, the 30 minute rule is for when its busy and people are waiting for machines because their all in use, not when there are 8 others available but you happen to like #9.
Fellow shoppers at the grocery store:
You are in line to purchase something. Must you wait until your items are rung up and the cashier tells you the amount due before you start rummaging in your suitcase sized purse for your wallet? Are you surprised or something that you are going to have to pay?
And if you're getting an 80 cent bottle of water and you have to use your credit card, seriously need to re-think your financial management plan.
Now I feel better, thanks!
You must go to my gym...lol about the water.. I can't count how many time's i've put less than a $1 on my bank card just so i would earn bonus points...lol I usually don't carry cash..0 -
Dear woman on facebook;
Stop "liking" everything I do. You do it for the most boring, inane things; like when my friend asked me if I'd like to meet for coffee and I said yes, you promptly clicked "like" on my comment "Sure, what time's best?", despite this exchange having nothing to do with you.
I mean, you obviously have a rather empty life. Just the other day, you wrote four status updates about your equally boring tea. Here they are:
hubbys makin me dinner yay!!!
were havin veggie sausages beans & chips
ok were out of beans so havin spaghetti hoops instead lol
yay dinners ready!!!!
Overlooking the fact that you appear to type by dragging your rump across your keyboard, what makes you think that anyone really cares? You are such a staggeringly boring human being that your own heart frequently stops beating because it forgets you're there. You're so dull that, if you glance at a plant of any sort, it withers and dies from the tedium. I am stuck with you as a facebook friend because you are my mate's Mum, so, I beg of you; get a hobby. Or at least leave the house. I know that everyone puts something boring/pointless on their facebook page occasionally, but reams of updates on the progress of a headache you have/what's for dinner/how cleaning the bathroom is going... well, that's pushing it a bit, isn't it?0 -
Dear Fellow Costco Shoppers,
I must apologize for having the nerve to be walking down the aisle and mistakenly getting between you and the free samples. Thank you for showing me the error of my ways, by running me down with your cart to get to that 1/2 of a bagel bite or the quarter ounce of beef brisket....as we all know couldn't possibly allow anyone else to get to it first, forcing you to wait for the next batch to come out of the tiny convection oven.
I'm assuming you feel compelled to get these bites of free food regardless of who might be in your path, as this free food buffet must immensly help to offset the $45 a year warehouse membership fee....
it's even worse at H-Mart! The Koreans have different ideas about how much "personal space" one needs, and they don't respect the queue at all! Someone jumped in front of me and had 3 samples of bulgoki in a ROW 0.o0 -
Dear No.1 super buffet,
I'm really not sure what the customs are in your country but in our country we do not pick up peoples children and kiss them on the face. Yes my son is adorable but is it really necessary to "love" on him like he belongs to you. This also applies to you evergreen buffet, china garden and wongs wok.. Thank you and have a nice day.
(this is why i quit eating chinese food and started making it at home... Drives me nuts!! My fiance flips out on them...lol)0 -
Dear people who can't keep their hands off my dog,
He doesn't care that you are "good with dogs." He doesn't want to "just smell your hand." Don't say I didn't warn you when he bites your fingers off.
kthxbai0 -
Dear cc'er,
Nice try. But everyone here in our department knows that a) you're entire team is out of compliance b) none of them have even attempted the required training c) the link was broken due to an SAP issue (which has nothing to do with me) and d) if it was really preventing you from doing your work, we would have heard about it 3 weeks ago when it was originally sent.
But it's kind of cute that you felt the need to ream me over email and cc my BOSS and a random peer at our LA office that isn't responsible for your group in SF or mine in Seattle. Bizarre behavior, but I applaud the effort. Geek.
Moss Adams?0 -
Moss Adams?
Nope.0 -
Dear Fellow Costco Shoppers,
I must apologize for having the nerve to be walking down the aisle and mistakenly getting between you and the free samples. Thank you for showing me the error of my ways, by running me down with your cart to get to that 1/2 of a bagel bite or the quarter ounce of beef brisket....as we all know couldn't possibly allow anyone else to get to it first, forcing you to wait for the next batch to come out of the tiny convection oven.
I'm assuming you feel compelled to get these bites of free food regardless of who might be in your path, as this free food buffet must immensly help to offset the $45 a year warehouse membership fee....
Bwahaha!!!
Only trouble is, when I'm there with the kids, I gotta practically lock them in the carts to prevent them from rushing the sample stands. Even worse is if I've now gotta find a drink sample to quench their thirst :ohwell:0 -
Dear neighbors and homeowners association members,
No. Never, ever, never.
I don't want to be your friend. I don't want to be on your board. I don't want to go to your parties. Or meetings. Or picnics. I don't have any opinions about the rest of the neighbors. I don't want to hear your gossip.
I have a life. Yes I ride a bike to work. Yes, you're right, you couldn't ever do that. If you got off your *kitten* you could do SOMETHING.
Yes I was out of town again this weekend. I have a life, remember?0 -
Dear woman on facebook;
Stop "liking" everything I do. You do it for the most boring, inane things; like when my friend asked me if I'd like to meet for coffee and I said yes, you promptly clicked "like" on my comment "Sure, what time's best?", despite this exchange having nothing to do with you.
I mean, you obviously have a rather empty life. Just the other day, you wrote four status updates about your equally boring tea. Here they are:
hubbys makin me dinner yay!!!
were havin veggie sausages beans & chips
ok were out of beans so havin spaghetti hoops instead lol
yay dinners ready!!!!
Overlooking the fact that you appear to type by dragging your rump across your keyboard, what makes you think that anyone really cares? You are such a staggeringly boring human being that your own heart frequently stops beating because it forgets you're there. You're so dull that, if you glance at a plant of any sort, it withers and dies from the tedium. I am stuck with you as a facebook friend because you are my mate's Mum, so, I beg of you; get a hobby. Or at least leave the house. I know that everyone puts something boring/pointless on their facebook page occasionally, but reams of updates on the progress of a headache you have/what's for dinner/how cleaning the bathroom is going... well, that's pushing it a bit, isn't it?
OMG that's funny!0 -
The last sentence made me nearly spew water onto my monitor and keyboard.Dear judgmental biotch:
Don't go around saying my weight is unhealthy. I happen to have a small frame and weighing 105 is quite normal for me, f uck you very much. I am fully aware I do need to gain 3lbs and I am working on that on a daily basis. Until you have walked in my shoes, shut the f uck up and quit hating. And no, my breasts aren't fake, they are real. Sorry I don't sag like your bitter self does.
Nasty people:
This is the United States. We have running water. Even the homeless have shower access. Please utilize the bathing facilities in your home or visit your local shelter or at the very least take a bath in the gas station bathroom. I don't want to smell your azz. If you choose not to utilize these facilities, at least have the courtesy to not stand near me. Oh and btw, brush your teeth or use breath mints, the smell of your rotting meth mouth is causing me to gag and I really need to keep my lunch down. Otherwise the bitter bi tch above will say I am anorexic.0 -
Dear SIL,
I am happy you lost 5 pounds this week on your miracle pill diet. You skinny bit*h, you have nothing to lose to begin with, try some TONING exercises and you will see the results you are looking for. No, i will not try sensa with you. Oh, and just because I am a nursing student, does not mean you talk down to me. I am not a child in kindergarten. I am in Nursing School.
thanks,
me0
This discussion has been closed.
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