Are girls ever happy with themselves?

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  • MusicKeepsMeSane
    MusicKeepsMeSane Posts: 309
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    I personally am never happy with the way I look. Even when I am finally satisfied with some part of my body it's like my brain finds some other part to have a problem with. I don't think I'll ever be happy with the way I look. There might be some really confident girls out there who are happy with the way they look I've just yet to meet one. There's a reason why they say you're your own worst critic. It's like girls are constantly finding something they don't like about themselves. Not thin enough, not tan enough, not pretty enough, etc. If I had higher self-esteem I might be happy with the way I look but I don't think I ever will be. Even when I get to my goal weight I'll feel like I could always be thinner and it just wouldn't make me happy. Even though my boyfriend thinks there is nothing wrong with the way I look and loves me how I am, I just don't. I'm constantly tearing myself apart. I'm sure I'll be happy when I reach my goal weight but I always seem to find something wrong. Now that I've seemed to ramble on about this more then I should have but all the girls I know, including myself, none of them are happy with themselves.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    I think a dose of "never satisfied" (if that makes sense) is healthy. I think when you get to a point where you are completely and totally happy, you lose the edge that keeps you moving forward. But there is a difference between being totally satisfied with your body and simply accepting your body.

    My body has flaws that I will never be able to change (scars, for instance). I have to learn to accept those things. But there are also flaws that I CAN change, and as long as that is true, why should I settle for what someone else thinks should make me happy? It's not about other people anymore; it's about me.
  • Collinsky
    Collinsky Posts: 593 Member
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    Here's a really helpful blog article that IMO may relate: http://www.bodyrock.tv/2009/10/07/being-fit-vs-being-skinny/
  • arispawild
    arispawild Posts: 155
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    About a year ago I was happy with myself. :/
    I weighed more too. I haven't really dieted, but the worry has caused me to be aware and I have lost.
  • solpwr
    solpwr Posts: 1,039 Member
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    I'm happy with myself. I've had many miserable years before I chose to be happy now rather than wait for some arbitrary point in time or standard I had to meet. For me, I'd be minimizing the significance of all the things I've done if I still couldn't be happy with myself after all of that.

    It's a choice. Granted, it's not a quick choice, but in the same way you dedicated yourself to working out your body, you need to work out your inside as well. It's important. Why would you settle for making those lifestyle-changing habits just for appearance's sake? Why take steps to change your life if it's not actually going to change your life?
    Awesome post. There is so much good truth in here. Read it again. Soak that in.
    I think a dose of "never satisfied" (if that makes sense) is healthy. I think when you get to a point where you are completely and totally happy, you lose the edge that keeps you moving forward. But there is a difference between being totally satisfied with your body and simply accepting your body.

    My body has flaws that I will never be able to change (scars, for instance). I have to learn to accept those things. But there are also flaws that I CAN change, and as long as that is true, why should I settle for what someone else thinks should make me happy? It's not about other people anymore; it's about me.

    By the way, in case its not clear, I'm male. Both of these things can co-exist, at least in my mind.

    Happiness is a choice. Deciding to be happy about your situation in life is compatible with striving to improve the things you can improve upon. That's when I am happiest.

    The "me" I like most is the one who is happy with my life course, my circumstances, my external and internal self, who IS trying to make improvements. That effort to improve is an integral part of me being happy with myself.

    Ironic? Maybe. It's my truth.
  • RuchikaPal
    RuchikaPal Posts: 313 Member
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    i really can't comment much on this..since i haven't really achieved much that i should be happy or content....

    But.... i know a lot of such gals..who infact happen to be one of my closest friends...most of them look prefect... they not too skinny not fat....they r just perfect...but even then they have complains about everything......

    either its their weight or its their skin color or smthin or the other........

    it does irritate me sometimes when a frnd of mine who weighs say 52 kgs complains infront of me that she is fat or needs to lose weight.... i dunno how should i react to that...... if ppl like dat feel dat...wat should ppl like me do???? jump off a cliff???

    some of them have the perfect skin color... flawless skin.... n still they say ...oh man ive become dark blah blah.... i on the other hand am a little wheatish..... i do feel wierd y do they such stuff??? may b they just wana hear that "no....u luk perfect"... etc......

    i dunno wat it is.....
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    People seem to be confusing the concepts of being generally happy with your life situation vs. being happy with your body.

    I am quite happy with my life. My body needs some more work. Not a lot more, but more for sure. And I refuse to let people tell me that I should "choose" to be happy with my body. My goals are my responsibility. I suppose I could choose to accept mediocrity. But I won't.
  • solpwr
    solpwr Posts: 1,039 Member
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    People seem to be confusing the concepts of being generally happy with your life situation vs. being happy with your body.

    I am quite happy with my life. My body needs some more work. Not a lot more, but more for sure. And I refuse to let people tell me that I should "choose" to be happy with my body. My goals are my responsibility. I suppose I could choose to accept mediocrity. But I won't.

    Good point. But wherever you are on the continuum of "more work", some never reach their goal, because they change the goal. Someone 100 pounds overweight may set an initial goal of losing 70 pounds. When they get there, they aren't happy and decide to lose another 30. They may still not be "happy with themselves".

    That's the OP's point of view. Isn't your body part of your life situation? We can all segment parts of our whole and be happy or unhappy with each segment. If your body needs more work, are you happy with it but improving it, or are you critical of it now, and will continue to be even when you reach the goals you've set for your body improvement as they stand now. There's no right answer here.

    How you judge/perceive yourself is a big part of the equation in my opinion.
  • Adrenaline_Queen
    Adrenaline_Queen Posts: 626 Member
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    You are tiny now, if you lost another 2 stone, no... You are tiny...

    I am happy with myself, I just dont like how I looked in a pic, I have always been happy with pics of me, even the ones that make me cringe!! But this last one, made me stop and think I need to tone up and loose a bit of weight...

    So I would say yes, I am xxx (Well I will be when I get down to 122lb, if then I am know, remind me of this post xxx)
  • igora_soma
    igora_soma Posts: 486
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    I absolutely agree and know where you are coming from. I've lost nearly 40 lbs and 10 inches off of my waist and I still feel like I look the same I did 20 lbs ago. This is also why I see a therapist though! I need help adjusting to be thinner because the size I am now is the thinnest I've been since I was 11 or 12 and I don't remember how that felt! It's a big transformation...

    I just think that women put a lot of pressure on themselves to be perfect because we feel a sense of competition (this is from my perspective at least). We want to be beautiful like so many other women out there! It's definitely difficult to come to terms with the fact that everyone is beautiful in their own way... at least it is for me! :)
  • mscoco10
    mscoco10 Posts: 527 Member
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    Never ! We will always want more.
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
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    Im very happy with myself,I dont even care anymore if I get to my goal weight
  • Molly_Louise
    Molly_Louise Posts: 503
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    Simple answer? No. Not in my opinion and definitely not based on my own personal experiences.
  • TheBraveryLover
    TheBraveryLover Posts: 1,217 Member
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    Um, yeah, there are plenty of us who are. Insecurity is normal to a certain extent in humans, but if you're constantly ragging on yourself no matter how much you "improve" then it's deeper than just losing weight. It's probably something that stemmed from childhood and you might bode well to figure out what that is and try to work on it for yourself.
  • mrshickey
    mrshickey Posts: 239
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    i think alot of girls, maybe even most, dont look in the mirror and think 'im hideous' well, i hope not. im always complaining about something but my brothers, mum, husband always tell me off- they love me for me, and so do i. at the moment 'me' is a 167 lb student who is always broke and always stressed. soon il be a 120-130lbs qualified social worker, still loved by the same brothers, mum, husband and myself. if i cant love me i cant love anyone. im really corny but i reckon theres something that one girl hates anther would be glad for!!! if u got bits u hate, just love your good bits more!!!!!! :flowerforyou:
  • darlilama
    darlilama Posts: 794 Member
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    *sigh* I think we all need to learn to love ourselves a bit more... for what's on the inside and how we look on the outside. But, I have to say, this seems to be a bigger issue with the younger gens (teens to 30s)... note that I'm nearing 50. Yes, girls/women have always been concerned with how we look, but I would never, ever have thought about stuff like cosmetic surgery, etc., to change myself ... well at least not before I hit 45. :) Growing up, I remember girls being worried about their hair, their butts being too big... of course, but I don't remember anyone being obsessive about it. Now I hear teens and ladies in their 20s really talking themselves down... and talking each other down, too. It baffles and troubles me.

    For you ladies who think you might be obsessed with your physical self, try making your inside self happier and then see what happens. I know when I am generally happier mentally/emotionally, I'm generally happier with my body, too. Remember - most often other people will see you as you see yourself... people pick up on the 'vibes' you put out. Try this experiment. One day smile at everyone you see... just a polite smile, maybe a "good morning" or some other pleasantry. See how they react back to you. It's amazing.

    AND, I've told my hubby he can forget about me working for that "hot bikini body". I want to be slimmer and healthier, but looking hot in a bikini won't make me happy and I'd make myself miserable chasing such a goal. If I look good in a one-piece, I'm fine with that. He's a little disappointed, however. :happy:
  • hypotrochoid
    hypotrochoid Posts: 842 Member
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    Yes! I am pretty, smart, and overall fantastic. Anyone who says different will be kicked.
  • Amber82479
    Amber82479 Posts: 629 Member
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    In my experience? No, we are never happy with ourselves. Sad, really... And on a personal level, it's something I'm working hard to change!
  • Shausil82
    Shausil82 Posts: 218 Member
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    I'm happy with myself. I've had many miserable years before I chose to be happy now rather than wait for some arbitrary point in time or standard I had to meet. For me, I'd be minimizing the significance of all the things I've done if I still couldn't be happy with myself after all of that.

    It's a choice. Granted, it's not a quick choice, but in the same way you dedicated yourself to working out your body, you need to work out your inside as well. It's important. Why would you settle for making those lifestyle-changing habits just for appearance's sake? Why take steps to change your life if it's not actually going to change your life?

    This is EXACTLY how I feel! I've spent over 20 years of my life obese, unhappy, and I was even bullied out of my HS 10 years ago. This journey has already changed my life, and I'm halfway through. I refuse to live up to society's version of perfection. I'm doing what is healthy for me, and if I'm healthy, I'm happy. That's all there is to it.
  • LaComadreja14
    LaComadreja14 Posts: 277 Member
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    I think that, no, most girls wont ever be satisfied with how they look or how much they've lost- only because we don't let ourselves. IMO, We allow small comments of others to twist and become unintentional self-esteem destroyers- even if this reaction is an ingrained one, we need to realize that and overcome it. We (don't get me wrong, myself included) need to pay closer attention to minute cliche phrases of time- for instance, you can't make all the people happy all the time. Bare in mind, for every body type out there- there is going to be someone out there who is into it. As children we are programmed that we all have to look a certain way (princess/maiden in distress) in order to attain love (ie. prince charming/knight in shining armor) - everything from movies, to TV, to children's story books tells us that. Do we have to walk in stride? No, we don't.. but unfortunately getting to the point of true and deep acceptance/happiness at a healthy weight with natural assets isn't as easy as making that realization and more unfortunate still, we are a competitive species. Since the dawn of time, in one way or another, humans have felt that they must always be better than other humans, and it may be more extreme in some people but it's there. In even the most modest people, it is there. My sister in law is a modest woman, she doesn't really care how she looks but she still feels the need to be the best in other things (the most original, the most artistic, the best artist)

    Realizing that we don't need to constantly compete with each other and realizing that we can find love in whatever pant size, is hard. I admit, there was a while where I felt that I was genuinely happy with my body... I had lost a lot of weight but even though I was still over-weight, I would never admit it. If someone commented on it I would quote one of my favorite songs of the time saying, "Yea I got a lil' fat but, my shawty told me that he like it like that. I'm happy, another me there never can be!" and laugh it off. I hate to say it but unfortunately, some where along the line I lost that feeling, that confidence. Even when I was at my lowest weight (110) I never got it back, I still picked and proded at myself, and I don't know if I ever will get it back- but I will tell you this, I never stop trying. As cliche as it sounds, I think probably social networking sites have a lot to do with a girls inability to be happy with herself (at least in younger generations) because people can anonymously cut you down, you never know who it is and it can be really hurtful if they push the right buttons. Every girl knows what hurts a girl and we use that knowledge against each other because of ingrained competition (it's like an evil circle-of-unhappiness and self doubt) .
    I'm not sure if this would be considered political or something... I have a feeling that I might be borderline breaking the rules here so I am going to stop here. Sorry if I broke any rules... and feel free to laugh out loud at me- most people do. I know I sound paranoid but IMO, it's all true

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