Im up... Im bored... Somebody entertain me...

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  • stresco
    stresco Posts: 354 Member
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    A guy walked into a cafe and asked for a bowl of chilli. The waitress said "The guy next to you got the last bowl." He looks over and sees the guy's bowl of chilli is full. He says "If you're not going to eat that, mind if I take it?" The other guy says "No, help yourself." He starts to eat and about halfway down, his spoon hits something. It's a dead mouse, and he vomits the chilli back into the bowl. The other guy says "That's about as far as I got too."

    ROFLMAO!
  • tomcat4680
    tomcat4680 Posts: 27
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    The doctor says to the patient "I can't figure out what's wrong with you, it must be the heavy drinking." The patient says "Well I'll come back when you're sober."
  • stresco
    stresco Posts: 354 Member
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    What do you call the sweat on your body after you've screwed your own sister?











    Relative humidity.
  • stresco
    stresco Posts: 354 Member
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    What's the difference between exotic and psychotic?
    Exotic is wearing a French tickler, psychotic is wearing French toast.
  • stresco
    stresco Posts: 354 Member
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    Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then said: "You have to shove the all of the fruit that you brought back up your butt without any expression on your face and without making any noise or you'll be eaten." The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed. The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh? you almost got away with it!" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming back with pineapples."
  • KENNY1957
    KENNY1957 Posts: 89 Member
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    The doctor says to the patient "I can't figure out what's wrong with you, it must be the heavy drinking." The patient says "Well I'll come back when you're sober."


    Thats to frickin funny this early!!
  • stresco
    stresco Posts: 354 Member
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    What is 40 feet long and smells like urine??







    The Conga Line at a nursing home!
  • tomcat4680
    tomcat4680 Posts: 27
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    An old man is sitting on a park bench crying. A young man comes up and asks "What's wrong?" The old man says "I'm married to a beautiful 22 year old woman. The young man, puzzled, asks "What's wrong with that? The old man replies "I forgot where I live."

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