Creepy guy in the weight room advice

AlsDonkBoxSquat

My lifting partner and I just started lifting together last week. I've been lifting with my trainer for 3 months on and off on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Partner (another woman) and I had to go in yesterday instead of T & T this week because of scheduling stuff. After lifting we went upstairs for my step class that I teach and she takes. While in the weight room I started getting a creepy vibe from one of the guys. We finished our workout and went upstairs, about 10 or 15 minutes into step class (about 30 minutes after lifting) I look at the door way and there he is stairing into the group room and pretending to over look the raquetball courts. I have never seen McCreepy before in the 5 years that I've worked at the gym. I thought maybe I was being paranoid so I texted her about it later and she said that she felt uncomfortable leaving because she got the same vibe and was nervous that he'd still be lurking somewhere. I'm an instructor, so if he has a schedule he at least knows some of my schedule. So, if it happened again, what would you do?

AHealthierRhonda

I would let a supervisor know your concerns, just to be safe. Also, don't leave the gym alone when going to your car. Gut instinct is usually right.

PBJunkie

Aren't you a bit too paranoid? I mean he could simply be checking you out or perhaps want to ask for advice but to shy too ask?

Sherbog

Take the same precautions you would anywhere else...be it a movie theater, mall, church, grocery shopping or anywhere else.

TinaDay1114

Yep, gut instincts are right on. I'm sure the gym personnel would wanna keep an eye on that guy, too, and would probably walk you to your car.

If you've ever read "The Gift of Fear" (great book by the way), we are the only species that talks themselves out of that feeling (especially women, who tend to be told to be polite and personable to everyone). Across the board, folks that have been crime victims have had that hair on the back of your neck (and the "willies" feeling) right before walking into a bad situation, but didn't listen to it. I'd beware of that guy.

heybrit

I would let a supervisor know if it happens again. Even if he is just checking you out, you have the right to feel comfortable in your place of business and that's not okay behavior for a gym. It's a form of sexual harassment as it's unwanted and unsolicited staring and in a sense, stalking. Be safe and take precautions. You never know, he may be a harmless guy with a question but he could also be dangerous. It's better to assume the worst and prepare for that.

ElizabethRoad

Aren't you a bit too paranoid? I mean he could simply be checking you out or perhaps want to ask for advice but to shy too ask?

NO. It is dangerous to ignore this kind of vibe. If the feeling is wrong, and he's harmless, then no one has been hurt (no, not even him) but if the feeling is right, and she ignores it, there could be serious consequences.

ilovedeadlifts

Aren't you a bit too paranoid? I mean he could simply be checking you out or perhaps want to ask for advice but to shy too ask?

valid point

heybrit

Aren't you a bit too paranoid? I mean he could simply be checking you out or perhaps want to ask for advice but to shy too ask?

Unfortunately as women we have to be overly paranoid due to the way that men are raised to believe that sexual harassment (even just staring and checking somebody out) is acceptable. If he is just too shy to ask a question, he needs to get over it and understand that his behavior is coming across weird. And if he is checking her out it's unsolicited and unwanted sexual harrassment in her work place. No man has the right to make any woman feel uncomfortable.

Jeff92se

Hate to see some guy get labeled as a sex predator based on someone's creepy feeling.

This is why I have to go out of my way NOT to look at attractive womean weaking skin tight spandax at the gym.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Aren't you a bit too paranoid? I mean he could simply be checking you out or perhaps want to ask for advice but to shy too ask?

In 5 years this is the first time I've felt uncomfortable by a member at the gym, it's not the first time I've been checked out or sought out for advice, just the first time I've felt uncomfortable . . . hense why my first inclination to think "I'm just being paranoid" and double checking with D to verify it wasn't all in my head.

PlanetVelma

Aren't you a bit too paranoid? I mean he could simply be checking you out or perhaps want to ask for advice but to shy too ask?

valid point

Would you respond with that if your sister/daughter/mother told you of a a similar situation?

Honestly, I don't believe in too much paranoia, it pays to be aware of your surroundings (including people). Too many people are oblivious to their surroundings.

bmqbonnie

Watch your back, mention it to other people. If your state offers an online database of offenders, see if you can find him on it.

Dudes, it would be nice to have the ability to, say, go for a run alone at night without thinking about this sort of thing but unfortunately that's not the way the world works. Women have to look at anyone unusual with suspicion. He sounds like a potential stalker- it's probably nothing, but it never hurts to be careful.

WillieEverlearn

That's why the general rule is: don't do anything at the gym that might be misconstrued. Women need to trust that creepy vibe, because it's more often than not correct.

Heck, I myself get a creepy vibe from about half of the guys' profile photos here on MFP--and I'm a heterosexual man.

allabtlm, my advice to you is: next time you see the creepy guy in the gym, get within earshot of him and take out your mobile phone. Then make a "call" on your phone and loudly pretend to make an appointment with a doctor for your next "herpes checkup."

heybrit

Also the guys in here that think we're being overly-paranoid...fortunately for you, you will never have to live life with the fear that somebody will attack you simply because you're viewed as an inferior and weak person due to your gender. You don't have to carry rape whistles, mace, pepper spray, tasers and other precautions when going for a jog. You don't have to worry like a woman does. Is this guy more than likely harmless, of course, but as women who deal with living life like this, we have to be overly cautious. Women are always blamed for everything. "She wanted it", "she was dressed scantily" etc. We're always blamed and told it's out fault we're attacked and raped. So yeah, we are paranoid, because god forbid this guy is a sicko and thinks that in her workout clothes, she's trying to seduce him or whatever. We have to be overly cautious because society teaches us that if we aren't, bad things will happen to us and they will be our fault. Be lucky, you can live a much more worry free life.

rossi02

It's interesting, that all the men that replied think that you could be over reacting and all the women say go with your gut. My husband and I had this conversation with another couple before. I think it's how we are raised. We have our fathers, brothers other male figures in our life that tell us to be wary of men we don't know... and of course all of the news stories and stuff about women being raped and seen as easy prey. Even at a young age it was drilled in to me, a man I didn't know that was trying to talk to me.. he must be bad. However, if it was a woman.. she's just really nice and friendly. However, male friends and boyfriends always seem to take it as someone having a crush on you and are too shy to talk.

However, I would always go with my gut.. I would take precaution when going to my car and such. If I would catch him staring at me, I may would just say hello to see how he responds. If it's because he's just shy and had a question.. there is his chance. After that if he continued with the same behavior I would become very concerned.

**ETA.. I'm just talking about people you get the creepy vibe from. Not all men in general. I wasn't clear about that above.

UrbanRunner81

I would definitely tell your supervisor.
Sorry if guys think it is overly paranoid, but I have been in situation before with a man. I am thankful that I wasn't alone and I had somebody help me. I am very cautious. I never asked the guy to grab me.... I was just waitressing (in a polo shirt and black pants, nothing revealing in a family friendly place) and I was being friendly as I am with all my customers. I don't trust guys if they give me a creepy feeling.

ImKindOfABigDeal40

Mace, taser, spork, chainsaw, battle axe. Take your pick.

Jeff92se

Fine, tell the authorities and have him arrested.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Hate to see some guy get labeled as a sex predator based on someone's creepy feeling.

This is why I have to go out of my way NOT to look at attractive womean weaking skin tight spandax at the gym.

When we were in the weight room I thought "I don't want to do jack knives because I think that guy is staring at us," but didn't label him as creepy. When I looked at the door way of the group fit room (which is the only thing down that hall way) and he was standing there staring at us, that's when I got the creepy "gotta make a plan incase something like this happens again" vibe. I didn't go running to the owner, one time doesn't make a pattern, just figured I'd need to be prepared just in case.

allabtlm, my advice to you is: next time you see the creepy guy in the gym, get within earshot of him and take out your mobile phone. Then make a "call" on your phone and loudly pretend to make an appointment with a doctor for your next "herpes checkup."

"yeah, so I was wondering if there's anything else we can do for those pesky warts, the current treatment just doesn't seem to be helping."

rosebarnalice

I would tell your supervisor and your co-workers-- see if any of them are getting the same vibe, and also put them on alert that yo're not comfortable around this guy.

But you might also get a male colleague to just start up a conversation with him "hey dude, whaz-up? How 'bout those Detroit Lions" kinda thing just to see if he's sending out creepy vibes to everybody of just you.

prdough

Also the guys in here that think we're being overly-paranoid...fortunately for you, you will never have to live life with the fear that somebody will attack you simply because you're viewed as an inferior and weak person due to your gender. You don't have to carry rape whistles, mace, pepper spray, tasers and other precautions when going for a jog. You don't have to worry like a woman does. Is this guy more than likely harmless, of course, but as women who deal with living life like this, we have to be overly cautious. Women are always blamed for everything. "She wanted it", "she was dressed scantily" etc. We're always blamed and told it's out fault we're attacked and raped. So yeah, we are paranoid, because god forbid this guy is a sicko and thinks that in her workout clothes, she's trying to seduce him or whatever. We have to be overly cautious because society teaches us that if we aren't, bad things will happen to us and they will be our fault. Be lucky, you can live a much more worry free life.

Go for a jog on the south side of CHicago, I don't care if you are a man or woman, you will feel that way. Its not as if men are impervious to fear. Stop generalizing. Men and boys are victims quite often as well. While I do agree that women may be more at risk, its not as if men never encounter such circumstances.

And live a worry free life, this type of generalization is something to worry about. We can be pegged as a stalker by looking at someone.

I think you should go with your gut, tell someone, and take precautions. If the behavior continues I'm sure the manager could confront the guy and remove his membership if it came to harrassment

Sweet13_Princess

I don't know as if I would say anything to the gym personel, as it could be that you're just misreading the guy... plus he's new. You don't want to label him if you've misinterpreted his actions as "creepy."

I would, however, be careful around him. Try to have a buddy when you leave the gym. I would probably stay away from him, if you can. Gut instincts can often be right about people, so nowaday's it's just not worth the risk.

Shannon

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Fine, tell the authorities and have him arrested.

Really, who's over reacting now? I asked for advice in case an uncomfortable and creepy situation where something out of the ordinary occured happened in anticipation that it may happen again, or may become a pattern. So your solution is to ignore my instincts and not be prepared? I'm not persecuting him, I'm trying to prepare myself.

heybrit

Also the guys in here that think we're being overly-paranoid...fortunately for you, you will never have to live life with the fear that somebody will attack you simply because you're viewed as an inferior and weak person due to your gender. You don't have to carry rape whistles, mace, pepper spray, tasers and other precautions when going for a jog. You don't have to worry like a woman does. Is this guy more than likely harmless, of course, but as women who deal with living life like this, we have to be overly cautious. Women are always blamed for everything. "She wanted it", "she was dressed scantily" etc. We're always blamed and told it's out fault we're attacked and raped. So yeah, we are paranoid, because god forbid this guy is a sicko and thinks that in her workout clothes, she's trying to seduce him or whatever. We have to be overly cautious because society teaches us that if we aren't, bad things will happen to us and they will be our fault. Be lucky, you can live a much more worry free life.

Go for a jog on the south side of CHicago, I don't care if you are a man or woman, you will feel that way. Its not as if men are impervious to fear. Stop generalizing. Men and boys are victims quite often as well. While I do agree that women may be more at risk, its not as if men never encounter such circumstances.

And live a worry free life, this type of generalization is something to worry about. We can be pegged as a stalker by looking at someone.

I think you should go with your gut, tell someone, and take precautions. If the behavior continues I'm sure the manager could confront the guy and remove his membership if it came to harrassment

I'm not saying men don't have to fear as well but it's not the same as for women. Also, we are generalized as well. If a woman is dressed in a low cut shirt or a mini skirt, she's a slut or a *kitten*. Not all men are skeezy but regardless of all of the generalizations, she doesn't deserve to feel uncomfortable albeit from a man or woman.

Jeff92se

That was sarcasm.

I can't tell if you think he's gong to attack you while at the gym? I think that's being paranoid.

If you think he's trying to size you up for something later, then okay. But if that's the case, then he's already revealed his hand. You already know who he is and I'm pretty positive you aren't going to let that guy within 30 yards of you while you're alone.

If he's actually checking you out THAT much, talk to the guy. Say "hey, what's up with the googily eyes man?"

Ocarina

I wanted to recommend as well to listen to your gut and tell your supervisor. Especially if you see him again.

I stupidly but instinctively called the cops earlier last week because I thought the noise of something banging up my stairs and a shadow walking past my door was a man in my house. It ended up being my cat acting in a super weird hyper mood. There was six or so cops at my house, they searched the premises and double checked there was nobody there. This looked like a drug bust scene with all the neighbors spectating around (I live in a neighborhood). I was totally embarrassed but would rather cause a ruckus for the first time in two whole years of living here then risk getting killed by a burglar or psycho. My husband was at work and he works in a huge complex for the government so he was not contactable in case you are wondering lol. Do what you have to do to be safe because a lot of it can be prevented by being extra cautious.

rossi02

And live a worry free life, this type of generalization is something to worry about. We can be pegged as a stalker by looking at someone.

It's hard to explain.. but men aren't seen as creepy for looking at women, it's more of a leer I guess. It goes beyond a nice friendly look and a smile.

Enforcer25

There is nothing wrong with letting someone at the gym know, if nobody else notices this behavior, than what is the big deal, she can feel at ease, nobody here knows this guy or witnessed his behavior except the op, so what is the harm in mentioning it to another staff member. Don't ignore your gut instinct, I know I don't.

Sookie_182

if you are really nervous look into basic self defence, just so that if worst comes to worst in any situation (touch wood it wont happen) at least you wont freeze and you can at least do something to shock him and getting the hell out of there!

Tammylyn117

I too think you should just let someone know (a supervisor; fellow instructor; etc). You can never be to careful. Usually your gut instinct is right on. There was something that gave you that feeling. Just be safe.