relationship question

kendernau

Unless it was a truly abusive relationship, I do not see anything wrong with what you did. You are not trying to rebuild the bridge - just put some closure on it. If he is still pining for you, the letter may be what he needs to find closure himself, and let him move on. It could do the opposite too, depending on how he interprets it, but that is really up to him.

As far as being friends with an ex, a lot of that depends on the two people. For many people, it is possible to go back to being friends - but they have to both be willing. If one side is not willing, for whatever reason (jealousy, hurt, confusion, not willing to give up on the relationship, etc.), then it really is better for both to put it behind you and move on.

As was said though, what is done is done, and only time will tell if it was the right thing to do or not. Don't beat yourself up about it though - you did what you thought was the right thing, and if it turns out otherwise, it is another life lesson to learn.

Qarol

Wait, you sent him an email a YEAR after y'all broke up? Do you really think he's still holding a candle for you?

Yes I do.., his friend emailed me the other day & said he did. I just wanted to explain why I did what I did & to say I was sorry. He is really a good guy, but really immature where relationships are concern.

I’m getting ready to donate a kidney to someone & I’m trying to set everything right in my past, that’s all. Still wrong, ya think? IDK…

Then in all seriousness, if he IS still pining for you, an apology might have hurt him. But what's done is done.

OKmac3

So I wrote an email to my ex telling him I was sorry for the way it ended with us. When I’m done, I’m done. I wouldn’t take his calls or texts. When we were together he would do things unintentionally hurtful & try to fix it with flowers or trail mix. That’ happened to many times. I left him because he clearly wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. We broke up a year ago & I think about how badly I hurt him when I left him. I just wanted to tell him I’m sorry, that’s all.

Was that the right or wrong thing to do?

I think you are asking the wrong question....The question is not up to us to decide if you did the right or wrong thing....The question is do YOU think you did the right or wrong thing? Ultimately you are the one who has to decide whether or not you did the right thing.

For myself, if I let others tell me if I did the right or wrong thing then I am allowing them to control what I think is right or wrong. I may ask for opinions of what they think but I have to live with the decision, they don't.

So I ask you, do you think you did the right thing?

stroken96

Wait, you sent him an email a YEAR after y'all broke up? Do you really think he's still holding a candle for you?

How long were you with him?
Time to move on!

MrsCon40

First off, are you my twin?? I did this very thing last year, because it was #2 on my bucket list 'to apologize to someone I dont want to apologize to.' My ex and I ended very badly and I felt guilty for a lot of things.

Exes are exes for a reason- BUT.. I completely understand where you are coming from. If you wanted to apologize, which you did, and you are expecting nothing from it- then don't stress. You did what you needed to do to feel better.

Don't worry about it!

Some of these people were starting to make me cry over what I did. I’m just trying to find closure in things I didn’t handle so good in my past. He made me feel horrible so I thought at the time I would make him feel horrible by ignoring him. I wasn’t nasty, I just ignored him. I was just trying to make things right & help him understand too. GULP!

In this case, I think what you did was reopen a painful wound for him if you have no intention of reconciling.

You may feel better, but you may have set him back to day one in grieving for your failed relationship.

But what's done is done.

Raine7

Wow, people are soooo oppinionated. What is right for you may not be right for someone else. You didnt do anything wrong.
There is no right or wrong in this situation. Sometimes we do need to apoligize for our actions. Dont let this get you down!
Its not about a wick burning, its about an appology people.

MrsCon40

Wow, people are soooo oppinionated. What is right for you may not be right for someone else. You didnt do anything wrong.
There is no right or wrong in this situation. Sometimes we do need to apoligize for our actions. Dont let this get you down!
Its not about a wick burning, its about an appology people.

She solicited opinions .... that was the point of the original post.

SkateboardFi

Wow, surprised to see so many people with the basic mantra of 'forget all your exes'. My exes were my BEST friend for however long, how could you want to just throw that away? Sure, you both need time to deal with the initial hurt of the break up (and there is always going to be some for at least one of you) but then I see no reason why you wouldn't want to go back to being friends - if you truly had such a strong connection in the first place to find yourself in a relationship, why would you want to throw away the friendship?

Some exes you cannot be friends with.

i kinda feel like ALL exes you can't be friends with..

Even for a long term relationship? Maybe I pick my relationships too carefully.... but I wouldn't be willing to give up any of my exes as friends. Edited to add although I have needed time to process the break ups, otherwise would probably have a lot more trouble moving on. But yeah, after a year or so, I would have been disappointed if we didn't go back to being friends.

there's too much at stake with that arrangement. sure, you can control your actions and emotions, but there is no way of telling if your ex is truly on the same page. i have exes i broke up with over a year ago that still want to get back with me/break up what i have going now. no matter how 'mutual' a friendship with an ex may seem, there was initially love, feelings and commitment brought into that situation, which in turn, changes the dynamics of the nature of the relationship.

kennethmgreen

It doesn't really matter what anyone thinks because you have already done it and cannot take it back.

Time will tell if it was a good idea or not.

Bingo. And not of the I9 variety.

I don't know if you are making amends, holding a candle for this person, have ulterior motives or what.

You aren't looking for advice, because you already took action. Are you seeking confirmation? Condemnation? Do you feel guilty?

What do you mean was it the right or wrong thing to do? If 100 people tell you it was the right thing to do, what then? Are you at peace? If 100 people tell you it was the wrong thing to do, what then?

I'm going to go out on limb and say that categorizing your actions as right or wrong on an Internet forum devoted to fitness might not get you the results you want. Wait till people start arguing over the advice others are giving to you. (wait, that's already happening)

But who am I to judge? Maybe this is exactly what you wanted.

joejccva71

Wow, people are soooo oppinionated. What is right for you may not be right for someone else. You didnt do anything wrong.
There is no right or wrong in this situation. Sometimes we do need to apoligize for our actions. Dont let this get you down!
Its not about a wick burning, its about an appology people.

Pot...

Kettle...

Black...

Lesley1962

We can't always fix past hurts, I think its best all round if you leave it now

ilookthetype

If 100 people tell you it was the wrong thing to do, what then?

She cries, she already said that earlier...

silkysly

Did anybody get the part WHY I did it?

I am having a life changing operation.., I am donating a kidney to someone & I’m trying to make peace with my past. I wanted to say I was sorry, in case i don't get the chance to later. That's all. Maybe I was wrong, idk...

Contrarian

The main function of the kidney is basically to rid the body of toxins.

It doesn't matter what we think. You have your own reasons. If you are looking for solidarity you have to be prepared that posting in an open forum may not achieve that.

You asked a question and people responded. Some people have shown you a great deal of sympathy and understanding, but other people have not. It might not be what you were hoping for, but it's honest.

I hope the surgery goes well.

kennethmgreen

The main function of the kidney is basically to rid the body of toxins.

It doesn't matter what we think. You have your own reasons. If you are looking for solidarity you have to be prepared that posting in an open forum may not achieve that.

You asked a question and people responded. Some people have shown you a great deal of sympathy and understanding, but other people have not. It might not be what you were hoping for, but it's honest.

I hope the surgery goes well.

Outstanding.

jetscreaminagain

Did anybody get the part WHY I did it?

I am having a life changing operation.., I am donating a kidney to someone & I’m trying to make peace with my past. I wanted to say I was sorry, in case i don't get the chance to later. That's all. Maybe I was wrong, idk...

I don't know if what you did with him was right or wrong as there isn't enough info. What I do see here is a little drama dance: I'm doing a wonderful thing (organ donation) so I want tobdo another magnanimous thing (be the bigger person with the ex) but you know it wasn't so generous if it was about you feeling magnanimous. So you ask for opinions to make it feel better but you do it on a fitness forum which is a different choice for the reasons above,but it doesn't go like you'd hoped. So you let us know you're the kind of person who donates a kidney therefore it must've been kind. But it isnt satisfying because you told us the answer. (Oh! Kidney donation! Must be nice) so in two follow up posts you set up that the answer is you were nice and good and right and cue the nice strokes from the audience by ending them both with "IDK?".

If this is anything like how you run your relationships you may have a clue as to why they might be rocky and end bad.