no support at home or work!!!

denisegolden

so crazy, you would think that the ones who love you would want you to be healthier, and help you on that journey. but, noooooooooooo, not me and my friends, family and co-workers. it is driving me crazy! anybody else have this same problem? how do you cope with your lonely weight loss journey?

SergeantSunshine_reused

Oh yeah my bf and family really wish that I wouldnt xD

camy_chick

i feel ya girl! i have the same problem here! my support at home seems to just disappear when i REALLY need it. and when i am not having the support i need at home, i just remember, I AM HERE FOR ME! and I NEED TO DO THIS FOR ME! if people don't understand that, then i just try not to worry about them.

just remember, you got yourself to the weight you are at, not others. so we have to be strong and lose the weight ourselves, even if it means with out support from others. support is nice, but we are strong enough to do this on our own!

and always remember, you have your MFP family here for your support system!

psmd

Sadly people don't often support you doing something good for yourself because you're in a sense leaving them behind, and doing something that they can't do for themselves. Forget them! No one will do this for you except you, and I think that's part of what is great about this website, the reason people here are so supportive is b/c we're all doing the same thing. Good luck!

Alphax13

I feel ya. Everyone's happy with me just the way I am is what I hear. Everyone's happy but me. How do I deal with it? I will some days are better than others.. and each day is it's own battle. I have to realize and remember each and every day, that I am doing this for ME and not THEM. And the only way for me to do it, is stick to my guns.

MrsM1ggins

i feel ya girl! i have the same problem here! my support at home seems to just disappear when i REALLY need it. and when i am not having the support i need at home, i just remember, I AM HERE FOR ME! and I NEED TO DO THIS FOR ME! if people don't understand that, then i just try not to worry about them.

just remember, you got yourself to the weight you are at, not others. so we have to be strong and lose the weight ourselves, even if it means with out support from others. support is nice, but we are strong enough to do this on our own!

and always remember, you have your MFP family here for your support system!

This^^^

People are scared of change. When they see you changing for the better it makes them think about their own health issues. They are scared that you are doing it and they may not be able to if they try - so they don't try and try to sabotage you instead!

You know you're doing the right thing for you. Your family will come around eventually. Colleagues might not...

cantjustcant

I think at the beginning of my journey no one thought I would stick with it very long. That had always been the case in the past...I would say I was doing it, then two weeks later I was back to eating whatever. Now that I am 30 pounds down they are coming around.

So at the beginning I turned to this site. Now when I have a nsv or a scale change, I come here first...tell the family later

neuro316

There's a complicated psychology at work. The short answer is jealousy. But, I think it's more than that, obviously depending on the individual situation. Sometimes it seems that when you lose a large amount of weight, change your lifestyle and habits, etc., it can appear threatening to people, because it changes the way they've seen you, themselves, and your relationship/friendship.

Just focus on your own goals and priorities. If someone criticizes you, either ignore them, or tell them that you'd appreciate their support and not their criticism.

charly_80

We got your back here! Have the same situation at home here! Feel free to add me!


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Nikki582

My husband seems to think that making better choices means not having fun... so sometimes he encourages me to eat unhealthy stuff... normally I go with a small portion or slightly modified favourite to keep him from getting stroppy.

athaliah

Same here. Loving with a vegaphobe who's addicted to processed food. Just gotta pull up your pants and do it for yourself and try very hard to ignore the crap food in the house and do it for yourself and prove them wrong. You can do it.

lackie09

I have the same no support issues i told my brother, who i live with, that i am trying to eat healthier and exercise and he went and picked up Taco bueno for lunch... but I guess im just going to have to stick to my rules that i have laid out and waist the food he brings home I understand he was trying to be nice and that i was being a total *B* to him but i had just told him

aurorasangel2000

Exactly. A lot of people won't support you, because, believe it or not, they're jealous!!! I know it might sound silly, but, they know that you are unhappy with something in your life and you're willing to put the time in and make a change so that you can be happy about it. A LOT of people don't have the will or are just too lazy to do that, so, when they see you succeed, sometimes, it makes them feel bad about themselves and they won't support you. Don't worry about them. Once they realize that this is something you're dedicated to and that it's important to you, if they care enough, they'll begin to support you as well. If they don't, remember that you're doing this for YOU, not them or anyone else. You'll make it through!!! You'll get plenty of support here ;-) GOOD LUCK!!!

razorspells

Well it would be nice if our peers would join us in this endeavor but it's just the way it is. For me I consider it as my own choice and personal journey. I get strength from the people who complete their journey and stayed that way and also the results that I see from my own effort. Don't worry you are not alone. We are all here

ManderG03

I HAVE BEEN THERE. HONESTLY I THINK EVERYONE HAS, IT IS REALLY SAD. BUT, I WILL TELL YOU SINCE I STARTED THIS SITE, I HAVE BEEN SOO MUCH MORE MOTIVATED THEN BEFORE. JUST HAVE THE MIND SET THAT YOU CAN DO THIS AND IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS!! YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR MIND TO!!!

guessgigi

Logging in everyday on MFP and reading the different topics everyday will help ease your loneliness and keep u motivated. I also started out alone but was determined to be happy and positive and talk about how great this site is and what great support I have been getting from my MFP friends and so happy that is rubbed off on my hubby!! He's now joined me and loves the support and encouragement he's getting in just a short time!! Don't give up! Your positive example will pay off:)

cramernh

so crazy, you would think that the ones who love you would want you to be healthier, and help you on that journey. but, noooooooooooo, not me and my friends, family and co-workers. it is driving me crazy! anybody else have this same problem? how do you cope with your lonely weight loss journey?

I was getting the 'third degree' from my mother as I was helping to set her dinner table (I was invited for dinner).... unfortunately she is not a very healthy person herself and despite the fact she is an amazing cook, I cant have the majority of the foods she makes... So I grab the salad, some chicken (she does usually make grilled chicken as an option), a wedge of lemon to use as dressing on my salad, and a big glass of ice-water... They sat there looking at me saying "Why arent you eating?" - I held up my plate filled with salad and chicken... gave them a puzzled look and said "I am!?"

They would try to beat me down with the whole "you arent living if you arent suppose to eat dairy or breads..."... and I would give them one chance to listen to reason - most of it I cant digest, I get really sick (severe spike of insulin and Im in the hospital) (PCOS and Metabolic X Syndrome)... their response is "its all in your head"....

I got up, picked up my plate, place-setting, dumped the glass of water, put the plates on the counter, and said "have a good evening" and walked out the door...

My mother came after me outside "WHY ARE YOU LEAVING????" - I replied with "If eating salad with chicken makes you THAT mad, Id rather go home and sit next to my husband who supports me UNCONDITIONALLY" - got in my car and drove away....



NO ONE should be saying SQUAT to their friends and family that is considered counter-productive... if they cant at least be supportive by NOT offering/teasing you with the wrong foods, then re-evaluate your relationship with them.... related or not.

Im sorry, but I dont take **** from no one. (Excuse the french) Not even my own mother.... I would GLADLY get up from my chair at anyone's dinner table that thought they could coax me into eating everything and multiple portions of everything and try to belittle me. They dont control me... and I LOVE seeing them lose control of their wits because they couldnt win!!!! MUAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


I really think it boils down to a jealousy pit of hell for them... they see you doing so good, and it just hits a nerve - whether they are consciously aware of it or not... People like that love misery and love to dwell on negativity - sorry but that does not mean anyone should have to put up with it due to closeness of a friendship or due to being related via family...

2ht2hand1e

Change for you means changes in the lives of the people who are closest to you, and a lot of us fear change a bit. Some of your friends and family may have some insecurities and fear as you make changes for what you feel is for the better. Some of our loved ones feel pressure to change as well. Just remember who you are doing this all for, andremember that you are worth every bit of what are are working towards, just as you deserve what you give to the ones you love. It might help to let them know how much you value them, often, and remind them that you are there for each other through tough times and that you also hope to have them there with you cheering each other on and celebrating victories together.

azzalene72

I know exactly what you mean!

It's really hard not to get upset sometimes. We're trying really hard to better ourselves - and it seems like it's just an inconvenience to everyone ....

Don't let them get you down. I'm a stubborn thing - and they're negativity just makes me want to succeed even more

fragilegift

I live alone, with no significant other in my life, so I am definitely doing this alone. My family, via Facebook, has been less than supportive in the beginning, but are slowly changing comments (or maybe I am reading them differently). My MAIN source of support are from three people I chat to online. One is extremely fit, one is losing their fitness, and the other battles to 'get healthy.' But I can go to these guys and talk about what to have for tea, or how to stretch, and how hurt I got from some backhanded comments from family/friends.

Now days, in my rule of F's, it goes family, fitness, friends. Family comes first (if they happen to need me - which they don't often). Fitness before friends - unless said friend WILL NOT try to talk me out of that walk, or WILL encourage me to have that upsized KFC meal. At this time of my life, anyone who isn't supportive can bugger off. Which is about what I told a friend who wanted a baby sitter for a time I wanted to be walking and tried to convince me to do it 'later.'

gods_gal

Sadly people don't often support you doing something good for yourself because you're in a sense leaving them behind, and doing something that they can't do for themselves.

This is so true! Your success may be convicting to them, and if they're not willing to do the work to reach the goals you've reached, they will try to sabotage you, maybe even not realizing what they're doing. If you quit, then they'll feel better about themselves. Good luck and remember that we're here for you.

Karabobarra

I get my support and motivation from my awesome friends on here.

I'm a single mom with a more than full time job and although my kids are teenagers they still require my time and attention, my job is a desk job and most days I end up working through lunch and not taking a break, it would be heaven to come home and have the support of someone saying "I got this...go hit the gym" but usually I find kids who need homework help, a dinner that needs to be cooked or cleaned up and a couple loads of laundry screaming at me.

I've lost over 60 pounds, dropped three sizes and only one person at my work has said anything. In fact I've actually lost friends because I've lost weight. There's days when I wonder if it's worth it, the constant watching what I eat, the exercising when I don't want to, the time it takes away from other things and the losing friends. Then I remember I started this to get healthy, not to just lose weight, I'm not doing it for them...I'm doing it for me ... and I'm worth it, my kids are worth it.
One of my friends told me to write down five reasons why you are trying to lose weight or get healthy then post them where you can see them everyday...I did this and it was very effective at keeping my motivation up...especially since I would see it every morning, it just kept the thought present in my mind all day.

I guess my best advice is to lean on your mfp friends...they are here for some of the same reasons and they truly make my journey alot easier to bare,

Good luck :-)

ingeh

I hear you! My partner needs to lose weight himself, hes put on 4st in 3 yrs so quite abit. Im trying to lose 3-4st myself and if I mention it to him hes not bothered. Id like him to say "well done for wnating to be healthy/making healthy choices" but he doesnt so I just get on with it!

budgetqueen79

I was in the same boat so I joined here and started a Youtube channel documenting my journey. Sometimes they just don't understand the struggle. Now I am down 80 lbs. There is nothing wrong with reaching outside of your circle to get the encouragement and motivation you need. You can add me on here or youtube.

lovelee79

Yup its a strange phenomenon! My husband wanted to go buy ice cream for watching Biggest Loser tonight! I literally burst into tears! I told him I needed his support and that he can't eat that junk in front of me. He said ok, and didn't get the ice cream.
I feel like I have no one to truly support me and that's why I am here, to get the motivation, and give it also!

Add me if you like!! I'm very new here!! I love MFP !
Best wishes to you!

fitnhealthyccthatsme

I have to depend mostly on the support of my MFP friends.

A few of my family and friends around me have commented about how much I've lost. A couple of persons have asked how I'm doing it and when I begin my story, their eyes sorta glaze over...LOL. No one wants to work hard for the long term goal. Lots of folks want a quick fix. This week's joke at work has been, "what's Cheryl eating for lunch today... a green bean?" Yesterday they upped it to 2 green beans! My co-workers (those who I spend 40+ hrs with weekly), have thrown a lot of garbage at me ... that same garbage that is keeping them at their current weights. It got bad for me one day at work when they were about to sit down around the table with two pizzas. I got up and walked out of the office. I sent an e-mail to my boss and explained how I love pizza and could not handle sitting around the table watching them eat it and I needed to get out of the office for lunch. It happened to be a particularly stressful day so it all worked out.

Although it's not easy, it's worth it. I think I have a photo on my profile about that. Anyone is willing to use it. It seems so fitting here with the struggles we go through and the challenges we face on this journey to a life change. I offer friendship to anyone who wants it. I may not be totally 100% supportive, but I'll do my best. I'm also a single mom of a teenager and I work full time. There's not a lot of time for me after homework and chores, but I'm pushing through.

Hang in there, MFP is an awesome place for support and encouragement. I've been very pleased at how these message boards are full of supportive and encouraging folks who are there to help us get thru. :flowerforyou:

rajivdubey

I lost 77 pounds in 2004. Initially I was discouraged and laughed at. I did it on my own and once I started showing positive effects, there was no looking back.

I think initially people laugh at you "Ha! look at him/her how will he/she will lose so much of weight?" Then once you start showing positive signs people are stunned!

To have drastic weight loss you have to make drastic changes in your lifestyle, which may bother people! But what the heck? Its your life and your body! You have got to do it for yourself!

KitCatMcG

I like this idea!!! The list of things were you can see it! I might do that

leemarie324

I was dealing with the same thing when I started working out. All my co workers would make fun of me for eating salad and drinking water, and walking on my lunch break, and now they are all saying "wow you look so good" and "you are doing so good and were so proud of you"..You just gotta ignore them and worry about number 1 and thats yourself!

kapeluza

At the end of the day it's our own responsibility to get healthy. No one can hold our hand or get us to our destination. While support really makes things easier it's up to make the change. If your family can't help you, know what, that's why yo have us (MFP).

SneakyTam

They say the best revenge (and lets face it - who wouldnt want revenge on those who dont support our journey to better ourselves!!) is living well!!! Like everyone else here is pretty much saying do it for you! Once you reach your goal weight and everyone is telling you how great you look and asking you how you did it, you can say I did it with the support of my fitness pals : )

Good luck & Keep at it!!!