Curious about something...

brittanyjeanxo

Nick (my SO) and I have this thing where we will NOT promise each other something unless we mean it. We don't lie to each other or keep things from each other. We just have a level of trust there. For some reason, unless it's my mother or someone of that nature, no one believes me. I've been told I'm lying about it, that he lies anyway, etc. He also doesn't look at other women or think any other woman is attractive* (see post on 2nd page) I can understand how that would make anyone a little skeptical, but he honestly doesn't. I trust and believe him when he says he doesn't. I have also been told he's lying about it, I'm lying about it, I'm naiive, and so on. Then there's the fact that, with the exception of when I go to class 3 nights a week, we are together 24/7. We shop together, run errands together, live together, even worked together (until we both quit) and we honest to goodness do not get "tired" of each other. I don't get sick of him, he doesn't get sick of me. We're just happy to be together.

Why are certain people so insistent that he does NOT do these things, he's a liar, I'M a liar and so on? I have literally had someone yell at me and get so heated telling me how stupid I am to believe these things. Are people just that cynical? Are they jealous? It's seriously annoying! I don't even like to talk about him anymore when people ask because all I get is that I'm just young and stupid.

Have you ever had anyone do that to you?

BigDaddyBRC

When you find a love that feels "old" but you make the old love feel new...You have found an amazing partner to share you journey in life...I've been there....and its AWESOME

bflicker11

People are cynical. I believe we can find our soul mates at any age. Perhaps you've found yours. Enjoy one another!!!

trilikeagirl

I can hear something I don't like from one person/source and assume they are missing something. If I hear the same thing from multiple people/sources I have to assume I'm missing something.

FearAnLoathing

So to him there is NO other woman in the world that is pretty? Every single female in the world is ugly?
I dont get that,just because you are not interested in anyone else does not mean you can not notice if someone else is good looking.
So that part confuses me a little.As for the other stuff ,if you are happy an he is happy who gives a *kitten* what anyone else thinks

maryd523

Sorry, but I don't believe it.

P.S. He's definitely lying about "not finding any other woman even a little attractive." Come on.....

Aj1214

Actually either:

A) he's lying
something is horribly wrong, needs some therapy.

Izable2011

You might be right that he is being honest; however love changes and things change over time. It may be 10, 15 years from now but loves changes. It does not mean you won't love each other but you will love each other differently and that is perfectly okay. There won't be butterflies forever. Maybe you already know that. I don't know b/c I don't know you but from my experience most people say what you want to hear. I don't think you are a liar and you should not think he is either b/c trust is very important in a relationship. So I say unless he gives you a reason to not trust him then you should believe he is being honest and not care what other people think. Anyway.. that's all. :happy:

SueInAz

I can't say whether or not he or you is lying, but I honestly believe that you believe him. However, most people would have difficulty believing that he would not "think any other woman is even a little attractive" because most people just don't work that way. Just because I would never cheat on my husband doesn't mean that I don't think Johnny Depp is extremely sexy and attractive. To say otherwise would be a lie. Also, many men do lie about that kind of thing. Whether it's because they think it's what you want to hear or because they are trying to pull the wool over your eyes, only time will tell.

I can definitely believe you two spend most of your time together and don't get tired of each other's company. My husband and I were like that for a VERY long time. We worked together at 3 different jobs, too. We've now been together for 28 years, 23 of that as man and wife. Over time, you will probably find you need to spend some time away from each other, be prepared for that to happen at some point. You'll develop some separate interests and hobbies and that's perfectly fine. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" and all of that.

MrsFarrow

People who say things like that are exactly what you said: cynical. You need to let their comments roll off you. The only people who matter in your relationship are YOU and NICK. Period. You are like me. I will trust someone until they prove to me that I can't. And yeah, while my husband and I may have atomic blowouts sometimes, for the most part he's not too bad. He doesn't look at other women (honestly), he doesn't look at porn (thank god because those girls are fake), and he doesn't pull the old "Hey, she's cute, can we take her home?". He doesn't lie to me (that I've found yet), and as much as we bicker, I really have never even thought that he's ever been unfaithful or anything.

A lot of my friends think I'm nuts, too. But we're like you guys, we are never apart. He doesn't have his own car, he literally walks to work. He works part time, so I know where he is and typically what he's doing almost 24/7.

Some people just can't believe things will work for others because it hasn't worked for them. Like I said, the only thing that's important is what you two think. That's it. If you guys are happy, screw everyone else. You don't need their approval.

bry_all01

misery loves company

brittanyjeanxo

So to him there is NO other woman in the world that is pretty? Every single female in the world is ugly?
I dont get that,just because you are not interested in anyone else does not mean you can not notice if someone else is good looking.
So that part confuses me a little.As for the other stuff ,if you are happy an he is happy who gives a *kitten* what anyone else thinks

Well, obviously every one he's SEEN, anyway. I can understand how it can be confusing. And it's not like "Oh you're so beautiful that every other woman pales in comparison blah blah" crap, it's just that he doesn't really find anyone else attractive. I've told him I'm okay with him thinking so, I KNOW I'm the not prettiest woman ever, but he just hasn't found anyone else attractive. At best they've been "Meh, not ugly, but definitely not pretty."

Aj1214

More than likely he is saying this to re-affirm his sincere attraction to you. This makes the most sense as he probably is having trouble saying it through other explanations. It doesn't mean he's dishonest though, just means at a loss for better words

brittanyjeanxo

People who say things like that are exactly what you said: cynical. You need to let their comments roll off you. The only people who matter in your relationship are YOU and NICK. Period. You are like me. I will trust someone until they prove to me that I can't. And yeah, while my husband and I may have atomic blowouts sometimes, for the most part he's not too bad. He doesn't look at other women (honestly), he doesn't look at porn (thank god because those girls are fake), and he doesn't pull the old "Hey, she's cute, can we take her home?". He doesn't lie to me (that I've found yet), and as much as we bicker, I really have never even thought that he's ever been unfaithful or anything.

A lot of my friends think I'm nuts, too. But we're like you guys, we are never apart. He doesn't have his own car, he literally walks to work. He works part time, so I know where he is and typically what he's doing almost 24/7.

Some people just can't believe things will work for others because it hasn't worked for them. Like I said, the only thing that's important is what you two think. That's it. If you guys are happy, screw everyone else. You don't need their approval.

Thank you You're right, they don't matter. I was just curious about what compells people to be so heated about MY relationship. You know? Nick doesn't look at porn, either. He sees it as why look at porn when he has the real thing :laugh:

Teliooo

Surely it is unhealthy to only find one person attractive? That borders on obsessive behaviour to me. I am happy to tell my partner if I find someone attractive and vice versa and we are honest with each other from start to finish. People are finding it hard to believe because it is pretty odd and not realistic in any way.

MrsFarrow

And let me just address this for a hot second.

Whether or not he thinks other women are attractive is neither here nor there. Here's the thing. Literally, the entire time my husband and I have been together, I have never once caught him checking another woman out. And I think there's a huge difference between thinking someone is attractive and stating that you think they are. He may see a woman out and in his head go "She's pretty" but he doesn't verbalize it, which is key. That's a one way street to killing a woman's self esteem.

FearAnLoathing

So to him there is NO other woman in the world that is pretty? Every single female in the world is ugly?
I dont get that,just because you are not interested in anyone else does not mean you can not notice if someone else is good looking.
So that part confuses me a little.As for the other stuff ,if you are happy an he is happy who gives a *kitten* what anyone else thinks

Well, obviously every one he's SEEN, anyway. I can understand how it can be confusing. And it's not like "Oh you're so beautiful that every other woman pales in comparison blah blah" crap, it's just that he doesn't really find anyone else attractive. I've told him I'm okay with him thinking so, I KNOW I'm the not prettiest woman ever, but he just hasn't found anyone else attractive. At best they've been "Meh, not ugly, but definitely not pretty."

Im sure he finds other women attractive,he just might not say it around you because he dosent want to make you feel bad. Its not a bad thing to notice that someone else is attractive. I was the same way when I was younger,I didnt feel comfratable telling whoever i was dating at the time that i thought someone else was attractive. So if the subject of say Jonhnny depp was brought up when my SO was around I would be like Eh hes ok whatever lol

ashiggins

I'm married to the nicest man in the world and there have been a couple skeptics that can't relate to us and I just let it go. Relationships don't have to be hard--sometimes they easy and you're lucky to be in that situation! There is a difference between acknowledging that other people are attractive and actually being attracted to them. My husband and I know that there are other attractive, beautiful people in this world, but neither of us are physically attracted to anyone else but each other. So, I'm guessing that is what you meant. I feel like I'm rambling now (probably because I'm avoiding my studies), however, don't let anyone ever tell you that your relationship isn't "hard" enough

brittanyjeanxo

I can definitely believe you two spend most of your time together and don't get tired of each other's company. My husband and I were like that for a VERY long time. We worked together at 3 different jobs, too. We've now been together for 28 years, 23 of that as man and wife. Over time, you will probably find you need to spend some time away from each other, be prepared for that to happen at some point. You'll develop some separate interests and hobbies and that's perfectly fine. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" and all of that.

Well, I could have phrased that better, but I don't feel like explaining again :laugh: and I'm sure we will, eventually, have separate interests, but at the moment we share them because that's just kind of how it works out. And trust me, I know that quote. We spent the first year of our relationship 1200 miles apart, so...lol.

So I say unless he gives you a reason to not trust him then you should believe he is being honest and not care what other people think. Anyway.. that's all.

Hasn't so far!

Sorry, but I don't believe it.

P.S. He's definitely lying about "not finding any other woman even a little attractive." Come on.....

I'm sorry you're so cynical.

Brandicaloriecountess

If you're happy it doesn't matter what others think.

Having said that I don't believe he is being honest about never seeing a pretty girl. Or finding anyone else attractive.

MrsFarrow

Or he may just genuinely love his girlfriend. He may legitimately think the sun rises and falls with her. And I'd like to know what the issue with that is. It's actually a little alarming how many people, in essence, are calling a perfect stranger a liar.

I'm not trying to be rude, but it does honestly baffle me. Maybe I'm interpreting things wrong!

brittanyjeanxo

Or he may just genuinely love his girlfriend. He may legitimately think the sun rises and falls with her. And I'd like to know what the issue with that is. It's actually a little alarming how many people, in essence, are calling a perfect stranger a liar.

I'm not trying to be rude, but it does honestly baffle me. Maybe I'm interpreting things wrong!

We need to be friends. Why aren't we friends?! lol. But really, it's okay that they think he's lying or that I'm lying. Like you said, they don't matter. He's not "obsessive" he's not just NOT saying it. He just genuinely doesn't find anyone else attractive. Well, he thinks George Clooney is handsome but that's just a TOTALLY different subject! :laugh:

MrsFarrow

Or he may just genuinely love his girlfriend. He may legitimately think the sun rises and falls with her. And I'd like to know what the issue with that is. It's actually a little alarming how many people, in essence, are calling a perfect stranger a liar.

I'm not trying to be rude, but it does honestly baffle me. Maybe I'm interpreting things wrong!

We need to be friends. Why aren't we friends?! lol. But really, it's okay that they think he's lying or that I'm lying. Like you said, they don't matter. He's not "obsessive" he's not just NOT saying it. He just genuinely doesn't find anyone else attractive. Well, he thinks George Clooney is handsome but that's just a TOTALLY different subject! :laugh:

HAHA request sent sister friend!!

infamousmk

Honesty and truly being confident in yourself and your relationship looks weird to people that have never lived it. While I do think that everyone sees other people and they think they're attractive, I'm sure that he's associating 'attractive' with 'desire to be with' .. at which point, he has a desire to be with you.

My SO and I do things apart, but we could spend every day together if we needed to. It just so happens we're both suuuper independent people.

If you guys are really open and honest and trusting of one another, many people are going to misunderstand that. Keep an open mind to what people have to say, but if you both feel good about the situation then go with it.

juliecat1

Im a cynic so Ill just say dont worry what other people think so much. I do HOPE that Im proved wrong some day and that you can prove everyone wrong too. :flowerforyou:

Brandicaloriecountess

I can only speak for myself, and I am certainly not calling her a liar. I am just saying its human nature to notice an attractive person. I see hot girls and guys all over the place. I don't think he's being honest with himself if he really claims never to find anyone else attractive. Like I told my ex the problem isn't noticing pretty girls it's "getting it on" with them that is a problem lol.

Aj1214

I can only speak for myself, and I am certainly not calling her a liar. I am just saying its human nature to notice an attractive person. I see hot girls and guys all over the place. I don't think he's being honest with himself if he really claims never to find anyone else attractive. Like I told my ex the problem isn't noticing pretty girls it's "getting it on" with them that is a problem lol.

Pretty much how I feel about it, albeit simplified.

mrmarius

If your happy dont worry what others think

Brandicaloriecountess

I can only speak for myself, and I am certainly not calling her a liar. I am just saying its human nature to notice an attractive person. I see hot girls and guys all over the place. I don't think he's being honest with himself if he really claims never to find anyone else attractive. Like I told my ex the problem isn't noticing pretty girls it's "getting it on" with them that is a problem lol.

Pretty much how I feel about it, albeit simplified.

Lol I like simple. Especially when posting from a phone

FearAnLoathing

Or he may just genuinely love his girlfriend. He may legitimately think the sun rises and falls with her. And I'd like to know what the issue with that is. It's actually a little alarming how many people, in essence, are calling a perfect stranger a liar.

I'm not trying to be rude, but it does honestly baffle me. Maybe I'm interpreting things wrong!

Just because you genuinely love someone does not mean you never can never see another person as attractive.My husband is my life,he has been to hell and back with me. I could not imagine being with anyone else. But I can still look at Johnny Depp or Brandon Lee in The Crow and say "yeah that guy is hot" and if i told my husband any diffrent it would be because I did not want to make him feel bad. She is basicly saying every single actress an model or even regular girl on the street is not pretty to him.I think hes just telling her this so she wont feel bad,im sure he does love her and hes not nessecairly lying just trying not to hurt her feelings. Thats not cynical that is life. I dont think he is a liar just sweet

brittanyjeanxo

"Yes, I know they [pretty girls] exist. I know that there's positive attributes to most women. But, I'm in a happy relationship, we don't have problems, so I don't feel the need to look at other women, and I don't feel the need to think about other women, because I am happy. I suppose, if I took the time to actually look, I could find someone that's pretty. But I don't look, I don't WANT to look, because you're beautiful and I don't feel compelled to look. It's like going to a car dealership to look at other cars when you already HAVE a car that's everything you want and need. That's the best I can describe it."

His exact words. I didn't know how to describe it so I had him say it to me, haha.