What age to talk about the "bird and the bees" to your kid?

ninerbuff

To expand on the dating, I guess it's also important to talk to them about sex. So what's a good age in your opinion? No right or wrong answers, but let's hear what may have worked for you.

shelbym87

Thank god I'm not there yet. My son is only 3. And my parents never talked to me about anything like that!

Fairysoul

I got the talk in 5th grade, just before school dances started in sixth grade... Around the time that the woman thing begins..

heybrit

I think that due to our society most children have an idea and basic understanding at a very young age. I cannot remember a time in my life not knowing about sex and whatnot. With sex education starting in 6th grade here we didn't need the discussion. And again as a freshman in HS, we definitely didn't need our parents to have the awkward conversation with us since our teacher got to instead.

I think that as long as you keep an open, trusting relationship with your child, if they have questions they will come to you with them. But with the internet, friends and education in schools, it's pretty unnecessary nowadays.

Fayve

Well... I'm almost 19 now, and never had this talk with my parents. I ended up finding out most of what I know from online, safe resources.

If I could go back, I think that somewhere between 12-14 would have been appropriate? Then again, I'm pretty sheltered (first kiss when I was 17), whereas my mother had a kid when she was 16.

1smemae94

Well my parents never talked to me about it. I'd recomend maybe 6th grade. This is when they will be going into middle school and they start wondering these things. Just tell them the basics and about protection and whatnot, that way if they decide they want to have sex, they wont end up pregnant.

themommie

I really think it depends on the age, but I try to talk to them about dating and sex for their age level ,very basics to start with from the time they are about school age. They dont need to know too many details until they are about 5 or 6 th grade I would rather they hear the truth from me.......

nikkit321

With our oldest son, we waited until 7th grade. With our youngest son, we decided to do it before he started 6th grade as he's asking questions that the oldest didn't. I asked the oldest whether he thought his dad was early, on time, or late with his "talk" and he said it was a little late as he heard a lot on the bus (middle school rides with high schoolers).

rockerbabyy

my mom touched on it a bit when i was in 4th or 5th grade..and again when i was 11 and started my period. we had sex ed in school but it was very basic (taught in utah, if that tells you anything).

yeabby

The earlier the better. Children are encountering sexual material from a young age. Also, many, if not most, girls start their periods before leaving elementary school. They need to be prepared ahead of time. For way too many 5th or 6th grade is a year or two too late.

CBKMom

Before they turn 10 -11. They will already be hearing things from kids at school. I was much happier giving them the real truth and then letting them know that at any time, they could ask any question about it and I would tell them the real truth. It made it nice for my boys when they would hear things that were not always accurate. I was really open from a very young age about drugs, alcohol, smoking and sex. My three year olds knew that smoking was awful for them and drugs would kill you. I have the opinion that parents are more than willing to tell a small child not to play with guns - they will kill you - but they struggle with what to say about drugs and alcohol. You treat them the same as any other dangerous item you do not want your kids into. Make it a part of your raising them and you will not have to worry about what to say when the time comes. Honesty, brutal honesty, is always best. They have a ton of kids out there, some who already know more than you could imagine, telling them things. Make sure what iinformation you are giving them is the real truth. And even if the question is super embarrassing, even about your own sex life, be honest.
Hope that helps

aaleigha1

my children are 29 and 31 so the talk in this house happened many many years ago
but we had a policy in our house of open doors so they learnt as they went along, to a certain extent. I and my dh answered all questions as and when they arose
my children were very very open with me and knew they could tell me anything and also ask me anything - the question of contraceptive seemed not to come up as they were older as they had asked previously why no more children turned up - it was also the time of many adverts about safe sex due to HIV and AIDS being big news

neither child has children yet - did I put them off completely :)

strange now when they come to visit the doors always seem to be open the only time doors were closed seemed to be when someone wanted alone time a closed door in this house meant a knock was required

Plutox

You may begin discussing with them at any age actually. What will be different is the content and how you present it. You may just discuss basic anatomical differences for very very young children (e.g., 3-4 years old.) 1st and 2nd grade is a good time to introduce more topics such as different family units. There are books out there about sex made for children, that could help you. Remember, children are very accepting of information early on. As they get older, the more awkward it will be for both of you. Best of luck.

Adynata

I think that due to our society most children have an idea and basic understanding at a very young age. I cannot remember a time in my life not knowing about sex and whatnot. With sex education starting in 6th grade here we didn't need the discussion. And again as a freshman in HS, we definitely didn't need our parents to have the awkward conversation with us since our teacher got to instead.

I think that as long as you keep an open, trusting relationship with your child, if they have questions they will come to you with them. But with the internet, friends and education in schools, it's pretty unnecessary nowadays.

These are exactly my thoughts. I never really had the talk with my mum, other than an explanation on how to use sanitary products, because I seem to have had a pretty basic understanding all my life. We had some incredibly thorough sex education at school with varying degrees of detail from about ten years old and onwards. Ages 10 - 13 were all about the basic principles and science behind it, and 14+ they focused on contraception.

Though I've heard some schools, particularly Christian ones (perhaps more in America from what the media seems to think) don't offer very thorough sex education, so it's always worth going over it with your kid just in case.

Jensey76

I was a school nurse in an Elementary school and I can assure you that 5th graders are aware of sex and they talk about it on the playground. So if you want your child to hear it from you instead of on the playground, I would say talk prior to 5th grade. I talked to my daughter in 4th grade, just started with what changes she could expect her body to go through and opened the line of communication so she knew she could ask me anything. I told her not to trust what she heard others say, to ask me and I would verify it or refute it, explain it, whatever was appropriate.

leynak

My youngest daughter is in 1st grade & I am dreading the time for "the talk"- It kind of means she's not my baby anymore...but I know it has to happen because my parents never had the talk with me & it wasn't a very comfortable subject in our house so I didn't feel like I could just ask questions. They hardly even talked to me about my period. It was a very confusing time for me & I want to make the transition as easy as possible for my daughters.

I also think that parents need to say something to the kids & not just rely on the classes kids have. I want my kids to be comfortable with asking ME questions about whatever problem they may have & be comfortable about normal bodily changes- unlike me, embarrassed & ashamed.

I really never had a good idea of when that talk should happen though, so I'm hoping to get some good ideas from this topic.

thetrishwarp

I started Sex Ed in grade 5, and between then and grade 9 I learned pretty much everything I needed to know. My mom never sat me down and said "so this is what a penis is" etc. but whenever I had questions she answered them. We have a very open and understanding relationship, so it wasn't weird when I became sexually active and had questions either.

beccyleigh

My son is 4 & knows that a baby grows in a mummies belly & that a mummy & a daddy make a baby together from their love. (easiest way to answer the question honestly without getting too graphic.) He also knows that a baby comes out of a mummies mooey ( kid speak in our house for a vagina, haha)

We have a fairly open policy on any subject as well as no embarrassment about being naked & if he asked a specific question try to answer as honestly as possible for his understanding so I hope as he gets older he will just know about this stuff through open discussion. The idea of a "talk" sounds awful to me, very impersonal. I just knew about this stuff growing up in a mainly female family so I hope my son does too.

I don't' believe it should be up to schools to educate kids about sex, contraception & STD.

Hoppymom

Answers questions as they are asked don't give more detail than you need to when kids are little. As they approach puberty they NEED to know. There are excellent books and websites for tastefully explaining things to kids. There is no specific age. My little sister was ten when she got her first period. She had been wearing a bra for at least six months and she was busty. She was not told and when she got her period she thought that she was dying. When I asked my mother years later why she didn't tell her about the facts of life. She said that she felt my sister was too young to know! ?????????????? What!!!?????????? If they are old enough to develop they are old enough to know what is happening. Even if you don't want to talk about sex you talk about what is happening to their bodies. Over all you need to talk about it in about fourth grade or just before 5th grade. Be matter of fact. Answer their questions or tell them you will find out the answers and get back to them. Then do it.
If they ask about your sex life do not share that . Express that you are taking about the scientific facts and that your sex life is off limits. It is difficult in this day and age but encourage them to see sex as something other than as a specator sport or a way to pass the time. Sorry, I sound like I am preaching but I think kids have a right to know the facts and treasure the gift and pleasure that sex can be. FYI..my kids are 23, 25, 30, and 33. They are all pretty normal adults. My big thing to my daughters is... don't let anyman treat you like a Kleenex girl. (use and then throw away.) I tell my sons not to treat women that way too. Sermon over. Have fun this can build a real bond between you and your child.:flowerforyou:

kayleeblue

I started a "lighter" sex talk as soon as they were old enough to talk...you know the one..it's NOT ok for people to touch you here or like this..We raised different animals...calves, sheep, pigs, horses and dogs..they seen nature doing it and we just took the subject from there. It was a "talk" that keeps on going. My boys are now 19 and almost 21, we are very open with each other and we share stories all of the time. I made sure they had "coverage" for whenever the "time" may aRISE. You can never have the talk to soon. Be open and honest and leave the door open for any questions they may have. You don't want to look back and say I should have started sooner..because by then it may be to late.

ursy87

In our local schools they start a gentle introduction at 10 (puberty etc) then feelings and stuff the year after, when my oldest was 15 they had talks on STDs.
With all that being said, we are generally quite open, and if the kids have questions, I will try and answer in an age appropriate manner. What I tell my 8 year old is a very watered down version of what his older brothers get (12 & 18) , we have good books in the house, and they arent shut away, just on the bookshelf alongside Harry Potter and Diary of a Wimpy Kid., we have looked at them together and I answered anything that cropped up at the time.
I never got any talk when I was younger (mum died when I was a child) so had to figure stuff out for myself, and then I was the one who in turn had to tell my little sister(must have got thbat wrong cos she was pregnant at 16:happy: )

chezmama

The best thing that has ever happened to my relationship with my daughter is when we went, chapter by chapter, through a book called "How to Prepare Your Daughter for Every Woman's Battle" when she was around nine. It is written from a Christian perspective and it is quite detailed about sex and dating, etc., but with a focus on how to protect your heart. I am very passionate that while there is so much information out there on how they can protect themselves from getting STD's and pregnancy, protecting the heart is never addressed. This book also pointed out to parents that studies have shown that when asked at what age people should talk to their kids about sex, on average, they will respond with some age older than their own kids are. Nine or ten is a very good age to have these talks because they have not yet deemed themselves to be "too cool" to listen to what you have to say.

I never got the talk from my mom and I wish I had. I especially would have liked to have heard more about relationships....how men and women think differently and about the "Kleenex girl" concept mentioned earlier. I always thought that men and women are the same so it didn't occur to me as a young and stupid girl that many (most?) boys would "only want one thing". Women don't tend to think that way. I have taught my daughter that she is too important and special to be treated that way. I have taught her to protect her heart till the time is right. Being able to spend that time with her, teaching her about such an important topic and passing on what I believe are the best and safest practices for protecting her heart was uncomfortable at times. But it brought us closer together than I ever could have imagined. I cannot recommend spending time with your kids in this area highly enough.

catshark209

I was a school nurse in an Elementary school and I can assure you that 5th graders are aware of sex and they talk about it on the playground. So if you want your child to hear it from you instead of on the playground, I would say talk prior to 5th grade. I talked to my daughter in 4th grade, just started with what changes she could expect her body to go through and opened the line of communication so she knew she could ask me anything. I told her not to trust what she heard others say, to ask me and I would verify it or refute it, explain it, whatever was appropriate.

Yup. You are right on. My son came home in second grade and had crazy questions. Apparently another child in his class was saying things that were totally inappropriate and he overheard it. I had to have a talk with both the teacher and the principal regarding this. They found things going on at that particular child's home that weren't very good.....
So I had to explain the very basics to my son at that age. Now, he's in the fifth grade and the kids discuss these things on the playground etc. So I had to go into more detail with him and he comes to me with any questions. Its crazy how the kids know more now than when we grew up.

Iamfit4life

After they have earned their doctorates. Right before they want to start dating.

Iamfit4life

After they have earned their doctorates. Right before they want to start dating.

Oishii

My younger brother lost his virginity at 13, with a girl the same age, so when my dad saw fit to do the talk (to be precise 'Sex: don't') it was already way too late.

jennarandhayes

I have a 5 year old daughter and although we haven't discussed sex we do answer all of her questions about anatomy and babies, etc. She knows what a penis and a vagina are and she asks questions about them. She has asked how babies get in to women and we have explained it in terms that she can understand, ie Chickens lay eggs that can grow in to chicks. Mommies have eggs inside their bodies that can grow in to babies. We want to educate her before she NEEDS to know the facts. We feel that being open and honest with her from the get-go will promote an environment where she will feel safe to ask the questions that she wants to know.

When I was 2 years old my aunt sent me the book "Where Did I come From." Although I was too young for that book, my parents kept it on my bookshelf and I could look through it whenever I wanted to. At some point I started asking my parents questions about the book and they answered my questions and read the book to me. It wasn't a bad way to go about it. I always remember knowing about how babies were made, but it was very factual knowledge, which was safe and never felt shameful or wrong. I think when people wait to long to talk to their children it becomes uncomfortable for everyone involved. My "Where Did I Come From" book is now on my daughter's bookshelf. She has yet to ask us to read it, but when she does I will be happy to.

kellylou1367

My parents never explained any of it to me, I think it was due to embarrassment for them and my Mam bought me a book called Facts of Life when I was about 9 or 10 years old and she told me to read it, most of the stuff in it I had an idea of anyway.

LilMissFoodie

This is such a difficult thing to answer but I agree, the earlier the better.

On a deeply personal note (made less personal by the fact that none of you know me), I was sexually abused as a child - completely consentually technically (it was all a game to me but an 8 year old performing sexual acts on someone who knows what they are is abuse) but had I understood what was happening perhaps it wouldn't have happened at all and I wouldn't have felt so much guilt in the years that followed my sex education...

Iamfit4life

IN all honesty(disregard my joke post earlier) probably pretty young. I'd prefer they learn anything they know about sex from me, rather than some brats in a playground. Or some teacher. I'd just rather they know stuff from their parents. I think it's every bit our job to educate them.


My parents

Their sex ed consisted of this

Mom: do you know what happens when you get older
Me: yes, you get hairy parts
Mom: well that too.... here's a book

that was it lol

asyouseefit

As soon as they have questions about it.