Should children be allowed to make their own choices?
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Where is her dad in all of this? Sounds like this girl needs a wake up call from a man she can trust, since she can't trust her mom. A little story re: kids choices...
A guy I know was standing in line at the grocery store, and saw two ladies ahead of him. One lady's child was kicking the other lady from his perch in the shopping cart. So the one being kicked asked the mom to please make her child stop kicking. The mom's response? "We're teaching him to make his own choices." The guy I know calmly reached into their cart, pulled out and opened a pudding cup and smushed it into the mom's hair and said, "my parents taught me the same thing." People clapped. :-)
Her dad would be my husband. We don't get to see her very often. Another gift her mom is giving her!
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This.My children are allowed to choose...between the choices that I give them. They get to feel like I trust them to make wise decisions, I get the comfort of knowing what they've chosen is something I'm ok with.0 -
Yes, but these types of choices:
Do you want a banana or apple for your snack? kid's choice
Do you want to wear jeans or your brown pants today? kid's choice
They need to learn to make choices, but they are not equipped to make all of the decisions. She is having her daughter make the decisions, not the choices. I decide what shows are appropriate for my kids. They choose which of them to watch. I decide what behavior is appropriate for my kids. They choose their actions and learn about consequences.
AGREED!!0 -
I disagree with all of you...children should be allowed to make the choices I give to them. That is all...
sorry misread this lol0 -
I used to give my children choice from very young BUT with very restricted choice - I would maybe choose three things and they then chose 1 of them as they got older the choice was widened in that way my children as they were teenagers reaching an adult age could make good choices based on the knowledge they had gained
I would NEVER allow my children totally free reign but its good to let them think they make some choices for themselves 0 it helps them to grow up and be confident to make a decision
I believe that children have to start making choices (predetermined ones even) from an early age and change their options as they grow. I use to give my children like 3 things to choose from and one of them would not be a good choice and if they choose that one then I would say "now let's stop and think about the outcome of this choice and then make another one". This worked for me that way they made their own choices AND they were taught consequences of choosing the bad choice too.0 -
I am going through the same thing with my neice. She was getting so out of control that we moved her in with us for three years to get her back on track and away from her bad influences. Well mom then becomes the best friend and now she had to be asked to leave because we cannot condone the choices she is being allowed to make when with her mom....it is a reflection on us because she is living with us. It is very hard to not want to step in and do something about it but there is not much you can do. My sister seems to think that she just needs to fall on her a** and get her heart broken and then she will realize. I get that to a point that we do need to equip our kids enough to trust they will make good choices and in turn deal with the consequences but there is a point when as a parent our job is to try and protect the hearts of our children. Very frustrating but I just keep talking to her and trying to encourage her to make better choices. Most important advice I can give is be a listening ear for her because I can almost bet that although mom is buddy buddy she is not there for her like that child needs her to be...so be that person and in turn she will hopefully gain some better choices through your own way of living.0
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Where is her dad in all of this? Sounds like this girl needs a wake up call from a man she can trust, since she can't trust her mom. A little story re: kids choices...
A guy I know was standing in line at the grocery store, and saw two ladies ahead of him. One lady's child was kicking the other lady from his perch in the shopping cart. So the one being kicked asked the mom to please make her child stop kicking. The mom's response? "We're teaching him to make his own choices." The guy I know calmly reached into their cart, pulled out and opened a pudding cup and smushed it into the mom's hair and said, "my parents taught me the same thing." People clapped. :-)
HAHA good for him! Isn't is sad though that parents will put themselves through so much stress and torment. Healthy discipline and correction will save them so much frustration yet they don't do it! Crazy!0 -
NO! They can't be allowed to make their own decisions when they are unhealthy or dangerous! They may think they are smarter than their parents at that age, but they lack the knowledge and experience to make wise choises.
In a perfect world, we lead by example and they will follow. In the real world sometimes a parent has to grow a pair, realize that we are responsible for raising them to adulthood and make unpopular choices when necessary.0 -
I disagree with all of you...children should be allowed to make the choices I give to them. That is all...
^^^THIS!
No, not really, although I do love the principle of it.
I have 2 daughters, ages 14 and 21. Been there, done that, have the battle scars to prove it! And am doing it all over again with the 14 year old (God help me!) There are days when I worry about what my kids are doing to the world and days when I obscess over what the world is doing to my kids.
Both my girls were raised to be respectful to their elders, use their manners, and watch out cuz mama is ALWAYS watching (helps when you live in a small town and the Sherriff's brother is your next door neighbor who's also on the department allong with neighbors sons and sherriffs sons, and mama knows all the other cops both city and county). Does this mean that they are ALWAYS this way to me or their dad? Sadly, no, dang it I'm still trying to figure out that whole "perfect mom" thing, haven't gotten it down yet. But all in all, they do when they're out in the world dealing with their peers, elders, teachers, and anyone else. I always hear about how great my girls are. My 21 knew when she was younger I had full say and veto power on anything that happened on the computer, off the computer, on the phone, ... etc you get the picture. I could, and did, go into her computer and check on here at random times. Never a problem, really. Sure maybe a picture her father didn't like, but if that was the case it came down immediately (and trust me, no bra and panty pics ever)
We're now in that stage with my 14 year old. Same rules and boundaries. Haven't had a problem yet. I say yet, because I am not one of those mom's who says, "Oh my little Susie would NEVER...." because that's exactly what little susie WOULD be doing. I have said, "She better never...." We often discuss the whole boundaries thing, she tells me about friends who don't have them and how thankful she is that she does have them. And then, "Well DiDi's mom let's her..... " LOL oh well, deep down I know she knows it comes from love. I feel bad for your stepdaughter. Testing boundaries is a rite of adolescence and she still hasn't found where hers are at. Wow, poor thing. She doesn't know when to stop and I'll bet she'd love to be told [lovingly] that it's time to stop the nonsense.
A great example of my daughters. Recently we stopped by some friends who are Amish. Both girls were in shorts because it was hot that day. They were not hoochie mama shorts, and they were dressed fine in my book, in short and t-shirts that were not revealing. They both felt bad because they felt they were being disrespectful because they were not dressed modestly enough.This right here, tells me that hey at least I'm doing SOMETHING right!
Maybe having a talk with your stepdaughter wouldn't be out of the question. Something very low key and non threatening. As you know she's not hearing it from her mom and I'd bet good money she'd probably like to hear it from someone who loves her. But like I said, it's all how you word it. And then give me your hubby's ex's address, I'll go smack her upside the head... What the hell is that woman thinking?! Geesh!0 -
Im confused with why you think she is still a hild.
I dont know what country you are living in, but here at 16 you are no longer a minor.
You can have sex, get married, smoke, drink, vote, move out of your perants house.
The only thing you cant o is gamble which is a bit random..
And i hate to break it to you but she is an adult now and proberlly lost her v like 3 years ago..
not here and thank goodness. 18 is the legal age where I live.
I believe in preserving my children's innocents as long as possible. however, in my home my kids are free to ask questions if they are curious. we dont shame them. we have an open communication with them even though 100% of the time my husband and i are thinking "awkward" but we suck it up and talk about it. I would rather my kids learn from me rather than from their friends. Not to say we are perfect or anything of the sort.
I do not let my daughter or my son watch trash. If a movie is rated R then guess what? When my kids turn 17-18 they can go see it. If a movie is PG - 13 my daughter knows she cant watch it. Sometimes I have allowed her to watch a PG - 13 movie if i have seen it first and felt like it was ok. however that hasnt happened too many times
She has a girlfriend whose mother lets her watch whatever she wants. She is 11 and has been allowed to watch the hangover and ALMOST took her to see bridesmaids. Are you kidding me? Then she tells the other kids what she has seen. This "mother" doesnt think her daughter is impressionable. Really? Give me a break.
Children are not mature enought for certain subject matters. Hell sometimes IM NOT for some of the trash out on tv these days.
I think we need to prepare our children and teach them morals and character. It starts in the home. Being exposed to trash is not good for anyone. However, I know its out there and we cant protect them from everything. But i think if we teach them early on about making good choices vs bad choices they are able to distinguish between the two.
Note: in my house though, the choices factor is very limited cause well its MY HOUSE. MY RULES. When they are 18 and if they want to move out and go off and act like heathens well thats their CHOICE.0 -
Im confused with why you think she is still a hild.
I dont know what country you are living in, but here at 16 you are no longer a minor.
You can have sex, get married, smoke, drink, vote, move out of your perants house.
The only thing you cant o is gamble which is a bit random..
And i hate to break it to you but she is an adult now and proberlly lost her v like 3 years ago..
The USA where you aren't an adult until 18 and can't drink until 21. And what country do YOU live in?
Makes sense iv always wondered why the have any 18's only law on porno..
In england lol.0 -
Yes, in an age appropriate, parent led manner. What the OP is saying waaaaay over steps that. Thats just plain ol lazy parenting. I always give my kids choices - this shirt or that one, banana or apple, etc... I let my oldest (10) pick out her clothing now but I always get the final say in what we buy. If it doesnt look good on her or is too revealing, it goes back. Thank goodness shes a tomboy and we havent come to blows very often yet. She does dress much differently than her friends do... seems this lazy parenting thing is catching on. I just dont see any reason for 10 year olds to have their arses hanging out of their clothes.0
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I had a mean mom when I was growing up! As long as I lived in her house I obeyed her rules. And all of the things mentioned by the OP that the girl is getting away with would never, ever be allowed by my mom even in this day and age. And my kids are grown up but you better believe if they lived in my home (actually my 25 year old son does for now) I would not allow it either. If they don't want to live by MY rules and MY values and MY morals then move out!0
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Im confused with why you think she is still a hild.
I dont know what country you are living in, but here at 16 you are no longer a minor.
You can have sex, get married, smoke, drink, vote, move out of your perants house.
The only thing you cant o is gamble which is a bit random..
And i hate to break it to you but she is an adult now and proberlly lost her v like 3 years ago..
The USA where you aren't an adult until 18 and can't drink until 21. And what country do YOU live in?
Makes sense iv always wondered why the have any 18's only law on porno..
In england lol.
Oops. The legal age of consent/smoking in the UK is 16, but drinking is still 18. You might need to know that if you ever get asked for ID.0 -
Lol, I give my daughter the right options and let her choose from them. Do you want to wear a coat or a sweater? Do you want to read a book or draw a picture?My stepdaughter lives wither mom, who lives by the philosophy, “If she wants to put herself out there like that, that’s her choice”. My stepdaughter is allowed to choose what clothes she wears, even it’s not appropriate. She can decide what type of shows to watch on TV, what kind of music to listen to. (Bad Girls club, the Housewives shows, etc) It’s been this way since she was little, and now that she’s 16, the choices that her mom has allowed her to make are getting her in trouble. She dresses provocatively, posts pictures of her wearing nothing but a bra and panties on facebook, and all kinds of other foolishness. Guess what her mom says? “Well if that’s how she wants to put herself out there, that’s her”. She accepts no responsibility for her child's actions.
Some people allow their kids to choose what they wear, what they eat, or what kind of movie they may like, and I get that, children aren’t robots, they have an opinion. But where do you draw the line on what they can and can’t choose for themselves?
Kids brains aren't developed well enough yet to comprehend OUTCOME. That is why the responsible parent helps to make sure that the wrong decisions aren't acceptable.0 -
You must live in Hollywood.Im confused with why you think she is still a hild.
I dont know what country you are living in, but here at 16 you are no longer a minor.
You can have sex, get married, smoke, drink, vote, move out of your perants house.
The only thing you cant o is gamble which is a bit random..
And i hate to break it to you but she is an adult now and proberlly lost her v like 3 years ago..0 -
Im confused with why you think she is still a hild.
I dont know what country you are living in, but here at 16 you are no longer a minor.
You can have sex, get married, smoke, drink, vote, move out of your perants house.
The only thing you cant o is gamble which is a bit random..
And i hate to break it to you but she is an adult now and proberlly lost her v like 3 years ago..
The USA where you aren't an adult until 18 and can't drink until 21. And what country do YOU live in?
Makes sense iv always wondered why the have any 18's only law on porno..
In england lol.
Oops. The legal age of consent/smoking in the UK is 16, but drinking is still 18. You might need to know that if you ever get asked for ID.
In England, you can smoke at 16, but you cannot buy *kitten* until you are 18. You can ask a cop for a *kitten* and both be sat there happy. But if you then walk into a shop with the intention of trying to buy *kitten*, its a different story..
Same with alcohol. you can drink it at 16, you just cant buy it until you are 18. As long as someone over the legal age of 18 supplied it, then you are allowed to drink..
And your are allowed to have sex at 16, your just not allowed to make a porno and post it on the internet until you were 18..0 -
I disagree with all of you...children should be allowed to make the choices I give to them. That is all...
I love this!!!0
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