Single children vs. siblings

Janie5605

I am one of three daughters. I'm the youngest and both of my sisters are just enough older then me that growing up we missed out on the bonding. Liz is 4 yrs older then I am and Kate is 8 yrs older. We are all VERY different people so that didn't help the bonding either. Regardless I love my sisters and would never give them up. As adults we are much closer then i ever expected. Watching my mother struggle with an uneasy relationship with her sister I see the benefits of siblings as an adult. We thought that we would only have one but then I saw what my mother is going through essentially being a single child as an adult and I would never want to take that relationship away from my children. I don't want my children to go through what one of my only child friends is going through alone, losing their parent at a young age. While my sisters and I come from very different places in life (they're both adopted) and we are all so opposite I wouldn't wish anyone to have to go through life without a sibling.

It's not just about when you're young it's about life. You can have friends and a spouse but who is to say they will always be there. A sibling, no matter what, will always be there good bad or otherwise. Thats one sense of security I don't think anyone should be without. There is no one in this world that can replace a sibling. period. from 8 to 80 siblings are irreplaceable.

TheMaidOfAstolat

I have two siblings...both male and are 10 and 11 years older than I am. I was basically a single child but had the benefits of having older siblings when I needed them. I have a daughter that is almost 8, I'm divorced and in no rush to have another child yet. I had never planned on having children of my own...I had wanted to adopt when I was around age 30. I'm 26, single, and raising a 7 year old on my own. Plans change. I don't think it matters if a child has siblings or not...it depends on the environment in which the child is raised and if they have friends outside the family. My daughter is involved in a few groups and gets to interact with others her age on a daily basis. She's not missing out on anything that a sibling would or would not provide. I'd love to meet a good man, settle down, and maybe have another child...but it's not something that is needed.

tnic86

I had 1 daughter and I finally decided that I would have another child (when my 1st was 6) because I felt guilty having her be an only child. I was worried about how it would be when her father an I were gone and she was alone in the world. Kind of weird, I know, but I now have 2 beautiful chilren (thank God) and I'm much happier for it and they love each other dearly so I think my oldest is happier for it too.

I'm an only child and I know exactly what you're talking about. It scares me to have to deal with that alone when the time comes.

mrmanmeat

I have come in contact with a lot of only children that are spoiled brats....I would never have just one, but that's just me.

That's because of bad parenting, not because they're only children. I know a lot of not only children who are spoiled brats, too.

amen.

bad parenting seems to be all too common in this day and age.

spank your kids!

momma3sweetgirls

I'm the yougest of 4 and I have 4 myself. Holidays were a blast with siblings. I try to imagine Christmas morning without siblings around and all I hear is crickets chirping.

MrsSpratt

I had a difficult labor with my daughter and a rough first few months of her life. We talked about stopping at one but ultimately decided we wanted her to have a sibling. It is challenging having two little ones so close together (2 years apart), but I wouldn't change it for anything! It's so much fun and they are so sweet together. We know several only children and they all have a hard time sharing toys and attention alike. I think it's just harder for them because they have all the attention at home.

On the other hand, having only one would allow you to give them more enriching experiences. It would be easier to travel with one child. I barely want to leave the house with two. You wouldn't have to limit extracurriculars because of time or money. If you have two or three kids in dance, sports, music lessons etc, it gets expensive. With just one, there's more money to pay for those kinds of things.

godblessourhome

while i wished to be an only child as i was growing up (haha), i am so thankful for my brother and sister as an adult. it was really nice when my dad was dying of prostate cancer and helping mom wasn't my responsibility alone. we were all there for her and for each other.

prettybrownround

I dont think it matters. I am the youngest of 3. I have an older brother and sister but it seems like I am the only child. We r all 2years apart but we r not close at all. It was like an every person for himself attitude. My older siblings didnt teach me anything, give me guidance or show me the ropes. I had to learn everything on my own or thru friends.

I hv one biological son and a step son that hv been raised together for 7 years. Fortunately, they hv a close bond and u wouldnt be able to tell that they are not blood related.

tnic86

I have come in contact with a lot of only children that are spoiled brats....I would never have just one, but that's just me.

That's because of bad parenting, not because they're only children. I know a lot of not only children who are spoiled brats, too.

I agree...bad parenting!

melizerd

I am the oldest of two, my brother is 3 1/2 years younger than I am. We like each other but we were NEVER close, never playmates, we're just VERY different people. He lives only 25 min from me and mostly I only see him on holidays. So having a sibling doesn't mean instant best friend or buddy for life.

My husband and I have an only child that will stay that way. There are a LOT of factors that go into choosing how many children to have no matter the number, ours came down to only one child was best.

I think it's easier now to have an only child because kids have so much interaction with other kids through school, activities etc than they did even 20 years ago. So the socialization is great and yet I can go home to our own quiet house

Yes money was a factor, we want to be able to have enough time and money to do more things than WE would be able to afford with more kids (again what one family could afford is different from another) so we didn't want to miss out on fun stuff because it was too expensive.

My husband has Multiple Sclerosis so his health was a factor (albeit one of the smaller factors actually) and I'm currently in school to be an RN and want my husband to be able to work part time or not at all when I'm done with school and still live comfortably.

I enjoy dating my husband, I never want to have been so wrapped up in my child's life that I forgot about the most important relationship in my life (my marriage) and having one child allows us a date night every month, something I hear A LOT of families with more kids (more than 2 usually) complain that they don't get.

There is no perfect formula and what works for my family probably won't for anyone else's but that's fine, I just wish people would quit telling me that I'm scarring my child by not giving him a "playmate" a sibling or a "best friend". My child is NOT spoiled, I know several families with multiple children who are spoiled, so spoiled has ZERO to do with being an only, it's about bad parenting

In most families only one child ends up with the burden of the parents in old age anyhow no matter the number. VERY VERY few families share that responsibility well so that was NOT a factor, and my husband and I have already made good plans for the future (and I'm only 29 and hubby is 35). Our son will be 5 in December and I'm glad we're done with the baby stage

ak_in_ak

I am one of three daughters. I'm the youngest and both of my sisters are just enough older then me that growing up we missed out on the bonding. Liz is 4 yrs older then I am and Kate is 8 yrs older. We are all VERY different people so that didn't help the bonding either. Regardless I love my sisters and would never give them up. As adults we are much closer then i ever expected. Watching my mother struggle with an uneasy relationship with her sister I see the benefits of siblings as an adult. We thought that we would only have one but then I saw what my mother is going through essentially being a single child as an adult and I would never want to take that relationship away from my children. I don't want my children to go through what one of my only child friends is going through alone, losing their parent at a young age. While my sisters and I come from very different places in life (they're both adopted) and we are all so opposite I wouldn't wish anyone to have to go through life without a sibling.

It's not just about when you're young it's about life. You can have friends and a spouse but who is to say they will always be there. A sibling, no matter what, will always be there good bad or otherwise. Thats one sense of security I don't think anyone should be without. There is no one in this world that can replace a sibling. period. from 8 to 80 siblings are irreplaceable.

I agree, it is not even about when they are young, that is such a small portion of life. it is having someone later in life. My parents jsut moved, I am only 21 and my brother are 18, so it is kind of weird for me, and left my brother with me, as much as I can't stand him living in my house, it is comforting to have him

CoryIda

I am the youngest of 3 girls and I have to say that having a constant playmate (one of my sisters is 7 years older but the other is only 1 1/2 years older than me) was definitely a blessing, even if we fought A LOT. It helped me learn some social skills that, due to my extremely shy personality as a child, really helped me.

That being said, I have an only child. I can't have any more children and so my 9 year old will always be an only child. I think he does miss out on a lot by not having another child in the house, but we don't always get to make those choices so my husband and I just do our best to parent him as best as we can.

momof3and3

God made Adam and Eve, Noah built the ark for 2 of every living creature...I believe that we are desitined to be at least a pair...so not having an only child is not the way nature intended...

HOWEVER: there are benefits of having a only child...undivided attention from parents, finances are usually easier, those children tend to have better social lives...

That being said, I am from a large family, I am one of seven, and I have my on large family...6 children. I wouldn't change a thing about it. My children are "team" players, they know how to share, they take other people's feelings in consideration, and when life gets hard, they always have a sibling to help them along

Having children is a personal choice, wether it is only one child, or 19. Children are a gift from God, there aren't any "bad" children, just bad parenting. There isn't a right or wrong answer about how many children to have...but once you have that child or 2 you always have to do what is right by them.

voluptas63

I have 5 siblings: 3 step brothers, a "real" brother and a half sister.

I'd get rid of all of them for it to be me and my younger brother. That being said... parenting is what results in a spoiled child. I've dealt with plenty of children over the years and there are just as many spoiled rotten, out of control children with siblings as there are only children.

I'm dealing with this dilemma by not spawning. Ever.

lynn1982

I'm an only child and I was most definitely spoiled as a kid. I had a lot more opportunities (and materials items) that I would not have had if I had siblings. However, I don't think that makes me a brat. As a child I always wished that I had siblings and I think it would have made things a bit easier after my mom died (or maybe not easier, but at least different in a positive way). My parents were just unable to have more children. I now have three step siblings and each one of them has enriched my life. Family dinners have now gone from 2 people to 10 and I couldn't imagine it any other way!

baisleac

I was the younger sister.

My brother died when I was 7 and I became an only surviving child.

I'd much rather be the former.

*~*~*

My husband is the oldest of three. His parents definitely play favorites (with the other two being the favorites) but he wouldn't trade his brother and sister for the world.

healthy_KT

Single child = bad idea! I think it is unfair for the child to not have that bond. The same goes for kids with big age gaps of 5 + years. They tend to be just as spoiled and don't get the benifits of a sibling. I honestly think the worst situation is 3 kids. The middle child tends to get over showded. I can think of several kids that are screwed up becasue of it. One friend has twin older sisters ( count them as one kid) and a younger brother. The sisters are beautiful and got tons of attention and the brother was super smart. The middle kid never got the attention he wanted and always felt like he was in competion.

I'm actually the oldest of three girls and my parents give us all an equal amount of attention. My middle is sister outshines us most of the time. She has the best work ethic and is one of the top in her class (junior in high school). Middle children don't always get overshadowed. My sisters are a year apart and I am almost 5 and 6 years older than them. I got the benefits of having a sibling and they are two of my best friends. You can't really say the worst situation is 3 kids. There is no "worse" situation.

asyouseefit

I was an only child and turned ou okay (I think). I was spoiled but was no "brat" as my parents were very strict. The only real problems I see: 1) My mum tends to have high hopes for me as i'm her only child (my Dad has 2 other daughters from a previous marriage) 2) I'll be alone when my parents grow old and eventually pass away I have two step-sisters but we didn't grow up together (there were in their 20s when I was born) so we do not have the same bond as actual siblings.

I only have one kid at the moment (although I'm already 32). I dunno if we're going to have a second one. Sometimes I feel like one is enough and sometimes I want a second one... My SO feels the same, I think. He had a younger sister but he's not into family stuff so he'd be okay with only one child too.

ak_in_ak

God made Adam and Eve, Noah built the ark for 2 of every living creature

... so they could mate....

melizerd

I want to add that my child shares VERY VERY well, sometimes better than the kids with siblings. Especially because he knows that when those kids leave (or he goes home) no one is going to try and steal his stuff so he's happy to share for the time he's there. We've been continually praised about his team work and sharing skills.


So again, nothing to do with being an only all about the parenting style and the child's natural tendencies.