relationship question

silkysly

So I wrote an email to my ex telling him I was sorry for the way it ended with us. When I’m done, I’m done. I wouldn’t take his calls or texts. When we were together he would do things unintentionally hurtful & try to fix it with flowers or trail mix. That’ happened to many times. I left him because he clearly wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. We broke up a year ago & I think about how badly I hurt him when I left him. I just wanted to tell him I’m sorry, that’s all.

Was that the right or wrong thing to do?

mrmanmeat

So I wrote an email to my ex telling him I was sorry for the way it ended with us. When I’m done, I’m done. I wouldn’t take his calls or texts. When we were together he would do things unintentionally hurtful & try to fix it with flowers or trail mix. That’ happened to many times. I left him because he clearly wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. We broke up a year ago & I think about how badly I hurt him when I left him. I just wanted to tell him I’m sorry, that’s all.

Was that the right or wrong thing to do?

Wrong.

Ex's are ex's for a reason. Move on.

taem

You are telling him, but you are telling yourself you are finding closure. This is the right step because you are now, finally over him and the relationship. This is a great step in your journey for love and romance.

rbryntes

Your ex may see it as rubbing salt in the wound.

Moofey

Move on, delete his number, delete him from facebook and block him. You need to move on.

nygiantschick

I agree- Ex's are Ex's for a reason!!!
Lessons Learned---check
Move on....

Qarol

Wait, you sent him an email a YEAR after y'all broke up? Do you really think he's still holding a candle for you?

mrmanmeat

You are telling him, but you are telling yourself you are finding closure. This is the right step because you are now, finally over him and the relationship. This is a great step in your journey for love and romance.

Fail.

It's wrong. it's been a year. Nothing good will come of this.

ianfoster

if it was right for you then it was the right thing to do!

mrmanmeat

Wait, you sent him an email a YEAR after y'all broke up? Do you really think he's still holding a candle for you?

That's a long *kitten* wick

erickirb

I don't think you have to do what others suggest. I was in a relationship for almost 4 years, ended pretty badly. She ended up coming to my wedding reception 6 years ago, and I went to her wedding and reception 2 months ago.

In other words it is okay to keep in contact with exes. It was about a year or even more before the ex and I spoke, but that led us both to realize it was over and that we could be just friends.

But your scenario seemed to be more for you than him. You did it so you wouldn't feel so bad about what you did. I think it was okay to do, but it seems like it was for the wrong reason. Please correct me if I am wrong.

LilMissFoodie

I think it honestly depends where he is at with regards to the break up. It was a year ago so he could well have moved past it by now and my personal experience is that actually, once you have moved past the hurt and anger, it can be nice to have the other person turn around and say 'actually, I'm sorry for the way I behaved'. For me, it has given both sides a bit of closure and allowed us to be friends. If he is still pining after you though (which after a year I would hope not) then it may just make things worse for him.

Tough one to call.

joejccva71

You are telling him, but you are telling yourself you are finding closure. This is the right step because you are now, finally over him and the relationship. This is a great step in your journey for love and romance.

Taem since when are you a relationship counselor?

JaimeBrown5

It was unneccessary.

You did it to make YOU feel better, even though it seems like you were trying to be nice to him. You left him a year ago... you could have said all this then, but you waited. Clearly he's still lingering in your thoughts, regardless of whether on the surface you are "done". You need to focus on truly moving on from the end of this relationship and stop dwelling on something that's been over for a while.

You essentially just opened a door to restart communication, now you'll have to own whatever comes of it, instead of just letting dead dogs lie.

gottagethealthy

It's never to late to apologize. Especially if it made you feel better and took a weight off your shoulders.. Now you can move on.
My ex contacted me after 34 years to apologize for the way he treated me. And to ask me to forgive him. I dont know if it made him feel better because I told him I dont forgive him quite yet but I dont wish him dead anymore. So whatever works for you.

Kohadre

Your ex may see it as rubbing salt in the wound.

I second this.

CakeFit21

Yeah, I sorta wonder about this. I think it was the wrong thing to do. A year is a long time. I mean no disrespect, but are you just trying to find away to reinsert yourself into his brain without actually seeing him or being in a relationship? I mean, why even bring up all of that stuff? You said, "when I'm done, I'm done" but I think you've just proven that this is not the case. I think it was actually pretty manipulative. Sorry, but you asked.

harmonysdream

Wrong thing. That is if what you truly meant to do was make him feel better. All you did for him was drag up old wounds. The only person a year old apology helps is you, it removes your guilt...which if just wanting to feel better for yourself was the goal then it was the right thing to do. Its all about perspective.

Whitneylol

So I wrote an email to my ex telling him I was sorry for the way it ended with us. When I’m done, I’m done. I wouldn’t take his calls or texts. When we were together he would do things unintentionally hurtful & try to fix it with flowers or trail mix. That’ happened to many times. I left him because he clearly wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. We broke up a year ago & I think about how badly I hurt him when I left him. I just wanted to tell him I’m sorry, that’s all.

Was that the right or wrong thing to do?

First off, are you my twin?? I did this very thing last year, because it was #2 on my bucket list 'to apologize to someone I dont want to apologize to.' My ex and I ended very badly and I felt guilty for a lot of things.

Exes are exes for a reason- BUT.. I completely understand where you are coming from. If you wanted to apologize, which you did, and you are expecting nothing from it- then don't stress. You did what you needed to do to feel better.

Don't worry about it!

LilMissFoodie

Wow, surprised to see so many people with the basic mantra of 'forget all your exes'. My exes were my BEST friend for however long, how could you want to just throw that away? Sure, you both need time to deal with the initial hurt of the break up (and there is always going to be some for at least one of you) but then I see no reason why you wouldn't want to go back to being friends - if you truly had such a strong connection in the first place to find yourself in a relationship, why would you want to throw away the friendship?

Contrarian

It doesn't really matter what anyone thinks because you have already done it and cannot take it back.

Time will tell if it was a good idea or not.

chocolateandvodka

handwrite him a letter and burn it.

there's no reason to reopen any wounds he may have. and if he doesn't, then you'll be opening yourself up to criticism and mockery.

hbrittingham

I think it was the wrong thing to do. If he's still into you, then you've just given him hope that you might want to get back together. If he's not still into you, it might come across like rubbing salt into a wound. I think you probably did it more for yourself than for him, anyways. You were feeling guilty and want him to "forgive" you.

CakeFit21

Wow, surprised to see so many people with the basic mantra of 'forget all your exes'. My exes were my BEST friend for however long, how could you want to just throw that away? Sure, you both need time to deal with the initial hurt of the break up (and there is always going to be some for at least one of you) but then I see no reason why you wouldn't want to go back to being friends - if you truly had such a strong connection in the first place to find yourself in a relationship, why would you want to throw away the friendship?

Some exes you cannot be friends with.

SimplyFreckled

Yeah, I sorta wonder about this. I think it was the wrong thing to do. A year is a long time. I mean no disrespect, but are you just trying to find away to reinsert yourself into his brain without actually seeing him or being in a relationship? I mean, why even bring up all of that stuff? You said, "when I'm done, I'm done" but I think you've just proven that this is not the case. I think it was actually pretty manipulative. Sorry, but you asked.

^

---

This!

skinnywithin

Wait, you sent him an email a YEAR after y'all broke up? Do you really think he's still holding a candle for you?

That's a long *kitten* wick

SOUNDS LIKE THE WICK MAY BE STILL BURNING ON HER END>

BigDaddyBRC

Shows you have a passionate and compassionate heart. I dont see any issue with what you did.

silkysly

Wait, you sent him an email a YEAR after y'all broke up? Do you really think he's still holding a candle for you?

Yes I do.., his friend emailed me the other day & said he did. I just wanted to explain why I did what I did & to say I was sorry. He is really a good guy, but really immature where relationships are concern.

I’m getting ready to donate a kidney to someone & I’m trying to set everything right in my past, that’s all. Still wrong, ya think? IDK…

SkateboardFi

Wow, surprised to see so many people with the basic mantra of 'forget all your exes'. My exes were my BEST friend for however long, how could you want to just throw that away? Sure, you both need time to deal with the initial hurt of the break up (and there is always going to be some for at least one of you) but then I see no reason why you wouldn't want to go back to being friends - if you truly had such a strong connection in the first place to find yourself in a relationship, why would you want to throw away the friendship?

Some exes you cannot be friends with.

i kinda feel like ALL exes you can't be friends with..

silkysly

First off, are you my twin?? I did this very thing last year, because it was #2 on my bucket list 'to apologize to someone I dont want to apologize to.' My ex and I ended very badly and I felt guilty for a lot of things.

Exes are exes for a reason- BUT.. I completely understand where you are coming from. If you wanted to apologize, which you did, and you are expecting nothing from it- then don't stress. You did what you needed to do to feel better.

Don't worry about it!

Some of these people were starting to make me cry over what I did. I’m just trying to find closure in things I didn’t handle so good in my past. He made me feel horrible so I thought at the time I would make him feel horrible by ignoring him. I wasn’t nasty, I just ignored him. I was just trying to make things right & help him understand too. GULP!

LilMissFoodie

Wow, surprised to see so many people with the basic mantra of 'forget all your exes'. My exes were my BEST friend for however long, how could you want to just throw that away? Sure, you both need time to deal with the initial hurt of the break up (and there is always going to be some for at least one of you) but then I see no reason why you wouldn't want to go back to being friends - if you truly had such a strong connection in the first place to find yourself in a relationship, why would you want to throw away the friendship?

Some exes you cannot be friends with.

i kinda feel like ALL exes you can't be friends with..

Even for a long term relationship? Maybe I pick my relationships too carefully.... but I wouldn't be willing to give up any of my exes as friends. Edited to add although I have needed time to process the break ups, otherwise would probably have a lot more trouble moving on. But yeah, after a year or so, I would have been disappointed if we didn't go back to being friends.