adoption???

flasportsfan

This is painful to share, but if it can help someone, I will share. I was raped when I was 18 and subsequently had an abortion. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about what I did and how horrible it was. If only I had had the courage to face my parents and the consequences, that child could have had a chance.

I adopted a little girl from Russia 2 years ago and she is the love of my life. She is 8 now and was put in the orphanage when she was 6. She took care of her baby sister, Katia because her mother and aunt were drunk all the time. She tried to do her best, but the baby died in her arms of malnutrition. She thinks about her family in Russia a lot, but she is grateful she has a home with us and a chance at life. I feel blessed to have had another chance to save a life and give her an opportunity for a good life with lots of love. Would I ever want her to see her mother again? Yes, if she wanted to. I'd love to show her what a beautiful girl she turned out to be and thank her in person for this gift.

voluptas63

I'm personally going to respond to the OP and not to all the other junk... jeez.


My former stepmom was/is adopted as were all of her siblings (3 children in total). They were all closed adoptions. She definitely was not one that handled it well. She constantly said things like "My mother abandoned me and hasn't found me yet. Why would I go looking for her???" She was VERY hurt by her adoption and even though her adoptive parents seemed to be very nice, caring and loved her like their own, she chose to be very self destructive in her life.

Now her brothers, they seem to be well adjusted and living very happy lives. Neither one has found their natural parents. I'm not sure what makes a "great" adoption, but I think it's one of the best gifts you can give to someone. And the most unselfish thing someone can do. Even if they're doing it for selfish motives (too young/wanting to live their life without the "hassle" of a child), it's still unselfish because they realize that they're not ready for a child. A child is not an accessory.

jennajava

This is painful to share, but if it can help someone, I will share. I was raped when I was 18 and subsequently had an abortion. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about what I did and how horrible it was. If only I had had the courage to face my parents and the consequences, that child could have had a chance.

I adopted a little girl from Russia 2 years ago and she is the love of my life. She is 8 now and was put in the orphanage when she was 6. She took care of her baby sister, Katia because her mother and aunt were drunk all the time. She tried to do her best, but the baby died in her arms of malnutrition. She thinks about her family in Russia a lot, but she is grateful she has a home with us and a chance at life. I feel blessed to have had another chance to save a life and give her an opportunity for a good life with lots of love. Would I ever want her to see her mother again? Yes, if she wanted to. I'd love to show her what a beautiful girl she turned out to be and thank her in person for this gift.

I think you definitely did an awesome thing by adopting your daughter...and if it were me, I would focus on this daily instead. Don't beat yourself up!

CakeFit21

My mom is adopted. I believe it was one of the greatest blessings in her life.

killerqueen17

Okay but can we just get past that and answer her questions? It's not a big deal. People say things on here all the time that I don't agree with... Oh well!

Anyway, can I throw a question in? Has anyone either adopted or been adopted interracially? If so, how did you deal with it (if you were the one adopted) or how did your child deal with it-- looking very different from the rest of the family.

I ask because adoption is something I've thought about as a possibility someday, and there's a good chance the child may not be white... I would not mind that at all, but just wondering if it is hard on the kids!! I'm sure it varies, but I'd like to hear from anyone who this applies to! Thanks

engineman312

when i opened up this thread, there was an ad on top for unplanned pregnancy/adoption. when i went to page two, there was an ad for liquid plumber.

ericjr7210

I was adopted... raised by the only parents I knew. I was told from day 1, as early as I can remember that I was adopted. I was also told that my biological parents were very young and felt they could not support a child. I love my mother and father without qestion...although they divorced when I was 5 years old they both were a huge part of my life and still are.... At one point I wanted to find my birth parents but now only to find out my possible medical history and maybe to see if I have any brothers and sisters... I am an only child too.... other then that I do not have any feelings for them, how could I...

Contrarian

Even if they're doing it for selfish motives (too young/wanting to live their life without the "hassle" of a child), it's still unselfish because they realize that they're not ready for a child. A child is not an accessory.

I don't think anyone gives up a baby because having a child is a "hassle". Giving up a child is a lot harder than it looks.

jennajava

when i opened up this thread, there was an ad on top for unplanned pregnancy/adoption. when i went to page two, there was an ad for liquid plumber.

lol

_SusieQ_

Okay but can we just get past that and answer her questions? It's not a big deal. People say things on here all the time that I don't agree with.

Anyway, can I throw a question in? Has anyone wither adopted or been adopted interracially? If so, how did you deal with it (if you were the one adopted) or how did your child deal with it-- looking very different from the rest of the family.

I ask because adoption is something I've thought about as a possibility someday, and there's a good chance the child may not be white... I would not mind that at all, but just wondering if it is hard on the kids!! I'm sure it varies, but I'd like to hear from anyone who this applies to! Thanks

My sister was born in 1978, the same year they passed the Indian Child Welfare Act of 1978 "ICWA helps keep American Indian children with American Indian families." Just a couple of months later and we would not have been able to adopt her b/c of that act. My sister is Creek Indian and very much looks it. I am very much Caucasian as they get, as well as my adoptive parents. Did that contribute to my sister feeling different? Back then I didn't think so, but hindsight and all that. I do believe it made it hard on her sometimes to look so different than the rest of us. It was always obvious she was not born into the family, but I could pass easily. After she met her birth dad a few years ago, she filed for and got her role number with the tribe. She is finally at peace with who she is. My suggestion, which comes only from my own experiences, is if you decide to adopt interracially, make sure that child gets as much culture and experience from their race as is possible for you to provide.

ilookthetype

I have two very close friends who were adopted, one because her mother got pregnant very young and had an abusive alcoholic for a father, she has met her siblings and her parents since then and is amicable with them, but her older sister was also adopted and looking at the way those two interact, the way they mimic each other and their body movements you would never know they weren't related.

My dad is a pastor and a girl in my church was raped when she was 15 and had a child at 16, her mom kicked her out when she wouldn't abort the baby and so my family took her in for about a year (that was what we did, we always had people living in our house). She put her daughter up for a adoption, closed adoption, and honestly, I've never seen a person look so heart broken. Giving up her child broke her in so many ways, but she doesn't regret it.

killerqueen17

My sister was born in 1978, the same year they passed the Indian Child Welfare Act of 1978 "ICWA helps keep American Indian children with American Indian families." My sister is Creek Indian and very much looks it. I am very much Caucasian as they get, as well as my adoptive parents. Did that contribute to my sister feeling different? Back then I didn't think so, but hindsight and all that. I do believe it made it hard on her sometimes to look so different than the rest of us. It was always obvious she was not born into the family, but I could pass easily. After she met her birth dad a few years ago, she filed for and got her role number with the tribe. She is finally at peace with who she is. My suggestion, which comes only from my own experiences, is if you decide to adopt interracially, make sure that child gets as much culture and experience from their race as is possible for you to provide.

Yes, that's something I have thought might be helpful... luckily I live in a very diverse area, and I have friends of all different backgrounds! I would definitely try to help my (hypothetical) child embrace his/her culture as much as possible

adrian_indy

I would say that most of the time adopting parents turn out to be incredible parents. They really want it, have been vetted, and love children. I'm sure someone on here can give me a horror story, but I know a lot of people who were adopted and had great lives.

kennie2

I'm not adopted but I would love to adopt when I'm older. I think if there's kids out there that need a home why not give them one if you can

swordsmith

We adopted our son from the Dominican Republic. We consider it a blessing- he is now 19 and in school to be an auto technician.

He does not hate his birth mom and considers himself extremely lucky to be given the chances that he has had in life. He is grateful to her for giving him a better life. And in a fortunate twist we discovered his older birth sister was adopted by a couple in the next town over!

We, as adoptive parents, consider giving ones child up for adoption in the hopes they will have a better life as the ultimate expression of love.

bry_all01

my adoption is a little different. Story goes..... Guy sees girl, guy ogles girl who only tagged along to watch her brother play some touch football. Guy asks girl out. He was a friend of her brothers and I suppose she thought he was nice looking. They went out, they got pregnant with me, got married. He eventually started hitting her. When they went to Hawaii to visit his family, he decided to stay an extra week, while she went home to get back to work. During that week, she realized she was over the abuse and was more afraid he might start beating me, so she left him when he got back with me. He tried to kdinap me one or twice, but she outsmarted him. He didn't want me anyway, he wanted to take me to get her back. When that didn't work he flew home to Hawaii. Meanwhile, my mom met and fell in love with this great guy who also had a daughter a few months older. I was 1, she was almost 2. They married and started a life together. As a small child, my dad always wanted to be more than a "blended" family. He wanted me to feel like I belonged. They tried several times to adopt me, but due to legal issues and more importantly financial issues, they could not, but he was and always will be my daddy. Fastforward a LOT, to one week after my 18th birthday. We were in the judges chambers getting the adoption finalized, just in time for my graduation, so we could "really" be a real family. (All my life, I tried using his last name for school and was always told I was not allowed, but he was MY dad and my WHOLE family shared the same last name...) But, for graduation, I got to sit next to my sister. And, that was what our parents wanted the most. To see their girls graduate together.

ETA: My father is now in my life again. We've made amends and he has been clean and sober for 15+ years. He regrets every single day the pain he caused my mom, losing her, losing me. But, he and I are now on good terms and my family just keeps growing.

RoseW125

I am adopted. I was adopted by a wonderful family. One of the biggest things about being adopted though is all the family history you don't have UNLESS the birth parent leaves a detailed history. In my case I have next to no medical history and that is so important to the doctors or it seems to be every where I go anyway. Some doctors can be down right rude about it too. Like it's my fault I don't have my family medical info!! So if this lady is going to give her baby up for adoption I would strongly encourage her to leave as much medical info as possible.

killerqueen17

We adopted our son from the Dominican Republic. We consider it a blessing- he is now 19 and in school to be an auto technician.

He does not hate his birth mom and considers himself extremely lucky to be given the chances that he has had in life. He is grateful to her for giving him a better life. And in a fortunate twist we discovered his older birth sister was adopted by a couple in the next town over!

We, as adoptive parents, consider giving ones child up for adoption in the hopes they will have a better life as the ultimate expression of love.

What a cool story!!

_SusieQ_

My mother likes to tell me this story. When I was a baby she told HER mother (who was also adopted) that she hated my birth mom. She was so afraid that bmom would change her mind and come try and take me back. She even had a hiding place all set up in case that ever happened. My grandmother looked at her and said, how could you hate her? She is the reason we are even having this discussion at all. After that my mom definitely had a different view, though I think she still kept that hidey hole.

I have never really searched for my bmom. A little internet espionage, but that's about it. I never felt like anything was missing from my life, and the curiosity comes and goes with the ups and downs of my life, so I just never dug that deep. Maybe one day I will, but then again maybe not. it's just not something I think about too much.

My sister's bdad is amazing though. He has actually become a part of our family, he and my dad are friends. Her bmom on the other hand is a nutjob, and my sister doesn't have a lot of contact with her.

It's a crap shoot with closed adoptions, but I don't think I would have wanted it any other way.

Grimmerick

My friend from Scotland was adopted, and while she was way better off with her adoptive parents than her real mother (found out later she was a selfish loser that went from place to place and man to man) her adoptive parents could be verbally abusive at times and her adoptive mom would physically abuse her occasionally........until the day my friend was old enough to fight back she shoved her down the stairs packed her bags and left.