What age to talk about the "bird and the bees" to your kid?

Nikki582

My son is 5 and knows that women/girls have a vagina, men/boys have a penis. He knows that babies grow in mummy's tummies and they come of of mum's vagina, he also knows that men have a special stuff called semen which joins with an egg inside mummy's tummy and that's how babies are made (he hasn't yet asked HOW the semen gets to the egg) and he knows that process happens through the vagina. (that was a fun conversation!) He knows that women have breasts and that milk comes from them when a woman becomes a mum, and that's how babies are fed.
I don't believe in having "a talk" I believe it happens as we go and grow, nothing's sacred in our family, I answer questions as they come without the need to be flustered or embarrassed. Some take me by surprise, but I give enough info to satisfy his question,but not too much.

My 2 year old daughter knows she and i have a vagina, she knows her brother and daddy have a penis, and that we have breasts (or moomies as she says from her breastfeeding days) which feed babies milk. I'm sure she'll have more questions though!

So in short, what age? Whenever they can identify parts on their body.

Bahet

You may begin discussing with them at any age actually. What will be different is the content and how you present it. You may just discuss basic anatomical differences for very very young children (e.g., 3-4 years old.) 1st and 2nd grade is a good time to introduce more topics such as different family units. There are books out there about sex made for children, that could help you. Remember, children are very accepting of information early on. As they get older, the more awkward it will be for both of you. Best of luck.

Excellent advice. This is what we did with our 2 boys (now ages 11 and 14) We also kept an open door policy meaning that we answed any and all questions, just geared the answer to their age. A few months ago I was watching TV with my then 10yo and a Cialis commercial came on. He asked what it was for. I told him. He replied "Dude! That is MESSED UP!" :laugh:

Elmaunie

My kids have always been able to ask me or hubby anything, we're very open. Not that I don't get a wee bit embarrassed talking about some things but I think that if they're interested they're best off knowing the facts.

It's got us into some trouble a few years ago with me being called into school on two occasions. The first because my youngest was explaining to a fellow 7 year old about female privates and the different names for them (a limerick was doing the rounds in the playground about a man from China - you get the idea!)... the other because he was explaining homosexuality lol. These aren't taboo subjects in our household but the school felt that this knowledge was inappropriate! Grrr :explode:

chezmama

One more thing I wanted to add. Please don't assume that your kids just know what they need to know because of society, sex ed in school, ect. Regardless of what they know or don't know, they really need to hear from you, so they can know they are free to come to you with any question or concern they may have. They need to know what you think about the issues. My mother said that she didn't need to tell us anything because we already knew more than she did. This was one of the worst things she could have said as it felt like an expectation I had to live up to, and not in a good way. Please don't make the same mistake, and keep the doors of communication flung as widely open as possible always. That is how things are with my daughter and I and for that I am so grateful!

healthybabs

As soon as they know what a bird and a bee is. No really, as early as possible start talking to them about their own body. By school age they should definately know what inappropriate touching is. The sexual conversations will take place naturally as your child is able to understand and you as the mom will know when that is. Don't refrain from talking about the body, it just makes the ultimate "talk" nearly impossible to have and is uncomfortable for everyone. I got the "here is a box of stuff you need , read the pamphlets and let me know if you have any questions" of course this was handed to me the first day of my first period. Definately what you want to avoid!

chezmama

Amen! That was my dad's contribution to my very limited parental sex education.

KarmaxKitty

My mother talked to me about sex and protection when I was six years old. I asked her what sex was and she sat me down and explained everything, including body parts, clinical names of things, how conception occurs, what Stds are, HiV and AIDS, how to protect yourself, why sex is important in marriage, how you should find someone special to you before you give something so special...

My mother was an RN at the time lol. None of this wsa traumatizing. I was and am still a curious person, so if anything it was just yet another learning experience I just filed away. Never slept around in high school, don't sleep around now, and I'm always reminded of the times when mom would pull out a book to explain any questions I had.

Don't be afraid to talk to them about it. I'm very happy my mother talked to me and answered my (probably horrifying for her...) questions. I had all my answers, so I knew that most of the things I learned from school were complete BULL. Don't let your kids learn from their friends...their friends won't know anything either, and then they'll all be lost.

TexasNurseMom78

As soon as they have questions about it.

I think that is the best answer. My kids are 10,girl, and 8, boy. We have been totally honest with them abot their bodies from the get go. Calling things what they are (penis, etc) and not giving them silly names. we live on a farm, so my kids have seen animals mating and giving birth. If they have questions, I answer them honestly. Keeping that communication open is very important. when my daughter was 8, I told her what to expect in the way of bdy changes in the upcoming years and I am glad that I did not wait umtil now to tell her because those changes are happening to her and from what her friends moms tell me, to other girls too way earlier than it did for me and my friends growing up.

brittanyjeanxo

My mom had the talk with me when I was 9. I was not interested at all, but it set a good tone for any questions, I knew I could ask.

Froggy1976

Both of my kids had a class in fifth grade. I talked to them both at the same time when the youngest was done with the class. One was 12 the other 10. I mostly asked them what they learned in class and made sure they understood it all correctly. Kids sometimes get a skewed view of things. I made sure they knew they could ask me any questions and they have.

ResilientWoman

My daughter is 6 now. She has been reading 'What's the big secret?' by Brown & Brown, both with me and independently since she was 3 1/2. We love it. Mark Brown created the Arthur (R) books from the PBS series by the same name.

We talk about all things sexual as they come up for her in her daily life. I've prepared her for navigating puberty and adult sexual challenges by observing the choices people around us are making and the consequences of those choices. Example: My neighbor's daughter went from looking 8 to looking 25 (unfortunately I'm not exaggerating) in one summer. The out-of-control social drama and heartache that has followed would be there whether we discussed it or not, so I try to help my daughter understand the process and what she and I can do (nutrition, lifestyle) to maximize her time as a 'girl' before she enters her time of being a 'bleeding woman', a 'warrior' - old enough to vote, fight for one's country, etc., a 'creator' - mothering children or other creations, a 'power' (using one's personal, social, etc. power to build/guide community or business or an 'elder'.

It is my experience that we are sexual creatures from the womb and that the way we are/are not aware of that is what changes.

I wish that my mom hadn't given me the insufficient, biased religious materials she gave me as an 11 year old to teach me about this sacred part of my life. I have known that I was a lesbian since I was 2 1/2 but didn't receive adequate health info on that until I was 28. Now that I'm 44, I'm pleased to say that there is a wealth of new science, especially on female anatomy and health that wasn't available until just recently so I still have much to learn!

Perhaps the best education for our children at any age is our own dynamic sexual growth/health communicated through healthy relationships with great boundaries and by example.

sarah307

I think 4th/5th grade is a good age for the basics. like what is expected of how boys and girls of that age are supposed to act, what is appropriate behavior and whatnot, etc.
agreed with the comment above.... right before the school dances start!!

karenjoy

I always talked honestly with mine, from the age they were old enough to ask questions, why lie and tell them silly rubbish like babies come from the stalk and other such ballderdash, I told mine the real names for body parts, where they came from, but using age appropriate information, like I told them as much as they wanted to know, its ridiculous to leave it until they are 10 or 11 and people who think that children live in a world that they don't talk about it with friends are kidding only themselves, tell them as soon as they are old enough to understand, mine knew about periods because they knew I had them, they knew that it was normal and they were not taken by surprise like I was at 9 and thought I was dying because my Mum lived in a dream world.

Kids talk, they tell tall tales, let your child know the truth, countries with the most sex education have the lowest teenage pregnancy rates, information is POWER, knowledge is POWER, empower your children with the knowledge they need, there is nothing wrong with knowledge, it doesn't make you a bad person to know that Mummy has a virgina and Daddy has a penis, and that ladies have breasts and that babies grow inside a lady in a special 'bag' called a womb and that Daddies put them there, they often don't want to know more than that to start with, ignorance and shame lead to nothing but bad, education is good, knowledge is good. Don't keep your child in the dark ages.

scarletleavy

I don't have kids, so not an issue for me yet, but if I ever do I'll handle it differently than my parents did.

My dad was always away on business and never involved in our lives as children and my mom never talked about sex or drugs or drinking. None of it. She grew up pretty religious and conservative in the South and I think was embarrassed or too shy to talk about sex with us. Luckily, my brother and I went to high school in Europe and our school was really upfront and honest about sex education, otherwise I think I would have been in for some serious trouble. The only thing she ever said to me about sex, was writing me a letter when I was like 16 that said I should wait until I'm married. I so wish I had kept the letter, it was one of the most ridiculous things ever. I mean who writes that?

SkateboardFi

i was around 7 or 8

ninerbuff

My mom must have thought we were angels because the talk didn't come up till I was 14. Unfortunately she didn't go over contraception and when I turned 18, I had sex and there were conseqences. I'm looking at talking to my daughter by probably the 4th grade now. We'll see how it goes.

binary_jester

My parents gave me a stack of books. While kids used slang, I knew all the technical terms. I wish I could find the pop-up sex book. I nearly wore that book out.

fbmandy55

Well my son is only 4, I know I have a little while but I also have the role of both parents. My plan is to discuss it and be open about it as things come up. If he asks a question I'm dreading at age 6, 10, 12, or 15 I'm going to be honest with him and give him a real answer. I was always able to be open with my mom about those kinds of things and I want my son to feel the same way.

Sh1tsRainbows

i had the talk with my daughter when she was 9..i believe i waited too long cause it was afeter i saw "s*x videos" in the internet search history... so unfortunately she found out WAY more than she wanted to know going that route..

Unwrapping_Candy

Well, for one, don't use silly euphemisms or analogies, and for two, chances are by the time you decide to have "the talk" your child will already know quite a lot about the subject, and may end up schooling you on a few things. lol The key is to treat your kid as though they're not completely stupid, because even kids as young as 5 are very capable of understanding sexual terminology, their anatomy, and even the act of sexual intercourse though not necessarily the possible consequences of it.