Single children vs. siblings

ak_in_ak

I am one of three daughters. I'm the youngest and both of my sisters are just enough older then me that growing up we missed out on the bonding. Liz is 4 yrs older then I am and Kate is 8 yrs older. We are all VERY different people so that didn't help the bonding either. Regardless I love my sisters and would never give them up. As adults we are much closer then i ever expected. Watching my mother struggle with an uneasy relationship with her sister I see the benefits of siblings as an adult. We thought that we would only have one but then I saw what my mother is going through essentially being a single child as an adult and I would never want to take that relationship away from my children. I don't want my children to go through what one of my only child friends is going through alone, losing their parent at a young age. While my sisters and I come from very different places in life (they're both adopted) and we are all so opposite I wouldn't wish anyone to have to go through life without a sibling.

It's not just about when you're young it's about life. You can have friends and a spouse but who is to say they will always be there. A sibling, no matter what, will always be there good bad or otherwise. Thats one sense of security I don't think anyone should be without. There is no one in this world that can replace a sibling. period. from 8 to 80 siblings are irreplaceable.

I agree, it is not even about when they are young, that is such a small portion of life. it is having someone later in life. My parents jsut moved, I am only 21 and my brother are 18, so it is kind of weird for me, and left my brother with me, as much as I can't stand him living in my house, it is comforting to have him

CoryIda

I am the youngest of 3 girls and I have to say that having a constant playmate (one of my sisters is 7 years older but the other is only 1 1/2 years older than me) was definitely a blessing, even if we fought A LOT. It helped me learn some social skills that, due to my extremely shy personality as a child, really helped me.

That being said, I have an only child. I can't have any more children and so my 9 year old will always be an only child. I think he does miss out on a lot by not having another child in the house, but we don't always get to make those choices so my husband and I just do our best to parent him as best as we can.

momof3and3

God made Adam and Eve, Noah built the ark for 2 of every living creature...I believe that we are desitined to be at least a pair...so not having an only child is not the way nature intended...

HOWEVER: there are benefits of having a only child...undivided attention from parents, finances are usually easier, those children tend to have better social lives...

That being said, I am from a large family, I am one of seven, and I have my on large family...6 children. I wouldn't change a thing about it. My children are "team" players, they know how to share, they take other people's feelings in consideration, and when life gets hard, they always have a sibling to help them along

Having children is a personal choice, wether it is only one child, or 19. Children are a gift from God, there aren't any "bad" children, just bad parenting. There isn't a right or wrong answer about how many children to have...but once you have that child or 2 you always have to do what is right by them.

voluptas63

I have 5 siblings: 3 step brothers, a "real" brother and a half sister.

I'd get rid of all of them for it to be me and my younger brother. That being said... parenting is what results in a spoiled child. I've dealt with plenty of children over the years and there are just as many spoiled rotten, out of control children with siblings as there are only children.

I'm dealing with this dilemma by not spawning. Ever.

lynn1982

I'm an only child and I was most definitely spoiled as a kid. I had a lot more opportunities (and materials items) that I would not have had if I had siblings. However, I don't think that makes me a brat. As a child I always wished that I had siblings and I think it would have made things a bit easier after my mom died (or maybe not easier, but at least different in a positive way). My parents were just unable to have more children. I now have three step siblings and each one of them has enriched my life. Family dinners have now gone from 2 people to 10 and I couldn't imagine it any other way!

baisleac

I was the younger sister.

My brother died when I was 7 and I became an only surviving child.

I'd much rather be the former.

*~*~*

My husband is the oldest of three. His parents definitely play favorites (with the other two being the favorites) but he wouldn't trade his brother and sister for the world.

healthy_KT

Single child = bad idea! I think it is unfair for the child to not have that bond. The same goes for kids with big age gaps of 5 + years. They tend to be just as spoiled and don't get the benifits of a sibling. I honestly think the worst situation is 3 kids. The middle child tends to get over showded. I can think of several kids that are screwed up becasue of it. One friend has twin older sisters ( count them as one kid) and a younger brother. The sisters are beautiful and got tons of attention and the brother was super smart. The middle kid never got the attention he wanted and always felt like he was in competion.

I'm actually the oldest of three girls and my parents give us all an equal amount of attention. My middle is sister outshines us most of the time. She has the best work ethic and is one of the top in her class (junior in high school). Middle children don't always get overshadowed. My sisters are a year apart and I am almost 5 and 6 years older than them. I got the benefits of having a sibling and they are two of my best friends. You can't really say the worst situation is 3 kids. There is no "worse" situation.

asyouseefit

I was an only child and turned ou okay (I think). I was spoiled but was no "brat" as my parents were very strict. The only real problems I see: 1) My mum tends to have high hopes for me as i'm her only child (my Dad has 2 other daughters from a previous marriage) 2) I'll be alone when my parents grow old and eventually pass away I have two step-sisters but we didn't grow up together (there were in their 20s when I was born) so we do not have the same bond as actual siblings.

I only have one kid at the moment (although I'm already 32). I dunno if we're going to have a second one. Sometimes I feel like one is enough and sometimes I want a second one... My SO feels the same, I think. He had a younger sister but he's not into family stuff so he'd be okay with only one child too.

ak_in_ak

God made Adam and Eve, Noah built the ark for 2 of every living creature

... so they could mate....

melizerd

I want to add that my child shares VERY VERY well, sometimes better than the kids with siblings. Especially because he knows that when those kids leave (or he goes home) no one is going to try and steal his stuff so he's happy to share for the time he's there. We've been continually praised about his team work and sharing skills.


So again, nothing to do with being an only all about the parenting style and the child's natural tendencies.

RuchikaPal

What do you think it's beneficial for a child, to be a single child or to have at least one more sibling? How do you think this affects the child as an adult? What is your experience with yourself and your children? If you decided to have more than one child, why? I am a single child, and it sucked! But my parents were ok with not having to go through diaper phase all over again, so they stopped at 1.

i knwww....
I'm a single child.. n yes it has its advantages...but it suckssss!!!!!!! :ohwell:

i had no one to play with ..... yes there r frndz..but a child needs a sibling..... i always dreamt of having an elder brother..it would break my heart to see my frndz with their sibling n all the fun n fights they had..it was so amiable!!!!!

a child does need a sibling...!!!Period!!!!

sandy2006

I have just 1 son who is 3 and I am not having anymore. My son has autism so the chances of a second child getting it are great. He will do just fine being an only child.
With that said I had 2 sisters and it was great to always have someone to play with growing up. But now we dont talk we are spread out over different states and we have no real connection. So I dont feel guilty for having just one because its NOT a gaurantee you will be close as adults.

StrengthIDidntKnow

I have come in contact with a lot of only children that are spoiled brats....I would never have just one, but that's just me.

That's because of bad parenting, not because they're only children. I know a lot of not only children who are spoiled brats, too.

This ^^^

My husband, daughter (she is 5) and I were at a restaurant once, there was another family with 2 kids at the table next to us. Their kids ran around the entire time, threw food and just didn't listen, not that the parents really tried. The people on the other side of us left us a note complimenting our daughter's behavior on the way out.

Just like most things in life, it isn't a one size fits all type of thing, it is whatever works with your family dynamic. I grew up with 3 sisters. There was a lot of fighting growing up but I would do anything for them and vice versa.

My husband and I would have liked 2 children, about 3 years apart. We felt that was what would work for us. It didn't work out that way so we adjusted as did our daughter.

kb455

I'm the youngest of 3 girls and my sisters are like my best friends. They hated me growing up (I'm 6 and 7 years younger than them so we never got along) but now I don't know what I'd do without them. I can tell them ANYTHING and we're super close.

Parents I know who have one child often feel guilty about it because the kid doesn't have siblings to play with but I'm sure there are advantages and disadvantages to being an only child, just as there are with having sibling(s).

lynn1982

Just to add - Since my parents had me when they were older than most new parents (my mom was 39 and my dad was 42), I was socialized around adults for the majority of my life. Obviously children with siblings can also be socialized around adults from an early age, but I noticed that friends of mine with siblings would eat dinner in a different room and then disappear to go play if company was over. I was often the only child at dinner parties held by my parents. I always ate at the dinner table with the rest of the grown ups, and I usually sat at the table while everyone chatted after dinner. Most of my parents' friends also had much older children, so when we were invited out, I was often the only young child. Although I always wished for siblings in order to have someone with whom I could play, I think being an only child gave me other social opportunities that I probably would not have had. It's just a different way to grow up and I don't think one is necessarily "better" or "worse." Furthermore, many people who have only one child are unable to have more, so I don't think it's fair to judge... While one can say that one wants a certain number of children for whatever reason, it's not always up to us as human beings...

LauraMacNCheese

I had 7 half-siblings...6 brothers & 1 sister. We all have the same dad; but I'm my mom's only biological child. There was a 20-year age gap between my mom & dad (my dad was 46 when I was born); so my sibs are all at least 10 years older than I am. In fact, all but that 1 are biologically old enough to be my parents (my oldest brother turned 57 this year). I say I had 7 because one of my brothers passed away a number of years ago; so I am left with 6 siblings. When I was little, at least 2 of my brothers lived at home...I was the typical pesky kid sister and I was treated as such...in other words, I was a WWF tackling dummy for most of my youth. I was pile-driven into the couch multiple times & yes, I know that explains a lot, LOL! I wouldn't trade them for the world though...I loved having a bunch of brothers & when my sister moved back home from TX it was even better.

That being said...I am stopping at 2...I have reached my limit. Any more & I'd be in a padded room. But as much as they bicker, I don't think my kids will have a better friend or ally then they do in each other. My daughter looks out for her kid brother...No one is allowed to pick on him but her & vice versa, LOL!

ChubbieTubbie

I am an only child (3 step-siblings and 1 half sibling that I never lived with) and I really want a big family so my children aren't lonely. I currently have 3 and am working on concieving #4. My mom was one of 5, and hated siblings so wanted me to be an only...so I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. Sometimes I miss just having one (#1 was 4 when #2 was born) but I wouldn't trade #2 and #3 for the world--family dynamics are so much more different now that we have multiple children.

bethdris

I am one of 3, my husband is one of 3(big age spread between #2 and him #3) He has 4 boys (3 of them are ours together and live with us). Our 3 little boys are all 4 and under. His oldest lives with is mom in another state. I've met both singletons that were spoiled brats and siblings that were spoiled brats. Its all about the parents and how the kids are raised/socialized.

I wouldn't want an only child (our 3 all came a 12 month time frame). So the boys dont konw anything but having a sibling or 2. I think its great they get to grow up together, blame things on each other and we'll get to see them each become their own person!

rml_16

What do you think it's beneficial for a child, to be a single child or to have at least one more sibling? How do you think this affects the child as an adult? What is your experience with yourself and your children? If you decided to have more than one child, why? I am a single child, and it sucked! But my parents were ok with not having to go through diaper phase all over again, so they stopped at 1.

i knwww....
I'm a single child.. n yes it has its advantages...but it suckssss!!!!!!! :ohwell:

i had no one to play with ..... yes there r frndz..but a child needs a sibling..... i always dreamt of having an elder brother..it would break my heart to see my frndz with their sibling n all the fun n fights they had..it was so amiable!!!!!

a child does need a sibling...!!!Period!!!!

A child needs love, food, water and shelter. And education is a plus, too. A child does not *need* a sibling. You have only your own experience to draw on. Perhaps *you* needed a sibling, but I did not. I was not lonely. My parents paid a lot of attention to me, we had pets and I had a ton of friends who were almost always available to play (and as I got older, hang out or whatever).

I'm not spoiled. I'm well-adjusted. I'm happy. I'm educated and successful and have an active social life.

I know many people who barely speak (if at all) to their siblings and others who are very close. Someone who had a lousy sibling experience could turn what you said around and claim it's BAD to have siblings.

rml_16

I am one of three daughters. I'm the youngest and both of my sisters are just enough older then me that growing up we missed out on the bonding. Liz is 4 yrs older then I am and Kate is 8 yrs older. We are all VERY different people so that didn't help the bonding either. Regardless I love my sisters and would never give them up. As adults we are much closer then i ever expected. Watching my mother struggle with an uneasy relationship with her sister I see the benefits of siblings as an adult. We thought that we would only have one but then I saw what my mother is going through essentially being a single child as an adult and I would never want to take that relationship away from my children. I don't want my children to go through what one of my only child friends is going through alone, losing their parent at a young age. While my sisters and I come from very different places in life (they're both adopted) and we are all so opposite I wouldn't wish anyone to have to go through life without a sibling.

It's not just about when you're young it's about life. You can have friends and a spouse but who is to say they will always be there. A sibling, no matter what, will always be there good bad or otherwise. Thats one sense of security I don't think anyone should be without. There is no one in this world that can replace a sibling. period. from 8 to 80 siblings are irreplaceable.

I agree, it is not even about when they are young, that is such a small portion of life. it is having someone later in life. My parents jsut moved, I am only 21 and my brother are 18, so it is kind of weird for me, and left my brother with me, as much as I can't stand him living in my house, it is comforting to have him

What happens when the sibling dies? My grandmother had three siblings. Two died quite young and the third died a few months ago. At 95 years old, she's an "only child."

She has children and friends and grandchildren. My boyfriend has a brother who has some serious problems and is not really an active part of our lives. We rarely see him. On the other hand, my best friend has been part of my life for 33 years and I doubt that there will be a time when she won't be in my life. And she's just one example.

I will never be alone because I do have such a wonderful, close, loving circle of friends. I do think being an only helps build those social skills because you need to. If you only have your siblings and they die or you end upu having a major falling out, then what?

There are so many holes in the "you have to have more than one" arguments in this thread, I could drive a Humvee through them.

There's nothing wrong with having one and there's nothing wrong with having 20 (if you can afford them). But all these nasty comments about onlies are uncalled for and insulting.

dad106

Single child = bad idea! I think it is unfair for the child to not have that bond.

Right, so because my mother was never supposed to have children and had to wait 18 yrs. to have me and almost went to see a fertility specialist before getting pregnant on her own makes her selfish.. makes so much sense now.

Growing up an only child, I had lots of friends and was in lots of activities. I was also the cool kid as we got older because I didn't have any younger siblings to deal with, and we could go to my house and do stupid teenager things without younger kids barging in and bothering us.

I agree that people need to stop bashing the only children.. just because you saw one or two bratty ones in your life time, doesn't make us all that way.

ladybg81

My son is an only child. He attends daycare and has play dates outside of that. I never had any intention in having a child but one day decided it was the right thing for us to do. I do not regret it for a second. But, I will NOT be having any more children. I don't see any problems at all with him growing up "alone" as some of you say. A child requires food, shelter, clothing and love. Love is not defined by how many people there are in the home. I can provide my son with an amazing life that I could not do if there was more than one child at home; and I am not only talking about material things. He gets our attention and is much more advanced than most kids in his class at school (he is the youngest in the class) and I like to think it is because we are able to focus on him. I do worry about what happens when my husband and I are gone but my hopes is that he will have a wonderful, loving wife and children of his own by then to help fill whatever "void" may be left.

Unfair or selfish or whatever you want to call it; it is what is right for my family. Period.

catshark209

I'm an only child only because my mother had physical issues which prevented her from having more children. In addition to that, she was "old" to have a child at 39 in the mid 70's.
I never missed what I didn't have. Being Mexican, everyone in my family had at least three siblings and I never envied that.
My son is also the only child by my choice. His father and I divorced when he was 3 and my current partner does not want any more kids (he has two girls) and neither do I.
My son does not want any siblings either, though his father may decide to remarry any day now. My ex also doesn't want more children. He only has one sister.
Also my current partner is an only child as well. We all turned out ok.

JJs25th

Maybe you should focus more on why you want any Children. My husband and I have always felt that children should be a happy extension of a grounded and stable relationship. We were blessed with one child. We had decided if there were no more by the time he entered school, there would be no more...and there weren't. Much later in life when my GYN found out that we had tried at having a second and failed she responded that I should have said something, "We can fix that today." Funny I never thought I was broken! As life unfolded it has turned out for us that only having one child was the best for our family in the long run.

AND never assume that an only child will be spoiled; families with several children often have spoiled/unruly kids in them. The parents made that choice and created and/or encouraged that behavior.

Micheetah

I am the youngest of 3 and loved having siblings, I only have one child and luckily he has lots of cousins and friends but I wish I could give or given him a sibling, but things just didnt work out like that. Im a single mother and know its best for me to put my all into one rather than struggle with multiple children and i will admit it takes work NOT to spoil him, he's the only one and I love him more than life itself so I beat him from time to time to even it out. (btw im so just kidding, i do not beat or even put hands on my kid)

kensky

I'd rather see a generation of only children who were wanted and intentionally parented than one that came into being because their parents thought that having more than one was some sort of guarantee against spoiling/raising entitled children.

Without discounting family dynamics or birth order stuff, I think only children get a lot of stuff hung on their only child status that may or may not be due to being a singleton.

I am *so glad* my second born is here but my first born would have been just fine (in some ways worse off, in some ways better) if he'd continued to be my one and only.

malloriewebb

I really dont think it matters. I am one of four girls. We are tight like hallways. My son is and will be an only child. One and Done. Thank you.

Besides he has three older birth siblings he can talk to when he is old enough. He has the best of both worlds.

malloriewebb

And lets look at the other extreme since we are saying only children will be bratty and spoiled. Do you really think one mother can provide adequate attention to many children? I personally dont. I think that Duggar woman is crazy. And to prove my point, she has older children "in charge" of her younger ones. Hmmmmmm. Is she spread too thin???

malloriewebb

And sometimes it isnt a choice. There are a lot of women on MFP I would guess (from all the PCOS posts) that cant just walk by their husbands and pop out a baby. Just sayin...

Cydnie197

Not only was I an only child, I was an only grandchild on one side of my family (aunts and uncles never had kids). I only saw the other side of the family at Christmas and was dumbfounded at the constant chaos. If I had to characterize my childhood, I would sum it up by saying that I didn't have one. A lady, with whom I went all the way through school, (elementary to high school) mentioned at one of our reunions that she never thought of me as a kid "you were always an adult". My parents are only 20 years older than I and in a way WE kind of grew up together. To this day I LOVE my alone, quiet time, when I can just sit by myself and think, read, hop on the computer. It's MY time.

I had two kids, girl then boy 2 1/2 years apart so that they wouldn't be lonely, so that they could have that "magical bond"... it hasn't worked out that way so far... they both wish that they were only children and RARE is the moment during which they are not ready to beat each other senseless.

I don't believe there is a right or a wrong. IF you have the time, energy and resources to have ANY kids and you want to make the LIFE LONG commitment to be there to guide them (it doesn't stop at 18, really) then do so. If you honestly do the best you can to help them be good people it shouldn't matter how many you have. But make NO mistake, kids are WORK!!