Does anyone else find it hard to accept a compliment?

Options
2»

Replies

  • phocid
    phocid Posts: 85 Member
    Options
    Internally, yes of course. Someone years ago told me to learn to say Thank you and then shut up already! :) Now, even though my HEAD wants me to say "but...[insert self-deprecating comment here]" I replace that with "that is so kind of you to say" or "I like your [insert compliment back]". Try it! Be super conscious of it. Eventually, it becomes second nature to quiet the "but" monster.
  • laneybird
    laneybird Posts: 532 Member
    Options
    Thanks everyone!! Glad that I am not the only one who is like that. I'm hoping as my self-confidence gets better that I will be able to receive compliments better as well.

    Oh, and Thank You to those who complimented me (I will stop typing now so I won't "argue" :wink:)
  • laneybird
    laneybird Posts: 532 Member
    Options
    Internally, yes of course. Someone years ago told me to learn to say Thank you and then shut up already! :) Now, even though my HEAD wants me to say "but...[insert self-deprecating comment here]" I replace that with "that is so kind of you to say" or "I like your [insert compliment back]". Try it! Be super conscious of it. Eventually, it becomes second nature to quiet the "but" monster.

    I totally agree! I am one of those who hands out compliments all of the time. I just find it hard to accept them... it aggravates me. But, I am going to try to make an effort to only say "Thank you!" and internally argue lol
  • Christi6604
    Christi6604 Posts: 245 Member
    Options
    The thing that helped me the most with this was someone explaining to me how rude they thought it was. That I was basically calling them a liar. So I practiced biting my tongue and it got a bit easier.

    8220957.png
    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter
  • jmruef
    jmruef Posts: 824 Member
    Options
    I'm getting better at accepting compliments. I've learned that people can be sincere about it and I don't need to question motives. I can smile and say "Thanks" and go on without getting all paranoid about why they're bothering to be nice.

    That leads me to something I've been thinking about here on the forum, though:

    A lot of posts on MFP are related to coworkers/family members who are insensitive to our weight loss/health efforts. I see things qutie often about how my [coworker/spouse/sig other/family member] said something along the lines of "you don't need to lose any more weight" or "you're obsessed" or "come on, you can have just one donut/cookie/whatever." The reaction from the poster in these cases has been one of frustration, that they weren't being supported, understood, etc. The follow up posts have generally been in support of the OP.

    But...and there are exceptions, I realize...what if the people saying those things are actually trying to compliment you on the job you're doing? "Wow, you don't need to lose any more weight" could be translated into "You're looking really good!" rather than "I'm not supporting you in your efforts because I think you're nuts." "You can eat a cookie" could mean "You look like you can afford to eat a cookie without blowing your diet" - I'm not sure I see what's wrong with that. Yeah, it might not be the most understanding thing in the world, but there could be a positive message there.

    Like I said, there are exceptions. Some people truly don't get it and can be downright hurtful, and that's wrong. I do think, however, people with self-worth issues (and I'm including myself in this group) who are beginning to NOT have self-worth issues anymore, are on pretty fragile ground. We want to be complimented, we want to be okay with ourselves, BUT...when we get a compliment, we evaluate it (and the person giving it) for any possible signs of someone cutting us down. I sometimes think we manufacture those signs - it gives us a reason to build ourselves up and reassure ourselves that yes, we ARE okay.

    Example:

    My coworker offers me a cookie. I decline. Coworker says, "Come on, you've been dieting for AGES. One isn't going to kill you."

    Initial reaction: Coworker is an inconsiderate SOB who doesn't realize that I'm on this journey for GOOD and trying to stay away from crap food like cookies.

    Other possibility (because I know my coworker isn't an inconsiderate SOB - s/he's actually a really good person): Coworker ha noticed that I'm getting in shape, eating really healthy. Coworker knows that eating a cookie isn't going to derail a healthy eating plan but doesn't understand the depth of my commitment to really healthy eating or that cookies are a trigger food for me. Coworker's real intent is to compliment me on my hard work, because s/he knows that weight is a touchy subject and saying anything outright might be taken the wrong way.

    Is that making any sense? This is me just thinkin' me thinks - I'm not a psychologist or behaviorist or anything like that. I just think we do enough putting ourselves down - accepting compliments (my opinion, again!) is something to get better at.

    Phew! Thanks for reading all this, if you made it this far. :flowerforyou:

Categories