"Don't lose any more weight!"

LorinaLynn

I don't think it's so much about jealousy or sabotage, as it is that the people who care about us and are close to us don't judge us so harshly. They're used to seeing us look a certain way, and if we gained weight, it's something that typically happened gradually. So their mental image of us isn't always based in fact... it's an accumulation of feelings and memories combined with what they see in front of them.

I use this example. My mental image of my father was a handsome man with pitch black hair and silver sideburns. Very striking and handsome. About 15 years ago or so, for Christmas, one of my brothers got him one of those joke baseball hats with a built-in ponytail. The ponytail was grey. My first thought was, "That's not going to match Dad's hair! His hair is black!" But it did match. A perfect match. My dad went grey without me noticing at all. Since I saw him every day, I never noticed.

I think it was the same way when I gained weight. It crept on slowly, and everyone was used to thinking of me as "the skinny one" in the family. When I first started to lose weight, everyone's reaction was, "Why?! You look great!" They didn't see me as I saw me. They're not hypercritical. At least that's they way I look at it. I'd rather think that my family loves me, no matter what I look like, than think they're secretly scheming to make or keep me fat.

beachbumdoug

I hear that all the time, My BMI is still way high and yet those closest to me are giving me a hard time about loosing any more weight. I can guess at the motives behind it, but no sense in complaining about it. I am going to to this until i am comfortable with what i see, not them.

Scoobies87

I get it all the time. I weigh 127lbs and I am a (uk) size 10. No, I don't need to lose anymore weight. But I want to.

It drives me crazy, it's like bigger people can't stand that you are putting the effort into losing weight and becoming healthy because they know they should be. grrrr!

Melmade

This hasn't happened to me yet... but it happens all the time to my best friend (5'5", now 160lbs). She's lost 90 lbs & looks great! But people ask if she's well, or comment on how skinny she is. It's really annoying she says.

Guinivere

I've lost 3 stone - I hear it a lot - and they seem genuinely concerned, I've still got 2 stone to go to get just into the healthy BMI zone. It's like they don't trust my judgement - I can only just squeeze into a UK size 16 and my goal is a healthy 12-14. I started at a 22. I catch myself in shop window reflections and and that's a great reminder of why I'm still on my journey. I am tall and broad, so I will never be tiny and skinny, I don't want to be thought of as thin.

I'd love people to describe me as Tall and Slim. That would be so good.

Another person put a spanner in the works asking me if I had thought about the impact my weight loss would have on my relationship with my man who I've been with for 5 years and has never seen me this slim before. Whether my bloke would start to worry about attention I might get from blokes - well its been a very long time since I got any attention from other men so it might boost my self esteem a bit, but it's not a patch on the love we have. Doesn't mean I'm going to do anything about any extra interest just because I receive it - I love my David and as he's 5ft 10 and 10 stone - we will look more in proportion together.

I actually got a remark from a teenager about how David and I looked like super size and super skinny together like off the TV programme. Flippin'heck I've never been more than 17 stone (I'm 5ft 7.5) so I've never been THAT huge and I was about 16 stone at the time of the comment. Really hurtful and took all my confidence away for days.

I wish people would just leave comments to "You look great" or don't bother at all.

AI1108

I get it all the time. I don't know why people discourage it when no I really hate that its just extra bulges. I'm 128ish so I really only want to get to120 but when I say that I always get shocked looks like I've told someone I'm going to turn bulimic or something.

fteale

One person said to me "I bet your husband is thrilled!" Which I was really offended by. I mean. There's just no way that isn't rude, is there? Either she was saying "poor man, having had a fat heifer for a wife was the last 5 years" or "whoohoo, you're going to get laid!" the implication being he couldn't have found me attractive before.

And I really don't know her well enough for her to be commenting on my sex life, frankly.

fteale

I get it all the time. I don't know why people discourage it when no I really hate that its just extra bulges. I'm 128ish so I really only want to get to120 but when I say that I always get shocked looks like I've told someone I'm going to turn bulimic or something.

I am 128 as well. It's not as if that is skeletal.

SueGremlin

One person said to me "I bet your husband is thrilled!" Which I was really offended by. I mean. There's just no way that isn't rude, is there? Either she was saying "poor man, having had a fat heifer for a wife was the last 5 years" or "whoohoo, you're going to get laid!" the implication being he couldn't have found me attractive before.

And I really don't know her well enough for her to be commenting on my sex life, frankly.

Seriously. Gross.

fteale

One person said to me "I bet your husband is thrilled!" Which I was really offended by. I mean. There's just no way that isn't rude, is there? Either she was saying "poor man, having had a fat heifer for a wife was the last 5 years" or "whoohoo, you're going to get laid!" the implication being he couldn't have found me attractive before.

And I really don't know her well enough for her to be commenting on my sex life, frankly.

Seriously. Gross.

Yup. I was really cross. After getting over the goldfish face "OMG I can't believe she just said that".

mkallie

That's happened to me. I always know I need to LOSE weight when my grandma tells me I look good. I know when I'm back to how I like to look when she fusses a lot about how skinny I am (and really -- I could still lose a few pounds).

I don't think people mean it badly. I honestly think a lot of people out there focus more on weight than health and they do end up looking sort of sad and skinny and there is probably some reason for the feedback they're getting. I think some of it does have to do with other things though -- by choosing to work out and lose weight, you're putting pressure on them to do the same and that can be uncomfortable. People resist all kinds of changes in their friends, not just weight loss. Change is hard and redefines social dynamics sometimes, so they have a vested interest in keeping things where they are comfortable and easy.

rockstarginaa

I get this almost daily and I just tune it out. My bones aren't sticking out anywhere and I'm not at an unhealthy weight.

JeSuisPrest

I soooo can't wait till someone tells me that!!

maria25428

yeah.. it bothers me when I hear that, I know i am doing it the safe way, and I really hate it when people automatically assume i'm losing weight i dangerously or for the wrong reasons, etc