Creepy guy in the weight room advice

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AlsDonkBoxSquat
AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
in Fitness and Exercise
My lifting partner and I just started lifting together last week. I've been lifting with my trainer for 3 months on and off on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Partner (another woman) and I had to go in yesterday instead of T & T this week because of scheduling stuff. After lifting we went upstairs for my step class that I teach and she takes. While in the weight room I started getting a creepy vibe from one of the guys. We finished our workout and went upstairs, about 10 or 15 minutes into step class (about 30 minutes after lifting) I look at the door way and there he is stairing into the group room and pretending to over look the raquetball courts. I have never seen McCreepy before in the 5 years that I've worked at the gym. I thought maybe I was being paranoid so I texted her about it later and she said that she felt uncomfortable leaving because she got the same vibe and was nervous that he'd still be lurking somewhere. I'm an instructor, so if he has a schedule he at least knows some of my schedule. So, if it happened again, what would you do?
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Replies

  • AHealthierRhonda
    AHealthierRhonda Posts: 881 Member
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    I would let a supervisor know your concerns, just to be safe. Also, don't leave the gym alone when going to your car. Gut instinct is usually right.
  • PBJunkie
    PBJunkie Posts: 652
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    Aren't you a bit too paranoid? I mean he could simply be checking you out or perhaps want to ask for advice but to shy too ask?
  • Sherbog
    Sherbog Posts: 1,072 Member
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    Take the same precautions you would anywhere else...be it a movie theater, mall, church, grocery shopping or anywhere else.
  • TinaDay1114
    TinaDay1114 Posts: 1,328 Member
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    Yep, gut instincts are right on. I'm sure the gym personnel would wanna keep an eye on that guy, too, and would probably walk you to your car.

    If you've ever read "The Gift of Fear" (great book by the way), we are the only species that talks themselves out of that feeling (especially women, who tend to be told to be polite and personable to everyone). Across the board, folks that have been crime victims have had that hair on the back of your neck (and the "willies" feeling) right before walking into a bad situation, but didn't listen to it. I'd beware of that guy.
  • heybrit
    heybrit Posts: 140
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    I would let a supervisor know if it happens again. Even if he is just checking you out, you have the right to feel comfortable in your place of business and that's not okay behavior for a gym. It's a form of sexual harassment as it's unwanted and unsolicited staring and in a sense, stalking. Be safe and take precautions. You never know, he may be a harmless guy with a question but he could also be dangerous. It's better to assume the worst and prepare for that.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    Aren't you a bit too paranoid? I mean he could simply be checking you out or perhaps want to ask for advice but to shy too ask?

    NO. It is dangerous to ignore this kind of vibe. If the feeling is wrong, and he's harmless, then no one has been hurt (no, not even him) but if the feeling is right, and she ignores it, there could be serious consequences.
  • ilovedeadlifts
    ilovedeadlifts Posts: 2,923 Member
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    Aren't you a bit too paranoid? I mean he could simply be checking you out or perhaps want to ask for advice but to shy too ask?

    valid point
  • heybrit
    heybrit Posts: 140
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    Aren't you a bit too paranoid? I mean he could simply be checking you out or perhaps want to ask for advice but to shy too ask?

    Unfortunately as women we have to be overly paranoid due to the way that men are raised to believe that sexual harassment (even just staring and checking somebody out) is acceptable. If he is just too shy to ask a question, he needs to get over it and understand that his behavior is coming across weird. And if he is checking her out it's unsolicited and unwanted sexual harrassment in her work place. No man has the right to make any woman feel uncomfortable.
  • Jeff92se
    Jeff92se Posts: 3,369 Member
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    Hate to see some guy get labeled as a sex predator based on someone's creepy feeling.

    This is why I have to go out of my way NOT to look at attractive womean weaking skin tight spandax at the gym.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    Aren't you a bit too paranoid? I mean he could simply be checking you out or perhaps want to ask for advice but to shy too ask?

    In 5 years this is the first time I've felt uncomfortable by a member at the gym, it's not the first time I've been checked out or sought out for advice, just the first time I've felt uncomfortable . . . hense why my first inclination to think "I'm just being paranoid" and double checking with D to verify it wasn't all in my head.
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,231 Member
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    Aren't you a bit too paranoid? I mean he could simply be checking you out or perhaps want to ask for advice but to shy too ask?

    valid point

    Would you respond with that if your sister/daughter/mother told you of a a similar situation?

    Honestly, I don't believe in too much paranoia, it pays to be aware of your surroundings (including people). Too many people are oblivious to their surroundings.
  • bmqbonnie
    bmqbonnie Posts: 836 Member
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    Watch your back, mention it to other people. If your state offers an online database of offenders, see if you can find him on it.

    Dudes, it would be nice to have the ability to, say, go for a run alone at night without thinking about this sort of thing but unfortunately that's not the way the world works. Women have to look at anyone unusual with suspicion. He sounds like a potential stalker- it's probably nothing, but it never hurts to be careful.
  • WillieEverlearn
    WillieEverlearn Posts: 87 Member
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    That's why the general rule is: don't do anything at the gym that might be misconstrued. Women need to trust that creepy vibe, because it's more often than not correct.

    Heck, I myself get a creepy vibe from about half of the guys' profile photos here on MFP--and I'm a heterosexual man.

    allabtlm, my advice to you is: next time you see the creepy guy in the gym, get within earshot of him and take out your mobile phone. Then make a "call" on your phone and loudly pretend to make an appointment with a doctor for your next "herpes checkup."
  • heybrit
    heybrit Posts: 140
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    Also the guys in here that think we're being overly-paranoid...fortunately for you, you will never have to live life with the fear that somebody will attack you simply because you're viewed as an inferior and weak person due to your gender. You don't have to carry rape whistles, mace, pepper spray, tasers and other precautions when going for a jog. You don't have to worry like a woman does. Is this guy more than likely harmless, of course, but as women who deal with living life like this, we have to be overly cautious. Women are always blamed for everything. "She wanted it", "she was dressed scantily" etc. We're always blamed and told it's out fault we're attacked and raped. So yeah, we are paranoid, because god forbid this guy is a sicko and thinks that in her workout clothes, she's trying to seduce him or whatever. We have to be overly cautious because society teaches us that if we aren't, bad things will happen to us and they will be our fault. Be lucky, you can live a much more worry free life.
  • rossi02
    rossi02 Posts: 549 Member
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    It's interesting, that all the men that replied think that you could be over reacting and all the women say go with your gut. My husband and I had this conversation with another couple before. I think it's how we are raised. We have our fathers, brothers other male figures in our life that tell us to be wary of men we don't know... and of course all of the news stories and stuff about women being raped and seen as easy prey. Even at a young age it was drilled in to me, a man I didn't know that was trying to talk to me.. he must be bad. However, if it was a woman.. she's just really nice and friendly. However, male friends and boyfriends always seem to take it as someone having a crush on you and are too shy to talk.

    However, I would always go with my gut.. I would take precaution when going to my car and such. If I would catch him staring at me, I may would just say hello to see how he responds. If it's because he's just shy and had a question.. there is his chance. After that if he continued with the same behavior I would become very concerned.

    **ETA.. I'm just talking about people you get the creepy vibe from. Not all men in general. I wasn't clear about that above.
  • UrbanRunner81
    UrbanRunner81 Posts: 1,207 Member
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    I would definitely tell your supervisor.
    Sorry if guys think it is overly paranoid, but I have been in situation before with a man. I am thankful that I wasn't alone and I had somebody help me. I am very cautious. I never asked the guy to grab me.... I was just waitressing (in a polo shirt and black pants, nothing revealing in a family friendly place) and I was being friendly as I am with all my customers. I don't trust guys if they give me a creepy feeling.
  • ImKindOfABigDeal40
    ImKindOfABigDeal40 Posts: 807 Member
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    Mace, taser, spork, chainsaw, battle axe. Take your pick.
  • Jeff92se
    Jeff92se Posts: 3,369 Member
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    Fine, tell the authorities and have him arrested.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    Hate to see some guy get labeled as a sex predator based on someone's creepy feeling.

    This is why I have to go out of my way NOT to look at attractive womean weaking skin tight spandax at the gym.

    When we were in the weight room I thought "I don't want to do jack knives because I think that guy is staring at us," but didn't label him as creepy. When I looked at the door way of the group fit room (which is the only thing down that hall way) and he was standing there staring at us, that's when I got the creepy "gotta make a plan incase something like this happens again" vibe. I didn't go running to the owner, one time doesn't make a pattern, just figured I'd need to be prepared just in case.
    allabtlm, my advice to you is: next time you see the creepy guy in the gym, get within earshot of him and take out your mobile phone. Then make a "call" on your phone and loudly pretend to make an appointment with a doctor for your next "herpes checkup."

    "yeah, so I was wondering if there's anything else we can do for those pesky warts, the current treatment just doesn't seem to be helping."
  • rosebarnalice
    rosebarnalice Posts: 3,488 Member
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    I would tell your supervisor and your co-workers-- see if any of them are getting the same vibe, and also put them on alert that yo're not comfortable around this guy.

    But you might also get a male colleague to just start up a conversation with him "hey dude, whaz-up? How 'bout those Detroit Lions" kinda thing just to see if he's sending out creepy vibes to everybody of just you.

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